Just a week ago my mom had a baby, and don't get me wrong I love her to death. :)
The problem is that nobody helps me around here! I don't expect my mom to, I know she is still having a hard time because of her c-section and she needs to rest... but my Dad doesn't even TRY to help me out. I understand he has work, but like the other day I walk into the kitchen and here sits an empty peanut butter jar, a dirty knife resting on top of it, and an empty Ritz crackers box right along with it. Obviously he had to come back into the kitchen to put the peanut butter and knife on the counter, so why couldn't he just toss it in the garbage?!!! I know it's a small thing, but when I have 10,000 other things to take care of it would have helped alot if he could just toss it. I have to do all the laundry, cook them dinner (they eat meat so not only do I cook something for myself, but also for them) then I have to do all of the dishes, while picking up after everyone (including my other sister- she's 4) right now I'm pretty much doing all of the housework by myself, meanwhile helping my mom with the baby. I had a huge accident in the kitchen the other day, I don't want to get into that :( but it wasn't pretty, but at that point I just went into the bathroom and cried.. but I came out and talked to my parents about just picking up themselves (putting their laundry in the basket instead of the floor, throwing their trash in the garbage, and putting their dishes in the sink...stuff like that) they didn't really say anything, just kind of said "yeah" and then the conversation closed. Then today I had to go to the grocery store for them and pick them up dinner, so I come home and make that and by the time I'm sitting down eating myself, the house had become a huge mess... I just want to lay in bed and cry, but then I feel even worse. It might not even be so bad, but on top of this I'm having problems with one of my best friends, the one person that calms me down, makes me laugh, and he's not exactly there for me right now, so I'm struggling with that also.

Geez, sounds like you are the parent in this relationship!

I don't have any advice since I think the insomnia has fried my brain cells, but here is a :hug:

Geez, sounds like you are the parent in this relationship!

I don't have any advice since I think the insomnia has fried my brain cells, but here is a :hug:


insomnia? oh dear! :lol: if I only had the time I spent trying to fall asleep back, I'd enjoy just resting there instead. :D
I feel like the parent! I feel like a housewife/mother, and it's driving me crazy! I mean I want this someday but not now.

OMG dear. You are doing so much and too much! You have a great heart. If it makes you feel better, it almost sounds like my house (well not a new born and all)

I take you to a cyber land of girl stuff. Facials, hair done, nails, pedicure, and a massage that I am sure you deserve and need.:D

That really isn't fair to dump absolutely everything on you. :( Can't your parents afford a little help, somebody to come in and do some cleaning and laundry, or a whatchamacallit (I'm forgetting the word) to help your mother with the baby? You're a 17 year old girl who has her own life. I think it's wonderful that you're willing to help out as much as you are, but geez louise they SHOULD give you a break.

A million :hug: on this one.

OMG dear. You are doing so much and too much! You have a great heart. If it makes you feel better, it almost sounds like my house (well not a new born and all)

I take you to a cyber land of girl stuff. Facials, hair done, nails, pedicure, and a massage that I am sure you deserve and need.:D


Ohhh :smitten:
Thankyou! How does it look? :bow:
:hug:

Like gold! You are beautiful to me.:trick: :hug:

That really isn't fair to dump absolutely everything on you. :( Can't your parents afford a little help, somebody to come in and do some cleaning and laundry, or a whatchamacallit (I'm forgetting the word) to help your mother with the baby? You're a 17 year old girl who has her own life. I think it's wonderful that you're willing to help out as much as you are, but geez louise they SHOULD give you a break.

A million :hug: on this one.


My mom doesn't believe in that kind of help :(
I wish my parents would give me a break :) or atleast say thankyou :wayne: :D
they are constantly calling me over to do things (actually I was in the middle of typing this and my mom called me to make her some food!) Thankyou for your replies though, I feel a little better. Hopefully after some much needed rest (I haven't been to bed yet!) I will feel even better, if not don't be surprised if my next thread goes something like "I just locked my entire family in the garage..."

Like gold! You are beautiful to me.:trick: :hug:

hehe thankyou :)

Well, I was going to ask you if you could talk to them about cleaning up after themselves, and I see you've done that. So, what would happen if you just didn't do it? Would they yell/get mad at you? It's one thing to help your mom because she's recuperating, but I agree that you this is a huge responsibility that should not be totally dumped on you. Is your dad like this normally, not picking up after himself? I have one of those in the form of a husband. If he's used to your mom doing it I can see where he would expect you to do it as well. Anyway, I hope things get better. It does seem like an unfair situation that you are in.

It's tough now, but just take one day at a time....or one hour...or one minute. This will pass--it' won't last forever. Take heart in knowing that you can move out when you turn 18 if you get a job. Hey....that's the ticket! Get a job and that way between school and work you won't be available to be the built-in maid! Another thing that you've learned here is how NOT FUN it is to pick up after other people and look after them 24/7---so make sure you put off having kids yourself! I have! Oops.....gee, I forgot to have kids! Darn! Hate it when that happens......

well, your life can get kind of topsy-turvy when there's a new member of the family. other things can be forgotten about easily. i was 13 when my brother was born. it seemed tough at first, but things smoothed out.

i wouldn't have a break down over the laundry or the dishes. it will all smooth out and get into a normal routine soon. after all, your mom has been through a lot and there's a brand new baby to take care of. it's very easy to forget about doing all of those little things when you're up in the night with a new born, etc. they are lucky to have you around to help them.

maybe talk with your dad about setting up some sort of cleaning schedule/routine that everyone can follow easily, so there's not a big load on each person to do.

You are in school, right? Perhaps you should mention that your school work is suffering. (And then actually spend your free time doing school work).

:hug: I admire your efforts to help out so extensively, your family should appreciate what you are doing! If your dad doesn't want to help with the housework, he should be at least cleaning up after himself, it's not fair to you at all! Maybe have your little sister help you out with some things she could do?
Since you are practically running the house, you shouldn't have to make two meals. Making meat in addition to your own meal is unnecessary and requires more time and effort. You should start making one veg*n meal, if anyone complains, they can make their own food. It's wonderful you are cooking for them in the first place, you shouldn't have to make it more stressful by cooking two different meals.

I say you tell your dad to quit acting like he is your age and start acting his own. You're supposed to be the one that is making the mess if you have to clean it up. It is normal teenage stuff to leave your trash on the table from a sandwich. And you can move out before you are 18 if you have the money. My parents have not always been the most supportive in anything and my mother is pretty much a hermit so I left the house to make them happy.

I don't really understand why it is you cooking the meals and helping with the baby, anyways. I mean, it's your father's child, not yours. He should be the one helping his wife and cooking his own meat if he wants it. At the very least, he (and your mother) should show some gratitude! Is he doing anything at all to help? If I were you I would ask him how on earth he managed to get along before he had a second mother/wife (you) to do everything for him. Because he might be tired from work, but that doesn't change the fact that he has responsibilities....responsibilities he should not be dumping onto your shoulders. Anyway hang in there, things will get better!

ETA: You could also try asking your dad to pick up some dinner on the way home from work, like frozen pizza or something. I don't know if he could find anything for you, but at least you wouldn't have to cook two meals. And if he doesn't like the idea, just tell him that you are falling behind in your schoolwork.

well, i'm not sure if this is a selfish thing to do...but i would clean up my own mess & leave everybody else's - even if it's only for a few days, so they can see how much you're helping out, maybe they will then realise that it isn't fair to expect you to do everything for them.good luck :)

There must be some way to make clear to your other family members that this needs to be a joint effort. If your dad is used to having a stay-at-home wife who normally handles all these things, he might see bringing home the paycheck as his share of the effort. But he still needs to understand that things are a bit different when the person who's normally in charge of the household is indisposed. Certainly, asking him to bring home dinner a few days a week and pick up after himself isn't too much to ask.

PS: Strict scheduling could be a key to saving your sanity. As in, at time X on day X, I will clean up the kitchen. Until then, I'm not touching a thing in there. As long as you can stick to it, it will keep you from running yourself ragged trying to clean up messes as they occur.

I feel for you, and if I were in your shoes, I'd probably be doing some pretty selfish things!

That's it! I'm in tears right now, my parents get home a few minutes ago and they're both cranky so I ask what's wrong (they had to go get their taxes done or whatever) and my moms like "well we're hungry." so I ask them why they just didn't pick something up on their way home and my dad says he doesn't know...but I can tell you exactly why, it's because they knew they could just have me make them something. So not 10 minutes later my mom calls me in the living room, they're both sitting on the couch watching TV and she asks me to heat her up lastnights dinner for my dad and heat her up some dip she asked me to make lastnight for her, so I say okay and go to do it and my moms like "I see all those dishes are still sitting there." I tell her I didn't have time because the baby woke up while they were gone and I had to feed her and change her and also take care of my other sister while trying to get other stuff together. She just sighs and then asks me to get them both more . I don't want you guys to get the wrong idea, my parents aren't horrible lazy people or anything, atleast I never thought that before... I just think they're taking advantage of me... and if I do try to say no, they make me feel bad or keep asking me (like a child would do)

This sounds pretty ridiculous to me...I don't understand why your Mom can't take care of the baby at all. Yes, I realize she had a c-section, but if she is healthy enough to leave the house and go wherever, she is well enough to help pick up a bit and to feed and care for the baby. I think they are taking advantage of you, and its really unfair. You need to sit down, and be very adult but very direct on how you feel about this situation, and find a way to get the house duties distributed more evenly.

That IS ridiculous. If she can get out of the house to go do the taxes 3 months before they're actually due, she has no excuse for not doing at least a little around the house. And obviously, so can your dad. Seems like you need to start putting your foot down, because you're being used. It's true that oldest children usually wind up with a lot of responsibility for the younger ones, but this is just nuts.

Sounds like school homework needs to come to your rescue, in a big way.

PS: Is she on maternity leave, or or does she stay home? either way, it sounds like she is taking the opportunity for a vacation from her normal responsibilities, and that's not what maternity leave is for. It's FOR bonding with your baby and recovering, and it doesn't sound like she's doing either of those.

DelicGrape::hug:

My advice: If you can, stay at a friends for two or three days. that'll learn 'em. If talking to them about it doesn't help, then dirct action is the best way. say you are leaving so they have time to bond with the baby and you need to concentrate on your schoolwork. noone, not even your parents, can take advantage of you without your permission.

hope it works out! take care. :elf:

You poor thing!

Hang in there kiddo, if you need some support, at least you can come here and get plenty of ehugs and encouragement.

I'm mentally inserting one of those head hug/pat things as my smilie thing has temporaily gone awol!

I was going to suggest sticking it out for at least a little while to help out your mum (having a young baby is very taxing on the body and the mind), but I wonder if she perhaps needs to at least acknowledge what you are doing.

Maybe going to your friends place to stay for a couple of days is a good idea. Just so your family can see what they are not currently noticing, i.e. how much you are doing.

But sit down and have a real serious talk to them first, tell them how you feel and explain logically why things need to change.

I know this may seem hard, but try not to get emotional. It's harsh, but it may be seen as a 'typical teenager' thing if you end up crying and/or yelling at them.

Keep your chin up!

We all go through really hard times in our lives, and it's wonderful that you are caring enough to take on these tasks.

Whatever you do, try to come out the other side with some dignity intact. You know you can always come here for words of comfort.

Wow, when I first started reading I was already to tell you to help out with your mom and stop complaining...but holy crap. I did a LOT of housework as a teen (dishes every day, at least 60% of the cleaning, laundry sometimes...looking after younger sibling), but my family weren't slobs. My Dad didn't do much around the house, but he didn't expect anyone to pick up his clothes off the floor.

I very much feel for all that you are doing. If things are so bad at your house, I wonder that your mother decided to have another child. What would happen if you stopped doing all the cleaning? Would you get in trouble? Would the house simply be a disgusting place?

I'm a Mom, and while I do have my daughter (8) do her share of household chores, I don't expect her to shoulder the burden. I try to promote team handling of the household situation...clean up after yourself, help me bring up the groceries, make dinner a few times a week. What you're having to do doesn't make sense? How old are you?

Hugs anyway, I don't know what advice to offer except hang in there. I know you won't be hanging around for a long time after you are of legal age to move.

B

I hope you are okay:) :hug:
I agree with everyone else, you should not have to be near a breakdown because fo your mother having a baby. If she can't do much of the housework, she really should get some help elsewhere, family, neighbours or paid help, whatever available. Having a new baby in the house will be stressfull for everyone else in the house, but this doesn't sound normal to me. I wouldn't move out immediately though, maybe after a few days everything will start to become less stressfull if your mother starts feeling better? I sure hope so. Try to hang out a bit more at friends places, it will relieve the tension for you a bit, and if you're not around, you're parents can't boss you around so maybe they will start cleaning themselves a bit more. And, don't clean up after your father, he can do that himself, and maybe he will if you stop doing it:) I really hope it works out for you!