Dating really sucks. I cannot imagine why anyone should find it enjoyable. Blind dates are absolutely the worst. I am completely against dating and would never do it. I think it's one of the worst ways to find someone. I refuse to waste years of my life trying. If it is meant to happen, it will happen, if it is not, it will not, no matter what I do. Dating is truly a waste of time. Long-term relationships are not a waste of time. And there are ways of finding love, lasting love, without dating. I feel that it's a barbaric practice. Most dates are like job interviews, only worse.

Don't do it.

Barbaric?

Okay, so I've only dated a few times outside of long-term relationships. But they're not THAT bad. It can still be a fun experience.

Barbaric?

Okay, so I've only dated a few times outside of long-term relationships. But they're not THAT bad. It can still be a fun experience.

In what way is stress fun? Unless it's the good stress created by becoming CEO or winning a million dollars, I fail to see your point.

I think dating is a modern practice created to dehumanize people...it's not fair to ask people to put up with this. I think everyone is good enough to deserve to find love without torture.

Elena, perhaps you can offer some advice on how to have long-term relationships while avoiding dating as much as possible. It seems to be your strength, so I would appreciate knowing how you managed that.

Elena, perhaps you can offer some advice on how to have long-term relationships while avoiding dating as much as possible. It seems to be your strength, so I would appreciate knowing how you managed that.

Well, the first one involved a lot of stress in different ways. I was 15, he was 18 AND the boyfriend of a close friend of mine. He was also a friend of mine. They broke up, because he realized that he liked me more than her, and was truthful with her about it. He asked me if I would be his girlfriend. Weird, weird situation, but there was no dating, since we were already friends.

The second one, we met over the internet, and if we "dated", it was through phone calls and online chats. We considered ourselves a couple (meaning, we were loyal to each other) for 2 months before we actually met in person.

I've only had two long term relationships, and I'm married in the second one. So, by my experiences, I suppose you have less dating if you move from being friends to being a couple, or if you meet online and manage to get to being a couple without dating.

Other than those two, I think it might be a little hard to know if you want to be in a relationship with a person before taking the plunge. Dating is a way to get to know someone.

If you don't mind my asking, is this thread inspired by a blind date gone very wrong?

No. I am 21 and have never been in a relationship and never dated. If you want to know how this has affected me, you can read my blog at www.livejournal.com/users/yellowsnakepoet.

I like relationships. I do not like dating. I am a believer in love, not transience. Dating is meaningless unless it leads to something more profound than a casual nothing. I see no point in wasting time on something that will equal nothing in the end.

Why plant seeds in the ground if nothing ever grows from them?

Oh come on, MP...

i don't see the point of casual dating, or of dating anyone you don't know yet (i tend to think of the term as specifically indicating an initial trial sort of thing, but other people don't use it so exclusively), but i also don't think it's barbaric or torture.

So, what, we're all just supposed to have arranged marriages? Sounds great.

I have to admit that I never met a long-term boyfriend through "dating" if by dating you mean going to dinner or a movie or something like that with someone you don't know all that well, if at all. My bf and I met during a new faculty orientation where we work (we work at different campuses of the same college) and I don't think of our time together as "dating" because it just gradually moved from friendship to something more.

However, that doesn't mean that I think my dating years were a waste of time or all that miserable. It's all about attitude and having a sense of humor. For a while I even did online dating and went on a lot of blind dates. Some were fun, some were ok, and some were terrible, but at least with the terrible ones I had a funny story to tell to all my friends! Plus, going on all of those dates helped me to hone my interpersonal skills and better understand what I was actually looking for in a relationship. I tend to not look at any experience in life as a "waste of time," but as something to learn from. Also, as a fiction writer, it all makes good material...

There's nothing wrong with dating. If you're a social person and enjoy meeting new people, go for it. If you prefer forming friendships first before starting a relationship, go for it.

I don't get what your problem with dating is. Especially since you admit you've never dated. How do you know how awful it is if you've never done it? Sounds like you're just bitter that no one has asked you out.

Why don't you take matters into your own hands, and start approaching guys yourself. The worse they can say is no. And you just might meet some great people.

Oh come on, MP...

Yes? Do you have something to say?

I think it's rare that you can develop a (love) relationship without dating. I mean how are you supposed to get to know someone?

But I do hate dating myself. I'd rather 'wake up' one morning in a relationship.

of course dating can suck. what can't suck?

some people get their kicks out of 'casual' dating. i'm not a fan or advocate...but dating in itself is sort of dare i say, necessary if you want a long term relationship.

everyone i've dated i have had a relationship with (while of course some of those sucked, some didnt).they lasted 7 months to almost 2 years.

as for loving someone who doenst love you back? been there and dont regret it at all. i told the guy i loved him. i was in love with him for lets see...i think 5 years before i told him, and we never dated. he was my best friend and mentor (and 13 years older than i am). it happens?

back to dating- i think everyone has different ideas of what their def. of dating is. dating is sort of a 'normal' first step to a relationship- be that going out for dinner with eachother or whatever... have to help carry groceries in so i must end this post.

i dated. i found someone. i wasn't looking. when i dated, it was because someone asked me out. i went out to meet them, to get to know them, to see if i liked them--for friendship or whatever else.

i my husband asked me out. i dated him. it turned into a long-term relationship.

i'm not sure how i could have gone from a new relationship to a long-term relationship without dating him.

Yes? Do you have something to say?

Not really. I said what I had to say. Just a slightly exasperated "oh come on". :)

MP - I have to ask you an odd question. Physically do you think you are an attractive person?

I couldn't care less if people dated or not. But I'm not the type to just 'date around' either, I like the whole long-term relationship idea as well. I guess for that feeling of security, plus I get way too attached to just let them in and out of my life one by one. It sucks, I wish I could be one of those girls that could just date a new person everyday without wanting something more and without getting all my feelings and emotions involved *sigh*

I don't understand how you would wind up in a long-term relationship with someone without going out on a few dates first?

When I met my husband, I was instantly attracted to him. After a month or so of flirting, I asked him out to a movie. We went on one or two dates, and then we finally kissed and admitted we were crazy about each other. Five years later, we are married and expecting our 2nd.

Yeah, there's bad dates, and I think it's fine to decide not to date just for the heck of it - but if you're attracted to someone and they ask you out, why not go? Or why not ask them out?

No. I am 21 and have never been in a relationship and never dated. If you want to know how this has affected me, you can read my blog at www.livejournal.com/users/yellowsnakepoet.

I like relationships. I do not like dating. I am a believer in love, not transience. Dating is meaningless unless it leads to something more profound than a casual nothing. I see no point in wasting time on something that will equal nothing in the end.

Why plant seeds in the ground if nothing ever grows from them?

Well, you certainly never have to date. You can aim to be friends, and see what happens from there.

I was reading through your blog, I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. Not really sure what else to say, I know the old "Being in love isn't everything" line isn't going to help much in this case.

I've never dated. I wouldn't even know how to act. :) I imagine I would find it pretty frustrating myself, being fairly awkward and having a low bs quotient.

I thought I hated dating, but it turns out that what I really hate is the guy who's looking for Ms. Right and is trying to squeeze me into her mold and slam it shut and jump on it until it closes. I think everyone hates that guy though.

If it's just hanging out with someone who's company you enjoy, doing something you don't mind doing, and having no expectations, it can be alot of fun. But then everything is alot of fun if you do it that way.

As for whether I am physically attractive--to be honest, yes, I am. But I am rife with social and emotional problems attached to past experiences and most people find me repugnant. I say things and people think I'm messed up, weird, you name it. All the looks in the world couldn't fix the mess I am inside.

Even people here can't stand me most of the time. I mean, really! Judging solely on my personality, most people here wouldn't want to be in the same room with me for any appreciable length of time.

I think most people think I'm adorable--until I open my mouth. If I would just shut up and not say anything, I'd be perfect. I've had people tell me this as well. And this, my friends, is why my faith in my species remains so strong...

I guess it's time to change your personality then.

MP..I hate state the obvious here, but if you've never dated, then how do you know it sucks? I mean, you can still choose not to date, but you're basing your opinion on conjecture.