...

I'm so sorry. I can relate. It's been three years for us, and we still can't watch Animal Cops or similar shows (especially if they show mistreatment/misconceptions about pit bulls). I still have lingering guilt because I assured my husband it would be fine to have him neutered at his somewhat advanced age because he was having some kidney problems. We still don't know what caused it. Who knows? He'd been treated for heartworms the year before. And another guilt I have is that I didn't show him enough attention. (I'm not really a dog person, but I loved him.) And yes, the recent images are bothering me, too. I can't imagine how I'd feel only a couple months afterward.

We got another puppy about 6 months after Thor died. I guess my husband was ready. That has helped, I believe, along with remembering the good times we had with him. Don't look for another canine companion until you're ready. And it certainly is not replacing Bruno.

Do you think a counselor would help? It's a tough thing to go through, but it seems like you need some help dealing with it. You can PM or email me if you'd like, though I'm not sure how much help I'd be.

:hug:

I lost a dog 10 months ago and still go through this sometimes. It'll be okay for a while and then all the feelings and not sleeping come back. So I really have no advice, but just want to tell you I understand.

I cannot offer you advice, only warm hugs and an open ear. I'm so sorry for your loss. xoxoxoxo ~jamie~

Flower: If you believe in karma, then perhaps you need to accept that your Bruno also has his karma. No living creature is free from it.

He chose to come and live with you for a purpose.

I know you're not wanting to hear this, but I think Bruno would like you to share your love with a little puppy who is crying in an animal shelter.

It would not be a betrayal. Definitely not.

I think time really helps, it's only been 2 1/2 months so don't be so hard on yourself - please know it does take time. My thoughts are with you.

My simple advice would be to focus your mental energies on living in the present instead of the past. And if you wish to spend some time on the past, do so meditating on the happy moments you and your friend had together (happy memories) and not on the fact that your friend is gone (negative memory.)

It reminds me of veganism (and vegetarianism) and when people say things such as "I could never give up cheese (and meat)" and I tell them not to focus on what they're giving up (negative) but on all the new foods they can try (positive.)

Oh Flower. I totally understand. My kitty Meyer died suddenly at the beginning of May and I still have days where I just cry and cry. I know exactly what you mean about the last images haunting you. It's so hard to get past that.

I have new cats now--they came into my life unexpectedly, and I couldn't say no--and while I love them very much, I wouldn't say their presence helps me cope with the loss of Meyer. It's a totally separate thing. A new animal can never replace the old one--and that's really a good thing, because it reminds us how unique the love and relationship with the animal who has died is.

I really recommend the book How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0553352695/qid=1126380121/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/104-8999282-9779156?v=glance&s=books). It helped me a lot when I was first going through my grief. It's very insightful and it helps you make a place for yourself to grieve. Much better than any of the books I read about pet loss specifically, IMO.

I also think the recommendation of a counselor is a good one. There are a few people out there who will understand, and help you work through this.

I wanted to mention, a way to cope with the winter would be a project. Something to work on a little each day. A scrapbook maybe. Collected memories, pictures, stories. Things of this nature. Just an idea. huggles and warm smiles ~jamie~

btw~I did this with my son when we lost our Rottweiler to cancer 2 years ago. I did it mainly to help him but i found it helped me as well.

*sigh* that is beautiful xoxoxoxo~jamie~

Hi Flower, What a beautiful poem. I just wanted to add my two cents and let you know that I went through a very similar time in my life 2 years ago. I lost my beautiful Boxer named Norton. He was my life...I missed him even when I was at work. and one day he stopped eating and I found out he had stomach cancer and had to put him to sleep. I was put on xanax by my doctor for a few weeks and I could'nt eat or sleep for a long period of time. About 4 months later, I decided to get a puppy. I knew in my heart that no other dog would be as great as Nortie, but thought aww what the heck,well, I ended up getting a puppy that looked just like Norton. Jack is nothing like Norton,but has as much great qualities as Norton had and I felt so much better putting my energy into Jack instead of spending my time grieving over losing Norton. I will always miss my beloved Norton and what helps me through the hard times are the great memories and thanking god that he put Norton and I together in the same life. I hope that makes sense. I feel for you so much and I hope you find some peace and happiness soon.
Heres a great big hug from me to you.
Alene :)

Flower, I have thought about you often since your last post of bad news a couple of months ago.

I can't imagine what you are going through. My dog is my best friend and I am terrified of something happening to him.

The picture of you and Bruno by the lake is beautiful.

:( :hug:

I also want to add I hope you don't blame yourself for bad karma. Bruno was lucky to have you as a friend/parent and take comfort in the fact that he lived a good life in a loving home.

Have you ever read the poem "Rainbow Bridge"? Someone once posted it here and it was sad/beautiful at the same time.

Molly, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time, but I truly understand. I still miss my beloved cat, Buster, and he's been gone for 3 years (I slept with his ashes and cried every day for a month or so after he died). Everyone grieves at his/her own pace, and Bruno's passing is still very fresh. Just take one day at a time, and try to continue doing what you've been doing...emphasizing the positive. While I've never read the book MollyGoat recommended, it sounds like a good idea, and I hope it helps. As always, you know how to reach me, and my shoulder is here for you to lean on if you need it. :hug:

P.S. The photo of you and Bruno is beautiful! :smitten:

That's a beautiful poem, Flower. And Bruno is gorgeous. As is Thor.

I can definitely understand your not wanting another dog yet. I adopted another dog too soon after losing my boy and while I love the new dog now, for a long time I was like "what have I done? I don't want *this* dog." So don't adopt another until you feel ready. But maybe it would help if you maybe volunteer at a shelter or otherwise work with dogs, in honor of Bruno's memory. I know I can't go back and change things like I want to, but I've made a vow to help every other dog that I possibly can and that helps me. Maybe it'd help you. Of course, everyone's different.

:hug:

Volunteering at a shelter might be the way to go. You could feel like you are doing something good for the dogs without committing your home or your heart before you are ready. I loved your poem and I loved the picture of you and Bruno. I'm passing on another poem, and I hope you don't mind - I certainly don't intend for this as a response in any way to the pain you expressed in yours, it's just one that I love and use when there's a profound loss...

Native American Prayer -

I give you this one thought to keep-
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplift rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that sign at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still - in each new dawn.


Take care...

Oh I got tears in my eyes reading this. I know how it goes. I lost a dog when I was a child. It got ran over by a car. I taught that terrier so many tricks. My dad replaced it with the same bread, but never the same.

My dad took dogs in and out of me and my sisters lives every week or so, just like you trade in the stock market. Us kids would fall in love whith them, just so he could take them out of our lives. What an a*&###.

I know your pain. I think time will heal all wounds. I feel sorry for you. They are just like kids. Hang in there. It will get better.

I think the cycle of life just sucks!!!