my mom saw my legs yesterday night.
she said my thighs look a lot better, normal almost.
and she said i need to gain only 10 more lbs (to put me at "85 lbs", but it would really be more like 82 - 83 lbs.)

My dad hugged me and said I look more human now, that I feel like a real body.
I told him I weighed 75 lbs (at 60.5 inches tall), he was kind of shocked. But then he said, "Well you LOOK good."

I actually weigh about 73 lbs.
Crap, that means I look like I weigh more than I actually do.
But anyway, see, even my parents think I need to only gain 10 more pounds, it's not in my imagination......I am big now.

I was right to stop the Ensures.

I just ate a 900 calorie breakfast :\ that is too many calories for a person who needs to only gain 10 more lbs.

I'm going to have to stop eating so many calories in one sitting, otherwise I'm going to end up gaining past those 10 lbs, I'll end up gaining 20 - 30 more (which may put be at 103 lbs!! noooo. if I look good NOW, at this weight, I'd look terrible at 103.)

The weird thing is, I probably won't even have my period at 10 more lbs.
I don't think I had my period since I was 86 lbs or so.
But I already look NORMAL, how can I possibly gain up to 103 lbs (a "healthy" weight)?!? I would look too big.

You need to stop second guessing yourself or your disorder is going to take hold of you again. 80-something pounds is NOT a healthy appropriate weight for anyone above elementary school age. Your parents are trying to be supportive, not telling you that you need to stop gaining. 'Looking human' does not mean you're healthy and can quit the recovery process. Continue eating plenty of food and drinking those ensures until your doctor or an ED specialist tells you to stop.

You would look great at 103 pounds... more even. I looked like a skeleton when I weighed 103 pounds (at 67 inches). You will NOT be heavy at that weight, not at all!! Eat what you need to eat and put on the weight you need and stop listening to the bad thoughts. You know what you need to do.

"I actually weigh about 73 lbs.
Crap, that means I look like I weigh more than I actually do."

I don't think you should stress about this. Can you look at someone and guess exactly how much they weigh? It's hard. Also, most people will say a number ending in 0 or 5. :)

I agree with the others, you should be shooting for at least 100lbs.

You need to stop second guessing yourself or your disorder is going to take hold of you again. 80-something pounds is NOT a healthy appropriate weight for anyone above elementary school age. Your parents are trying to be supportive, not telling you that you need to stop gaining. 'Looking human' does not mean you're healthy and can quit the recovery process. Continue eating plenty of food and drinking those ensures until your doctor or an ED specialist tells you to stop.

Listen to Jinga. She's 100% on the money! And Meatless too. They're smart women.

It sounds like your letting your disorder start to get the better of you. 103 pounds would be wonderful for you. Don't let that self doubt kick in or you could wind up even sicker. We all want to keep you around for a while!

you would look beautiful regardless of your weight, honey.

why? because you are an AMAZING person. your parents aren't telling you that you look great because they want you to stop gaining weight. on the contrary, they are telling you that because they want you to know that you look HEALTHIER now - they're trying to be encouraging. If you are finding this to be triggering, why don't you sit down and be frank with them - tell them what you are struggling with and how comments like that, while intended to help you and be encouraging, aren't being helpful at all..

i agree with meatless and jinga, keep drinking the ensures and eating normally and be the healthy, lively young woman we all know you can be and ARE! //hugs\\

I think that if you're comparing how you look now to how you looked 10 lbs ago, then yes, you probably look a lot healthier now. 85 lbs is NOT a healthy weight for a 5 ft tall adult female. 103 lbs would still be quite thin but much closer to healthy. Do you even get your period now? Women tend to need to be over 100 lbs to get their periods.

I think that if you're comparing how you look now to how you looked 10 lbs ago, then yes, you probably look a lot healthier now. 85 lbs is NOT a healthy weight for a 5 ft tall adult female. 103 lbs would still be quite thin but much closer to healthy. Do you even get your period now? Women tend to need to be over 100 lbs to get their periods.

No I don't menstruate anymore. :\ haven't since 2004, I think.

Anyway....I talked to my mom.
Turns out that you were all correct.
She meant I look better COMPARED to how I used to look. And that I still need to gain a lot more to be healthy and look healthy.

Thanks for the replies everyone :) :sweat:

Wishing you the best. You need some more weight.

No I don't menstruate anymore. :\ haven't since 2004, I think.

Anyway....I talked to my mom.
Turns out that you were all correct.
She meant I look better COMPARED to how I used to look. And that I still need to gain a lot more to be healthy and look healthy.

Thanks for the replies everyone :) :sweat:

I agree with your mom. You're doing very well...but you still have a long way to go. Just know that you have a lot of people here to support you, and if you need anything at all, feel free to PM me.

No matter what you look like on the outside, we're all here to support and respect you for who you are...not how much you weigh. :rockon:

Blue, you are totally headed in the right direction - hang in there. Your food posts have been really good, i've enjoyed reading them. Keep up the good work.

No I don't menstruate anymore. :\ haven't since 2004, I think.

Anyway....I talked to my mom.
Turns out that you were all correct.
She meant I look better COMPARED to how I used to look. And that I still need to gain a lot more to be healthy and look healthy.

Thanks for the replies everyone :) :sweat:

You can use your period of a gauge of how healthy you are. Healthy female of something close to an appropriate weight (as in slightly underweight or above) will get a period on a regular basis. If you aren't, then its a pretty obvious sign that you still don't weigh enough and you aren't healthy yet. Its usually best to forget what the scale says and listen to what your body is saying.

my mom saw my legs yesterday night.
she said my thighs look a lot better, normal almost.
and she said i need to gain only 10 more lbs (to put me at "85 lbs", but it would really be more like 82 - 83 lbs.)

My dad hugged me and said I look more human now, that I feel like a real body.
I told him I weighed 75 lbs (at 60.5 inches tall), he was kind of shocked. But then he said, "Well you LOOK good."

I actually weigh about 73 lbs.
Crap, that means I look like I weigh more than I actually do.
But anyway, see, even my parents think I need to only gain 10 more pounds, it's not in my imagination......I am big now.

I was right to stop the Ensures.

I just ate a 900 calorie breakfast :\ that is too many calories for a person who needs to only gain 10 more lbs.

I'm going to have to stop eating so many calories in one sitting, otherwise I'm going to end up gaining past those 10 lbs, I'll end up gaining 20 - 30 more (which may put be at 103 lbs!! noooo. if I look good NOW, at this weight, I'd look terrible at 103.)

The weird thing is, I probably won't even have my period at 10 more lbs.
I don't think I had my period since I was 86 lbs or so.
But I already look NORMAL, how can I possibly gain up to 103 lbs (a "healthy" weight)?!? I would look too big.


Wow, sweety eat some food! :) If you eat dairy, try Yoplait Smoothie drinks instead of Ensure.

You need to take care of yourself. You only get one body, take care of it and eat.

I'm 5'1 -5'1 and a half.

How much am I suppose to weigh? i'm overweight now. I think I look good like this, my guy likes it, haha, but I would to be healthy. I figure that ya try to be healthy first and then the weight will come off second. :)

Oh, to the OP, girl 103 is good because you said you're 5'. So, that's good for her I guess? Now if I was 103, I would be afraid of myself. Haha. That's to little for me. I'd like to be 135 or 140. :)

this is in response to the period comments.

When I went to boot camp the RDC's (people in charge) told us women that some of us wouldn't have periods the entire time at boot camp due to stress levels and whatnot, as well as due to weightloss.

I lost an incredible amount of weight in a short time, went below 100 pounds, and was eating like a horse. My typical weight when I run 5-9 miles daily and eat normal is about 110-115, so this was not due to physical activity.

In boot camp, regardless of my weight, I had my period. But I think in my entire life the only time I missed a period was when I was pregnant. X_X

From what I've read, working out excessively, changing eating habits, etc, are bigger causes to not having periods than body weight itself. It's typically based on the stresses being put on the body moreso than anything else. Anything less than a 1000 calorie diet may trigger periods to be *nonexistant*

a healthy diet would consist of at least 1000-1500 in calories. If you are not asian (this is not a hit on anyone, their bone structures are much smaller and they actually are healthy and have periods at insanely low weights), your bone structure may be too large for your weight to be "normal" at 85-95 pounds.

for 5 feet tall, you should be between 100-105, so trying to work on being 103 is right on target. When you get to that point, just work out a caloric intake that keeps you steady at that weight, and maybe see someone regarding the ED.

Good luck ^_^