Long distance relationship? Help!

[Christopher]

Me and my girlfriend just broke up. We have dated for 8 months and i love this girl to death. She lives in Tennessee and I live in Tuscaloosa Alabama. We are both going to college, and I want her more than anything in the world. Please help me decide on what I need to do to get her back.:love:

[Thalia]

It's quite possible that by spending time away from you and meeting other guys, she will come to appreciate you more. I suppose the most important thing is to keep in touch without acting desperate, and stay on good terms. Love can work in mysterious ways.

[Christopher]

should i go back home ocasionally and take her out, or just not go back at all to see her. i am one of those people that when i'm in love i'm head over heels and it has been really hard to let her go

[Marie]

I've been dating a guy who lives in anther country on and off for a few years. You can make it work. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. :)

[Tofu-N-Sprouts]

I'm no help in the "What should I do?" department... However, I do want to second what Marie said...
I am also in a long-distance relationship - and though I miss him like crazy when we're apart, we ARE making it work...
If you both want to make it work, it will... Good luck.

[shannon1976]

It's quite possible that by spending time away from you and meeting other guys, she will come to appreciate you more. I suppose the most important thing is to keep in touch without acting desperate, and stay on good terms. Love can work in mysterious ways.

I totally agree with Thalia.
Shannon

[Christopher]

what are some things that you have done to try and make it work like how do you keep it going strong i am up for any suggestions right now even if they don't work i am willing to try anything right now. Please help me with any suggestions.

[oriecat]

I'm sorry you are going through this. It can be hard to be without the one you love. But I'm unclear on why you broke up initially. Was it just because of the distance?

[dahlia]

Long distance can be very tough but sometimes it works. The start of college is a very difficult time to try it though...since so much is changing for both of you. It may be best for you both to take some time to adjust to college while still talking, and then once you feel more at home, discuss where your relationship should go from there. Hang in there!

[Christopher]

Yes we broke up because she didn't like not seeing me everyday, and not having me to walk her to her classes, and be there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. So it was her choice not mine.

[Astarte]

If it was her choice, I don't think there's very much you can do about it. If she doesn't want a relationship with someone far away, it is 100% not going to work. If you haven't already, tell her you respect her choice, but also that you still want to be with her. If she changes her mind, you'll be around.

However, I would suggest that you start trying to get over her now. If she says doesn't want to be with you, it means she doesn't want to be with you. There's nothing you can do to get her back. Staying together is a mutual decision.

[*Star*Lass*]

Find out first if she wants to make another go at things. Tell her what you're prepared to do to help her with the long distance problem... like visiting her more often, etc. If she still feels it won't work and doesn't want to try then i suggest you forget about trying to get her back and start helping yourself move on. It might be tough, but you're young, you'll bounce back. And there'll be plenty of new young ladies to get to know at college :)

[Thalia]

If it was her choice, I don't think there's very much you can do about it. If she doesn't want a relationship with someone far away, it is 100% not going to work. If you haven't already, tell her you respect her choice, but also that you still want to be with her. If she changes her mind, you'll be around.

However, I would suggest that you start trying to get over her now. If she says doesn't want to be with you, it means she doesn't want to be with you. There's nothing you can do to get her back. Staying together is a mutual decision.
I have to agree. I think the best thing you can do is find faith that you will be able to find a happy loving relationship with someone again someday even if it's not with her. Your next great love is out there somewhere, even though you may not have met yet. Don't let her slip away!

Also it is important to have faith that you can be happy even with no girlfriend. Have you stopped doing certain things when you started dating your ex? Like have you lost touch with certain friends, gave up certain hobbies? We all do that. Try to renew your interest in old pastimes.

[Christopher]

I have been sending her emails every day to tell her how I feel and I have told her some of the things that all of you have said. She is going out with her homecoming buddy tonight, and I'm worried because this guy is in a fraternity and he already has a dui, so he isn't the most respectable person in the world. She waited right until the worst time because I really enjoy playing sports and the last sign up for intramural sports was last week and I didn't want to sign up because it would interfere with the time I would get to spend with her on the weekend. Do you think that I should just stop talking to her altogether and hope that once she realizes she has messed up she will come back to me. What are some good ways to get over a very bad break up. I am lost right now and really need any information that could be of any help right now. I am lonely at night because she always would talk to me before she would go to bed. She is also a really needy girl. She likes when guys open doors for her and pay for meals, and drop everything if she ever has a problem. I know that most college students especially the ones that are in a fraternity won't do that but rather drink and party all the time. I really don't think it is possible for her to find somebody that will treat her as good as I did, so she won't be very happy with whoever she dates. I'm not trying to sound like I am the perfect person but I really did drop everything that I liked in order to make her happy.

[starryeyed]

Sorry, but if she doesn't want to try to make a long distance relationship work, theres not really anything you can do to force her into it. My boyfriend goes to school several states away (so we can't even visit on weekends and stuff, just at Christmas and over summer) and we broke up during the first year he was gone. It sounds like she just wants to spend sometime with people that are there, which is totally understandable, considering how young she is. I know its something that i wrestle with a lot. Like, do I want to be with my boyfriend who I know I enjoy spending time with 3 months out of the year, or do i want to be with people who's company i may or may not enjoy all the time. Anyways, it sounds like you should maybe just give her a little space. I'm not saying you should ignore her completely, but once you've made your feelings clear (ie, that you still want to be with her and are willing to talk about how you could make things work better) lay off the emailing everyday. It's only going to push her away more. A few times a week just to let her know what you've been up to and stuff would be plenty, unless she emails you more than that. Maybe if youre not available all the time, she'll realize what an awesome guy she's missing out on. :)

[Christopher]

ok i'll try that and see how it goes from there. thank you for taking the time to try and help somebody you don't even know did you and your boyfriend ever get back together?

[starryeyed]

Yah, we got back together the first summer he came home (last may). He was the one who broke up with me, but after spending a few months without me, he realized how much he missed me and wanted to be with me and asked for me to take him back. I was sort of dating another guy at the time, who, while he's an awesome friend, was a pretty crappy boyfriend. So I broke up with the other guy to be with him. This is part of the reason why I think if you just give your ex a little space, she might realize how much she misses you.

[zoebird]

since you just broke up, i suggest you talk with her to find out if you can get back together--what you would need to do for that to happen--and from that, decide if you actually can do those things.

otherwise, let her go.

[Chrysalis]

I don't want to rip on you or anything because I understand this must be hard for you. But, I don't agree with dropping everything else that's important to you for someone else. A bf/gf should be part of your life, not the centre of your life. I think you should start doing some things that are fun for you, like the sports you skipped out on because of her, and keep busy to keep your mind off of her. I'm sure she has things she enjoys doing and you shouldn't have to stop doing things you enjoy doing to make her happy. You deserve to be happy too! :)

Anyways, I would recommend to just keep in touch with her, if it isn't hard for you to talk to her. Who knows what might change? If it is meant to be, then the two of you will be together someday. But if she doesn't want to be with you, it's not right to try and force or manipulate her into "realizing she made a mistake." If she feels this is the right thing to do, then it is the right thing to do (for her). Then again, like everyone else said, she might realize she misses you if you give her some space.

And I know this is probably a no-brainer, but I hope you don't tell her the same thing you just told us about how you think she'll be unhappy with whoever she dates and that nobody else will treat her as well as you. Because believe it or not, my first serious boyfriend basically told me that and it damaged my self-esteem like you wouldn't believe.

[Christopher]

No I didn't tell her anything like that at all. I just told her some of the ways and things that you guys/girls have said. I am starting to get used to the college life without her. I had a bunch of guys come down from Tennessee this weekend for the Tennessee Alabama football game, by the way my Alabama Crimson Tide are still undefeated:pibo: . and we had a blast. I am gonna try and start to go to some parties and the fraternity houses and try and stay as busy as possible. We broke up a week ago, and I haven't talked to her since this past weekend, so I am gonna try and go as long as possible without talking to her and just see if that guy hurts her or not. He has already slept with two different girls since they went on a date last weekend, so odds are pretty good that it won't last long. As long as she is happy then I will get along I guess. The main thing for me is that she doesn't get hurt by some guy, because the date rape drug is big at her college, so I am pretty worried about that. I just want her to be happy.

[bigdufstuff]

I think you should stop talking to her completely and here is why.

She broke up with you for a reason. You need to respect this. Either the relationship wasn't what she wanted or the distance wasn't working out. Now if you continue to talk to her you will NOT get over her. You will just keep wishing things where the way ther once were. It would be cool if you could be "just friends" but judging by how into her you are this won't happen it will always be you wishing she was your girlfriend. The best thing to do is stop talking to her and make new friends, that way you will get over her and possibly meet someone new you like.

Sending her lots of emails is bordering on the creepy side. Does she enjoy you writing to her?

Also no offense but she sounds kind of immature when you describe her as high maintenance. A relationship is a servant for one person. It sounds like you haven't had a lot of relationship experience I think it would actually be beneficial if you started seeing other people to get a new perspective on the world. And most of all enjoy your college life, it is an important time for most people as you will finally start to discover yourself.

[Christopher]

Ok so my ex girlfriend from about 3 years ago just called me out of the blue. We talked for a long time and she asked me to stop by her place the next time I come home. My recent ex the one I have been complaining about lives near her and they don't like each other. I know that we are through, but I do want to be friends with her eventually. What do I do???????

[bigdufstuff]

Ok so my ex girlfriend from about 3 years ago just called me out of the blue. We talked for a long time and she asked me to stop by her place the next time I come home. My recent ex the one I have been complaining about lives near her and they don't like each other. I know that we are through, but I do want to be friends with her eventually. What do I do???????

You are letting your ex control your life even after you have broken up. You can't do that to yourself. She can't control who you hang out with. That is her problem if she doesn't get along with this other person. If you want to hang out with this person I say go for it and don't let your ex sway your decisions.

[ADizzyGirl]

You are letting your ex control your life even after you have broken up. You can't do that to yourself. She can't control who you hang out with. That is her problem if she doesn't get along with this other person. If you want to hang out with this person I say go for it and don't let your ex sway your decisions.

Agreed.. If you want to hang out with this girl, do it! Your ex gave up any right she had to be upset with you when she broke up with you. Don't worry about what she thinks, worry about what YOU want right now. Being between relationships is the perfect time to be a little selfish and kind of rediscover what makes you happy. Doesn't sound like you had the healthiest relationship to begin with, no offense meant.. you are being really unfair to yourself if you drop everything in your life to cater to your girlfriend, and she is being even more unfair if she just lets you do it or expects it from you. When you realize that you can be happy just being you, you'll be so much happier when you do get back into a relationship.

And although I think you need to forget about this girl for now, your relationship may not be a lost cause. My current bf and I have our 3 year anniversary coming up in a little over a month. He broke up with me about a year and a half ago. I was still in high school and he was a freshman in college and wanted to see other people, and I was basically in your situation. It took two months, losing 5 pounds because I felt sick all the time at first, crying every day, and an unbelievable trip to Brazil to even begin getting over him, and by that time he realized what he did and asked me to take him back (which I did). I feel like although that was the most emotionally painful experience I have ever had, it was for the best because I learned that being single is not the end of the world. I got comfortable just being myself, not X's girlfriend, and I could flirt, talk to other guys, and do whatever I wanted and not feel guilty about any of it. The world keeps on turning regardless of who you're dating, and you realize that and get better eventually.