Okay hard to say. My husband has a lot of debt. Mostly in credit cards. I quit my job 3 months ago or so, and it starting to show the lack of income.

He always robs Peter to pay Paul. I am one person that hates debt. So we are having some financial situations right now. I think he wants me to get a part time job to help him get ahead of all his credit card bills and debt. My name is not on one of them. He just took out a loan to fix up his 67 Mustang that is his baby. What is with men and cars?:p

Now last night we sat down and talked for a few about our goals and bills. His bills that he spent behind my back. I am not mad at him, I love my hubby, this is just a down-side that we have.

So here is the deal. We have 50/50 custody of his daughter. My husband works crazy hours because he is a manager. So I am the one that takes care of her the most. Picks her up and drives her to school, here for her when her dad it at work, etc, plus my own kids.

I do not have a problem getting a part time job at all, but then he tells me not to work evenings or weekends, because he likes me here. I am like, the only part time jobs around here would be that. Plus we would have to find a sister and that would defeat the whole purpose.

Plus, I have no direction in my life for even trying to find a job. I feel like I should help out more when it comes to the finances and such, and I always have for the last two years, but I feel like a do a lot right now. Now he is talking about wanted to buy a bigger house. Ya right!

I just do not feel that I should have to go to work for his debt that he had before me and with me now, that he still pays for and still spends, money that we do not have. Am I selfish? We are both happy and in love, this is just a strong hold in our marriage.

Okay, please be nice.:D Any advice? I am not cutting my hubby down at all, just not sure what to do and what would be right. Hope this made sense. Okay, now vent on whoever!

I am no financial wizard (I earn & give it all to my wife as I am bad with money).
Have you considered consulting one of the finacial experts in debt reconciliation?
I have heard of some where all your debts are rolled into one & it works out cheaper than paying lots of different debts. May be worthwhiile as every little helps in a tight situation.
Maybe hubby needs to rethink his priorities (no offence) but I would not be spending on a car (unless he needs to for transport reasons - personally I hate cars but have to have one for work & it is a messy disgrace but gets me there & back & that's all I need) or even thinking about a bigger house till my debt was resolved.
I don't know your situation, I just hope it all works out well for you...

I am no financial wizard (I earn & give it all to my wife as I am bad with money).
Have you considered consulting one of the finacial experts in debt reconciliation?
I have heard of some where all your debts are rolled into one & it works out cheaper than paying lots of different debts. May be worthwhiile as every little helps in a tight situation.
Maybe hubby needs to rethink his priorities (no offence) but I would not be spending on a car (unless he needs to for transport reasons - personally I hate cars but have to have one for work & it is a messy disgrace but gets me there & back & that's all I need) or even thinking about a bigger house till my debt was resolved.
I don't know your situation, I just hope it all works out well for you...

Hey, how are ya? Yes we just refinanced the house and some other things, and it only helped a little. He is still upside down and stuff, even doing all of that. If he does not get his big bonus next year, it will be mommy and daddy belling him out or bankrupcy on him. My fica score is 720 and that is darn good!

I have no advice but just wanted to say that I don't think you're selfish. If I were in your situation I wouldn't want to pay off someone else's debt either. I believe that that people should solve their own problems. That's they only way they'll learn.

I have no advice but just wanted to say that I don't think you're selfish. If I were in your situation I wouldn't want to pay off someone else's debt either. I believe that that people should solve their own problems. That's they only way they'll learn.

That is how I feel too. I worked and helped him pay a lot, but now I do not feel like I should have this extra pressure on our marriage as for me "picking up on his slack that he chose to do."

Your hubby wants you to get a part time job but not in the evenings or weekends? Is this because he will miss you or because you will not be available to look after hubby the kids & he doesn't want to? (sorry not trying to be cynical, just my suspicions were raised when I read this).
I agree that you should not have to work to pay off his debt, however, when you're married you surely share your life fully for better or worse & that includes finances too.
Only you know what's right for you. I honestly hope it all comes good for you both.

PS what is FICA test? What has the Foundation for Indonesian Christians In America have to do with it...

:)

Your hubby wants you to get a part time job but not in the evenings or weekends? Is this because he will miss you or because you will not be available to look after hubby the kids & he doesn't want to? (sorry not trying to be cynical, just my suspicions were raised when I read this).
I agree that you should not have to work to pay off his debt, however, when you're married you surely share your life fully for better or worse & that includes finances too.
Only you know what's right for you. I honestly hope it all comes good for you both.

PS what is FICA test? What has the Foundation for Indonesian Christians In America have to do with it...

:)

ROTFLMAO!!! Ha -Ha!!! Funny your. It is you credit score in the US!!! Thank you for the good laugh. I will get back to your post when I can breath again! LOL

Still Laughing!!! Yes, I said I do. It it probally for both ya know! We are suppose to be Super Women in this day and age. Don't ya know?!

He came home from work tonight and said, "I love you babe." "You on those veggies boards again?" "Tell everyone that I love you so much." I said that there would not be a good place to post it until now. lol.

Okay....I am super-woman!:p

Now, get it right now you, agnostic! lol

Friend in Chrisitian acadamy. :lol:

I agree that your husband needs to get his priorities straight. Why is he spending so much money if he is in debt. I will never understand how some people deal with money.

How do you pay for stuff if you don't have a job? Do you not have a full time job because you stay home with the chillins? You might be able to find a part time job that isn't at night or weekends but it sure will be hard.

And I also agree you aren't being selfish. If your husband can't handle his money I think have to help him 100%. It would be nice of you to help of course. But he really needs to learn to control his spending.

I agree that your husband needs to get his priorities straight. Why is he spending so much money if he is in debt. I will never understand how some people deal with money.

How do you pay for stuff if you don't have a job? Do you not have a full time job because you stay home with the chillins? You might be able to find a part time job that isn't at night or weekends but it sure will be hard.

And I also agree you aren't being selfish. If your husband can't handle his money I think have to help him 100%. It would be nice of you to help of course. But he really needs to learn to control his spending.

Hello, we right our bills out together. He just has that in his skin. He is credit card happy and then gets all sad when the bills get big. My hubby makes darn good money and there is no way we should live like this. I have tried and tried really. He just does his own thing and will not always take my advice. So that is why this post and I say it is not my problem. We have a nice house and nice things. Seems like he always wants more and is never sastified. Me, I rather be living debt free and happy and sleep well at night. He is layed back and it doesn not seem to bother him sometimes. It can eat me up at nights. I now it is not on my name, so the creditors can not come after me, but still my marriage.

I worked full time for 2 years, took care of my kids and his. Payed off my debt and helped him. I have tried. I am just giving up here, not on us, but giving up on his debt, that no one can save him but himself and he has to learn without people bailing him out.

To the first question, sorry, he pays for it now. He makes darn good money and there is no excuse in my book for his debt.

Edit to say.... I feel stupid for putting this on a message board, but I know some people can care.:D

I'm sure hubby just needs to be firmly told to curb his spending habbits & I'm sure your up for the job. Personally I'd curb any habbit (& have done!) for the sake of a good woman & my family...
If you have love & respect for each other then half the battle is won already.

If it all gets too bad just click your heels twice & come & see the wizard of Australia :)

I'm sure hubby just needs to be firmly told to curb his spending habbits & I'm sure your up for the job. Personally I'd curb any habbit (& have done!) for the sake of a good woman & my family...
If you have love & respect for each other then half the battle is won already.

If it all gets too bad just click your heels twice & come & see the wizard of Australia :)

I just clicked my socks 3 times and I am still close to Kansas, Toto!

Kansas city as a matter of fact. Very clos to Kansas Toto. Are you calling me a good woman? lol

anyone, Bular?

BJorn, get out of this thread, lol. As long as you are here, people will not take this thread seriously. They may think that we are one big joke. Ya know you give me one darn good laugh.


Luv ya, okay, lol.

Thank you anyway. You can respond a little later.:p :D

No, I take that back!! You are so welcome!!!!

I would only help your husband out of debt if something can be arranged where it goes away and never comes back. You could end up getting a part time job and your husband just goes more credit card happy. I would try to get in charge of the finances, your husband isn't very good at it, and according to your credit score you are. Create a budget that gives him a specific amount hes allowed to spend on extra nice crap, and try to switch him over to a debit card instead of credit cards. Unless your husband has everything worked out where he won't constantly be in debt this won't ever be resolved.

You shouldn't have to pay for his hobbies. My husband loves cars too; he has a 1970 Datsun roadster and is restoring a 1965 Datsun pickup truck. But he uses his own money from his own separate income to pay for them.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and try to have a serious talk with him, keeping blaming and emotional outbursts to a minimum. Esp about a bigger house - if your family is already in debt, this is no time to be getting a bigger house!

As others have said, look into debt counseling. Buyer beware though. Research them first. They have helped alot of people. Next thing to do is LOSE the CC's except one for emergency and have a cap on it. Some of the debt counselors may make you close your CC's anyway. Cut back on spending, pay more then the minimum and IF your Hubby has a 401K account, you may want to think about borrowing against it (its like borrowing from yourself)

My fiance and I have very similar money issues; his spendthrift ways and awful, awful credit are among the primary reasons that we've been engaged for years upon years! He had several bills go into collection; I helped him out for a while but eventually enough is enough. It isn't at all selfish of you to refuse to pay for your husbands hobbies and want your husband to be financially responsible. What's working for us now is that we've accepted that my fiance is absolutely useless when it comes to money so we do the following:
He uses Microsoft Money to log every purchase and compares this to his online banking account to check for accuracy; I remind him to do this every single night.
We split all household bills (food, utilities, etc.) and shared items (shared movies, games) 50/50.
We are 100% responsible for the expenses of all personal purchases.

I guess it's both good and bad that my fiance's credit is too ruined to qualify for a credit card otherwise he'd be in worse shape.

Tracking each individual expense DAILY and seeing the staggering way a fun trip to Best Buy can add up was enough to improve my fiance's spending habits, at least somewhat.

Good luck!

As others have said, look into debt counseling. Buyer beware though. Research them first. They have helped alot of people. Next thing to do is LOSE the CC's except one for emergency and have a cap on it. Some of the debt counselors may make you close your CC's anyway. Cut back on spending, pay more then the minimum and IF your Hubby has a 401K account, you may want to think about borrowing against it (its like borrowing from yourself)

Ha-Ha, funny you say the 401K account. He already dove into that one too!

Sometimes those debt consolidations can ruin your credit though. It funny, because I think his fica is in the middle 600's though.

I think he is starting to get frustrated though, so we will see what happens.

Have the two of you sat down and really looked at how much money comes in and how much goes out? Have you sat down and tried to create a serious budget? Sometimes just getting slapped smack dab in the face with where you're spending all of your hard-earned money can be a real wake up call. Go to the library and get a good book on budgeting, and swear to each other that you will be honest with your purchases. Keep track - you/he may be surprised. And once you know your spending habits, you'll be in a much better place to approach cutting back to save. Good luck - money issues are so difficult - and most couples have them at some time or another!

I am not sure why you think it isn't your debt too, at least the part that has been created after you were married...

I am not sure why you think it isn't your debt too, at least the part that has been created after you were married...

Well, it is, because it effects our family, but it is not because my name is not on the credit cards. Bill collectors can not come after me in the state that I live in.

It does not go against my credit report.