I have always been a fairly shy person, and although I am more social now I still never initiate/make the first move with any guys. I have been sort of seeing this one guy for the past couple of months, and though we both like each other to some extent, no committment has been made. I always wait for him to initiate anything between us, but lately we've kind of peetered out and so I'm confused.

Does he not like me in that way or is he testing to see if I like him (ie. wanting me to initiate the next step)?

I know that he just got out of a serious relationship (a 2 year long relationship that just officially ended about 6 months ago), but how long does he need until he's ready to move on? Is he just really not at a place in his life where he wants/needs a relationship?

I actually really like him - he is not the same as other guys. As far as I'm concerned, I definitely want to pursue something more but I don't know if he does. Is he just testing me to see if I want him, or is he trying to politely turn me down?

I am afraid of being rejected, but, even more, I am afraid of regrets.

Thanks for listening, sorry it was long. Please share any advice/experience you may have.

you seem to wanna be sensible about it, which is good, weighing up what every rational or even non-rational person wonders, but don't let yourself be teased which may be okay for a short spell, but if you sense he might go on to tease you in a mean way for a long duration, I'd quit already.... but if its all good and what seems like teasing is harmless and just a facet of dating or mate-assessment about if or not he is testing you, then choose to not have regrets :) and most importantly whilst you may want to just get your message to him, and with some haste, remember whilst having that urge to dive right in is okay, there are many ways in which you can go about being fairly direct in dropping your message to the guy, verbally or some other way... You wanna make the first move, go for it, and if his return signal is "like whoa" at least that is the bare minimum you can expect and which is not the worst reaction, coz if he's "like whoa" in a positive sounding way, you straight away have him to your advantage yeah?... and however he proceeds to respond you could apply a bit of tease yourself if you wanted if he funnily doesn't know what to say ("like whoa, duh...etc...) so if he pivots you can sway him to spill anything that is there for you to pick up on.

I had a similar situation happen to me. I finally gathered the courage and just asked him, and the answer was no, he didn't want to see me anymore. I was pissed off at first because it took so long for him to tell me the trut, after a short period of all of a sudden being way to busy to see me. If I hadn't called and asked, then I know he never would have said anything, he would have just tried to disappear. And the worst part was, I had wasted 2 years having a huge crush on him before we actually started dating. But in all turned out good, because 2 months later I meant my future finance and we have been living together for almost 2 years.

If he's not pursuing you, he probably doesn't want exclusivity with you. Guys are very straightforward if you know what you're looking for. Many will tell you a million ways that they're not really into you except actually coming out and saying it. They might come out with it when pressed, but unless directly asked, there's not much chance for it.

How likely is it really that he's testing you? If he really liked you (as you deserve to be liked, of course) would he hold back and "test" you? He already knows you like him enough to spend time with him for a few months. Would it really be that much of a stretch for him to suggest exclusivity?

I'd take this as a big sign that he's probably not the guy for you. However, I don't know him, you, or the situation, so if it's really important to you, I'd suggest exclusivity to him. If you're met with anything like "I'm just not ready now," "I have a lot of stuff going on," or pretty much anything other than "I think that's a fantastic idea!" I would prepare to give him the boot. If you still want to spend time with him, just don't expect anything but what you've already been getting.

Every guy is different! Some are straight forward, some are shy.

It is quite possible that since you have never initiated anything he thinks you are not interested. That is a sign I could see myself picking up. If you are interested in him, I say go for it.

No matter what society tries to tell us there are no set roles in courting someone. The man doesn't need to do this nor the woman this. Don't fall into that trap.

Thanks everybody for all your input.

I'm really having quite the trouble over interpreting everything with a clear head because I really do like him. Which isn't the norm for me because he is one of the very, very few guys I have ever met that I actually genuinely like. It's hard for me to put my own feelings aside and see it for what it is because I really don't want to have to accept that he may not feel the same way. But at the same time, what if he doesn't think I really do like him because I never initiate anything with him? I think I am going to have to make a move of some sort or be upfront with him, because I really just need to be able to move forward with him or start the process of moving on.

Anyways, thanks again for the help. I hope everything turns out ok.

Every guy is different! Some are straight forward, some are shy.

It is quite possible that since you have never initiated anything he thinks you are not interested. That is a sign I could see myself picking up. If you are interested in him, I say go for it.

No matter what society tries to tell us there are no set roles in courting someone. The man doesn't need to do this nor the woman this. Don't fall into that trap.

That is what happened when I dated my husband. I never made a move, so he thought that I was not interested. We talked about it, and then he did, and then came the marriage vowls.:D

I would just go for it, cuz the curisosity would drive me crazy. Then you could see how he responds and maybe understand each other more. If you get rejected, well, then you know it is time to move on.

exactly-- start as you mean to go on, else you will both be in choppy water, for creating too much of a stalemate otherwise, hehe.

I think having a frank discussion with this fellow would be a bit safer than "making a move" on him. Safer in the sense of protecting yourself from being hurt emotionally.

[QUOTE=bigdufstuff]
It is quite possible that since you have never initiated anything he thinks you are not interested. That is a sign I could see myself picking up. If you are interested in him, I say go for it.
QUOTE]

This is what I was going to say. For all you know, he could be on some message board being like "what should I do, she never calls me, I don't think she's into me..." You should speak up and talk to him about it. Either he'll tell you how much he likes you and you can move forward in a more serious relationship together or if it's an answer you might not want to hear, at least you'll be able to move on. Good luck!

In the long run, which would be harder for you to live with?

Regrets and always wondering? or hurt feelings from being told he wasn't "in to you"?

For me, it'd DEFINITELY be the regret of never having pursued it...

He may not be interested. You might be passing up the love of your life too... But you won't know unless you try.

Thank you everyone so much for the support.

TNS you put it very well, and I think I'd rather not live with the regret. I guess I'll just have to do my darndest to muster up the courage to have a talk with him.

Thanks again everyone...I genuinely appreciate you sharing all of your thoughts.