My ex, who I broke up months ago has recently found himself a new girlfriend. We've been friends since [with some periods of no contact to try and help ourselves get over it] and he knows I still have unresolved feelings for him. I spoke to him the other day after he had been away with her. He was riding on a high and I was on a bit of a downer for various reasons. He told me how she makes him "giggly and happy" and for some ridiculous reason I asked him if I ever made him feel as good as she does. He said something along the lines of "you made me feel closer to it than most people ever have" so I said "I assume thats a no, then." He said "Afraid so."
We talked a bit about why we broke up [he was commitment phobic]. I asked him what made him change and he said he hasn't, there's just something "special" about this new girl that makes him want to keep her close. Which means there was nothing "special" about me.

He claims he was in love with me, but thats such a small consolation now. He was the first [and so far only] guy I've ever been really in love with and I gave him pretty much everything. I'm behaving like a total lovestruck female, I know, but I still have nostalgic feelings for when I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever been with and having someone in love with me.

When he admitted to me that this new girl means more to him than I ever did, I knew he found it in our best interests for him to be honest. But I can't help but feel resentful that he has found such happiness, when he caused me so much pain.

I'm starting to grow apart from some old friends, and getting restless to get some serious change happening in my life. This combined with our discussion has brought a lot to a head and I haven't been an overly happy girl recently.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. Just a rant, or looking for advice or someone in a similar predicament?
I guess at my tender age of 21 I already feel embittered towards guys/relationships and not sure how to get over it. Cutting him out of my life altogether would probably be a good option, but I still consider him a good friend. Maybe I just want to cling to the past?

I don't know. hehe. :(

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know how hard it is to break up with people and put things to an end. Especially when they are with new people and behave insensitively. I hope things get better for you x

Stop torturing yourself and stop communicating with him about his personal life until it no longer hurts you. I generally cannot be "friends" with ex's for this very reason (or at least for a very long time.) Give yourself time to heal. Right now discussing this stuff with him is like picking at a wound. He should know better than to bring it up with you anyway if he knows you still have unresolved issues with him.

I don't think I could be really effective friends with an ex until I'd totally and completely lost all feelings for them. With my own experience, after I'd lost all feelings for them, I really didn't feel any compulsion to be around them anymore anyway.

I agree with Thalia though. Don't see him anymore or at least minimise contact with him as much as possible until you're over him. It might take a while, but you'll be better off for it. There's no sense in pining over him when he's with someone new. You've got better things to do with your time than waste away for some guy who didn't have the sense to keep it together with you in the first place. There are better guys out there. Ones that will treat you how you deserve to be treated.

We talked a bit about why we broke up [he was commitment phobic]. I asked him what made him change and he said he hasn't, there's just something "special" about this new girl that makes him want to keep her close. Which means there was nothing "special" about me.

Any guy with an ounce of intelligence should understand that saying something like that to you is going to make you feel like a piece of crap, especially when he knows that you still have feelings for him. Obviously I don't know this guy so I could be wrong, but it does sound a bit like he's either trying to make you jealous, or is maybe getting an ego boost from knowing you're still hung up on him. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't still consider him a good friend, I'd make a clean break.

I hope you feel a bit better soon :)

my friend, who is friends with many of his 'ex's' doesn't talk about his new relationships with them. in fact, he's good friends with me, and i don't know much about his relationships with his girlfriends. he keeps his private life very close to the vest, and i think that's important. We're good friends, but he doesn't need to know my intimates and i don't need to know his.

so, essentially what thalia said is a good option. Also, long enough breaks for you to work through your concernsand left-over feelings for him.

Any guy with an ounce of intelligence should understand that saying something like that to you is going to make you feel like a piece of crap, especially when he knows that you still have feelings for him.

On the other hand, think of how much it would suck for his current girlfriend if he were to say anything else.

I loved my ex-boyfriend, as much as it is hard to recall the exact feeling now. It's nothing compared to my relationship with my current boyfriend. That's the way things should be. Since she asked him the question, he had to give an answer. The way to avoid this would be not asking questions about his new girlfriend.

Space may be needed, but I think it's more likely that the topic of boyfriends/girlfriends --past, present, or future-- should be avoided at all costs.

nm

I'm your age, and in the exact same situation... sorta..... but I am the new girlfriend in my case.

So some advice from me... cut off contact. its better for YOU.

I see how much his ex loves him still, and I told him that if she needs to talk to him then to let her. She needs to get everything out. I understand what she must be going through. I've been there too.

Some people are simply more compatible than others. There is no less harsh way of saying that. The thing is, I don't think that its his "fault" or my "fault" She is hurt, yes. But she would probably be MORE hurt if she let the relationship, or what was left of it, linger on and on, with the hope in the back of the mind that perhaps they would reconcile.

I've done that in the past. It leads you nowhere.

The only way to truly heal from such a break is to completely cut off contact from that person. This dosen't mean forever, if you don't want it to. But these things take time. I know at first, you will be feeling very hurt, even abandoned. But in the end, you'll realise that you're the stronger one, and that if hes able to say those kinds of things to you, then you dont need that negativity in your life.

When you are fully over him (this could take a couple of years sometimes, depending on how long your relationship with him was) you will know it. This is when, and ONLY then, can you be friends again.

If you have more questions.. send em my way...

I also think you should cut contact with him, for the time being anyway. I split up with my fiance in December, just before xmas, and i have only just ended my contact with him about 4 weeks ago. Although we didn't talk about our new relationships, it just seemed impossible for us to be friends. He constantly found a way to argue with me about the past, and it kept dragging me back down, just as i was getting better. So i told him, although i do want to be friends with him, he's not making it easy for either of us, so it's best we just forget it. It is so much easier to get over someone when you have no contact, and aren't expecting phone calls or text messages from them. It is still hard, yes, but "out of sight, out of mind" really can work in this situation. Further along in the future, when i am completely over my ex and have moved on, i hope that we can at least be on speaking terms or even friends. I'm sure this will happen for you, if you give yourself the time you need to get over him.