jacfong
April 27th, 2003, 05:42 PM
soilman: sorry for the confusion, i should have been clearer. i did not realise then (at the height of my anorexia) what i was doing to myself - i never deserved food, period. i know now that what i had then was not enough, but i did not know it then. then again, what you say can be true - it could be a little bit of shame as well.
azalea: hey, how tall are you? i think you said you are 19, and well, i'd think that you would need more than 1100 cals a day. maybe 2000 cals? i know it might sound frightening to you. it sure freaked me out when my nutritionist gave me a 2000 cal a day meal plan when i was trying to put on weight but you'll need it, esp. if you are active.
why did my problems start? well, i think there were many factors and i can only guess at them. my parents fought a lot when i was younger and i could not do anything about it, so i controlled myself and what i ate. (yes, it is about control isn't it?) and whenever i had a problem i ate even less - my way of controlling things? also, my friends at school started to measure their waists and it seemed like they all had waists about 1 or 2 inches smaller than mine, and i felt like i was an outcast. i wanted to belong. looking back, i don't think i was fat but i still had some baby fats and some 'nice' friend labelled me a hippoppotamus. that did not stick well! plus, i had acne and thought i was freaking ugly and since all models were pretty and skinny, i must therefore be skinny to be pretty. and i hate to admit this but my friends were all getting guys' attentions and i was not and i wanted some. (i did get some attention after i 'recovered' though!!)
i am a healtheir weight not but i go through days when i think i am disgustingly fat and seriously need to lose weight. today is one of those days. i tend to eat a lot of fruits - fresh and dried - and i love dried fruits but i always worry they will make me fat. i know this will sound like a load of BS to ppl like soilman (maybe?) or others who have not had a ED. i hate weighing myself still cos i am so afraid that the machine will tell me i have put on weight. i am 5'2" and weigh 45 kgs (98 pounds i think?) and i don't know, but i think that's an ok weight, but i am still happier if i found out i lost weight than put on weight.
i sympathise with you, funkified, i know it's horrid having ppl call you names. in fact, 2 of my teachers in primary school called me fat. that affected me a lot. i was kicked out of a primary school dance cos the teacher thought i was too fat. the other girls were stick thin, and i was not so i guess that made me fat. funny though, cos sometimes i still get jealous of skinny girls.
azalea: hey, how tall are you? i think you said you are 19, and well, i'd think that you would need more than 1100 cals a day. maybe 2000 cals? i know it might sound frightening to you. it sure freaked me out when my nutritionist gave me a 2000 cal a day meal plan when i was trying to put on weight but you'll need it, esp. if you are active.
why did my problems start? well, i think there were many factors and i can only guess at them. my parents fought a lot when i was younger and i could not do anything about it, so i controlled myself and what i ate. (yes, it is about control isn't it?) and whenever i had a problem i ate even less - my way of controlling things? also, my friends at school started to measure their waists and it seemed like they all had waists about 1 or 2 inches smaller than mine, and i felt like i was an outcast. i wanted to belong. looking back, i don't think i was fat but i still had some baby fats and some 'nice' friend labelled me a hippoppotamus. that did not stick well! plus, i had acne and thought i was freaking ugly and since all models were pretty and skinny, i must therefore be skinny to be pretty. and i hate to admit this but my friends were all getting guys' attentions and i was not and i wanted some. (i did get some attention after i 'recovered' though!!)
i am a healtheir weight not but i go through days when i think i am disgustingly fat and seriously need to lose weight. today is one of those days. i tend to eat a lot of fruits - fresh and dried - and i love dried fruits but i always worry they will make me fat. i know this will sound like a load of BS to ppl like soilman (maybe?) or others who have not had a ED. i hate weighing myself still cos i am so afraid that the machine will tell me i have put on weight. i am 5'2" and weigh 45 kgs (98 pounds i think?) and i don't know, but i think that's an ok weight, but i am still happier if i found out i lost weight than put on weight.
i sympathise with you, funkified, i know it's horrid having ppl call you names. in fact, 2 of my teachers in primary school called me fat. that affected me a lot. i was kicked out of a primary school dance cos the teacher thought i was too fat. the other girls were stick thin, and i was not so i guess that made me fat. funny though, cos sometimes i still get jealous of skinny girls.