it's not that i still have feelings for him or anything like that, actually my problem is that i can't seem to get rid of these intense feelings of rage that i have over the way that i let him treat me. i am normally a very laid back and easygoing person, but sometimes when i think about what he did to me, i want to do very bad things to him. :brood: i know that harboring this anger is hurting me in many ways, the stress of these feelings is actually keeping me from meeting new people. i was just hoping someone might have some ideas on how to just let it go and start over, seeing as i have finally got him out of my life, i just have this one last thing to get over...

Forgiveness is a good first step.

In order to move past this you need to forgive him and forgive yourself. Until you've forgiven, you're unlikely to be able to let go of this.

It can be tough ... it took me years to be able to forgive my ex-husband (and myself for my part in allowing his mistreatment of me).

It takes work to truly forgive someone (which doesn't necessarily entail telling that person you've forgiven them or letting them back into your life in any way) but it is worth it in the end.

I agree with MrsKey. I couldn't have said it better.

Aside from forgiveness, comes praise. Reward yourself for allowing YOU to be happy. So many people live for others that they lose themselves and sacrifice their own needs and wants. Personal happiness is what keeps your heart beating. I learned the hard way as well....took me 3 years to allow myself to let things go, and to realize I was hurting myself(emotionally, mentally, spiritually) because of someone else. I wrote something once to end my fued with relationships and all the bad things you let yourself endure before you say enough is enough:

"Forgive Me"

Dear heart,
Please don't stop beating
I didn't mean to hurt you so deeply
Dear mind,
Please don't go crazy
I didn't want to think twice, but you made me
Dear eyes,
Please don't forget to close at night
I didn't mean to stay up to cry
Dear mouth,
Please don't forget to eat
I didn't mean to feed you those bad things
Dear hands,
Please don't let go
I'm sorry I didn't have total control
Dear heart,
Please don't stop healing
Forgive me for all these unraveling feelings

thanks mrs key and lilgirl, forgiveness is so hard.

I know what you mean...forgiveness is really hard.

I went out with a guy for 3 years, and let him get away with stuff i would never let anyone get away with. I was so angry for the longest time. Then i stopped to think about why i let him treat me the way he did.
After really taking it apart, I realized I did what i did because i thought I was stronger than him, and that I knew he was missing something, or hurting ,or messed up in a way.
Once i realized how he was the one who had real issues, i wasn't so mad at him anymore. In fact, i kinda felt bad for him. And I didn't like that he treated me that way, but i knew I was going to be ok in the long run. That helped with the forgiveness thing a lot.
but it takes time

Wow you sound like me two years ago when I was absolutely enraged with my ex . . . forgiveness is so hard I don't even have advice over how to give it. It took me a very long time to forgive. The only advice that I have is that anger is a normal emotion to feel, and it is okay to feel angry, just so long as you don't let it consume you. Spend time with your friends, take up a hobby and take good care of yourself. Try to find happiness. Find constructive ways to express your anger and other feelings (poetry, art, kickboxing?). I remember I spent a lot of time improving myself and expressing myself, and that really helped to take my mind off of things. I took kickboxing last year and whenever I felt angry or frustrated about something, it felt so great to kick the $hit out of the punching bag :).

Forgiveness will come in time.