WAAAAAAAAAH. My friend who just adopted her dog yesterday from the pound is facing 'post poochum depression'. She just doesn't feel bonded with the dog and is feeling trapped now. I've never felt that way - I fall in love with dogs after one second, but I can kind of see it happening. But has anyone ever felt this way and any words of advice.

P.S. Don't as Tom Cruise what he thinks of this . . .

If I'm not mistaken, isn't he an adolescent pooch - about 1 year? Like any teenager, pups that age can be a bit hard to love 100% of the time!!! They're always testing and asserting themselves, and they don't get tuckered out like a wee pup, and fall asleep in your lap with wonderful puppy breath! sigh....anyway - it can be a wonderful age, just a bit challenging at times. Please have her give it some time...doing "active" things like playing catch and going for long walks will help sap some of his energy so that he's less likely to be a pain in the butt. Get some good chew toys and have her use the crate to keep him out of trouble. I think you said he's part poodle? If that's the case, it's likely that he'll be pretty bright and quick to pick up on things. Typically poodles like to please their people, so that's a great thing. I'll bet she'll bond fairly soon - one day is hardly enough time to really lose your heart. Good luck!!!

Question - was he an impulse buy or had she put some thought into getting him, done research, etc etc. Does she want to bring him back? Are there problems with him ie peeing, barking, etc.

OK, and first of all it's only been 1 day! I hate to sound harsh but tell your friend to get a grip!! It's been 1 day only. It takes time. I think it's easier when we get a puppy, how can you not love a puppy?? I experienced this with Shadow our male. He was about 6 when we got him and it took quite awhile for me. He was so rife with problems that sometimes it was so hard to love him.

She needs to spend time with him, walk him, feed him, talk to him, etc, etc, etc.

Believe me, when you have had an 85 lb dog on a rope in the summer and you are wearing thick winter gloves and rubber boots so you don't get any rope burns, now THATS a tough dog to love - LOL.

And as for Tom Cruise, nah, not my type and really he is a bit weird - but I would ask Sean Penn - saw him on Larry King last night - he's homely handsome (yum)

Yep Poppy - they say he's a year. I think he may be about two though.

He's actually been very good and sweet. He follows her all over the place. The humping problem is getting better (he didn't do it all day tomorrow.) His only problem thus far is he won't go potty outside. Yesterday all day he never went - this morning she took him for a walk and he didn't go until he came back inside. I think that's a matter of him getting used to going potty outside - who knows where he came from.

So it's not really him misbehaving. It's just she isn't 'feeling it'. What if she never feels it? She even has lined up an alternative good home for him in case. Is it possible for someone never to bond with a dog???

Question - was he an impulse buy or had she put some thought into getting him, done research, etc etc. Does she want to bring him back? Are there problems with him ie peeing, barking, etc.

50/50 . . . she's been thinking about this for awhile. She's been wanting a dog, but I think the reality of having a dog just hit her when she brought him home.

OK, and first of all it's only been 1 day! I hate to sound harsh but tell your friend to get a grip!! It's been 1 day only. It takes time. I think it's easier when we get a puppy, how can you not love a puppy?? I experienced this with Shadow our male. He was about 6 when we got him and it took quite awhile for me. He was so rife with problems that sometimes it was so hard to love him.


That's true - it's only one day and I think she feels like it's a life altering experience - and it really doesn't have to be. She does go out a lot, and she still can, there will have to be some obvious changes though. No Happy Hour every day...that kind of thing.

And as for Tom Cruise, nah, not my type and really he is a bit weird - but I would ask Sean Penn - saw him on Larry King last night - he's homely handsome (yum)

He is VERY weird. I put that in because did you see what he said about Brooke Shields taking antidepressants for post natal depression?

Most people I've known who've gotten dogs when they were still young debated returning the dog because it was driving them crazy. Usually from chewing, whining or potty problems. I agree that time is needed.

While it would be a shame not to bond with the new dog, I'm sure it's very possible. (There are lots of kids I know I'd never bond with!!!) Good for her to have found alternate care for the pooch if it doesn't work out - at least he won't have to go back to an institutional setting, or God forbid - worse!

I hope she tries it for a bit longer - he sounds like a nice guy - but hey, if he's not doing it for her, and he has the chance to be adored somewhere else, maybe that would be the best in the long run. Still maybe she can try him for a week...

I hope she tries it for a bit longer - he sounds like a nice guy - but hey, if he's not doing it for her, and he has the chance to be adored somewhere else, maybe that would be the best in the long run. Still maybe she can try him for a week...


That's quite true. He'd be better off with someone who adores him.

I think she'll give him at least a month. Right now I'm just trying to reassure her that her life is most definately not over. I told her to do something fun with "Lloyd" this week - go to the dogpark, etc. or go on a hike with me and two of my dogs this Saturday morning. He'll be beat (so will she) and then she won't feel bad going out during the day or evening.

Well, I am glad she has another home. If he doesn't work out, then at least she knows having a dog is alot of work and may not be what her lifestyle should have.

I can tell you from experience with Shadow that it took well over a year. I cried alot for the first 6 months because of all his problems (food stealing, on the table constantly, chasing cars, barking constantly, pulling, fighting with un-neutered males, oh and wanting to put his jaws around one of my cats throat all the time - oh god there's more, I just can't think of what they are) But I just couldn't send him back to the pound - he had been in the SPCA for 10 months when they had their no-kill moratorium. Also, we had to have 11 teeth removed, he had chewed them down to the exposed roots.

As for Tom Cruise, yea, I saw that - saw his interview with Matt Lauer. Good luck to Katie Holmes - she is going to need it. Now back to Sean Penn.....

Its not uncommon for women to take weeks, or even months to bond with their children after childbirth, and there are hormones, etc. that naturally come into play with child bonding. I think its perfectly reasonable to take a little while to bond with a new dog.

She may be experiencing a bit of "new responsibility panic." All of a sudden, she has another life to care for. As much as she wanted a dog and felt prepared to have a dog, once its in her house, she may feel a sense of dread now about being tied down to the dog "lifestyle" and be nervous about all the responsibility that is involved in pet ownership.

Honestly, I had a bit of that when I moved with my cats. We'd been living with my parents for the past few years, and when we (the cats and I) moved away and got our own place, I had a sudden "Oh my god what if I can't take care of them" panic which made NO sense because I'M the one who worked in veterinary medicine for the past 5 yrs!!! I know how to take care of them better than my family!! Once they settled in and I settled in we're fine. :) I can't imagine coming home and seeing Munchie standing on the back of the couch looking out the window for me (yes, like a dog) and not hitting one of them upside the head with the front door because they're anxious to see me home.

Hopefully your friend will relax into a comfortable position with the dog!!

On the housebreaking note... one thing that is recommended is NOT to walk a dog to go to the bathroom. You take the dog to its "potty spot" and they go there, and THEN as a reward they get to go on a walk. Its convenient when you haven't got time to wander around the neighborhood for an hour waiting for the dog to choose the perfect spot. They make little yard stakes too that have phermones or something that makes the dog wanna go there. My friend's puppy will not potty on leash, or on grass, and will wait for hours and hours to be let out into the yard as opposed to being walked. She's a goofy puppy!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH . . . I'm so annoyed right now. She called me up this morning. This poor dog. Apparently he was in the crate and she got up to take him for a morning walk. - oh he went potty (1 & 2) in his crate. He growled and was aggressive and bit her. She called me up saying he has to leave now, she doesn't want him, and she doesn't want to give him up to people she knows as he's aggressive.

I spent a few hours with this dog . . . he's not aggressive. I think he has the potential to be protective and maybe dog/dog aggressive. I said he might be sick (he's been sleeping and quiet a lot) or in pain.

She is being good with not dumping him at the shelter and taking him to the vets today. And I'm trying to figure out what to do. The rescues are overwhelmed because a lot of the N.O. dogs are coming here:(

AF - did she reach into the crate to get him? If she did, Big mistake in my eyes. The crate would be his safe spot, his territory. Did she startle him? Did she grab him and where? Frankly, he doesn't know her from Adam and so her actions could have been construed in his eyes as some kind of agression towards him.

OK , here is a link about testing for aggressiveness. It shows different kinds but from what you have said, I wonder if it is the "Physical Sensitivity" Test she needs. Also, any info on his history, ie -why was he turned in? Was he abused? Was he around small children. I am wondering if he was and the children did not behave properly towards him - ie pulling fur, etc?

http://www.unclematty.com/training/tempertesting.htm#

I can tell you that I did the "Physical Sensitivity" Tests on all 3 of my dogs prior to getting them and they all passed. I have never done any of the other tests as there really was no need.

Honestly, my gut tells me she just regrets getting him.

Oh, and as far as crating goes, I really don't understand it as I have never crated my dogs. Does anyone here crate them and why?

Wow - sounds like things are not going so well. How big is this crate? Sometimes dogs will use the crate when they have too much room. She should block off all but enough room for him to turn around fully. And as far as his being aggressive, did she reach in the crate to get him? Some dogs can be possessive about their "dens". Verbal coaxing might work better. Has your friend ever had a dog before? The library and big bookstores would have plenty of books on dog behaviors - there's one called "How to Raise a Puppy you Can Live With" that I've heard praised.

On another note, maybe this fellow would respond best to "rewards" - lots of treats for good behaviour rather than discipline.

It took a long time for me to bond with my dog, Jake. For whatever reason, it didn't happen right off. I had never wanted to 'return' a dog before, but I honestly cried because I didn't want the dog after I brought him home. He seemed so demanding and unaffectionate. Everything from guilt to the feeling of being trapped filled my mind. The change was not immediate, but I can now say that I absolutely love my Jakers :smitten:. I think the idea of bonding time is a good one. The dog is trying to readjust, just like your friend. Some fun time may help them learn to like and trust each other more.

I'd suggest she also enroll in some training classes with the dog. I'm not sure exactly what to do about the biting, but I'd guess the dog is probably picking up on her feelings of resentment. I hope she doesn't give up on the dog yet.

She's given up on him unfortunately. She says she'll keep him until a home is found, but I honestly think that this was an little incident that she's using as the excuse to rationalize not wanting him. So no matter what advice we give her she's determined for him to leave.

I almost think that if she gives it a few days she'll feel differently and get attached but I think she's already kind of shut him out and won't even allow him to get close to her. And the poor dog will feed off that and know that.


Interesting link Noelsen - thanks. She did put her hand in the crate - MAJOR mistake.

oh re crating . . . I understand crating for a period of time . . .. I don't exactly crate but my little ones are restricted to a section of the kitchen while I'm away!

Too bad she's given up on him...
A couple of friends of mine had similiar problems with one of their dogs (they have 4 now) when they first adopted him. It took them about a month to even get used to him being in the house (granted, in his case, at lot of it had to do with size. He's just so darn big, it can be a little overwhelming) and for him to start to get comfortable with his surroundings. He exhibited a LOT of aggressive behavior, mostly he was trying to figure out where he was in the "pack" structure. They gave it a month, were firm with him and worked/played with him daily. He's now one of the best dogs I've ever met.
If she's afraid of him being aggressive, adopting him out to someone else is NOT a good idea. Taking him to a trainer and discussing his behavioral problems with a professional IS a good idea. Heck, even just calling the shelter and seeing if they have any animal behaviorists on staff would be a good idea....

the evil side of me says that you should tell her that if she gives up on this dog after such a short period of time, that she should never adopt a dog again. But that's just plain mean-spirited. I wouldn't listen to me.

She's given up on him unfortunately. She says she'll keep him until a home is found, but I honestly think that this was an little incident that she's using as the excuse to rationalize not wanting him. So no matter what advice we give her she's determined for him to leave.

I almost think that if she gives it a few days she'll feel differently and get attached but I think she's already kind of shut him out and won't even allow him to get close to her. And the poor dog will feed off that and know that.


Interesting link Noelsen - thanks. She did put her hand in the crate - MAJOR mistake.

Yea, I pretty much figured she was looking for a way out. That's very sad for the dog - I hope she can find a good home for him and in the long run, he is really all that matters.

Has she ever had a dog before? Did she even know what she was getting into? I have the feeling that the "thought" of having a dog sounded great but the "reality" wasn't.

I will be really interesting to see how she finds a home for him - ie what is going to be her reason she gives people for giving him up.

As for restricting my dogs, yea, we did that too pre-children when I was working....

Too bad she's given up on him...

If she's afraid of him being aggressive, adopting him out to someone else is NOT a good idea. Taking him to a trainer and discussing his behavioral problems with a professional IS a good idea. Heck, even just calling the shelter and seeing if they have any animal behaviorists on staff would be a good idea....

I'm pretty sure that she'll be straight with them about his problem if he is indeed aggressive. She had a friend who was willing to take him, but she didn't want to give him over to them with the potential of being aggressive. I haven't spoken to her yet today . . . I will tell her about having a professional take a look at him after the vet's appointment today. I want to make sure he's okay physically.


the evil side of me says that you should tell her that if she gives up on this dog after such a short period of time, that she should never adopt a dog again. But that's just plain mean-spirited. I wouldn't listen to me.

I don't think she should get a dog. She's simply not ready for it. She doesn't want the responsibility. And I'll also tell her that once I not so upset.

Has she ever had a dog before? Did she even know what she was getting into? I have the feeling that the "thought" of having a dog sounded great but the "reality" wasn't.

She has a family dog - that's back at her mom & dads house. She ADORES that dog. And come to think of it I remember her telling me how her mom hated the dog but after a few months and training her mom did bond very well with the dog and loves him. But yeah, the thought of having a dog was appealing - the reality, not so much!

I will be really interesting to see how she finds a home for him - ie what is going to be her reason she gives people for giving him up.

I honestly think that she'll be honest about it.

I'm just trying to figure out how to deal with her. She is a close friend of mine and I like her a lot, but if it was anyone else I'd would really have nothing more to do with them. We also work together, and I don't want it to be a bad situation for me. She is aware that I'm upset and angry at her.

I guess the only advice I could have is help her do what's right for the dog - ie find him a good home. I think if you do that, things will be OK. I really think you are right - he does need to be assessed. At the SPCAs here and at the Humane Society where I volunteer, they now do have all the dogs assessed before they are adopted out.

Believe me, from volunteering at a shelter I know that this (returning dogs within a few days) is more common than you would think.

so how do I go about in finding a assessor - will any dog behavioralist work?

Mem mentioned calling the pound and I whole-heartedly agree. Call them to see if they know of one - they certainly must have some of their dogs assessed. I also suspect that if you explain the problem they may have it done for free for you - in my eyes, seeing that the dog was recently adopted, it's a better alternative (for them) than simply returning the dog.

AF - did she reach into the crate to get him? If she did, Big mistake in my eyes. The crate would be his safe spot, his territory. Did she startle him? Did she grab him and where? Frankly, he doesn't know her from Adam and so her actions could have been construed in his eyes as some kind of agression towards him.

OK , here is a link about testing for aggressiveness. It shows different kinds but from what you have said, I wonder if it is the "Physical Sensitivity" Test she needs. Also, any info on his history, ie -why was he turned in? Was he abused? Was he around small children. I am wondering if he was and the children did not behave properly towards him - ie pulling fur, etc?

http://www.unclematty.com/training/tempertesting.htm#

I can tell you that I did the "Physical Sensitivity" Tests on all 3 of my dogs prior to getting them and they all passed. I have never done any of the other tests as there really was no need.

Honestly, my gut tells me she just regrets getting him.

Oh, and as far as crating goes, I really don't understand it as I have never crated my dogs. Does anyone here crate them and why?

Hmm... I'm not really sure if I like that website. I don't know, but it makes me uncomfortable.

As for crating, yes I crate two of my three dogs, and highly recommend the practice if needed (and always for puppies).