Alright. I shouldn't post this but I'm PANICKING and I don't know what else to do. I'm really embarassed about this.
Lately I've been thinking about being romantic and sexual with a woman. And the more I thought about the whole thing the more I realized that I've had these kinds of thoughts for a long, long time- probably since I was 13 or so. I'm really interested in the idea of having sex with a woman and sometimes I look at particular females and think about them in a sexual way.
This is freaking me out. I am in a relationship with a guy, and I have been with him for over a year. I love him very, very much and we have worked through a lot of things together. We have also grown together sexually- he was a virgin when we began dating, and I was very shy, so its taken a lot of time to feel sexually compatible. Sometimes it clicks and its really hot, and sometimes its not as great, but I do love him. He's a great guy who accepts me pretty much unconditionally and loves me to pieces.
I feel like my thoughts about women are pretty persistant, but I wish they would go away. I cannot deal with the thought of breaking up with my boyfriend, who I deeply love- but I am afraid that if I really am gay, then someday that will have to be addressed. Its not like I can just go try having sex with a girl and see if I like it- that would be cheating.
I have no idea what to do. Its keeping me up at night, worrying.

OK, just take a minute, and breathe. Your sexuality is an issue you need to explore and deal with, but you don't need to figure it out RIGHT NOW, TONIGHT.

Second of all, I would avoid labeling yourself for a good while. Maybe you're gay. Maybe you're bisexual. Maybe you're straight. Personally I believe that most people, especially most women, are not ENTIRELY gay or ENTIRELY straight, but lean in one direction or the other.

If you have a great relationship with your boyfriend, enjoy that for what it is. It may not last forever. It may be a good thing for you to be single for a while at some point and explore other relationships with a variety of people.

You don't need to go out and DO something about this right now, but I think it would be good for you to keep talking about it and exploring your feelings. Can you talk to your boyfriend about this? What about a trusted friend? School counselor? Is there a gay-straight alliance at your school? They often have peer to peer counselors that can help you work with your feelings around this.

:hug: Dealing with this stuff can be hard, but I know you are strong and in touch with yourself, and you can do this.

Lots of people have thoughts about all sorts of things. Curiosity is natural. Some people believe that sexuality is fluid, and that at different times in your life, you can feel like you are in a different place, as far as your sexuality is concerned. Or you might be bisexual.

No one can tell you who you are.

Good luck, I hope you're able to sort things out. :)

Yes! j/k.

Are you attracted to people you know, or just people that you see casually?

If it's people you know, I once heard that the attraction could be based on the fact that you admire certain qualities that said person has.

I personally feel that questioning your sexuality is a good thing...like questioning your religion. So, don't freak out. Examine all the angles, and if you are gay, so what?!?!?! Cross that bridge when you come to it, but don't jump conclusions that will cause you to start freaking out.

Lately I've been thinking about being romantic and sexual with a woman.

I think about it all the time, doesn't mean I'm gay.

I beat you to it! :p

You're both insensitive...and greatly disturbed.

MollyGoat's post was great!

I think you might be making a mountain out of a mole hill. Personally I'm really sexually attracted to this one particular female friend I have, she is attracted to me, and we've had a few "encounters" of the drunken kind. My boyfriend is totally ok with it (ok, he encourages it, the perv :lol: ) and its not a big deal.

I'm way more attracted to my boyfriend, and men in general so I guess I just have "bi leanings" or something...I do listen to a lot of Indigo Girls though...Does that make me gay?

If you really are gay its not going to be a big deal, it just means you might get some help cleaning up the house when you get married, if you're bi then you just doubled your chances finding that special someone, and if you're straight then no fun talk with your parents. Its a win-win-win situation.

MollyGoat's post was great!

Ditto! She's a wise one :yes:

I'm attracted to women, myself. I've known about this for a long while now, so I'm comfortable with calling myself bi. But I remember that it was confusing and a little scary when I first realized it. Just remember that lots of people have worked through these same issues, there is always someone you can talk to if you need help or a reality check :)

Being in a relationship with your boyfriend, but being sexually attracted to women... Really, when you think about it, it's not any different from being attracted to other men... it's a common thing to be attracted to other people but it doesn't mean you're going to do anything about it. If that makes sense. I'm in a long term relationship with a man :love: and he knows I'm attracted to some women, but we have a lot of trust in each other, so it's all okay.

You've already got some good advice and everything you're saying sounds pretty normal to me. Try not to stress yourself out, it'll be alright. :sunny:

Thanks everyone. It was really bothering me, but mostly because I was thinking of it in terms of jeopardizing my relationship with my boyfriend. I realize now that you guys are right- I am sometimes attracted to other men, but I don't cheat on my boyfriend, so there isn't any reason why I have to do so because I am feeling these feelings for women. It makes a lot of sense.

MollyGoat's post was great!

Absotively. :D

I identify myself as being gay, but there are certain women that I do a double take on. It doesn't mean I want to ever sleep with them, but it comes close. I can certainly appreciate their beauty. I think that no matter what you are: straight, gay, bisexual, whatever..., that it is a gift. Use it in a responsible way. :)

:yes: to what Hummus! said.

Those are very beautiful words, hummus. :)

i have not read any of the other posts to this question. simply, i am writing a response from the first reading of the OP, and i'm sorry if there is redundancy.

first, i do not think that what you are feeling or even thinking is at all problematic. i believe that sexuality is varied and also very fluid. by this, i mean that people can be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or any other kind of sexual that you can concieve of. Some people may be only one, some people may be one only for a short time. Some people may be this or that, or identify as htis or that, and still have interest in another type altogether without ever acting on it, and that not acting on it not have any negative effect.

it is entirely possible that you are bisexual. it would seem that this is the case by your thoughts, but not necessarily by your actions. that is, you are acting in a heterosexual manner--which is perfectly appropriate as it alligns with your feelings--but your thoughts also include an attraction for women. This does not mean that you have to act on this attraction to fulfill your needs. You may discover that your needs are met through a heterosexual relationship. YOu may also discover that they are not, but this does not necessarily mean that you will have to end the relationship that you're in.

by this, i mean that many bisexual people have 'open' relationships in which they have a 'primary' relationship (heterosexual or homosexual) and then they also ahve a secondary relationship (heterosexual or homosexual) to help fulfill all of their sexual needs. Others use recreational sexual experiences--such as 'swinging'--to meet their sexual needs. But all parties are knowledgeable.

There is, of course, nothing wrong with having feelings or interests. While i percieve myself as and behave as a heterosexual woman--and i am happily married and all of that--that doesn't mean that i am not attracted to other men, or that in finding attraction to them, i seek to harm or leave my husband or that i have a need to leave him for these alternative sexual experiences with men. It is just in my mind, and as far as i can tell, it will stay there. Similarly, there are occassions when a desire for women has arisen--usually very specific women rather than a general longing for women, as i have a general longing for men--and this is also not a threat to my relationship with my husband, as i am happily with him and i do love him dearly. Our relationship is of great importance to me, and i do not need these other sexual relationships to feel fulfilled.

But, the real question then becomes what do i need to be fulfilled. I find that i don't need other sexual relationships--and neither does my husband. But, should either of us feel the need to act on our interests toward others, certainly we can discuss this--and because we take great interest in our relationship and maintaining that as well as our own emotional/sexual health, we will come to a process that works for both of us.

Truthfully, all you need to do now is consider how you feel and what you think it means. It may be that you are perfectly happy in this relationship--as i know many bisexual women who are happily married to men or happily coupled in lesbian relationships. While those who are married to men think of women, they do not act on it, as their needs are being met through their relationship. While those who are coupled in lesbian relationships think of men, they do not act on it as their needs are being met through their relationship.

What you are feeling isn't bad, wrong, and it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to abandon the relationship that you're in. That may be appropriate in the future, but it also may not be appropriate and may not come to pass. There's no reason to worry over it now, or ever for that matter, but simply to understand what you're feeling and what your needs are, and feel safe enough to communicate that with your sexual partner--no matter who that is. Because that, is a huge aspect of self knowledge, confidence, and intimacy.

You've already received lots of good advice on this, and my experience may be only 1/10th as helpful as the rest, but here goes...

When I was about 14 I remember freaking out because I was attracted to a girl (actually several) and I had a crying fit. I kept telling myself "I can't be a lesbian! I'm attracted to men! I was crazy about Jman and I have the hots for x, y, and z man! I CANT BE GAY!!!" For some reason I never even considered that I could be bi. It's like I didn't realize that possibility even existed. I came out as bi in my sophomore year of college, and I still haven't been involved with a woman.

I was shocked the first time I was attracted to a female. I talked to a friend about it and the same thing had happened to her and shes happily married. It turned out a lot of my female friends have had this happen. I haven't been with a woman but sometimes that attraction to one still happens. After finding out this was common with my friends I now believe this is pretty normal for women.

ditto what mollygoat said.

I remember feeling the way that you're describing, rainbowmoon. :hug:
Everyone's responses are awesome, so I'll just leave it at that. :D

Thanks everyone. It was really bothering me, but mostly because I was thinking of it in terms of jeopardizing my relationship with my boyfriend. I realize now that you guys are right- I am sometimes attracted to other men, but I don't cheat on my boyfriend, so there isn't any reason why I have to do so because I am feeling these feelings for women. It makes a lot of sense.

Looks like you already came to the conclusion I was going to try to lead you towards. :)

I'm glad you're happy with your boyfriend. Chances are, though, he's attracted to some women, too. Now you've just got one more thing in common. :D

Lol, Mskedi.

Thank you, everyone.
You are all so understanding and really helped me CALM DOWN, first of all, and just relax and think about things a little bit. I know that just because I feel attracted to women, that doesn't make me a lesbian- I guess I've felt this way for a long time and acknowledging it just really kinda freaked me out!

there's always the possibility of being bi. in which case you can still be with your bf. though it would only be fair to him that you be honest to him about it and take it from there.

Lol, Mskedi.

Thank you, everyone.
You are all so understanding and really helped me CALM DOWN, first of all, and just relax and think about things a little bit. I know that just because I feel attracted to women, that doesn't make me a lesbian- I guess I've felt this way for a long time and acknowledging it just really kinda freaked me out!

I was reading some material put out by the Kinsey Institute. They mentioned that the original Kinsey scale of 0 (completely heterosexual) to 6 (completely homosexual) was based on behavior only. Fantasies were not taken into account.

Since the time of the original Kinsey Reports, sex researchers have felt the need to look at other dimensions and factors, including sexual fantasies. And what they found was that homo-erotic fantasies are one of the most common types of sexual fantasies among heterosexuals.

That surprised me, but there you have it. So, for a woman to feel attracted to another woman, or even to fantasize a sexual encounter with that other woman, is a fairly common fantasy among heterosexual women, according to the Kinsey Institute research.

Keep in mind your love for your boyfriend, your investment in him, his worth to you, and that guys or gals can come strolling across the screen of your mind no matter who you are. Don't mean you have to invite them in for coffee, don't cha' know?
Mom