Anyone Bi-Polar?

[catgirl67]

I went to my psych. doctor today, and I've been diagnosed as Bi-Polar. Like that's a shock to anyone, but I am scared. I don't think I can handle the meds! Am I really that crazy? If I am, it explains so much.

I really don't know what to think. The meds are making me feel worse, but I just started taking them today.

I'm terrified. Will this progress, or will I ever feel normal?

At least my craziness this past week has some excuse, but I'm not willing to accept this. Can't anyone wave a magic wand and make it go away???

Now I have no choice but to get sober.

I really don't know how to feel just now. I'm sure I'll be ok, but I'm going to have to take these meds for the rest of my life.

I've seen how Bi-polar disorder ruins people's lives. I'm not willing to let that happen, but do I have a choice? Am I destined to be nuts?

[jenna]

I don't have any knowledge on this, but I wanted to give you a big :hug: and I hope that everything works out okay for you.

[Elena99]

People don't take meds because they're crazy, they take them because they're sick and/or have a condition. You're not crazy.

Medication takes a while to get used to, so give it a couple of days. Take your medication as prescribed, don't skip a day or stop suddenly.

I know it seems like a huge thing to take a medication for the rest of your life. Why don't you think of it as for a few months, and then see how you feel about it then?

[gaya]

catgirl67 :hug: I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't :(. One of my brother's is bipolar. He was diagnosed seven years ago and it took a little time but he is doing very well now and becoming a teacher! if that means anything. You're brave for facing and dealing with this.

[Amy SF]

catgirl: I'm sorry you have to deal with this for the rest of your life. :hug:

I don't really know anything about bi-polar disorder. It seems like everyone tosses it out casually as if it was some kind of mood swing. If somebody is acting cranky that day, somebody else jokes that he or she must be "bi-polar". That indicates to me that there are plenty of other people who don't really understand the disorder. :hug:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

[piratebean]

Catgirl,
I'm not bipolar, but my hubbie is. First thing I'd recommend is for you to go to the DBSA website (Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance) at http://www.dbsalliance.org. Under 'Resources', check out the discussion forums. When my husband got his diagnosis and started treatment, that place was a lifeline for me. (They have a section for 'friends and family of people with BP', which is where I posted. They also have other sections, but I would highly recommend visiting the 'friends & family' section as well.) There are also brochures and all sorts of free information you can read at the site, to help you get a handle on what your diagnosis means.

As Elena mentioned, you're not 'crazy'. I like to think of BP as being like epilepsy. An epileptic takes meds to prevent the likelihood of having seizures. A person with BP takes meds to keep brain chemistry in balance - to prevent a manic or depressive episode. Just like we would never make fun, or argue against, an epileptic taking life-saving medications, so should we never question that a person with BP needs to take meds to keep brain chemistry in balance.

Now the bad news. If you don't take your meds, BP can really screw with your life. And sometimes, the first meds you take aren't going to make everything better.

Now the very GOOD news. If you stick to your meds, continue to meet with health professionals, and take steps to get this illness under control, you will be able to lead a very wonderful life. And while many people with BP have to go through several medication adjustments to find the right 'cocktail' of meds for their BP, most people will find a 'cocktail' that enables them to lead the life they want.

If I may make a suggestion, since you just were diagnosed and just started taking medications: At the DBSA website, under 'resources', then 'brochures', they have an item called 'personal calendar'. (it works best if you open it in PDF format.) This is a GREAT tool for tracking mood changes and so on, especially when you're starting or trying new medications. My husband uses these charts every month, and takes them to his doctor's appointments - and the doctors love them. They're really helpful. Even if you don't use the chart, you could get an idea of what sort of information you might want to record. (That way, when you go to a doctor's appointment and say, "I don't think this medication is working", you can show the doctor what your moods have been like. This is very helpful!) - I should mention that the chart takes about 2 minutes a day, which is no big sacrifice of your time, for such helpful results.

Also, among those brochures is one called "Finding Peace of Mind", which includes a really helpful chart about bipolar medications. I would suggest printing a copy, so you can get a general idea of what sorts of meds you're taking. (It also shows the way BP meds can interact with other meds, which is really helpful information for you to have.)

And just to talk a bit about my hubby: He had mild depression on and off for years, and then he had this wild manic episode, where he ended up in the hospital, etc. It was very bad. (That's when he got the diagnosis of BP.) And for a few weeks afterwards, as his docs were trying different medications, I remember thinking that I had lost my husband, and there was this weird new guy in his place. It just didn't seem like the same guy at all. And it seemed like all we were doing was going to the psychiatrist to try different meds.

But that lasted only a few months. He now has the perfect 'cocktail' of pills (which can be different for everyone, by the way). His BP is totally under control. And I have my old husband back. So, while you might feel out of sorts for a while, don't worry - you're still 'you', even with the meds. You're not crazy. You are a wonderful human being who is going to deal with a tough illness, but you'll be able to deal with this, especially if you take advantage of all the resources for support available to you, like the forums on the DBSA alliance.

Best of luck to you. Please check out DBSA and other resources. Get books from your library on the subject. Don't feel like you did anything wrong. (This is NOT your fault, or anyone's fault.) Take good care of yourself. And always feel free to PM me or find me here if you need to talk more.

PirateBean

[Ludi]

Some people do better with meds than others. I'm doing ok on a very light dose of meds; my sister is still not stabilized after trying many many different treatments including electroconvulsive therapy. Most people are somewhere in the middle, doing well on a moderate dose of meds.

[karenlovessnow]

I had a best friend who is bi-polar. She has been on lithium for thirty years, married, adopted a baby and is leading a very full and productive life. Good luck to you.

[piratemoon]

I wish you all the best. My old flatmate had depression (although it was unipolar), and she found it really hard to cope for a while. She dropped out of university and quit her job, then left and moved back in with her mom. But now she is doing much better, and I am really proud of her. She had gotten to the point where she wouldn't leave the house for weeks at a time, and now she is going out almost every day. She is even learning Japanese!

You aren't condemned because of this, and you are not crazy. You are just you.

Keep positive - all the messages above show you that you can do anything.

All the best.

[baypuppy]

i'm bipolar. meds will knock you for a loop. if you want to pm me about meds, feel free to. i've been on most meds (eh eh eh). i just hope your doc is "weening" you on meds (many you have to "build up to" the full dose, like lithium) and trying to keep you on the lowest dose to control your symptoms. i had a doc once put me on a crapload of prozac (SSRI and bipolar = bad idea in most cases or so most doctors post her have said) and lithium. i ended up in the hospital for that.

just be careful and make sure your doctor listens and understands your concerns about your meds (if you have or develop them). if that isn't the case, try to get a different doctor. unfortionatly i wasn't able to really find a drug/drug combination that worked for me (you name it, i was one it) and i got discouraged and gave up. however, for some reason cutting dairy really helped my depression-side, and i would say that unmedicated now my diet helps control about 75% of my symptoms. but at the same time i think as i get older things are just working out..or i figured out how to live with it.

by feeling "worse" i hope you mean just tired or unable to think and not more manic/depressed. if that's the case, you should call your doctor.

[catgirl67]

I have no idea what I would do without the support of VB and my other message boards. Y'all have been a Godsend, and at times, more supportive than my own family. I love all of you. Thank you so much. :kiss:

[jenna]

How have you been feeling on the meds the past couple of days? Does it seem like you're starting to adjust at all?

[THX-1138]

I'm both bi-polar and obsessive compulsive. I don't take any meds and I would advise against using them. The negative side effects far outweigh the positive effects.

[catgirl67]

How have you been feeling on the meds the past couple of days? Does it seem like you're starting to adjust at all?
I've only been on them for three days, and can't stay awake. The doctor told me that would level off. At least now, I know why I've been acting the way I've been acting all of my life. It's a relief in a way to know, but a shock at the same time.

[Music Girl]

What medication(s) are you taking?

I was diagnosed bi-polar 6 months ago and the diagnosis scared me, but also answered alot of questions about why I've always been so self-destructive and unhappy. Either depressed and under the covers or crazily screwing things up.

I'm having a very hard time getting used to the idea that I need meds. The side effects are horrifying to me, so I become paranoid about poisoning my body and end up stopping them after a week or two. The trouble is that they seem to really help me, but I still can't keep taking them....I convince myself that I can handle things on my own and stop the pills. Then a few days later I'm going nuts again.

I'm rapid-cycling, which means things are changing often - sometimes I can go from crazy-manic to deeply depressed all in the same day.

I know this is hard on my family - it's difficult to raise my kids to be normal and stable when I'm not. I just try hard to hide what's really going on inside and act normal for their sake. That's possibly the worst thing of all - smiling when you're wanting to die is very, very exhausting. Plus, there's always the worry that I passed this on genetically to them....it's very linked in families.

I really do wish you the best....from someone who is right there with you.

[Ludi]

Music Girl, not wanting to be on meds and not taking them is pretty common, most bipolar folks go off our meds at one time or another. :hug:

[Music Girl]

My doctor seemed to expect this from me, especially because I'm so scared of medicine to begin with. He said it's possible I may never come to terms with taking them.

Right now I'm trying to get him to give me something that I can take only when things get really bad instead of having to take them every day.

I lean much toward the manic/anxiety side and generally my depressions are mild and short in duration.

[Ludi]

I take Zyprexa as needed for anxiety and paranoia, but I find it very sedating, which can be good sometimes, bad others (makes it very hard to work).

[nigel]

Music Girl - I've been going through the same thing for a few years. My bipolar behaviour practically incapacitated me for almost a year: I couldn't work, and felt guilty that I wasn't participating enough with my family. During my time off work I saw my psychiatrist often, and we "tweaked" my medication each time. One day, we found a balance that seemed right for me. I got some self confidence back and got a great job in my field with a great group of people. I'm advancing in confidence and in knowledge of my profession. I spend loads of free time with my family. Generally, I'm happy.

Follow your doctor's advice, take your meds, and don't take anything else or drink unless your doctor says it's ok. Exercise if you don't already. When you get the proper balance, which you will, you'll be able to look at your life and react to things in a more rational way. When you reach this point, you and your doctor can consider ways to reduce the dosage of meds you take. I take 1/3 the amount of medication I was taking 8 months ago, and am still going strong. But I attribute my ability to do this to the fact that while I was more heavily medicated my brain slowed down enough that I could understand how other people exercise their coping skills. I learned from that and applied it to my own life.

Your meds aren't poison. They may have side effects, and these are intolerable for some people. I can't take an effective level Lithium unless I want sit on a toilet for the rest of my life. Others respond differently. Depakote is perfect for me, but has no affect on others. Once you find the right balance of meds, you'll find that the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.

It's not an easy process, but it works. Like finding a perfect partner, or therapist, getting your meds in order takes a bit of trial and error. The gain that you ultimately reach is exhilarating.

I'm certainly no therapist of any sort, but if you want to exchange ideas about treament, life, whatever, please PM me.

[veggieeater]

I'm both bi-polar and obsessive compulsive. I don't take any meds and I would advise against using them. The negative side effects far outweigh the positive effects.

I know that there are negative side effects with medications for BP but the positive/negative effects need to be considered for each individual. I've known a few people that have committed suicide as a result of their BP disorder. I dont see how suicide would be considered a better outcome than taking medications.

I really wish that chemical imbalances werent so stigmatized. It's a medical issue, not a personal failure. The wife of my husbands business partner has had problems with BP disorder but they didnt tell anyone about it. We would have helped them out had we known what the problem was.

I hope you find the best methods to deal with your problems Catgirl and Musicgirl. I know that it's scary but a lot of people share your condition and live long, happy productive lives. :hug:

[lillym]

I was diagnosised with bipolar about 5 years ago and my life has completely turned around. It did take a couple of years to find the right medication combination for me. I was on Zyprexa for awhile, but it made me hungry 24/7 and I gained weight and had anxiety attacks, I was on another med that made me have pins and needles sensation over most of my body, which sucked. But my psychiatrist listened to me and took this all into account and kept working to find meds that would work with me.

But for three years I've been on medication that works --without noticeable side effects! And I've seen a good therapist who's helped me work through issues I have (social interactions, ways to more effectively deal with stressful situations, etc) from going through almost my whole life either undiagnosised or misdiagnosised.

I've gone through plenty of phase where I didn't want to take meds, esp when the side effects were so bad. But then I realized I really want to go forward rather than spinning my wheels and never getting anyplace and that means taking meds.

Even if I had to deal with side effects of medicines I'd find a way to deal with it because my life is so so much better than it ever was without medication. My life was a mess, I felt horrible, I couldn't form any kind of lasting friendships, I couldn't make any long term plans because I was so impulsive and I never felt the same way. Quite frankly I lived my life way too close death for me to want to get back to that.

[treefingers]

I was diagnosised with bipolar about 5 years ago and my life has completely turned around. It did take a couple of years to find the right medication combination for me. I was on Zyprexa for awhile, but it made me hungry 24/7 and I gained weight and had anxiety attacks, I was on another med that made me have pins and needles sensation over most of my body, which sucked. But my psychiatrist listened to me and took this all into account and kept working to find meds that would work with me.

But for three years I've been on medication that works --without noticeable side effects! And I've seen a good therapist who's helped me work through issues I have (social interactions, ways to more effectively deal with stressful situations, etc) from going through almost my whole life either undiagnosised or misdiagnosised.

I've gone through plenty of phase where I didn't want to take meds, esp when the side effects were so bad. But then I realized I really want to go forward rather than spinning my wheels and never getting anyplace and that means taking meds.

Even if I had to deal with side effects of medicines I'd find a way to deal with it because my life is so so much better than it ever was without medication. My life was a mess, I felt horrible, I couldn't form any kind of lasting friendships, I couldn't make any long term plans because I was so impulsive and I never felt the same way. Quite frankly suicide I lived my life way too close death for me to want to get back to that.

that is fantastic!

i haven't been officially diagnosed just yet and the earliest i can get an appoitment with an actual psychiatrist (instead of my family doctor) is november, but lately i've been feeling horrible and i've been thinking that even when i do get on some meds, it will be ages before i start to feel better/normal....but reading your experience has made me feel a bit more positive for the futur and getting treatment and therapy. thanks. : )

[Mark Smith]

I have a friend who is bipolar. He has two graduate degrees and has been a college professor. I am schizophrenic and take meds for that and depression although my mental state is pretty good most all the time. A healthy and consistent diet and exercise helps!

[lillym]

Tree fingers, I'm glad I helped (I did edit out sucide in the last sentence since I didn't mean to leave it there).

I'm in awe of people with multiple degrees and who have their lives together. I admit I'm lazy and that holds me back in a big way, but that's something medicine can't help.

Since switching to veg I've felt a lot healthier, now I just have to work in exercise.