Lots of people are shocked when I say I have no female friends in RL, & everyone from my parents to psychologist to my bf say I should cultivate them, but I don't get along with women.
I feel so jealous & competitive towards them, & I want to vomit if talk turns to babies, marriage, hair styles, etc.
My hobbies draw me toward men- radio, target shooting (guns), non-sentimental animal care/concern, etc.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Should I seek RL female friends?
Whenever I meet women I feel I have to act like a male & carry the conversation, suggest activities, cheer them up.... all the women I know expect me to be the leader or something & I'd rather be with equals, who seem to be males.
I also find women always attack me, start backbiting & bitching & trying to steal my bf, etc. & I am sick of that.:wall:

You don't have to go being friends with people who make you uncomfortable. Be friends with who you want, who gives a crap what other people say. They are not you and don't get to pick your friends.

Thanks VegKitten. A male friend showed me a Maxim magazine article that said women with no female friends are "either bat-sh(t crazy or just plain mean".

Yes, Maxim is such wise sorce of knowledge. LoL.

Well, I guess I'm a big freakin' meanie then :P

I agree with Kit. Who needs female friends if you're doing just fine with your male friends?

Thanks Elena. My psychologist (now fired) said I got along better w/ men because I was manipulating them with my sexuality &/or seeing them as father substitutes. He said it would be healthy for me to have female friends.
Also my excellent bf worries when I have close friendships with men. He's not a possessive jerk, but he is concerned that any of those releationships could cross a line & become sexual.

Try not to think of your friends as male or female jus think of them as friends, befcuase that is what they are. Sure some may be female and some may be male, but you don't need to see it that way.

When you meet someone new don't prejudge them based on their sex. Give them a chance. If their personality clicks with yours, you have a new friend, if not, oh well don't waste your time with them because you feel forced to be with other females.

So what I am saying is enjoy the company you enjoy. If that happens to be all males, consider it just a coincidence.

The one commonality in terms of all the females you don't get along with (which sounds like all females) is you. It's as much something that you're putting out, as it is a problem with females in general. I get along well with females as a group. But I've known females who say "all my friends are males, I don't like/get along with females..." and inevitably they damage female relationships, in subtle or not-so-subtle ways. It can be by being demeaning to women, by refusing to give other females the benefit of the doubt, by being very competitive, by always needing to be seen as the most attractive or appealing female in the room...any number of things. You're walking into relationships with females with yourself taking on a certain role and with certain attitudes towards them that they pick up on (have to cheer them up, steer the conversation, etc). I think it's an internal issue as much as some outward thing about "females."

i don't get on with girls very well either - i think it stems from being bullied by a group of girls. i've always got along with my brother better than i do with my sister, i think some people just have preferences :)

i dont see what the big deal is, for a lot of girls their boyfriend is their best friend, so whats the problem?

i only have one really good friend that is a girl, the rest are guys. anytime ive had girl friends(besides that one) theyre always backstabbing and want me to be their therapist, which im NOT. i can stand listening to their problems, but only if they listen to mine, my guy friends do this, my girl friends never did.

I have the same issue. Other than family and one childhood friend I'm not really good friends with any females. To me the majority seem too bitchy and touchy to be friend material. Once I get to know someone I have a rather abrasive personality that some people tend to mistake for meaness. Yeah, I might make fun of you but I do at least as much to myself. :yes:

An incident where I proclaimed my lunch "cooler" than a coworker's comes to mind. Her response was "Well mine has only two grams of fat and no carbs" or something like that. :think:

I dunno, I guess I have a more masculine personality in many respects. Sometimes my lack of female companionship bothers me but I am quickly distracted by a fark joke or something to that effect and the feeling goes away.

I have always had a ton of guy friends in my life. Some of my best friends are guys to this day that I trust more than females. I have a few circle of girls that are my friends. Best female friend sh*t on me last year after like 20 years of being close. :cry: I have even been called that "I am just one of the guys." Maybe because I always enjoyed the sports things and have that in common with them and I am all the way girly girly.

I understand what you mean about girls though. I always say as a joke that the air is so thick in a public girls bathroom.:lol:

I'm kind of in a similar situation- kind of.

The only female friends that I have are the ones that call me every few months or so to chat about what's new in our lives. Most of these friends are left over from High School or my first year of college. Some of them live only a few miles from me but we never hang out because we don't have anything to talk about. I hate making small talk. Others live hundreds of miles away.
Literally every friend that I have and hang out with are male. My roommates are both are male. When I'm spending time with my boyfriend, we often hang out with his male friends. The friends that I have at work are male. They're the only ones that I go out with, and they're the only ones that I feel comfortable with.
I just find out that I get along better with males, and it makes me sad because I really wish that I could find some real female friends like I used to have when I was younger. It's so hard, though! As a whole, the women that I've met tend to be catty and argumentative. If they aren't that, then they're judgemental and/or completely immersed in a facade that they feel they need to keep up to be better accepted by their current group of friends. Men just don't do that.
And I know that this sounds horribly sexist on my part and that's why it bothers me so much. I'm very pro-woman and consider myself a feminist- so why can't I befriend females?

Edit: Come to think of it- maybe that's why! Because I don't know many women that feel the way that I do about women's issues. Most of them just don't care that they're being screwed in our current government, or that society has molded them into self-centered, depressed people. Maybe I need to find a different kind of female to befriend?

One of my best friends is a male but I love women and have the best female friends! I consider women in general to be my sisters (cheezy I know) and I'm very protective of my sisters :). I don't know any of the make-up and hair-do types out side of school but I care for them as well (they're cute). Women aren't catty with me and I think that's do to me not being catty with them...maybe some are and I just don't realize it.

Edit: Come to think of it- maybe that's why! Because I don't know many women that feel the way that I do about women's issues. Most of them just don't care that they're being screwed in our current government, or that society has molded them into self-centered, depressed people. Maybe I need to find a different kind of female to befriend?
Too bad you're not in Boston. I used to live in MPLS (love that city) but oddly back then most of my friends were males except for one female. Her and I are still in contact and have been friends for 15 years now. We fly out to see each other and talk on the phone on a regular basis.

I have a penis, but I can relate. I don't like talking with guys at all. In fact, they drive me crazy with everything they say (most of them). I get along most with girls, actually. And it's not sexual at all either for me. It's that I'm not competition for them and they seem to like that, though some do talk a lot and I've met girls that totally don't like other girls, one said "they always try to steal my man or think I'm trying to steal theirs." She has no girlfriends, which should be obvious, but we got along fine.

It's fun to sometimes try to rationalize the way we are, but maybe it doesn't matter and logic isn't a part of it. It's just how we feel and that's that. :)

You go girl! :nana:

I can see this two ways. One is that its a little odd that you've never met a single female in your life that you could cultivate a friendship with. This would lead me to assume that you have a problem with females and that you are probably doing something to push them away or prevent a relationship from developing. This would seem unhealthy to me- that relationships with females have to based on competition (for men, or appearance, or what?).
On the other hand, if you aren't interested in what a lot of females are and you simply havent met a girlfriend who you have hit it off with, there isnt anything obviously wrong with having male friends.

I get the "you're trying to steal my man" attitude from my co-worker's wives and girlfriends. I truly have absolutely no interest in their man sexually or outside of work, but they are still jealous that I spend 8 hours a day with these guys. I work in a male-dominated industry. The attitude of the wives and girlfriends is very funny to me, because honestly their SOs are over weight, balding, opinionated, omnis.

I refuse to spend my work day in a shell, not conversing with anyone, just because of these women.

Organica, I can certainly sympathize. I don't think you have to be friends with anyone you don't click with. I just want to say that just like some women attract the wrong guy for dating, you could be attracting the wrong women for friendship. Not all women are caddy, backstabbing, emotional pits. Some of us are outgoing, intelligent, fun and secure enough in our own lives to not seek your possessions for ourselves. As adults it seems harder and harder to meet new people and build friendships. Unfortunately, we make most of our friends at work because that is where we spend most of our day. If, like me you only interact with about 6 people during your day and most if not all of them are men, you may need to join some after work / weekend clubs. Again, I'm not judging. I think it's fine for you to be friends with the opposite sex. Don't just seek out other women to talk to, get involved in some kind of club or group that centers on one of your hobbies. This way you are meeting people outside of work and you already know that you share at least one interest. One of my best local girl friends, I met through New In Town - meetup. The other female friends that I have, I either used to work with them or we went to school together. I don't think I've been betrayed by a girlfriend since 7th or 8th grade.

I've had some great male friends... but I'm always reminded of the Billy Crystal line in When Harry Met Sally --- "Men and women can't be friends. The sex part always gets in the way. You may not want to sleep with them, but they want to sleep with you."
Sally says "So, you're saying , if you're not attracted to her, then you can be friends with a woman?!" He says, "No, you pretty much want to nail them too." :lol:

It's all confusing. Hope you find Peace, Joy and Happiness.

*

Thanks Elena. My psychologist (now fired) said I got along better w/ men because I was manipulating them with my sexuality &/or seeing them as father substitutes. He said it would be healthy for me to have female friends.
Also my excellent bf worries when I have close friendships with men. He's not a possessive jerk, but he is concerned that any of those releationships could cross a line & become sexual.


Iam soooo glad you fired your psychologist!!!
Seriously though, most of my friends are men, it's not for any particular reason it's just happened that way. Who gives a flying fig what everyone else says. As long as you're happy that's the main thing. My boyfriend is jelaous sometimes too. I think it's perfectly natural to be a bit jealous when your loved one is cloes friends with a member of opposite sex. As long as he doesn't become malicious or give you an ultimatum try and reassure him and go about your day. As long as you're happy, that's the main thing. :)

Trueveggie, I love When Harry Met Sally and I think that this is true sometimes. That line is the best part of the movie and I think there can be truth to that.:D But I still think my guy friends are more loyal to me than females.

Edit: Come to think of it- maybe that's why! Because I don't know many women that feel the way that I do about women's issues. Most of them just don't care that they're being screwed in our current government, or that society has molded them into self-centered, depressed people. Maybe I need to find a different kind of female to befriend?


That's it for me too I think!! I consider myself a feminist who truly believes women were put on Earth to do a hell of a lot more than have babies & clean up after men. I can't stand women whose life revolves around doing those things. We have next to no common ground once that stuff enters the equation.
I don't want to talk about hair styles, babies, weddings, shopping malls, husbands, country crafts & the other things I hear women talking about most of the time.
At the same time, I am scared of being inferior to the awesome women out there who live life for themselves & have ambitions greater than getting Pampers & Febreeze on sale next week at Wal-Mart.
And yes, I must admit I'm scared I'll lose my bf to one of those awesome women. :worried:

At the same time, I am scared of being inferior to the awesome women out there who live life for themselves & have ambitions greater than getting Pampers & Febreeze on sale next week at Wal-Mart.
And yes, I must admit I'm scared I'll lose my bf to one of those awesome women. :worried:
An awesome woman would not screw a sister over like that.

I don't want to talk about hair styles, babies, weddings, shopping malls, husbands, country crafts & the other things I hear women talking about most of the time

Arrgh. nor me!

i don't have many female friends. I could honestly say that I have two, and there are many times when i can't 'hang' with them. Most of my friends are male--and of course my best friend is a man, my husband. He really is my best friend, the best i've ever had.

I tend not to get along with women because i find that we have different perspectives about a lot of things. When i do get along with women (as friends) it's because we're similar. These women also find that they 1. tend to be loners; 2. feel differently or think or behave differently than other women; 3. tend to have interests that are more 'traditionally male' including acedemia, sports of various sorts, etc; and 4. tend to have more male friends than female friends, but few friends altogether (see 1).

Even with these women, there are often snags. For instance, one of my friends is practicing willful ignorance and avoidance. She's struggling--and i get that and support it--but i'm getting bored with her. We used to talk about how we were growing and changing, our hopes for the future, how we were bettering ourselves spiritually, emotionally/psychologically, intellectually, etc. We would do things together that were spiritual or just really cool. Now, she's pretty boring. We talk about video games (which i don't care about), this married man she has a crush on (and she's married too) and that whole conversation makes me really uncomfortable, and we talk about how she wants to be ignorant of certain issues and no longer work and that she's 'tired of striving for better' and 'just wants to be content.' So, we're at a sort of philosophical empass. I'm not sure how long our friendship will be able to continue. I'm incredibly busy, and i don't want to do a lot of placating and hand holding. If i'm hanging with a friend, i want it to be fun.

My other friend is also very busy. She's very cool, but we recently had an incident. we went rock climbing together and, as per my experience, i have a lot of male friends there. They range in age from 15 to 89, and while i get along with a few women there, i wouldn't call us 'friends' yet. i tend to be more cautious with women, for a variety of reasons (the back biting and stuff--i've been burned, and i know it). Anyway, my friends and i were joking like we always do, and this girlfriend really wants a boyfriend/marriage/baby situation. She says she doesn't, but i know different. Anyhoot, she knows i'm happy with my husband, and i have these attractive male friends who really dote on me. While at the rock gym, she was really confronted with this, and at a certain level, felt that i was behaving inappropriately (i wasn't). She dropped me on belay twice (i think it was unconsciously), and then later because of her discomfort about masculinity that was around us, she tried to chastise me to keep me from doing what i normally do--what is acceptable in the venue and just in general. I realized it was 'her issue' but i was frustrated with how she turned it into my responsibility, my behavoir, and my problem. To be fair, i did consider that it might have been my behavoir and my problem, but after careful consideration AND bouncing it off of sound sources, it was not my problem.

So for now, both relationships are a bit 'suspended.'

You too Zoe? :cry: I'm either a very lucky woman or my work all these years has actually been paying off.