Why is it that people cant confront you and tell you whats bothering you instead of giving the silent treatment!!!? No matter how many times I tell them or even confront them, it doesnt get through to them.

They are so narrow-minded and hate me for being so open-minded.
:wall:

Maybe they don't like confrontations. Maybe they don't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe they don't want to say something in the heat of the moment that they'll regret later. Maybe they're so upset, that they'll start crying if they try to talk, and they really hate to cry in front of someone else. Lots of reasons.

Maybe they don't like being called narrow-minded, and don't want to bother talking to you since you've already made up your mind about them.

Thanks.. while all those things can be true. Yet, no one acknowledge whether i was open minded and they're narrow minded..

I think they just dont want to get blame. And they dont realize they are hurting me but they think im hurting them cuz i wont communicate back with them.

Maybe they don't like confrontations. Maybe they don't want to hurt your feelings. Maybe they don't want to say something in the heat of the moment that they'll regret later. Maybe they're so upset, that they'll start crying if they try to talk, and they really hate to cry in front of someone else. Lots of reasons.
:wayne: Exactly what I was going to write.

No one really likes to accept the blame in a situation, but sometimes its easier to just put the blame on yourself and move on from there.

I'm a big fan of the silent treatment! :sealed:

But its definitely because they dont want to get blame; therefore, they dont like confrontations. They're bad at communications. And im at my wits end.

Im talking about my parents here... arrrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhh.:(

they give me an option to :gun: myself

I'm a big fan of the silent treatment! :sealed:


yeah, u havent been around. :p

because they are stubborn.

I hate it when people get all pissy and go quiet, and you say "what's wrong?" and they say "nothing". You ask a couple of times, but they keep insisting nothing is wrong. So you take them at their word and they get even pissier because you were somehow suppossed to know not only that "nothing" meant "something", but somehow work out what that "something" was.

yep, exactly. sounds like the characteristic of a woman. :p

A woman? I've never done that. My ex used to and he was (and is) a man. Or a boy. And he knew he was doing it, the bugger.

Hahaha. I havent known a "male" that acts that way, besides my dad..but they all have been straightforward.

I notice a lot of women though. Its like they expect you to know as if they have been dropping hints.

I hate it when people get all pissy and go quiet, and you say "what's wrong?" and they say "nothing". You ask a couple of times, but they keep insisting nothing is wrong. So you take them at their word and they get even pissier because you were somehow suppossed to know not only that "nothing" meant "something", but somehow work out what that "something" was.
I hate when this happens. I have friends who've done this to me. They get mad at me and when I ask them why, they'll refuse to tell me and say I should know. Then when I ask them again later, they say, "Oh, nothing," and just act even grumpier :wall:

I hate it when people get all pissy and go quiet, and you say "what's wrong?" and they say "nothing". You ask a couple of times, but they keep insisting nothing is wrong. So you take them at their word and they get even pissier because you were somehow suppossed to know not only that "nothing" meant "something", but somehow work out what that "something" was.

That's my bf at times. He has gotten better about it though. It used to be his signature move.

My mother invented the silent treatment. :whip:

She will also do this: I'll show up at her house for some social thingy. My mood is cheerful and upbeat, and right away she'll say "I'm mad at you". Then when I ask why, she'll say "You know why."

Um, no, I don't. :brood:

My wife was so good at "discussing" things versus me, that she could tie me up in knots. So my only defense was to shut up. I wasn't trying to hurt her, I just couldn't compete. It took years for me to learn to open up to her and it took her years to learn to let me feel my way around in the discussion w/out quickly winning.
Don't know if this makes sense, but it is the way I feel about it.

I hate it when people get all pissy and go quiet, and you say "what's wrong?" and they say "nothing". You ask a couple of times, but they keep insisting nothing is wrong. So you take them at their word and they get even pissier because you were somehow suppossed to know not only that "nothing" meant "something", but somehow work out what that "something" was.

I had an ex that did that. Drove me up the wall.

Wow, I did not know that men were just like that. I think its the fear of women getting all aggressive back at him.

:/

Er....*raises hand* I am guilty of doing this!! Heh...I use it very sparingly tho...if I tell/ask someone repeatedly to stop doing something, and they keep doing it despite it clearly upsetting me, I will go quiet and let them figure it out (which shouldn't be too hard). Shoulda listened in the first place if they wanted to know why I'm upset....drives me up the wall when people don't listen! Or that's how I see things. I can see how this would be irritating if someone gave you the silent treatment without warning.

I actually had the gut to go up to my mom and tried to talk to her and it was very strange. She can never go a day without talking to me.

Silent treatment is soooo annoying makes me feel soooooooooooo invisible!! And sometimes guilty in an unknown way.

personally, I find it much easier to let off steam alone. If I get pi$$ed and start talking, all sorts of garbage comes out that makes the situation much MUCH worse! I have heard the warnings about keeping it in, but it seems to work well for me. Only after I calm down and become rational can I talk about what was bothering me. If I try to talk while I am upset, I cant really control myself, and it is not pretty.....

PS after rereading my post it sounds like I would get violent. I DESPISE VIOLENCE!! I just cant talk about my feelings while I am feeling them. I dont know what it stems from, but I acknowledge it and accept it and have found ways to deal with it

Good luck!!

Sean

I hate it when people get all pissy and go quiet, and you say "what's wrong?" and they say "nothing". You ask a couple of times, but they keep insisting nothing is wrong. So you take them at their word and they get even pissier because you were somehow suppossed to know not only that "nothing" meant "something", but somehow work out what that "something" was.
yep, exactly. sounds like the characteristic of a woman. :p

Oh men too. This sounds exactly like my ex and the emotional eggshells I had to dance carefully over for 16+ years...

It took it's toll on me as well, and I adopted the whole "silent treatment" routine too, as a way to cope, and defend myself. I'm just now beginning to realize it's OK to talk to people about how I'm feeling or even identify for myself exactly what's going on in my head...

I think a lot of women tend to use the "silent treatment" because of the way women get angry versus men. We are often slower to anger, and we tend to go through a prolonged stage of hurt before it reaches the anger point. Then we have to spend time sorting through our feelings internally before we are able to verbalize exactly how we are feeling. Explaining exactly why we feel that way can be even harder.

So I think that when a woman gives you the silent treatment or the classic "Nothing's wrong," she is usually telling you one of two things:

1. Either she wants you to be patient and let her work through it in her own mind before she is ready to discuss it, or

2. She wants you to suck up to her and abase yourself, show her that you care enough about how she feels to put some real effort into figuring out what's bothering her, and show her that you genuinely want to make things right and do better in the future. (Passive-aggressive, I know, but I don't make the world, I just live in it.)

Or, 3. A combination of 1 and 2.

Most men instinctively respond to the silent treatment or the "Nothing's wrong" by saying, "Fine. You don't want to talk about it, we won't talk about it," and leaving the area. This is the worst possible response. Now you're both mad and you have a mutual sulk going on, and you're no closer to resolving anything. I believe the silent treatment is, more than anything else, a plea for attention and a demonstration that you care about how this person feels. So give it what it needs.

In the face of the silent treatment I suggest some token sucking up-- an extravagant gesture or two wouldn't hurt-- and if she's still not ready to talk, tell her you want to work through it, but if she needs time before she's ready to talk, you'll give her all she needs. The trick here is that you have to mean all this. If you don't mean it, she'll see right through it and you'll get the "You can't buy forgiveness with flowers!" line.

The old "I think you know why" is a very similar passive-agressive tactic that often means means, "I don't know why yet." See #1 above. Or it can mean, "You don't care enough about me to even notice that you've hurt me!" See #2 above.

I've done this too! But, it's not meant to be narrow minded or stubborn, sometimes a confrontation is just too hard, and I need time to think of what exactly the problem is, instead of starting the confrontation and ending up shouting abouyt a lot of things that weren't even the point to begin with... I'm really bad in fights and argueing...

I think a lot of women tend to use the "silent treatment" because of the way women get angry versus men. We are often slower to anger, and we tend to go through a prolonged stage of hurt before it reaches the anger point. Then we have to spend time sorting through our feelings internally before we are able to verbalize exactly how we are feeling. Explaining exactly why we feel that way can be even harder.

Gee, and I thought it was men who are supposed to be the emotional dimwits.

In the face of the silent treatment I suggest some token sucking up-- an extravagant gesture or two wouldn't hurt--

Let me get this straight. The proper response to juvenile, relationship-destryoing behavior is to reward it?

The old "I think you know why" is a very similar passive-agressive tactic that often means means, "I don't know why yet." See #1 above. Or it can mean, "You don't care enough about me to even notice that you've hurt me!" See #2 above.

I don't see how it can be the case when someone is asking to start up a conversation about what is wrong.