My bf is interested in a real-life 3way, with another young woman. (He's 58, I'm 34). HE assures me she would be a "playmate" only, but I fear it would ruin the relationship.
I am drawn to sex with women, but I have no female friends & do not get along with, or understand, women, so I don't trust that a woman wouldn't ruin things.
I don't know what to do: I am very happy with him, he treats me well & we have great sex- but this is his life-long fantasy, & he knows I'm bi. & could help him realize the fantasy.
We have talked a lot about it: i explain I am afraid to lose him or share him, but that I am willing to share a hooker if that would work for him.
He said no to a hooker, & the topic keeps cropping up.
I'm at a loss.

My bf is interested in a real-life 3way, with another young woman. (He's 58, I'm 34). HE assures me she would be a "playmate" only, but I fear it would ruin the relationship.
I am drawn to sex with women, but I have no female friends & do not get along with, or understand, women, so I don't trust that a woman wouldn't ruin things.
I don't know what to do: I am very happy with him, he treats me well & we have great sex- but this is his life-long fantasy, & he knows I'm bi. & could help him realize the fantasy.
We have talked a lot about it: i explain I am afraid to lose him or share him, but that I am willing to share a hooker if that would work for him.
He said no to a hooker, & the topic keeps cropping up.
I'm at a loss.

I have no experience in this area, and I think a three-way would be a major turn-off for me personally.

I guess I would like to know how this woman would be selected and approached. I presume that this woman would be expected not only to have sex with your BF but to have sex with you while your BF watched. So this woman would have to be someone you would feel comfortable having sex with.

I don't think a hooker would be an appropriate person for this. I am wondering, though, if maybe you could find some sort of sex surrogate (like the kind that works with sex therapists) who might be willing to assist you two in this.

risky ground to tread on if you are unsure. some couples can handle this and others it would destroy. it doesnt sound like a good idea for you if you are hesitant at all.

my boyfriend have discussed this as well and we've decided that it can happen if and only if we find someone with whom we're both very comfortable, and if there are any reservations from either of us it doesn't happen, period. If your boyfriend is trying to push you into this that is a major warning sign to me. The health of your relationship should be more important than him living his fantasy. I would have a long talk with him about how you're feeling, and if you are at all hesitant to do it, then don't.

There is a great scene from Sex and the City about this. Samantha allows her middle-aged boyfriend to have a three way with her and a 21 year old from the restaurant they frequent. Samantha and the young lady act quite competatively as things get under way. Richard tells Samantha to play nice. Then the young lady says, "You tell her, Daddy." to which Richard replies, "Samantha, get rid of her." Much funnier to see than my description. Sorry that I can't offer any advice except that if whatever specifics (with whom, etc.) really makes you uncomfortable, let your boyfriend know. I personally wouldn't be turned on by a sex act I knew my partner was uncomfortable taking part in.

I don't have any personal experience with this either, but I think belovedtree's advice is excellent. If your lover is trying to pressure you into things (of any kind) you don't feel comfortable with, for his own pleasure/satisfaction, that is never a good sign.

Sometimes fantasies just can't be realised...:naughty: :hump: :love:

I also lack personal experience, but from what I've hear...it could go fine, but very often people are not ready for any possible emotional consequences for the relationship.

ebola

If it's not something you feel comfortable with, I can't think of it possibly being good for the relationship. If he's willing to force or guilt you into this then he's showing that he cares about his pleasure more than your comfort. You were good enough to offer a compromise and he didn't have the grace to go for it. If he isn't willing to compromise to make you feel better, then I don't imagine he's a person you'd want to do this with, especially with such misgivings. Personally, I wouldn't do it unless both me and my boyfriend were gung ho for the idea.

Just because you're bi, it doesn't make you any more likely to make this happen for him than someone who was straight. The question is whether or not you want to do this, bi or straight.

Personally, i think fantasies are fantasies for a reason, especially when you're in a relationship. I would never want to carry out mine :naughty:

I have no experience in this area, and I think a three-way would be a major turn-off for me personally.

Joe, you are not the average Joe's that I know.:p

Unfortunately I have no experience in this that I can remember (damn alcohol!)
I am trisexual (I'll try anything sexual)

Unfortunately I have no experience in this that I can remember (damn alcohol!)
I am trisexual (I'll try anything sexual)

I thought that was how you met your wife.:D :p

Joe, you are not the average Joe's that I know.:p

That's true. I realize that many men fantasize about this very thing.
But it just seems kind of ridiculous to me. It reminds me a bit of that Garth Brooks song: "Two Pina Coladas/One for each hand." Or a person trying to smoke two cigarettes at once.

That's true. I realize that many men fantasize about this very thing.
But it just seems kind of ridiculous to me. It reminds me a bit of that Garth Brooks song: "Two Pina Coladas/One for each hand." Or a person trying to smoke two cigarettes at once.

That is true. Tell that to my husband. lol

"Two Pina Coladas/One for each hand." Or a person trying to smoke two cigarettes at once.

:lol: love the comparison

I have a friend that has an "open relationship" with his wife and I think that I could not do that personally and if you feel like you are being pushed into something that you do not want to do, then don't do it.

Joe, you are not the average Joe's that I know.:p

Indeed. :)

Have you had sex with a woman before? That would have some influence on how I answered this question, because the reality of it can be very different to the fantasy. :)

But it some ways it sounds like you're more uncomfortable with this on an emotional level rather than a sexual one.

I would say that just because someone treats you well and you have good sex, that shouldn't mean that you're kind of obligated to fulfill any of their fantasies and possibly have to go outside of your boundaries emotionally or sexually.

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I would say that just because someone treats you well and you have good sex, that shouldn't mean that you're kind of obligated to fulfill any of their fantasies and possibly have to go outside of your boundaries emotionally or sexually.

Well said, I agree completely.

Remember the old MTV show 'Loveline'?

They had a policy that threesomes were usually the sign that a relationship wasn't going to work out. I think there is a lot of truth in that.

Remember the old MTV show 'Loveline'?

They had a policy that threesomes were usually the sign that a relationship wasn't going to work out. I think there is a lot of truth in that.

The guy that I know that has the "open relationship" with his wife has martial problems and they get mad at each other if they catch each other with some one else but it is OK if they know about it IE he is home or is involved in some way but if they are doing that behind each others back so to speak then they have a problem with it but they had problems before so I would have to agree with you on that.

... but I fear it would ruin the relationship. ...

Well that settles it then. You don't want to do it, so don't.

I would say that if you are at all uncomfortable or have any doubts about it, it's not a good idea to go along with it.

I've been in a similar position before but I decided not to because I am a very jealous person and I know that I couldn't handle "sharing" someone. Nearly every guy I know has the threesome fantasy in mind so I don't really care if I disappoint someone with that. If I tried to please every guy I date, I would be having threesomes/orgies all the time :boobies:

As someone mentioned already, you are not obligated to fulfill his fantasies, nor should you be pressured to. It's okay to consider it though. I can understand wanting to make your partner happy, but it shouldn't be at your expense.

If I were you I wouldn't do it - if you're worrying about it, that's a sure-fire sign you should knock the idea on the head straight away.

I'm sure there are couples who do this kind of thing and are pleased they've tried it, however I've known three people who have taken part in threesomes with their partners and another - none of the experiences were good, and none of the relationships survived. I think most fantasies (especially those involving other people) should stay just that.