Okay....I never thought I'd post in the relationship area of this board. But here I am. I've made sort of a mess of myself recently by getting involved with someone (a woman) who is unhappily married. She works at my school. It started with wanting to make more friends over the summer, but things soon sort of got out of control. We ended up kissing at some point/s.

Obviously I know this is a bad situation. I don't think I'm going to have a problem getting out of this. That's what I want to do.

I need to date. I kind of need to get out there and be 'seeing people'. How does one go about this? I work at a gradeschool...I work with women all the time. I don't think I'm gay, I think I just was attracted to this woman, so I'm not confused or anything.

I'm 36 and I'm a parent and I'm kinda busy. I have zero experience with dating as an adult (you know, an adult with stuff). Help. I really think part of my problem is that I'm lonely. I'm an attractive, nice person who is very busy.

Bethanie

You're getting advice here from somebody who goes purely the computer route (not because I wanted to), but here's some things that I think might help:

Find some place other than a bar or nightclub to be a social regular at that would possibly have "candidates". This might be church, a volunteer organization, a casual sports or recreation team, a vegetarian/vegan organization, a camping/hiking group, etc. Try to avoid things that are purely "singles" where you don't have obvious interests and everyone assumes you're interested in them.

Be honest, but realize other people often aren't.

Look people in the eyes and smile. Say "hello" and "goodbye". Compliment... Don't limit this to candidates. Some worthwhile people are paying attention when you do this to others.

You want a serious relationship, so don't play games -- ie., don't move right when you want someone to move left. Be straight up, and if someone else is not, say "Loser!" and move on.

Remember that there are others who want to connect, and they will give off connecting signals. In order to catch those signals, you must be paying attention to them and not yourself.

36 is a good age to consider men in their late 20's. Libido in men and women appears to be 8-10 years apart.

Most of all, realize you'll have disappointments. It does happen, but we continually learn from them.

Hope this helps!

DO you have any single friends/co-workers you could go with to events -festivals, fayres, the park etc? Get talking to people.

The people that you'll have lasting friendships/relationships with are the people you meet in places where there is a common interest. My newly aquired friend met her boyfriend of 2 years at a food festival, and I met my boyfriend at a gig. It breaks the ice, gives you something to talk about..and it's a common interest straight away.

I wouldn't recommend places such as nightclubs they, (in my experience) are full of men who do the same thing with a different woman each Saturday night.

If you don't like these ideas, there is a lot to be said for internet dating, as long as you're safe, it can pay off. ALthough it is something I've never done myself, I wouldn't rule it out. I have a few friends who have met people from their area online. It is easier to find people who share your interests on the net, than IRL.

Hope this helps a little.

bethanie:

i think getting out of that relationship is a good idea. it sounds messy!

as for the dating thing, i do not think it is much different at 36 than it was at 26 to be honest, unless at 36 you were hitting the bar scene.

ok, so, here's how my friends (who are this age) go about it. First, they do things that they like to do. They join clubs or groups related to their interest. This is a good way to meet people in general.

in my area, there are singles mixers for people over 30 who have children. it's a really unique situation. it's run through the local radio stations. They play it off as being kinda crude, but i went as a 'wing girl' for a friend of mine, and we had a good time. it really was a lot of fun. The great thing about it is that everoyne knew that everyone else had kids--so there was no concern about that. Everyone knew that everyone had Exes and all that stuff too. So that was out of the way, you know?

a lot of my friends have also done really well with online dating. E-harmony seems to work really well for a lot of people. I have been to 4 weddings in 5 years from online dating. So, it's a good opportunity.

otherwise, be yourself and have fun. :)

Hey Bethanie,

Hope you got this situation sorted out.. sorry don't really have much advice to give. You are a strong woman, so u probably figured what you gotta do already :)

sealife

I'm not an adult, so who knows if my advice is worth anything, but a lot of "older" singles I know (above 30, or just not into the bar) do the internet dating thing- it saves time, its a an easy way to screen people, and most people don't get killed, contary to what most people believe. Also, its a good idea to join groups and clubs with people who have similiar interests- yoga, the gym, writing, whatever floats your boat- and then meet people there. Just keep yourself open to new experiences and get out as much as you can- you're a cute, great lady and someone out there will snag you up for sure.