I'm not sure what to do...yesterday my boyfriend told me he wants a break from everything and I asked him if that included me and he said yes so I agreed to give him space.
So when he said everything, I still felt hurt but understood because sometimes you just need to be alone and do different things, but he continued today with his everyday friends and everyday activities... everything but me.
Should I move on? I still care about him, but I'm very hurt over it.. and I'm not so sure that if he does 'come back' and does want to be a part of my life that I'll happily accept him back in... I feel almost used, like some toy he can just put down and pick up whenever he feels like.

Wow that really sucks, especially with all the things you are dealing with. My only suggestion is to take it as it comes and keep going forward with your life. If he decides to come back AND you decide you want him back great. If not it sounds like you had a good time and keep your head up for someone who will appreciate you more.

With everything on your plate not just make sure that you take time for yourself and make sure that you get out of the house and take some time off from all the other things you are doing.

I had a boyfriend in high school who used to want "breaks". The first time, I was hurt but didn't call him or try to contact him for a week, as he wanted, and then he came back. The second time, I was confused, but dealt with it. Finally, I broke up with him for good (for other reasons as well).

It could be that this is nothing, but you may want to reevaluate your relationship. He may not be mature enough for a relationship, but just doesn't know how to admit it.

This is tough because sometimes people do just need some space. I'm not surprised that he is seeing his friends. I think men have much different relationships with their male friends then they do with girlfriends. There tends to be a lot more emotion involved with girlfriends so that may be what he feels he needs a break from. Ask yourself what your heart tells you. Or let him know that you understand he may be a little emotionally worn out but that you can give him a week or so but then you are going to need to talk to him about where the relationship is going. If he isn't willing to talk at that point then you may need to decide how long you are willing to wait or if you should just move on. Good luck. These things are neve easy.

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear, I know it hurts.

I'm proabbly older than you and I've learned somethings in my life.........

Most people don't want to hurt someone they've cared about. And they say all kinds of things to let that person down easily. Remember, he can't be a total classless jerk or you wouldn't have liked him. He may just need a break or he may want out. But either way, It's not about you. You're a great gal that sombody is going to think is the greatest thing in the world.

Just bare this in mind as you go through life................if they're in to you, they'll swim through shark infested water to bring you a lemonaid.......if they're not, they won't.

Only you can be the judge, but deep in your heart, you know the truth. Don't exspect guys to think like us. Guys are great..they just don't think like us...........:)

They're not like us girls. Men are either into you or they aren't.

I think this is a very inaccurate stereotype. Men can have mixed feelings as much as women can.

I think this is a very inaccurate stereotype. Men can have mixed feelings as much as women can.

That's fine, but it's not a sterotype. On a superficial level that's probably true..............but at the cord of basic gender difference, man generally don't have mixed feelings. But it's a much deeper issue that we probably don't need to debate here. Thanks

I know that it's rough, but (not being insensitive) maybe it's for the best. You have so many other things on your plate right now, that you might be able to view this as a good thing. It's one less worry in your life that requires your time and attention.

You have so many other things to focus on; school, family, etc. Keep your eye on what's really important (not some dumb boy who hurts your feelings and steps on your heart) and you'll be just fine!

:hug: Again I say chin up kiddo!

What a bugger of a time you are having at the moment!

Try to look on the bright side (er.. what bright side? I hear you say), all this will help you to grow as a person if you let it.

And being so young, I would caution that your boyfriend may be telling you he wants to end it but can't actually say that.

I remember this happening to me a couple of times when I was younger, a 'break' is often a way of saying 'I can't tell you directly I want to end it'.

But I think I also did this to guys as well, and though men and women do have differences, I really get my hackles up when people treat men and women like two different species!

Well, here's some e hugs, I'll go and edit to put some smilie hugs in, seems that's the only way at the moment.

Lots of positive thought your way!!!!!

:hug: :hug:

BTW, I could be completely wrong about the 'break' thing, I hope I am!

:hug: Again I say chin up kiddo!

But I think I also did this to guys as well, and though men and women do have differences, I really get my hackles up when people treat men and women like two different species!


:hug: :hug:

Men and woman are different. That's why it's so great. It's not a simple issue but understanding the diffeence between genders is important to long term successful realationships. Ok, I'm done.

Good luck to everyone.

told me he wants a break from everything oh geez, yeah I'm afraid that sounds like a lame guy excuse for not wanting to be in a relationship. Yeah, you should move on.

Sorry it happened to you. It wasn't your fault. Some guys just aren't ready for a commitment. :hug:

oh geez, yeah I'm afraid that sounds like a lame guy excuse for not wanting to be in a relationship. Yeah, you should move on.

Sorry it happened to you. It wasn't your fault. Some guys just aren't ready for a commitment. :hug:


He IM'd me today asking me how I was and stuff like that, and I just came out and asked him what he wanted and he said "Right now I want to go to bed...goodnight." I guess what really hurts me the most is that all I want right now is an answer, because right now I feel so in the dark on what to do and what he wants to do. It's like he doesn't mind having a conversation about anything else with me, but when it becomes a conversation about us and what he wants he doesn't want to talk about it. I guess I should just see it as it is and thats a sign he doesn't want a relationship and maybe just a friendship..but my heart doesn't want to believe it.

He IM'd me today asking me how I was and stuff like that, and I just came out and asked him what he wanted and he said "Right now I want to go to bed...goodnight." I guess what really hurts me the most is that all I want right now is an answer, because right now I feel so in the dark on what to do and what he wants to do. It's like he doesn't mind having a conversation about anything else with me, but when it becomes a conversation about us and what he wants he doesn't want to talk about it. I guess I should just see it as it is and thats a sign he doesn't want a relationship and maybe just a friendship..but my heart doesn't want to believe it.
Uh, yeah, he just doesn't have the balls to break up with you so he wants you to do it. That's really pretty immature on his part.

understanding the diffeence between genders is important to long term successful realationships.

(I know this isn't a debate thread, but)

No, it isn't.

I say you move on. You are way more mature than him by the sound of things and you should find a guy that is willing to try with you and not some idiot that is going to run like this one has. I don't mean to sound insensitive or men but that is the way it is. If he doesn't have the time for you then take your time to a much more worthy place and use it for you so you can have a break from all the stress at home right now.

I ask myself why I (a guy) am posting on this thread. It feels weird to me. I decided that it is because you have been through so much crap lately.

What I am going to say is easier said then done, and it might not be the way you want to deal with this but it is my suggestion.

I would encourage you to refrain from asking him what he wants, because this will just push him a way. We don’t know if his intention was to break up for good or if he just really needs a break and will come back. Unfortunately this leaves you in a quandary and makes it hard to move on because you really are in the dark about his real intentions. I’m a worst case scenario kind of guy so I would say so as much as it sucks look at this as a break up. If his intention is really just wanting a break he will be back. If he did not have the guts or was just misguided with his intentions and really wants to break up, then you can begin the grief process and move on.

What ever his intentions he picked a bad time to do this so again sorry.

I'm not sure what to advise really as I've only been in the situation where the break was mutually agreed upon so it wasnt a problem.

But I'm sure that if a guy ever made the suggestion that I should just hang around in limbo for a couple of weeks while he works out how he feels, I wouldn't be happy with it. I'd ask him to make a decision straight away, or if he told me he couldn't do that, I'd probably break up with him myself and make the decision for him. :-/

There is no "right" or "wrong" way to react to what he's doing right now. I find that men sometimes need space to step back and look at things in order to become comfortable with something they find overwhelming. Its up to you to decide what you want to do with what he says. if you want to wait, you can. If you don't, don't.

When my husband and I started dating, after a few months, I told him I needed a break. I was so overwhelmed. It was an intense relationship and I had a lot of stuff going on besides him and I didn't feel I could handle everything all at once.

He was devestated, but accepted my request. I felt like crap for hurting him but i was so overloaded i felt I didn't have a choice. 3 days later I returned to him in tears, apologizing for hurting him and thanking him profusely for respecting my needs at that moment, despite how selfish they were. He let me feel free, and that made me feel safe to return to him. We never again took a "break", and i still get upset if i think about that moment in time (wow i haven't thought about it for many years...) but I'm grateful that he was forgiving of me.

Relationships can be messy, especially when you are so young - you are trying to figure out who you are, who this other person is, how you relate to this other person, how being with this person is changing who you are.... its intense, and i'm against the idea that every relationship has to be picture perfect 100% of the time. We are human and humans are imperfect. The line must be drawn, however, when one person is being taken advantage of by the other, or the relationship is so uneven emotionally that there is no chance of reconciling the inequality.

My advice: give him a little time. Everyone's allowed to freak out for a moment. Its what he does after that moment which will tell you more than anything about his character. If he finds himself unable to continue the relationship with you, that will become clear soon ehough.

hang in there. You've got a lot going on for your delicate age. You'll be amazed by what the next 4 years will change in you.

The only thing I don't understand is if he wants a break, why does he want to talk to me online? He doesn't want to see me or talk to me on the phone, but online is ok...it doesn't make any sense. I was thinking lastnight because he told me he was going to go visit one of his friends in a few days and it was all kind of random because before all of this happened he had said he didn't have the money and wasn't going anywhere on his time off of work. Now suddenly he wants a break and is going to go, I know I am being paranoid when I say this but I really think the reason he wants this "break" is because he's really visiting his ex girlfriend. They are good friends still and I don't mind, but I did say that I would like him to spend a couple of days with me on his time off, and if he wanted to go visit her or someone else I wouldn't mind. Anyway, I guess I am just so confused right now and it really could be anything...and he'll say nothing about why he's doing this.

Going to visit the ex-girlfriend while you're "on a break" is not a particularly good sign :( I'm really sorry. If he isn't the one for you, don't fret too much - you're a great catch, and someone new (who communicates better!) just might be waiting for you! Best of luck to you!!! ((HUG))

Going to visit the ex-girlfriend while you're "on a break" is not a particularly good sign :( I'm really sorry. If he isn't the one for you, don't fret too much - you're a great catch, and someone new (who communicates better!) just might be waiting for you! Best of luck to you!!! ((HUG))

Thankyou :)

I'm not so much concerned about them doing anything, but I wish he would just come out and say whatever it is and why he wants this break... or maybe I'm just blowing this whole thing up into something it's not, and he really just does need some space. What confuses me though, like I said before is that he'll talk to me online, but won't see me and doesn't want me calling him...so that makes me suspicious and now suddenly he's visiting this friend, when he mentioned nothing about it before? If the reason he's doing all of this is just because he doesn't want me knowing he's visiting his exgirlfriend, I wish he'd just come out and say it because I'd be happier with that than him hiding it from me and me being completely in the dark not knowing what's going on.

I think this is a very inaccurate stereotype. Men can have mixed feelings as much as women can.

*vouches*

Thankyou :)

I'm not so much concerned about them doing anything, but I wish he would just come out and say whatever it is and why he wants this break... or maybe I'm just blowing this whole thing up into something it's not, and he really just does need some space. What confuses me though, like I said before is that he'll talk to me online, but won't see me and doesn't want me calling him...so that makes me suspicious and now suddenly he's visiting this friend, when he mentioned nothing about it before? If the reason he's doing all of this is just because he doesn't want me knowing he's visiting his exgirlfriend, I wish he'd just come out and say it because I'd be happier with that than him hiding it from me and me being completely in the dark not knowing what's going on.

You can't make somebody into who you want them to be. He's a jerk and my suggestion to you would be for YOU to cut off communication with him (including online), move on, and let him eat his heart out when he realized what he lost. It's hard to do, but you'll be better off in the long run. Trust me...I've been there.

You can't make somebody into who you want them to be. He's a jerk and my suggestion to you would be for YOU to cut off communication with him (including online), move on, and let him eat his heart out when he realized what he lost. It's hard to do, but you'll be better off in the long run. Trust me...I've been there.

At first I thought you were yelling at me, like I'm trying to make him into somebody he is not...I was going to cry! :shy:

Maybe you are right though, but then what if I do that and it turns out all he really did want was some space?
Then again, I don't think I'm the kind of person that believes in taking breaks in relationships, I think I'm in the "take it all or nothing" boat when it comes to a relationship.