None of you know me very well because I don't post very often, but I do hang around and read others posts. Anyways, I just need to vocalize this and my good friend is out of town right now so I have no one to express this to. Sorry, this is going to be long.

So, I've met somebody. And he's so genuine, honest, caring, down-to-earth, respectful, responsible. I never imagined that a guy like him actually existed. I've been with other guys, but I knew that they were not for me and I not for them. It was just to pass the time, and it was mutual. But with him, I just want to be near him. I can't help but smile when I'm with him. I used to be so shy and quiet and insecure around guys, but I'm not around him. I feel comfortable to just be me and I know he's not judging me. We just talk for hours on end. We talk about life, about serious things and silly things.

I first met him briefly several years ago, and then he moved away for a few years and now he's just moved back. And we've hung out a couple times with other friends over the past two weeks. But then my friend who I met him through went away this weekend and he called me. And so we went out last night and the night before, just the two of us. And it felt good just to be with him.

But I'm confused. I've never ever felt even remotely like this towards any guy. How can I feel so strongly about him when we've only just begun to hang out? And the other thing is I don't know exactly how he feels. He is very honest with me that he doesn't know what he wants in life. He's told me that he still loves his girlfriend, and she still loves him. They went out for three years and only broke up five months ago. And I respect that. It's understandable that he still care about her. They were in a very serious relationship together. He says she still calls him and he still calls her, but she didn't move here with him. She still lives in the city (a few hours away) where he just moved from.

Anyways, I guess I just needed to voice all this. He has been so open with me, but at the same time I don't know how ready he really is to begin anything serious. I can tell we both enjoy spending time together, but three years is a very long time and so obviously it takes a while to move on. I guess I just don't want to ruin anything that could develop between us. I'm trying to just remain neutral, not to rush anything, but it's hard. I feel dumb because we have only just met essentially, and only been out alone twice. I'm normally not the type of person to just jump into things and fall for somebody.

Well, that was pretty long but it feels good to at least voice everything. So, if anyone actually read all this, what do you think? Has anyone experienced something like this before? Any input? What do I do?

Thanks for listening, I really needed to get all this out. I just don't know how to deal with everything I'm feeling.

I'm too young to give you much advice on this subject, but i read your whole post and i just have to say...awwwwww :smitten:

I hope everything works out well for you and that someone else has actual advice to give.

Just play it slow for a while. It doesn't sound like he's really ready for another relationship, but that doesn't mean that you can't be friends. He seems to be willing to move on, or he wouldn't have moved. But actually getting over someone that you've been with that long can take quite a while, and you don't want to sabbatage it by getting in at the wrong moment. It sounds like things are going to go just fine if you wait for the time to be right :)

Thanks for the input.

I think he does need more time just to work things out for himself, so I'm going to do my best to hold back while still letting him know that I am indeed interested in him. I have never experienced this kinda of attraction for a person before. To be honest, it kind of overwhelms me.

Oh, I forgot to mention we have the same birthdays, just he is four years older. Isn't that bizarre? Anyways, thanks again for listening. :)

awww, that's such a sweet.... but sad story.

i wish he would be with YOU!!! but, you cant change a person. and, yeah, pushing it wont do antyhing good, might jsut push him away. tough situation.

but i wish you the best of luck! post back and keep us updated.

i hope it works out good. :)

Awwww.... I think your story is sweet!
I can sooo identify with the whole "I never imagined that a guy like him actually existed....I'm trying to just remain neutral, not to rush anything, but it's hard." AND "It's overwhelming" parts... been there, done that.... I feel for you.

It can take a VERY long time to get over a past relationship. If he admits he's still in love with her, it may not actually be "over". Or he may just be unable to let go and admit the girl has moved on....

I think mourning an ended relationship is healthy, (if indeed their relationship is truely over) but hanging on and on and on to memories is not healthy... at some point, if a new relationship is going to work, he is going to HAVE to move on past those and devote his heart and his mind totally to building a relationship with you, and not living in the past.

He certainly won't be able to "let go" if there is ANY indication that the past relationship is not really over and he can get back together with the girl. He won't be able to "let go" if he's still "in love" even in a small way, with that other person....

And it will be too hard on you as well. You won't be confident and secure in this relationship if you are constantly living in the shadow of past relationships. There's no way you can measure up to a memory. There's no way you can fill the void from a still-broken heart. He has to get over this girl and those memories and that broken heart first.

Maybe thats not the case. Maybe he knows for a fact they're getting back together at some point. Maybe he's just looking for a "pal" to hang out with and pour his woes out to too... (Yeah, guys are good at that too - cynical? me? nah...)

It sounds harsh and selfish even, but he's going to eventually going to have to decide if he wants to live in limbo, waiting for this other girl - or in the past and hang on to a "maybe" sort of thing and relive the pain and misery she put him thru (if that's the case?) - or if he's ready to start over again (no dredging up the past, no comparing you to her, no "what if's") and have a relationship with someone wonderful who's right in front of him.

Starting a new relationship is hard, because you set yourself up to be vulnerable all over again, but if he can't figure out a way, within himeself, to get over the past - and put past relationships completely aside and totally devote everything to you now, eventually your relationship with him won't work out... and that'd be very sad.
Banishing the ghosts of relationships past is much, much easier said than done however...

He sounds like he's interested in being friends with you and thats a very good sign - depending on what happens with his "old-girlfriend-who-he-still-loves".
You DEFINITELY sound like you're doing the right thing.
Especially if you think he's worth waiting around for - and he might be, if he's all the things you say he is!! The good ones ARE worth waiting for... but not forever.

Take it slow and be there for him and let him know you care about him and when he's ready, you'd be interested in him. I think when he realizes what a good thing he has right in front of him, he may be able to work through the past and get on with the future - and a relationship with YOU!! YAY!

Good luck, let us know how things go.

I think you all are right in that he does need to still get over her, but understandably it's hard because he cares for her. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow I respect him even more because I can see how genuine his feelings are for this other girl. I can see that he completely opened himself up to her.

And Tofu-N-Sprouts, you made a very good point:
"The good ones ARE worth waiting for... but not forever."

I know he is worth waiting for, but I selfishly hope that I don't have to wait long. And even more I hope that when he is done dealing with his past relationship, he will have the same feelings for me that I have for him. I hope he can move on from that girl and feel that strongly about me.

So, I am going to try my best to give him the space and time he needs. I'll do my best to be there for him, and to just let him know I'm there. Patiently waiting.

Thank you so much everybody for the advice and support. I am really thinking about everything you all have said, and it is helping me to sort out my thoughts and feelings. I'll let you know if anything changes. :)