Ok... I went on a first date last night. The guy seemed really sweet, v. intelligent, good job, non-drinker, non-smoker, fit, cute etc. As the night goes on I realise he's from a quite traditional European family so if feel obliged to tell him I'm vegan (I know how badly my trad Italian relatives reacted!). The obviously shocked responce..."But you seemed so normal!".

Apparently in his culture there's no word for vegetarian, they love whole animal spits, and he would DIE without meat.

But he messaged today and wants to see me again.

The question is:
If a person responds like this to begin with does it ever get better, or will they always want you to normalise yourself?

If you like him and he respects your veganism, go another another date. You might open his mind or at least get him to the point where he can realize someone can be vegan and 'normal.' My husband was an omni, huge fan of dead cow, when we met but he respected my vegetarianism from the start and, over time, he became aware and went vegetarian almost 5 years ago and vegan almost 4 years ago. He had told me when we first met that he will never be vegetarian because he liked dead animal too much and that if I went vegan (I had expressed a desire to), he didn't think he could stay with me because that was too "radical."

You just never know...

I think a lot of people have some sort of stereotypical extremist vegan in their head, and have probably never (knowingly!) met one before. At least he thinks you're 'normal' ;)

If you like him, you should meet him again.

If you're worried that he'll try to 'normalise' you, you should talk to him about it. Some people just don't understand, and if you tell him what your lifestyle entails, then he'll know that you are, in fact, normal (well, probably, I don't know you!).

Good luck!

Well I know when I went veg I got into alot of arguements with my bf, but now he lives with me and my parents, and he happily eats my vegan food, fully supports my beliefs, and is willing to eat all-vegan food when we get our own apartment (but he can still order non-vegan food or eat it at a resteraunt if he wants to).

It may be different in your case though because when I went vegetarian, then vegan, we had already been dating for about 2.5 years and already deeply in love, so that may have helped me.

It all depends on who this guy is. If he doesn't respect your lifestyle and tries to change you ("normalize you"), I don't think he's really worth it. But he may change his mind about vegetarianism the more he learns about it and the more time he spends with you.

I see two scenarios.

1. The fact that he wants to see you again means that he's more open-minded than you thought. You continue to date him, and insist on taking him to a veg*an restaurant, where he sees lots of other "normal" looking people eating delicious meals, until he slowly realizes that it's ok to survive without meat.

2. First impressions don't lie. He will never change, regardless of what you do or say, and you'll be stuck in a bad relationship for as long as the two of you are together. Personally, I see his reaction as a warning sign that you should run like hell from this guy.

2. First impressions don't lie. He will never change, regardless of what you do or say, and you'll be stuck in a bad relationship for as long as the two of you are together. Personally, I see his reaction as a warning sign that you should run like hell from this guy.

I disagree. A lot of people are taken aback when I tell them I don't eat any animal products. I don't think being shocked that someone is vegan is a warning sign, especially when veganism is unknown of in his culture.

If he tries to force a steak down her throat, that would be a warning sign.

I think the most worrying thing is that I gave him the impression I was normal... How F##### boring!

I think the most worrying thing is that I gave him the impression I was normal... How F##### boring!

:lol:

My advice : with the next guy you date for the first time, try not to seem so normal.

:p

(what traditional culture is he from exactly ?)

I wouldn't go out with him again if I were you. Even though he may have been taken aback, he still treated you disrespectfully by criticizing your beliefs like that. He will most likely continue to do so and probably try to persuade you to be "normal". Do you really want to date someone who's so devoted to meat?

But if you do like him and want to pursue a relationship, you could talk to him about respecting and accepting your beliefs. If he can't comply, drop him.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander!
How accepting are you of his beliefs and values? Don't we all carry stereotypes in our heads?
As a former ANTI-veggie, I am living proof that yes, people can change 180, but not overnight, and only if they want to.
I'd say date him, downplay your veganism in conversation, i.e. treat veganism as normal, (don't be strident; it's just not effective) and most importantly LIVE your beliefs, and be a "normal" living shining example. (which I'm sure you are already, anyway).
He may surprise you. Don't write him off just because he had a stereotype of vegans in his head; just go ahead and prove the stereotype wrong. That way, even if it doesn't work out, for whatever reason, you will have broken the stereotype.

I think when my current bf first found out he was confused, mostly. Like, he didn't know what to do dating a vegetarian. Now, while he still isn't planning on going vegetarian at any point in time, he brought up that if we moved in together (not planning on it anytime soon), he'd be eating vegetarian at home cause he doesn't cook, and he didn't seem bothered by the thought.

Give him another chance. If he isn't respectful to your food choices then you can assess that after the next date. I think it really is hard for meat eaters to understand vegetarians/vegans at times, especially if they come from a meat eating culture. Perhaps explain why you are vegan? But don't lecture him about it. Just because he isn't vegan doesn't mean it can't work.

Go on another date with him. He might have been a little shocked at first. But, now he obviously thought about it. If you were like him you would be shocked to at first if the person you were dating was vegan wouldnt you? That would probably one of your first reactions also.

I say go for it if that's your only reservation about him.

I've been looking at this all wrong!

I've been treating dating non-veg#ns as a problem, but I should see it as a challange

THE CHALLENGE:

- to be the best damn vegan I can be

BY:

- never saying I can't have something, instead saying I don't want it
- making the effort to call his favourite non-veg restaurants to organise a vegan feast for me, so we can enjoy a meal there together
- learning how to veganise dishes he's familiar with.
- taking vegan versions of entertaining foods & drinks with me if I get invited to parties with his family/friend (eg... wine, dips and biscuits) so they don't spend the whole night asking/annoying him about me not eating.
- not bitching about how difficult society makes it to be vegan.
you get the point....

I have to make it all seem too easy.

Thanks, guess I better go and reply to his message now ;)

Ooo- have yuo gone out again yet? How did it go? Glad you decided to message him back :)

I've been looking at this all wrong!

I've been treating dating non-veg#ns as a problem, but I should see it as a challange

THE CHALLENGE:

- to be the best damn vegan I can be

BY:

- never saying I can't have something, instead saying I don't want it
- making the effort to call his favourite non-veg restaurants to organise a vegan feast for me, so we can enjoy a meal there together
- learning how to veganise dishes he's familiar with.
- taking vegan versions of entertaining foods & drinks with me if I get invited to parties with his family/friend (eg... wine, dips and biscuits) so they don't spend the whole night asking/annoying him about me not eating.
- not bitching about how difficult society makes it to be vegan.
you get the point....

I have to make it all seem too easy.

Thanks, guess I better go and reply to his message now ;)

Now you're gettin' it! :yes: