What's up with men lately, not to offend any males out there. It seems since I've left my fiance and now everyone wants to get down my pants and when they do it's over before it began, I try and try and I seem to get know where. Don't get me wrong, I've waited with some and it seems like that's all they want, I happen to be very pretty or very cute and I'm starting to get a huge complex about myself like I'm not good enough for anything except sex. I'm feeling really low and down on myself and I live with my ex's relatives and I feel like such a bigger loser (I'm turning 34 on Jan 27th), I'm very upset and I really need some help here, I don't know what to do or where to turn and I feel strangers are my best option at the moment, I would really love some advice here, so I would love if you could e-mail me at my address as there days I read it more ofter, the address is: ayo_n_ola@hotmail.com

Welcome to the male species. A whole breed of their own.:p

You will find that there are as many women like that as well.

I've never had a problem finding men not like that, though.

Women are like that too. I know that I'm one of them. I find myself wanting sex more that my boyfriend. He fine with it 3 times a week, but I find myself wanting everyday.

I'm sorry to hear that the men you're encountering are like that. Don't give up, though. There are many men who are not all about sex (just like there are many women who are all about sex). You've just had a bad run of coincidences.

Maybe you're picking the wrong kind of guy.

Yes I am male and I like sex and yes men want sex but I am going in a different direction with this one. It sounds like you are really down. You and your fiancée are no longer are engaged, you are living with his relatives and you are feeling like the only thing you are good for is sex. Don’t take this the wrong way as I am not meaning to say this is your fault. Some men have radar for things like that and will take advantage of it. Perhaps the time is not right for a relationship and you want to focus on you and feeling better about yourself. Once you are you might find a man who though will still want to have sex with you but will see you as more then a sex object.

I agree with Magnus. I've met plenty of guys who only wanted me for sex. When all I wanted was someone to comfort me, men would be trying to turn innocent hugs into something sexual. They wanted to take advantage of my loneliness/depression, and some of them succeeded...and I definately did begin to feel like sex was the only important thing about me and everything else about me was worthless. Those men preyed on lonely women. I wish I could give advice, but I myself have sort of given up on men for now. But I do see where you are coming from, if that helps you feel any better.

Some men have radar for things like that and will take advantage of it.

Yep. A lot of men target insecure women, and it isn't for marriage.

Women are like that too. I know that I'm one of them. I find myself wanting sex more that my boyfriend. He fine with it 3 times a week, but I find myself wanting everyday.

Ditto.

Some men have radar for things like that and will take advantage of it. Perhaps the time is not right for a relationship and you want to focus on you and feeling better about yourself. Once you are you might find a man who though will still want to have sex with you but will see you as more then a sex object.
I agree. I've never had a probelm avoiding men like that because as soon as I get any sign of lack of respect, any sign that they aren't interested in *me*, I am completely turned off and I make it clear I'm not interested any more.

Perhaps you need to be open to reading the signals guys are giving off as well as the signals you are giving off early on. I try to do activities with people I am getting to know which would discourage people not interested in me such as talking on the phone about intellectual or philosophical issues, going to museums and discussing what's there, etc. If the guy doesn't seem to care about my thoughts or show genuine interest in these kinds of activities, I'm no longer interested. But a guy who just wanted sex might not hang in very long anyhow.

You need to find a new source for meeting people. There are lots of good guys out there.

Nice to hear I'm not the only one. Speaking of which. Just kidding.:hump:

This may sound harsh, but are you dressing in a way that encourages men interested in only sex? Guys have to control thier own behavior just like we have to control ours, but if you're unintentionally sending a message that you're "easy", you'll attract the wrong kind of man.

Here's a quote I like (despite the fact that we don't kill fish): what kind of fish you catch depends on what you're using for bait.

and how, exactly, are women supposed to dress? baggy clothes? burqas?

Um... This might be a little off topic, but smokin'veggie what are you wearing right now?

Um... This might be a little off topic, but smokin'veggie what are you wearing right now?

:lol:

Did it ever occur to you to maybe quit sleeping with them? It sounds like you need to take out some time for yourself. You'll have to be happy and secure with yourself before you can be any of those things with someone else. Focus on other things...like getting an apartment or maybe a better job, or just taking better care of yourself. Men who want woman who are dependent and (sorry) easy, aren't usually the kind of men who want a long term relationship.

Good advice, DG.

You need to learn to love yourself. You never know when someone good is going to come along - why waste all your time waiting for the right guy when you can give yourself everything you need? Get up on your feet first. Treat yourself to a nice dinner, go out with your friends, have fun. Take care of yourself, respect yourself, and you'll attract the right kind of guy - but at that point, it doesn't matter too much anyway. :p

This may sound harsh, but are you dressing in a way that encourages men interested in only sex? Guys have to control thier own behavior just like we have to control ours, but if you're unintentionally sending a message that you're "easy", you'll attract the wrong kind of man.

Here's a quote I like (despite the fact that we don't kill fish): what kind of fish you catch depends on what you're using for bait.

Perhaps having a relationship with a man shouldn't be compared to catching a fish. I don't want someone that I have to "bait". "Catching" someone conjures up the most insulting stereotypes of women out to ensare a husband. :no:

As far as what clothes you wear, I'm with Amy on this one. Continue this line of thinking and pretty soon, it's okay for "slutty" women to be raped.

Maybe you're picking the wrong kind of guy.
I don't know the OP, but it's certainly possible. Some women enable that sort of behavior, so the guys get away with it.

I don't know the OP, but it's certainly possible. Some women enable that sort of behavior, so the guys get away with it.

This is so true. This was me when I was much younger. I equated sex with someone actually liking ME. Wasn't always the case.

Is there any relationship between clothing that women wear (or the preferred sex, as the case may be) and risk of sexual assault? Since most rape victims are raped by someone they know, if there is a correlation, I would guess that it was the sort of clothing the victim generally wore, not what s/he was wearing at the time of the rape.

And, correlation is not causation. Important to note.

http://www.crisiscenter.org/RapeMythesFacts.htm

Myth #20. Women provoke rape by the way they dress or flirt.
Fact: There is no correlation between who is raped and the clothes they are wearing or flirtatious behavior. A man may justify rape by pointing to the woman's behavior, but this is purely an excuse. It is cruel irony in our society that we encourage women to be sexually attractive and seductive but if they are raped, they are blamed for the other person's violent act.

ETA: I think this is related as well...

Myth #4. Real rapes are only committed by strangers.

Fact: As many as 80% of the victims will know their attacker. (National Victims' Center -Now called National Center for Victims of Crime - Infolink 0001)

I would have to say since I have been through a similar situation that you should take some time for yourself and then date again....

I tried dating right away also and it did not work for whatever reason and then I realised I was not ready to date yet. Maybe this is the case with you. I see what people are and are not now and I don't think "Oh he can chnage" or anything like that anymore as most people really don't. If someone is displaying behavoirs that they only want sex or they are heavily into alcohol then let them go. I think that when the right person comes along they will find you and I was "trying to be with someone" as I was so acustomed to being in a relationship and now I enjoy being by myself and "being me" if that makes sense.

I hope this helps and take care.
Shannon

As far as what clothes you wear, I'm with Amy on this one. Continue this line of thinking and pretty soon, it's okay for "slutty" women to be raped.

I don't quite know how to express my disagreement with this statement. I certainly don't think it's okay for "slutty" women to be raped. Nor do I think that a woman should be judged by what she wears. However, the simple fact is, appearances do count for something.

I think that if a woman dresses like a hooker, she's going to have a hard time finding men who respect her. Whether it should be that way or not is not really the issue at hand.

Plain and simple, if I walk into a bar with my boobs spilling out of my shirt and my butt cheeks hanging out of my shirt with my thong showing from the top, chances are that any man who approaches me isn't interested in my brain.

I'd like to point out as well that there's a difference between dressing sexy and dressing slutty. Think Britney Spears v. Christina Aguilera.

One last point...a woman needs to respect herself before anybody else is going to treat her with respect. The more that you believe in your own value, the less creeps you're going to attract. :hug:

I'd like to point out as well that there's a difference between dressing sexy and dressing slutty. Think Britney Spears v. Christina Aguilera.
:confused: They both seem slutty to me.