My parents won't support me being a vegetarian, so I have to "hide" the fact that I'm not eating meat.

Is anyone else in the same situation as me?

I've brought up vegetarianism before with my parents, as a hypothetical "what do you think of ___" type of thing. I casually mention, "I've been thinking about going vegetarian." To which they reply, "Not while you're in my house!" or they roll their eyes and do the "**sigh** my teen is going through yet ANOTHER stupid 'I want to be different' phase".

So, when I decided to become vegetarian (again) I have to hide it (again). We always (and I am not exaggerating) have meat as the main "part" of dinner. Especially steak, lately. It's on sale or something. I've been cutting up the steak & messing it up with the fork to look like I've eaten it, and have been hiding pieces of it in napkins to throw away. (I really detest doing this. Long story short, recovering bulimic, and it's like "oh so it's okay for me pretend like I've eaten food but not eat then puke it up?") But I can't eat meat. I really just can't. The thought of it makes me feel sick (no pun intended.)

My excuses are getting tired now... "I don't like pizza with meat. Or sub sandwiches with meat. Or salad with chicken. I hate turkey now. Eww baloney is gross. I don't feel like hot dogs. The steak was too pink. I don't like this seasoning. I feel sick. and on and on and on."

Does anyone have any advice as to what has worked for them? I was thinking about reading up on vegetarianism a bit more (especially about getting proper nutrients) before I talk to them. The last time I went to my parents with a "I want to change my life around" decision, I wasn't prepared enough to explain my beliefs to them, and it... well, sucked.

Anyway. Yeah. Or even if you haven't had to hide your decision, do you have any advice? I'm just worried because they seem so dead set against vegetarianism...

Thanks!

~Anna

If you've had an ED before, and you are avoiding certain foods now, I think you better be honest about why you are doing it.

^ What Das_nut said.

If you are still in High School, I suggest you just look forward to college and the freedom of making your own choices. I remember when I was still living with my parents and first had some ideas about becoming vegetarian they would just say something like 'no, you can't do that'. I didn't like steak and my father would yell at me that I'm wasting it by not eating all of it. So I said I don't like steak and I don't want to eat it. They were happy to save the hassle and money by not eating steak.

I didn't become veggie until half way through my first year at college. I got messed up with other things and didn't want to be in school at the time, so I flunked out and returned home. It was soon after being back that I realized I could not live with them anymore, and I decided to find a place for myself.

It wasn't easy, but it was necessary for me so that I can have my own environment that I was confortable in. If you are out of High School, I'd suggest you look in to leaving the nest. As difficult as it was, looking back it was the best thing I could have done and I'm glad I did.

I agree that being honest is the best thing you can do. If your parents react poorly, it's a reflection of how they do not respect your life decisions. The best way to get your way is to keep calm and not fight against them. Instead suggest that you buy some of your own groceries and prepare your own dishes. Maybe a good peace offering would be to cook them a vegetarian meal.

It's difficult to say anything without knowing your whole life, so hopefully, something in there will help.

Good luck!

I'd say, "Mum and Dad, you'll help me to recover from my ED a lot faster if you let me have some choice in the foods I eat."

I totally get it. I just turned official vegetarian sinc I've started college and I STILL haven't told my folks (yeah, dad...really enjoyed those slim jims you sent me...) I know that when I was at home I used to flip up on sides. I mean, then they'll know that you ARE eating...if all else fails, say you saw a CNN report on mad cow...can't eat it for a while...:bobo:

Well I would definitely read up on it, get really educated on all of the positive aspects of becoming a vegetarian. This will make you look more serious about why you want to be one. I did this because I knew my dad would laugh and just think it was a phase also.. But as I fought back with educated responses he respected my decision more and even was nice about it. One thing you could say is that it won't really mess up there dinners, they would just have to make one less serving of meat and add another serving of vegetable to the dinner. That is cheaper and healthier! How can they pass that up? I thought it would be harder to be one but really it isn't. As long as you are planning on being healthy about it and get your proper servings of each of the vegetarian food group then they should be happy.. When else would you ever be able to fit in 4 servings of veggies and 3 servings of fruit in your daily diet?! That to me was impossible when I was a meat eater..

Good luck and keep us updated!

Think how your parenmts must feel - you have an E.D past and now (in their eyes) you are being picky about food. It must worry them sick. You're going to have to prove to them that you want to cut out meat for the right reasons - if, indeed, you are doing.

I was lucky enough not to have that problem as my mum went veggie the same time as me. I'm guessing - as Carrot said - that they are just worried that this is related to your ED and you are just trying to find a way to restrict food. You must be honest with them and show that you are willing to eat healthily. If there is really no way you can be vegetarian and they don't agree to support you, then I would suggest just making the best of things for now (ie choosing vegetarian option when out) and doing it 'properly' once you leave home.

It sounds like they really need reassuring that this isn't related to your bulimia.

As a parent, I have to chime in that I ALWAYS want my kids to be honest with me. I'm sure your parents are worried about your previous ED history and that may have something to do with their response.

But hiding the fact that you aren't eating meat is lying... plain and simple. It shows no maturity on your part.

Maybe your parents aren't going to accept your choice, I don't know. I would just suggest that, if you rationally sit down with them and discuss why you would like to eat a vegetarian diet, ask for their support.... and maybe even offer to do some of the shopping/food prep for mom....they'll see you more as an adult and be more supportive.

Good luck!

Another "As a parent" answer ... You need to talk to your parents about why you wish to be a vegetarian. You need to read up on vegetarian nutrition. You need to be willing to show your parents that you are approaching this decision in a reasonable, responsible and mature manner.

Read and have handy for your discussion books like:

The New Becoming Vegetarian: The Essential Guide To A Healthy Vegetarian Diet

Being Vegetarian for Dummies

Vegetables Rock! : A Complete Guide for Teenage Vegetarians

I'm a Vegetarian : Amazing facts and ideas for healthy vegetarians

Or any of the other great books on the subject. Get some free vegetarian info like Vegetarian Starter Kit from GoVeg.com (http://www.goveg.com/order.asp) or Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine - Veg Starter Kitp (http://www.pcrm.org/health/VSK/starterkit.html).

Also indicate a willingness to help your parents with dinner preparations so they know they are not going to be stuck making two completely different meals.

You have to be willing to discuss this rationally and clamly. If you start with the "You just don't understand ...", "You're always like this ..." or "You're ruining my life ..." type of typical teen behaviour you won't get anywhere.

Your parents care about you and they have, from what you have said, a reasonable cause for concern.'

You have to meet them halfway and give them reason to understand that your choice is carefully considered and wise.

Get the parents to talk to a dietician. If they are so over-controlling that you can't ever make your own choices, seeing a professional therapist (maybe someone at your school) could help you figure out how to assert your individuality without totally ruining the relationship with your parents. If you let them control your descisions past about age 14, they can control you your whole life.

Hi :) My parents were not very supportive either. When I first decided to quit eating meat (I was still eating cheese, sour cream.....) they would mock me and say "yummm this is good.." Or say things like "Oh another phase..." so I kind of know what you're going through. And although they did not respect my decision I believe they supported me on it by not forcing me to eat anything I did not want.
As a vegan now it is difficult because they still eat meat and at the grocery store my mother will go "I don't know how you eat this veggie cheese junk." And I usually have to pay for my own groceries, but I'm standing up for what I believe and making my own decisions, and by doing that I'm also saving lives... and that is what really matters.
So if you're doing this because you believe it is what's right, then I say stay strong and talk to them... but really dig deep and think about the TRUE reason you're doing it.
Goodluck.

if you used to be bulimic, or are still recovering, you need to be honest with your parents. tell them what you are doing, why you are doing it, and please, look at your reasons why you want to be vegetarian and make sure that this isn't related to your ED at all...

Libellula is correct. Hiding what you eat (or don't eat) from your parents can push you back into an eating disorder. ED happens to a lot of young women whose parents are controlling about food...it's a way of fighting back. If you are seeing a therapist, I recommend talking to him or her about this. If not, you might consider it. A professional can help a lot in sorting out the emotional baggage involved with food and help you make sure you're making the best choice for you, not them.

before jumping to conclusions though, her parents may not be controllng about food, they may just fear that her wanting to be veg is a symptom of a potential ED and they're trying to prevent that..

This really sucks. Im fortunate enough that my Mother is an RN and knows the benifits of being a vegan/vegetarian. The only thing I can say is get them literature on the subject. Let them know you can not eat meat and still get your protein and other nutrients in your diet. Be carefull avoiding foods and hiding it. That might trigger your ED. Nobody needs that. *hugs* Veggie love.

i recommend not hiding it.

first, get all of the research that you can about healthe teen vegetarian diets. Then, get all of the easy recipes that you can find that use the simple ingredients that your parents usually buy. Finally, learn to cook and suggest that you'll be responsible for all of your meals or that you'll make your own vegetarian counterpart to the steak.

if they won't pay for groceries, get a job and earn money to buy your own groceries. If you can't get a regular job, i suggest babysitting or pet sitting for people so that you can earn some cash.