I don't even know where to start because this is all unsettling for me.

I have a great grandmother who everyone calls mim. I lost track of her age but she was in her early 90s. She didn't belong with the rest of my father's side of the family, she was nice and not stuck up like everyone else in her family is. My father is not on speaking terms with his mother (mim's daughter) but we saw mim once a week. Last year she had an infection that went to her blood I guess and was put in the hospital. She had a long recovery and they decided to put her in the rehabilatation part of a nursing home instead of sending her home. Well after a while medicare stopped paying for her nursing home stay and my father's cousins started taking her social security checks and paying for the nursing home with that and gave away all of mim's stuff in her apartment and gave up her apartment. They didn't tell mim that. She got another infection and went back to the hospital. She was aparently in a lot of pain and yelling. The doctor thought she was having a reaction to the morphine and took her off of it. She was in pain still. Her infection cleared up and she went back to the nursing home. My grandmother (mim's daughter) signed papers saying she wasn't to be given an IV or food or drink. Nobody told my parents about that. Parents went to go visit her the day before she died and thought she looked dehydrated. They asked the nurse to give her some water, the nurse said she couldn't and she couldn't talk about it, and they had to speak to her health care representitve (or whatever), my grandma. My father hadn't spoken to his mother in well over a year (last time was when his sister died) so he called around trying to find out what was going on any nobody knew. So he called my grandmother (his mother) and my grandfather answered the phone and wouldn't put my grandma on. He just kept saying she was in a comma and my father was like "uh.... no I just visited her she isn't in a comma" and he wouldn't give my father any answers. He called back, this time got grandma. She just said "that is what the doctors suggested"

That was that.

Mim didn't have any terminal illness, her infection was gone, so why? I can understand it if she was dying, but she really wasn't. She just needed someone who CARED to see why she was in pain. She went without food or drink for 4 days before she died. Why couldn't my grandma ask the rest of the family, or at least TELL us. Honestly, nothing my father's parents do surprises me anymore.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. That is a really tragic situation all the way around. I hope that the hospital knew what they were doing in not giving her water and food. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

how can that be legal?

Wow. That's awful. :hug:

how can that be legal?

I don't know. I didn't think it was either.

That sounds like an awful situation, I'm sorry *hugs*. The elderly really get taken advantage of sometimes. I can't beleive your grandmother just blindly agreed to that, though sometimes if the doctor recommends something, people just go with it without thinking. But that's no excuse.

My grandmother knew what she was doing. I think she just wanted mim dead. I knew my grandmother was cold, but I didn't think she was that cold. That and making up stories about her being in a comma. She never even visited her, my parents went twice a week (once a week when she was living alone) and my father's couisns visit twice a week or so also. I went with my parents when I lived with them (and when I am visiting).

My grandparents lived next door to mim when she lived by herself, and never ever visited.

I'm sorry you lost your great grandmother. :hug: That's just awful the way they let her die like that. :no:

*hugs*

My wish for you: comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes...

I hope you're doing okay....

I'm so sorry, rainbow_clouds. That situation sounds so frustrating and sad.
I lost my great-grandmother (my Grammy) 2 Octobers ago. She was in her late 90's and lived a long, healthy life. She even had a boyfriend in the home she was in.
I can't imagine how sad and helpless you must feel.
Please accept my condolences and sympathy. :hug:

Your Mim is at peace now and she'll always be with you. :sunny:

I'm sorry Ranbow_Clouds. :hug: I never knew any of my great grandparents, because my grandparents had my parents in their 30's and 40's and my parents were 35 and 37 when they had me, so my great grandparents were long gone. I did have an incredible relationship with my grandma on my mom's side. I call her Gram. I'm 21 and she's 90 now. She was really sharp and healthy up until a few years ago. She's deteriorating really fast now and it upsets me a lot. She's depressed (which she NEVER was... she was always the one to cheer everyone up) and shuffles around like she's in pain. She's also got Dementia and possibly Alsheimer's, because she can't really remember any of her great-grandchildren or possibly grandchildren by now. My mom- her daughter- was sitting across the table from her a few days ago talking to her and my Gram didn't know her own daughter's name. I've been trying to prepare myself for her death, because I know it will be soon, and I hate it. I was never close to any family members at all except for her, and now I have a good relationship with my mother, but I can't help thinking about this happeneing to my mom someday. I know this relpy was probably more depressing than anything, but I wanted to let you know I sypathize with you. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, and my suggestion is to find out if what the nursing home and your grandma did was legal. :hug:

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Grandfather in June, but he was well taken care of. I'm so sorry she had to go like that. :hug:

She didn't act like she was in her 90's. She was very healthy up until she got the first infection last year. I remember taking her to the hospital one day and she was talking to the nurse and he asked her age, she replied with her age (93) and he looked at my mother and I and said "How old is she really?" He really didn't believe she was in her 90's. He said he thought she was in her 70's.

I'm very sorry to hear about that. Especially that it sounds like it might not have been what your great grandma wanted, in which case that is beyond aweful.

The legality lies in the details. If your GGM didn't have a living will naming someone else, medical decisions would have been left to her next of kin, possibly your grandma in the case that she was unable to communicate. The doctors may have felt the care they were giving her was futile, in that she would continue to be in and out of the hospital and in pain for months to come until she died. If that is what they felt the prognosis was, then they probably asked your grandma how aggressively to pursue treatment. But if your great grandma was conscious or in and out of consciousness, they should have asked her!

She was conscious. My parents visited her twice a week. (or once a week, I don't remember anymore)

She's had weird reactions to medicine before, when she got the first infection, where she didn't make any sense at all. She told me that her granddaughter (father's cousin) slept with her doctor so she would get better. (totally not true) and that she got a nurse fired (also not true). And my father visited her in a suit and gave her flowers. (not true) And some other things that didn't make sense.

They didn't know what was causing her pain, and didn't make much of an effort to find out besides taking her off morphine. Her second infection was all cleared up and the hospital sent her back to the nursing home.

And I find it hard to believe she didn't have a living will, she already had her funeral completely payed for and lunch for all the funeral attendees.

Maybe this was what she wanted, but I don't think so. I think it was with my grandmother wanted. Grandma signed the papers. I haven't seen her in 5 years because my father isn't speaking to his parents. Last I knew he was going to try and sue his parents. So much hatred... And I haven't seen Mim in a while since I moved back out with my parents, so I only know what my mother tells me. *sigh*

Anyways, I wish she didn't have to die like that. I'd feel much better if it was short and painless and natural. She starved for 4 days before she died.

And grandma could have at least let everyone in the family know what she was doing and why she was doing it.

I don't understand how it could be legal to kill someone by withholding food and water. That is the cruelest thing I've ever heard of. My god, how horrible. :( I'm so sorry.

She was conscious. My parents visited her twice a week. (or once a week, I don't remember anymore)

She's had weird reactions to medicine before, when she got the first infection, where she didn't make any sense at all. She told me that her granddaughter (father's cousin) slept with her doctor so she would get better. (totally not true) and that she got a nurse fired (also not true). And my father visited her in a suit and gave her flowers. (not true) And some other things that didn't make sense.

They didn't know what was causing her pain, and didn't make much of an effort to find out besides taking her off morphine. Her second infection was all cleared up and the hospital sent her back to the nursing home.

And I find it hard to believe she didn't have a living will, she already had her funeral completely payed for and lunch for all the funeral attendees.

Maybe this was what she wanted, but I don't think so. I think it was with my grandmother wanted. Grandma signed the papers. I haven't seen her in 5 years because my father isn't speaking to his parents. Last I knew he was going to try and sue his parents. So much hatred... And I haven't seen Mim in a while since I moved back out with my parents, so I only know what my mother tells me. *sigh*

Anyways, I wish she didn't have to die like that. I'd feel much better if it was short and painless and natural. She starved for 4 days before she died.If she wasn't making sense, that is probably the reason your grandma took over the decision. A living will is more difficult to set up than funeral arrangements. But if she had one and it wasn't honored, your dad ought to look into that. But if he was to be the decision maker, he would have known.

If your GGM died soon after they stopped treating her, there must have been something else going on. Death from dehydration alone usually takes up to 3 weeks. But whatever happened, and even if there was foul play involved, I have some information which might be of comfort. As far as the natural death goes, if she was unable to feed herself, then by not putting any tubes in her she did have a painless and natural death. If she did indeed die from dehydration it was not a painful death. Please visit any website on hospice care (the form of care for the dying which puts comfort/wishes of the patient above all else) or check out this link. http://msnbc.msn.com/id/7264562/

i'm so sorry for your loss and i'm sorry for all of the sadness and confusion surrounding her death as well. this makes the loss increasingly hard.

i wish you all the best.

Thanks everyone.

I'm so sorry, *hugs*. You're in my thougths & prayers.

My great grandmother died recently, too. When I found out, all I could think about was the summers in Oklahoma, visiting her, and remembering her cheat at Skip-Bo. She was a cool grandma. My step great grandma died recently, also. Now I have one left, and her time is limited as well.

I'm so sorry! :hug:

(*big hug*) I am really sorry.... I wish I had more to offer as far as what to say. I wish we would take so much better care of our families no matter how we felt about any member.