Hi all. I was wondering what you all thought about something. I don't have a problem dating a guy who is not a vegetarian, but my ideal for my future is a vegetarian household, and raising vegetarian with a hopefully (at least mostly) vegetarian husband.
Do you think that is too much to ask of someone if the relationship gets to the point where you are talking about the future now and then? I mean, not to say that you should be able to mold and change a person according to your own will, but really, it is not a huge sacrifice if you love someone. is it?

Just let me know what you think. for my future reference. Thanks all.

tough question...i was really lucky--met my hubby playing pool and we both happened to be veggie...
however--"but really, it is not a huge sacrifice if you love someone. is it?"--i don't know, it might be...i guess it depends on the person, but i would be really careful not to make this something that your so grows to resent, etc...(not the raising your children veggie part, but the having a veggie husband part...)

What if the tables were turned? What if you fell madly in love with someone who wanted you to eat meat with them every day...really, it is not a huge sacrifice if you love someone. is it?

my gf went from omni to lacto ovo for me, after i asked her, 6 months after i met her. i knew she really liked me at that point, so in effect i kinda manipulated her into doing it. had i asked her earlier, i'm pretty sure she would've said no, and the relationship would've been over.

however, she is now glad she's doing it and now says even if we broke up she'd still be a veg. that makes me really happy, that she's not doing it for just me anymore.

basically, if you are single, i highly recommend limiting yourself to dating a veg, since your goal is a veg family (mine is too). it can be a lot more complicated once you love someone that doesn't agree with you - so prevent it from happening. of course all easier said than done.

VT- ive said it before, ill say it again. Sounds like you and your girl have a great relationship. thats unreal to hear.

Hi all. I was wondering what you all thought about something. I don't have a problem dating a guy who is not a vegetarian, but my ideal for my future is a vegetarian household, and raising vegetarian with a hopefully (at least mostly) vegetarian husband.
Do you think that is too much to ask of someone if the relationship gets to the point where you are talking about the future now and then? I mean, not to say that you should be able to mold and change a person according to your own will, but really, it is not a huge sacrifice if you love someone. is it?

Just let me know what you think. for my future reference. Thanks all.


Never ever ever go into a relationship expecting the person to change. Take them as they are, or not at all.

I think if you are already dating someone, then you have to make compromises with them regarding your vegetarianism. However, if you have yet to meet someone, then by all means, establish that they are a vegetarian right up front.

I personally would not date a non-vegan myself.

Never ever ever go into a relationship expecting the person to change. Take them as they are, or not at all.


:yes:


if you do date an omni- just make it clear when the relationship talk turns to kids and marraige that that you would want them raised veg*n.

One of my guy friends said to me once, "You know, I think I could go vegetarian." Don't discount the omni guys - just know what your limits are regarding having meat in the house where you live.

i think it's appropriate to ask for it. i don't think it's appropriate to demand it. if the person doesn't want that lifestyle, you both have to weigh whether or not you want to be together in the long term.

What if the tables were turned? What if you fell madly in love with someone who wanted you to eat meat with them every day...

That's not the same thing at all. She'd be asking him to cut something out of his diet, and eat everything else he normally eats (i'm presuming his diet doesn't entirely consisit of meat!). She wouldn't be forcing him to eat something. Plus there're morals involved here.

I think it'd be ok to ask him to keep meat out of the house, or refrain from eating it when u are together. Of course, if he'd cut it out completely, that'd be great! It's worth asking, but not worth potentially wrecking your relationship over.

Well, I am newly single (I guess) through no will of my own. (veg-ism had nothing to do with it falling apart though- just to get that out.) But I never went into (and never would) the relationship wanting any change in him. I just made it known (it happened to come up somehow) that my ideal for my future is a vegatarian household and raising vegetarian children. (Obviously to do so, both parents being veg and encouraging the kids with it would sure be a plus.) but I also said I was not at all unwilling to work out a compromise when the time comes. but until the time comes, why stress over it.
Did i like him eating meat in general, of course not, (and no, his diet was not completely meat), and i would have preferred that he didn't, and i did encourage vegetarian foods, but that was it, I never said he had to change right now.
But is it at least reasonable to express my ideal for my future and future family?

That's not the same thing at all. She'd be asking him to cut something out of his diet, and eat everything else he normally eats (i'm presuming his diet doesn't entirely consisit of meat!). She wouldn't be forcing him to eat something. Plus there're morals involved here.

I think it'd be ok to ask him to keep meat out of the house, or refrain from eating it when u are together. Of course, if he'd cut it out completely, that'd be great! It's worth asking, but not worth potentially wrecking your relationship over.

It's not as simple as cutting something out of your diet. Being a veg*n means totally changing your diet, where you eat out, what you eat at parties, looking at ingredients, etc. If you cut out the meat in most meat-eaters' diets, they'll probably need to replace it with something else. When I went veg*n many years ago, I still lived at home and I found that if I just ate all the non-meat stuff my parents fixed, I was getting next to nothing...maybe some green beans and potatoes. It wasn't enough.

I think the analogy is correct.
"What if the tables were turned? What if you fell madly in love with someone who wanted you to eat meat with them every day..."

A change in diet is often a total lifestyle change. Sharing meals can also be very intimate and special, so if two people are eating differently, sometimes a bond is harder to build.

It's not as simple as cutting something out of your diet. Being a veg*n means totally changing your diet, where you eat out, what you eat at parties, looking at ingredients, etc. If you cut out the meat in most meat-eaters' diets, they'll probably need to replace it with something else. When I went veg*n many years ago, I still lived at home and I found that if I just ate all the non-meat stuff my parents fixed, I was getting next to nothing...maybe some green beans and potatoes. It wasn't enough.

She said at least mostly vegetarian, therefore he wouldn't have to cut it out completely, just maybe when he's around her. Lots of meat eaters eat vegetarian meals now and again anyways, so it'd just be a matter of asking him to eat those when he's around her. He probably wouldn't have to think about what to replace it with, cos he'd be having what she's having, and i'm quite confident he wouldn't have any moral issues with eating what she does.

Sharing meals can also be very intimate and special, so if two people are eating differently, sometimes a bond is harder to build.

Exactly my point. Who wants to be cooking and eating separate meals when you are married?

He probably wouldn't have to think about what to replace it with, cos he'd be having what she's having, and i'm quite confident he wouldn't have any moral issues with eating what she does.

Exactly that too. That is why I feel it is not really a huge sacrifice if you love someone. (I know it is dumb to point it out here, but) there are so many reasons not to eat meat just because 'it tastes good' 'i like it' or 'i'm used to it'. It is a matter of right and wrong due to facts and the ethics that come with them.

In essence, however you look at it, if so many vegetarians successfully changed their diet/lifestyle to veg-ism there is no reason a person can't, and no reason that i can see to be unwilling to try, if you love someone so much that you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
It is a lifestyle change, but not an incredibly inconvenient and/or difficult one.
It's like, if you loved someone, and they were an alcoholic or a smoker, and you didn't want that stuff around (for obvious reasons) wouldn't you ask them to not consume alcohol and/or stop smoking? of course.

VT- ive said it before, ill say it again. Sounds like you and your girl have a great relationship. thats unreal to hear.

yea... sounds great on paper i guess. i think she did it for me cause i'm the first non-jerk she's ever dated.

still, far from perfect (most cause of my demands) - i still find myself wishing and wanting her to change certain things about herself. plus she'll never be vegan, and i'm not sure i want to make her deal with my vegan lifestyle, and what about vegan kids (might not happen)? and i could never buy her leather shoes (but she might in the future with my $$...).

see kids - moral of the story: don't date someone expecting them to change to suit you.

I think the analogy is correct.
"What if the tables were turned? What if you fell madly in love with someone who wanted you to eat meat with them every day..."




If someone wanted a vegetarian to eat meat with them everyday, they would be asking the vegetarian to go against their personal ethics. They'd be asking the vegetarian to do something that causes immense harm to animals and the environment.

when the situation is reversed, I can't imagine what ethical qualm a meat-eater could have with vegetarianism.

If someone wanted a vegetarian to eat meat with them everyday, they would be asking the vegetarian to go against their personal ethics. They'd be asking the vegetarian to do something that causes immense harm to animals and the environment.

when the situation is reversed, I can't imagine what ethical qualm a meat-eater could have with vegetarianism.


Exactly. And there is just as much variety of the food, and it it much healthier, as well as being more ethical.

I am going to marry an omni. We talked about marriage before we talked about diet. I've let him know that I don't want to tell him what he can and can't do, but that it would make me uncomfortable to have meat in the house, and I would never actually cook any kind of meat. Then I started inviting him over for dinner to try out some awesome veggie recipies. He recently told me that he would choose not to have meat in the house, to respect my wishes, although he will still order meat sometimes when we eat out, or when I'm not around. I told him that it was his choice, but it was a choice that made me very happy. This in turn makes him happy. Everyone wins!

I am going to marry an omni. We talked about marriage before we talked about diet. I've let him know that I don't want to tell him what he can and can't do, but that it would make me uncomfortable to have meat in the house, and I would never actually cook any kind of meat. Then I started inviting him over for dinner to try out some awesome veggie recipies. He recently told me that he would choose not to have meat in the house, to respect my wishes, although he will still order meat sometimes when we eat out, or when I'm not around. I told him that it was his choice, but it was a choice that made me very happy. This in turn makes him happy. Everyone wins!

That is exactly the type of arrangment that i said i would want when it had come up between us. He could have meat out of the house. He knew I would never lay my hands on it or cook it. The only difference was I would not want it in the house at all. Which i do not see as a huge deal.

As I said before, this was not the reason the relationship ended, and I know that it was not all my fault. For where we were in the relationship, I feel I expressed my feelings reasonably. I did not overly go into it, or try to make him change right now, nor was I devious and planning to spring it on him farther down the road. I don't feel i said or did anything wrong as far as sharing my hopes for the future is concerned during the relationship.
Just for future reference, I'd like to know what you all say, and how to be able to express my ideal for my future.

If someone wanted a vegetarian to eat meat with them everyday, they would be asking the vegetarian to go against their personal ethics. They'd be asking the vegetarian to do something that causes immense harm to animals and the environment.

when the situation is reversed, I can't imagine what ethical qualm a meat-eater could have with vegetarianism.

Yeah, I understand your point, but in my experience many meat-eaters are extremely ignorant about vegetarianism. They think we starve, eat just iceberg lettuce and munch on carrots. They honestly think they need meat and many also believe that animals exist for the sole purpose of human consumption. So, in a way, when someone tells them not to eat meat, they may feel they are compromising their views and health. It may not be an ethical problem, per se, but it's still an extremely personal decision that goes against what they believe.

Yeah, I understand your point, but in my experience many meat-eaters are extremely ignorant about vegetarianism. They think we starve, eat just iceberg lettuce and munch on carrots. They honestly think they need meat and many also believe that animals exist for the sole purpose of human consumption. So, in a way, when someone tells them not to eat meat, they may feel they are compromising their views and health. It may not be an ethical problem, per se, but it's still an extremely personal decision that goes against what they believe.

But what they believe is not necessarily right. It is a matter of medical/nutritional facts, as well as ethics. Yes, you could say we believe that vegetarianism is the proper and most ethical diet, but we know how the animals are treated, what it does to the invironment, that it is not necessaryfor good health, etc. It is more based on fact.
And morality comes into play as well. as has ben said above, no meat eater would think it is specifically immoral to not eat it, the way a veg-ian would consider it immoral to possess in their home.

And I understand your point, too. However, even though I'm an ethical vegetarian, I don't necessarily think that it's "wrong" to eat meat. Sure, I wish that everyone became a vegan, but I also understand why people don't, and I don't judge them for it. However, I think we're taking a tangent to the original question (yes, my fault, sorry, but this is an interesting question). A meat-eater that really does think that they "need" meat and that a vegetarian diet is severely lacking will probably not be someone a vegetarian would even consider dating, or at least dating long enough to get serious. The morals of the two different sides just wouldn't mesh.

And I understand your point, too. However, even though I'm an ethical vegetarian, I don't necessarily think that it's "wrong" to eat meat. Sure, I wish that everyone became a vegan, but I also understand why people don't, and I don't judge them for it. However, I think we're taking a tangent to the original question (yes, my fault, sorry, but this is an interesting question). A meat-eater that really does think that they "need" meat and that a vegetarian diet is severely lacking will probably not be someone a vegetarian would even consider dating, or at least dating long enough to get serious. The morals of the two different sides just wouldn't mesh.

But there is nothing inherently wrong with informing someone you care about the facts. For their own health as well.

I feel that ethically, if you have the knowledge of why and the means of how, to be vegetarian, you morally should be. Eating meat just because it tastes good and you are used to it is quite vain in my opinion, when you know it is not a necessity. However, I am not saying we should convert hunter-gatherer tribes in Africa to Veg-ism, but in western culture, especially ours, it is what is right considering factory farming, envronment, health, etc. Mylan Engel explains it really well in his essay "The Immorality of Eating Meat." The vegan i know who introduced me to veg-ism showed it to me. The book it is in is called "Our duty to animals" I think.

But there is nothing inherently wrong with informing someone you care about the facts. For their own health as well.

I totally agree. Informing is one thing, but we shouldn't ever expect someone to change.

I feel that ethically, if you have the knowledge of why and the means of how, to be vegetarian, you morally should be. Eating meat just because it tastes good and you are used to it is quite vain in my opinion, when you know it is not a necessity. However, I am not saying we should convert hunter-gatherer tribes in Africa to Veg-ism, but in western culture, especially ours, it is what is right considering factory farming, envronment, health, etc. Mylan Engel explains it really well in his essay "The Immorality of Eating Meat." The vegan i know who introduced me to veg-ism showed it to me. The book it is in is called "Our duty to animals" I think.

I agree with this, too; however, I wonder how many meat-eaters actually know and believe that meat's not a necessity. Yeah, ignorance is a poor excuse, but I dare say that there are a lot of ignorant people in the land of bliss.