Alright, so I've got this new guy friend who I met like a month or two ago. We get along pretty good and we've been spending a fair amount of time together because we have a lot in common. The problem is I think he has a thing for me and I only see him as a friend.. and nothing more. I think I've led him on without really realizing it and I feel bad.
He's making all of these pitiful hints, without really coming out and saying that he likes me and I'm trying my best to hint off that I don't like him to save him the embarrassment of being turned down.. but to be honest I really value his friendship and I'm wondering how I can do this without ruining it? I want to be firm enough so that he gets it, but nice enough to preserve the friendship and I'm wondering if this is possible? I think back to the movie, "When Harry Met Sally," and I'm wondering if what he says is true.. that men and women cannot "just be friends." I hope this isn't the case. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

I think back to the movie, "When Harry Met Sally," and I'm wondering if what he says is true.. that men and women cannot "just be friends." I hope this isn't the case.

Nope, it's bull****.

Men and women can be friends. Just some men cant be friends with women, and vice versa. It depends on the person.

I am personally a fan of being straightfoward. It might hurt at first (and who knows, if your assumption is wrong, you could be the one who looks silly) but its best not to lead someone on.

Yeah, be honest. I've been on the other side and the wondering, the questioning, the hoping the other person gets my hints...it sucks. i would have preferred if the person just flat out said "I only like you as a friend" because it would have saved me lots of grief and months of thinking about it. So...be gentle, but make sure he understands.

If you really don't know how to say it, say something like "I value your friendship a lot. I wouldn't change our relationship at all, for anything in the world."

I had the same problem with a guy a while back, and I would suggest that you not hang out with him alone. Always have at least one or two other people around. If you're out with friends, don't sit next to him. If you're organising an outing and want him to be there, just get a few other people to come before you ask him and say something like "Alan, Mary, Frank and I are going someplace, you want to come too?" He probably won't tell you he likes you if somebody else is around, so just don't give him that opportunity.

Be friendly, have conversations, but do your best to be distant. Give hints like "Damn, a while ago this guy I know told me he liked me, but I didn't like him back! It was so awkward! I hope that never happens again." It might let him get the hint and hopefully he'll move on without losing his friendship with you.

Be straightforward with him and ask him but be sure to tell him exactly how you feel about him.

Get a boyfriend (although this might not be the most practical idea)

Be friendly, have conversations, but do your best to be distant. Give hints like "Damn, a while ago this guy I know told me he liked me, but I didn't like him back! It was so awkward! I hope that never happens again." It might let him get the hint and hopefully he'll move on without losing his friendship with you.

lol

I think back to the movie, "When Harry Met Sally," and I'm wondering if what he says is true.. that men and women cannot "just be friends." I hope this isn't the case. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

Men and women can be wonderful friends - a couple of my best friends are guys, and I value their friendship tremendously. But we are definitely "just friends" and nothing more.

I think the above advice is all good, try not to plan events alone with this guy, make it clear you aren't looking for a relationship, either be direct and talk to him about it honestly and straightforward - (it depends on how you want to handle him, and how you think he'll feel and react - it's nice that you're being so considerate of his feelings) or be little less direct like Astarte said with the whole "Damn, a while ago this guy I know told me he liked me, but I didn't like him back! It was so awkward!.." Thats actually a pretty good tactic if you think he'd "get it".

But do it soon. Don't prolong things just because it's a hard thing to do... It'll end up being harder on both of you...

If you can spare his feelings and come out of this as friends still, you'll have both gained something very precious - another friend. You can never have too many of those.

(Of course, remember in "When Harry Met Sally" they DO end up together..:smitten:)

And just for encouragement, I went through the same thing with one of my guy friends 2 or 3 years ago, and we're still good friends. We both just sort of pretend it never happened :p

Hmm..whenever I suspect someone likes me I'll usually say something that hints very obviously that I'm not interested. There was one guy who I managed to work into a regular conversation we were having that I refuse to date younger guys (he was younger than me). He got the hint.

You could try saying something like, "you know (your friends name), you're such a good friend to me. I would hate for anything to happen that would ruin the friendship." Or if that's too corny for you it might be best for you to be straight up with him so he won't misinterpret anything else you might say to him. Also if you don't really like the idea of dating guy friends at all, in general (i most certainly am not, anymore), you could say something like "yeah some of my friends think that guy friends make the best boyfriends, but I could never do that. I wouldn't risk my friendship with any of my guy friends for anything. It's just not worth it."

Not sure how helpful this is, but good luck with that...don't wait too long to say something to him.

Be friendly, have conversations, but do your best to be distant. Give hints like "Damn, a while ago this guy I know told me he liked me, but I didn't like him back! It was so awkward! I hope that never happens again." It might let him get the hint and hopefully he'll move on without losing his friendship with you.

Haha, that sounds like a bad idea. It would also be so obvious what you're trying to hint, that you'd just might as well tell the person how you feel.

I say, just be honest with him about how you feel about how you think he feels. If it turns out that he does like you, just be honest about your feelings. I've been through this hoopla a few times, as I tend to develop feelings for friends, cause i like knowing i can be friends with someone before pursuing relationships. So ya, i've been turned down more often than not, after coming clean with my feelings, and I appreciated the honesty. It's never an easy situation, but if your friendship is strong enough, and you both are mature enough, it can work out. I had a pretty big crush on one of my friends who is now one of my best friends. There were times when it was tough, not just for me, but for her. The whole situation gave a whole different dynamic to our friendship, but I got over it, and we're good friends now.

Get a boyfriend (although this might not be the most practical idea)

The thing is I do kind of have a long disance relationship going on that I haven't really told this friend about. It's interesting though because he came over to use my laptop and I had a pitcture of me and the other guy set as my background to kind of hint off, but he never asked about it. Thanks for all the advice though. I know the next time there's a long pause between us, I will be the first to talk. :yes:

I disagree with the hint thing. Some people just don't get hits. Tellng him flat out is the best. It might be awkward, but at least there are no misunderstandings. With the hint thing a hopeful heart can turn it around and think it means something else.

The Harry met Sally thing? Nah.. men and women can be just friends. For sure.

Men and women can be friends, but only under certain circumstances. For an interesting read on how men and women evaluate relationships, check out the ladder theory, http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
I'd have to say i agree with it 100 percent.

Alright, so I've got this new guy friend who I met like a month or two ago. We get along pretty good and we've been spending a fair amount of time together because we have a lot in common. The problem is I think he has a thing for me and I only see him as a friend.. and nothing more. I think I've led him on without really realizing it and I feel bad.
He's making all of these pitiful hints, without really coming out and saying that he likes me and I'm trying my best to hint off that I don't like him to save him the embarrassment of being turned down.. but to be honest I really value his friendship and I'm wondering how I can do this without ruining it? I want to be firm enough so that he gets it, but nice enough to preserve the friendship and I'm wondering if this is possible? I think back to the movie, "When Harry Met Sally," and I'm wondering if what he says is true.. that men and women cannot "just be friends." I hope this isn't the case. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.

Oh man, I've been having the exact same problem... It's so awkward.

Men and women can be friends, but only under certain circumstances. For an interesting read on how men and women evaluate relationships, check out the ladder theory, http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
I'd have to say i agree with it 100 percent.

:lol:

As the guy who wrote it says of himself:

"And why does everyone always say I'm bitter just because 99.999% of chicks are bitches?"