So anyway I am at University now and having a really good time in some ways and not in others. I like being independent but I have been having some problems- mainly people problems.
I am generally good at being sociable and I get on alright with my flatmates but I am feeling quite isolated and alone kind of because they are quite different from me. They mostly seem to care about getting drunk and pulling members of the opposite sex. I have been going out with them drinking and stuff but I don't feel comfortable doing that all the time because I like to read books about conspiricies and stuff which makes you think but they just talk about all the sex or whatever they've had or how drunk they've been and I find it hard to relate to them because I am not really a big drinker and I don't have any really funny stories and I have never been in a relationship before.
I accidently told one of the girls (when I was drunk) that I was a virgin and I'd never had really close friends to go out with on a night and stuff and she was like "oh my god" and acting like I was really wierd or something. They are always talking about their old mates and inviting them over to the flat but I feel like a big loser because my old 'friends' don't give a **** about me. They think I'm really niave and wierd or something- I am not just being paranoid they give me wierd looks and stuff sometimes because I don't understand what they are talking about sometimes.
The other night the rest of the girls ordered a taxi to go to this club without me and I was really angry because they didn't include me when they knew I was going. Was this inconsiderate or what?
Mind you I went out with the upstairs flat instead who were really nice and very CONSIDERATE.
I know they are just flat mates and I will probably make other friends but what if I don't and I am stuck with them being inconsiderate and stuff and really different from me.
I just feel so alone and really sorry for myself at the moment because I don't really fit in yet or might never fit in properly- like in school and college (high school). I am afraid I'm just going to end up really isolated again. Lots of people have been in this situation before so I wondered if they could give me any advice or anything. :help:

i don't have advice, but i will probably graduate this year and i haven't made any friends at all, so i feel similarly. i feel like if i don't meet people in school, where will meet people? and i feel like i'm missing out on the college (US "college") experience, even though i'm not interested in the partying/drinking which seems to be a huge part of it.

The first year of university involves so much adjustment and self discovery....

and discovering that ROOMMATES SUCK! (well not all of them, but we all have our horror stories)

Living with people is never easy, but it must be hard living with people that you do not have a lot in common with. Don't feel weird about it... you just have to go and seek out like-minded people. Typical advice, but join a club/society on campus that is of interest to you.

Don't ever let people come down on you for your choices... university should allow people to be more open-minded, but unfortunately it doesn't always happen with some.

Good luck!

It sounds like you need to spend more time with the people upstairs! Or you could start hanging around places that might attract people with common interests. Are there any clubs at your school that interest you? Maybe a political/vegetarian/book reading club or something? That could be a good way to meet people. And trust me, you are NOT weird because you don't want to drink and talk about sex all the time!

Don't worry! I was in a similar situation in college! My interests seemed vastly different than the rest of the freshman class. Added to that, I was horribly, painfully shy, to the point where I lost about 10 pounds due to the fact that going down to the dining hall was kind of terrifiying.
In an effort to break out of my isolation, I joined groups various groups on campus that forced me out of my shell, Alliance (the GBLT group), Take Back the Night, Feminist Majority, etc...
I never really made many friends in my dorm or in my classes (I was always a bit too argumentative for the majority of freshmen) that first year, but I made a ton of friends through those groups.

As for the roommate situation, if you have a resident assistant, talk to the RA and see if they can offer suggestions.

In an effort to break out of my isolation, I joined groups various groups on campus that forced me out of my shell, Alliance (the GBLT group), Take Back the Night, Feminist Majority, etc...
I never really made many friends in my dorm or in my classes (I was always a bit too argumentative for the majority of freshmen) that first year, but I made a ton of friends through those groups.

^ This is great advice!

I don't drink alcohol or do any recreational drugs at all, and rarely went to parties, and definately wasn't interested in what "Mainstream" kids at the U were into.

I am lucky that I am not shy at all... but the place were I made the majority of my friends was through student groups. I am still pretty close to about 5-15 of them. We still talk politics and we all support each other, from a distance.

Those friends were much more dynamic and exciting than the ones I would meet randomly in classes. Classes and parties were great for a few things including picking out cute people; but student groups is where I did most of my learning and met most of my friends.

Join the local veggie or Animal Rights group. You might just make a friend while doing something good.

I don't have much other advice to add but I do know where you're coming from. I lived in residence last year at Uni and I felt so out of place...I think part of it was because I am older than most people in my year, so everyone seemed immature to me, and also they would drink every night and party which is not my thing at all (well, I like to do it sometimes I guess...but not all the time!!!!). I made several friends on my floor, people who were more easygoing and quiet like me, and more mature than the others. Also through those friends I made friends with some other people on campus, but not very many.

So this year in a way I guess I'm in a situation similar to yours. I don't live with roomies who get drunk and sleep with everyone all the time, but I am wondering how to meet new people, since some of my friends from last year did not come back :(. I agree with the idea of joining a club, or at least checking out what there is. You could also sign up for a yoga class or karate or whatever it is that you enjoy...

Hanging out with the people from upstairs more often sounds like a good idea too, since they are more considerate. Try not to worry about what your flatmates think. There are more interesting things to talk about than how many guys you can get or how drunk you were on some night. Quite frankly I find those sorts of stories kind of boring now....maybe you just need some friends who have more intelligent things to say. :)

i also joined groups with people who have common interests. many of the ones that MEM mentioned in fact. interesting. . .:)

anyway, i never went out drinking with anyone in college, because it wasn't my deal. today, i'll go to bars or clubs with friends, but i still don't drink. but when you're older (after college) people don't seem to care. in college, they do. it's strange.

I still live at home and go to uni and work, and I've never found it easy to make friends at uni for some reason. For me, it has been easier to meet people at work and stay friends with the friends you have already. I'd agree with the above posts though that gropus that have people with like-minded interests would help- if your rommates aren't your style your sure to find people that are.

Good Luck :)

Sometimes it takes time, but I think that people often grow into thenselves at this teen/early twenties time and in a few years you'll be fine.

Getting involved in club that interest you is awesome advice. I go to a generally conservative, Catholic school, and I'm not, so sometimes I feel alienated from a lot of people here. So I got involved with an animal advocacy group, and a feminist group, and other things like this. It helps me feel more connected.

It took me some time before I met people that I really felt like I connected with. (I'm in my third year now.) But it did happen. Your first year, especially in the beginning, it's so hard to make good friends, just because you're meeting so many new people and everyone is trying to act the way that they should instead of the way that they are. Just give it time.

Aww I think you sound like a lovely person, and you will find people like you, thousands of people must attend your university, you just have to keep chatting to people. I was in a flat with a boy who stayed up at night watching documetaries and played with warhammer, and although it took him a while, he soon integrated with us, and others.
If university taught me one thing, it was to accept people for who they are - hopefully your flatmates/new friends will learn this too. Good luck x