I've been thinking about this a bit lately after meeting a friend's husband and discovering just how insanely different they are. They don't agree on politics, movies, much of anything. Yet they seem to be quite happy together.

So, how similar are you and your s.o.? Do opposites really attract, or is that just some Hollywood-propagated myth?

<<<thinks upon her own question. :)

Kirk and I tend to agree in terms of politics, and we have similar taste in films and such. He's more cerebral and I'm more intuitive/creative; he gets very passionate in arguments where I tend to just say to myself "I know I'm right and that's all that matters," and refuse to argue... :p I'd say I'm a lot more serene and he's definitely more of a worrier.

But for all that, I think we're more alike than different. We're both total dorks. We both have an appreciation for the absurd and surreal. We both love traveling and seeing new places, appreciate nature and science, get silly over kittens... :)

IME, nay.

ebola

Yes I do think opposites attract. For me anyways and then I got divorced.:stinkeye: We were total opposite on so much. Then I married someone who acts the same as me, shares a lot of the same things, views, humor, etc. So much better.:)

Well, we're somewhere in the middle, I guess. We are aligned on our political and spiritual views, we have the same taste in movies, same sense of humor, are both homebodies, both vegetarian, interested in the same topics of conversation, we both love animals and pets, we both want kids someday, we both want to travel, we have the same taste in house decor, overlapping musical taste, both sloppy...but there are big differences, of course; he's into working out and physical activity and I am more of a lazybones, he's into science whereas it makes my eyes glaze over, I am more excitable, intense and moody where he is more easygoing, I am quick to react while he likes to think things through....

I can't imagine living with someone who was the opposite of me in all those ways. Values, politics, lifestyle, etc are really important to me, and it would be pretty impossible for me to have a partner I couldn't share those with. I don't know how some people can do that!

There's definitely areas where we're different and I think those areas compliment each other nicely...

However, we share so many of the same points-of-view and interests and beliefs... like Mollygoat said, I can't imagine having a partner whos values and lifestyle were completely opposite.

I love the things we have in common!!

I think so, yes. With my current bf, in personality we're the opposite, in political views he's a hardcore anarchist whereas I'm not sure, in diet we're different (although he can appreciate veganism from an anarchist perspective!). But we do share interests and some beliefs too, such as on religion. So whilst we are very different, we get along well. I find that I can learn from how he acts in certain situations, I love being with him - he's crazy and different from me. I would hate to be with someone like me, it would be too boring.

I think opposites definitely attract. Whether or not that is good for the long term is another story. I'm sure there a bizzillion situations that would confirm/negate this, but IMO I would think having things in common would be better long term. I have been married for 31 years and am just realizing, now that the kids are grown, that we sooooo different, it's pathetic and it is definitely an issue. I think it also depends on how two people interact and how their communication skills are. If you have an open loving relationship then I wouldn't think the differences would matter much. My husband hasn't said a word since day one. So, I guess I was pretty blinded back then.

Yes, opposites attract and can have tons of passion, but when it comes down to it.... I think that's all it amounts to. Physical attraction. For a more intimate and deeper connection I think you have to beliefs and desires in common. You have to want to grow together and not compete for power. As much as none of us want to admit it, one day we will have no sex drive (male and female) there has to be something there besides the sex.

I've been thinking heaps about compatibility lately as well. I've always dated guys very different from myself (they tend to be fitness fanatics, hardcore carnivores, right wing...). My friends find it funny to accuse me of "grass rooting" (a really wrong term we have for dating someone who we hope to one day convert to our way of thinking... bad bad bad).

But I don't see that there's much of an alternative to dating opposites. It's not like there's many vegetarians, let alone vegans, where I live. It would be great to meet the person who perfectly fits my exhaustive list (veg*n, non-smoker, intelligent........) but I’ve never met one, and what are the chances we would click anyway.

maybe its more important to have compatible goals (the big things like marriage, children, careers etc) in life rather than ways of thinking or personality…

My b/f and I are in the middle, but where we're different we compliment each other well, for instance I'm really into making him eat healthy and hes really into making me get up off my ass and exercise.

My dh and me are different in some ways- he's laid back, I'm frenzied, he's in steady work but I'm in and out of jobs. I fuss around the house, he couldn't care less. But our values are the same and our sense of humour. I'm vegan, he's not. Yin and Yang maybe.

I think opposites definitely attract. Whether or not that is good for the long term is another story.

Ah..see that's what interested me with my coworker and her husband. I've seen couples (dating couples) who seemed to be total opposites, but never anything long term.

The personality types thread had me thinking about this too, as Karl and I scored, well, quite differently. :) He's a thinker, I'm a feeler. He weighs the facts, I go with my gut.

We have differences, especially re: music and movies :rolleyes:, but I can imagine being with someone where we didn't agree on some "core" beliefs.

I vote Nay for longterm.

Most definitely nay.

I've never been attracted to someone who was completely different from me. I've only been attracted to people who have a similar sense of humor, political and ethical views, interests, etc. That being said, some difference is good.

Things I have in common with my S.O.: goofy sense of humor, laid-back attitude, love of kitties, love of hiking and other outdoors activities, love of brown rice and veggies, liberal political views, some similarities in movie and music tastes, similar intelligence and educational level

Things we don't have in common: I'm vegan, he's omni (although not the steak-and-potatoes type--he often eats veg); I'm more knowledgeable about literature and the arts, he's more knowledgeable about science, history and computers; he likes stupid Jim Carey and Rob Schneider comedies while I loathe them; he prefers reading non-fiction, I prefer fiction; I'm itching to have a baby, he's extremely unsure

Of course there are other differences, but nothing I can't live with except for that last one. I'm working on him though...

Nope, not at all.

In general, I'd vote nay as well. I think that thebelovedtree made a good point in saying that there are times when a couple's differences can compliment one another, etc. Things like music, movies and books are such an important thing in my life that I think it would be difficult to have a lasting relationship with someone who didn't enjoy them as well. I am not very political, so that area wouldn't be as crucial for me. I am spiritual, but not really religious, and I am not so concerned about a partner's beliefs in that area- they are welcome to believe/not believe and practice/not practice as they see fit. It's a personal thing with me.

In general, I think it's important to have things in common to make things work on a long-term level.

I've been thinking a lot about this as well. I've been dating a man who is my opposite in a lot of ways, not to mention he's 9 years older than me.
I tried to break it off with him, and I actually went out on a few dates with a guy who I seem to have much more in common with- but... i couldn't stop thinking about my opposite man. After many, many 5 hour long conversations, delving into topics that we had not even discussed previously, we discovered we have more in common than I originally thought! (In terms of spirituality, thoughts about family, love etc). I've come to realise that our opposites are complementary, and what we have in common is deeper than what kind of food we eat, or what kind of books we read.

I guess I'll find out what happens over the long term!

We have differences, especially re: music and movies :rolleyes:
Hey, don't forget when we watched Serendipity, and I didn't fall asleep! I think that amounts to something :)

As for The Abyss, well, I promise to watch it again. I might have to shout sarcastic remarks about the lame alien sea monsters, though :D

Hey, don't forget when we watched Serendipity, and I didn't fall asleep! I think that amounts to something :)

You definitely get props for that in my book. I have tried on more than one occassion to get my bf to watch Much Ado About Nothing, it's been 5 years and he's still never managed to see it once! So you are definitely doing well. :wayne:

edited because i'm a tard who doesn't know how to write down thoughts clearly.

When it comes to more obvious, superficial things like politics and taste in music, I don't think I'm necessarily attracted to my opposite. Though I may be to someone who has certain character traits which contrast and complement mine. For example a guy who is very level-headed and sure of himself and more extroverted than I may be.

I have no SO, but I don't see me lasting very long with someone who is my opposite, or even being attracted to them!

But then at the same time, I was going out with a guy who I have EVERYTHING in common with, but it only lasted a week because he was too much of a friend... so I dont know if that's connected or not.. but yeah!

Opposites definitely attract, but I think that a lot of the differences can merge and even disappear over time.
i've known my boyfriend for over two years, but we've only been together as of very recently.
he's the hardcore carnivore type, extreme leftist, and when I first met him, listened to a lot of black metal and hardcore (punk, that is.)
and I was sortof a right-winged kid then, I still CANNOT BELIEVE that I was a bit happy when Bush won the election. I was to stab that version of myself in the eye. but as fate/luck/something else would have it, talking to him (and becoming more vegan) completely changed my political views (thank god!) and even though he could never be a vegetarian, he is completely okay with veganism, just as long as no one trys to convert him. (he'd have to make the decision all on his own, he says) as for music, let's just say we have very ecclectic tastes at this point.

I think it truly depends on what you call opposites.. I think often folks are attracted to people out of their sociological group, and it might look opposite, but if the core beliefs are similar, it might only be a matter of spiritual or emotional evolution. Music tastes can change, heck even vegi-status can change. I wasn't always one.But a key to any success is open honest communication. If you have that from the beginning, you have a better chance than twinkie-buddies who only talk of superficial things they agree on.
*wonders if he could possibly be more level headed and sure of himself-heh*