Ok so a good friend of mine has been going through a rough time for the past few months. I've been supporting him by listening to him and giving advice when he asks for it, but the situation just gets worse for him. Basically, he brought it upon himself and doesn't seem to know how to get out of it (despite all the advice that myself and others have given him). I normally stay out of other people's business but it is at the point now where he is going to be kicked out of his university program, evicted from his apartment and who knows what else if he does not get his act together. He already took himself to a counsillor but as far as I can see it hasn't really improved things yet. I am very concerned, but I don't know what else I can do (since he does not listen to me or to anyone else), short of stopping by his place and dragging his butt to the library.

Anyway I was going to ask for advice here, but I realize now that I probably can't do much. It's just very frustrating to watch someone screw themselves over so badly :( I feel like I should stop being the empathetic/sympathetic friend and actually DO something, but what?

ETA: Oh yes and I do realize that I can't fix someone else's problem, but there must be something I can do to slap some sense into him?

In Al-Anon they teach us that you can't solve someone else's problems for them, & intervening to avert crises is not in their best interest.

no offense to the OP, but the discussion is too abstract for people to give advice, I think.

ebola

Try composing your thoughts in a letter for him to read.

If nothing works he's just one of those types who isn't willing to help himself. Don't go down with the ship.

Sometimes the consequences of one's actions are the only thing that can slap sense into someone, so the best thing you can do is let them experience that.

How serious is the situation?

the situation just gets worse for him. Basically, he brought it upon himself and doesn't seem to know how to get out of it (despite all the advice that myself and others have given him).

It sounds like you already offered advice...his choice is to use it.

Hmm yes...I guess I just needed to express my frustration, sorry if my thoughts were all over the place. The situation is too messed up to explain fully here, but it's not something I can really discuss with people in RL. And to answer the question, it is becoming rather serious, in my opinion anyway...mostly because it is affecting his health (physically) as well, which has me really worried. Sorry for the useless rant!

Try composing your thoughts in a letter for him to read.

If nothing works he's just one of those types who isn't willing to help himself. Don't go down with the ship.

I agree. As usuall.

A letter usually gives you a chance to get everything stratend out in the "correct" words, so that you won't look back at the conversation later on and say "oh, i forgot to say..." "I should have said... instead of..." "why did i say..." etc.

and if that dosn't "slap some sence into him" then I don't think anything will.

Dont worry about the rant, we cant expect you to give more details then you are confortable with giving, and I think everyone here respects that.

Did you tell him your worried about him? that you dont want to see this happen to him, and that you dont want his health to slip?