It's been way to long and this is really freaking frustrating.

I have no reason to keep caring about him. Since we've broken up he not only has started doing cocaine but has also gotten busted for statutory rape. Smooth.

For a while I was harvesting the hope that he'd take me back. Obviously, I don't believe that anymore since finding out about the above.

I'm trying to stop thinking about him, but I can't. I'm trying to hate him but I can't. Nothing's working.

Yes, I'm trying to remember all his faults, like how he was always flirting with other girls, or how he couldn't get it through his head that I didn't like making out in public. Still not helping.

I thought I was all but over it, but I saw him at his work a couple days ago and I actually started physically shaking. WTF?

If I keep this up it's going to take me longer to get over him than we were together in the first place. It's rediculous! I'm such a dufus.

:help:

uhhh I dont know how much help I can really be. Why not go out with friends to bars,parties,movies etc. That really helped my one friend who was going through a tough brake up. I think the main way to get over someone is to get rid of stuff that reminds you of him,keep occupied and hang out with friends/family.
Anyways I thought I would just give my simple suggestion.GOOD LUCK.

Well, hate to say it, but there is no magic cure. You just have to remember that loving someone, doesn't mean riding that trainwreck to disaster.

time time time time time...in fact studies have shown it takes just about as long to "get over" someone as was the length of the relationship.

So if you were together for a year it'll take about a year to be fully over him etc

Try to remember honestly..and for every good point try to find that balancing bad point....

Focus now on yourself...who you are, who you want to be etc...breakups are always a great chance for personal growth...go do something to change you so you are no longer the person you were in the relationship....do something to make you proud of you.

Well, hate to say it, but there is no magic cure. You just have to remember that loving someone, doesn't mean riding that trainwreck to disaster.


Wow kirk, that's good advice for us all.

B

Lets see... for me its been two years since I was dumped-for-distance by someone I really really cared about. I still just have to put him out of my mind or I get sad. I'm even dating someone I like now, and I still can't think about the ex. In other words... I have no idea. :(

Cut off any contact you may have with him. Get rid of all the stuff he got you or reminds you of him (or put it away in a box till you're ready to deal with it, if you need to keep it). Everytime you get a happy memory of him that makes you sad just think "Oh it was sweet when he did this but my GOD he did this and that and this other thing so many times I'd like to smack him upsiude the head." It will remind you of why things are the way they are right now and how you're better not having those negativities around you.

Also think of all the stuff you can do now because you're not tied down.

Well, hate to say it, but there is no magic cure. You just have to remember that loving someone, doesn't mean riding that trainwreck to disaster.

Very well said. I broke up with my ex while we still loved each other. Having a relationship with him though, was just not right for me. It's been a while now, and in retrospect I am glad we broke up, it was the right decision for both of us. Damn, it was hard though. We remain good friends though, to this day.

On to your question, I'd say have a break from him. Staying friends with an ex can be healthy, but you need some time to get from the headspace of "lover/ex" to "friend", and that takes time. Follow VegKitten's advice, but that doesn't have to mean getting rid of him from your life forever. The best thing I've found for getting over someone is to find someone else. It doesn't have to be a real person either, just someone to fantasise over. You know, when sweet thoughts of your ex pop up, replace them with sweet thoughts of fantasy man. Every time. Eventually you'll get more used to thinking of fantasy man, and not your ex.

time is the only cure.

You've described my exact problem almost to a T. Our relationship wasn't even very good, it's been way too long, I can't picture myself with other guys, I physically shake when I see him at work...etc.

When I find out the answer, I'll let you know. And then we can have a party. :beer:

Finding yourself another BF is a good way to stop thinking about an ex :) If that doesn't work, you could always try talking to a counsellor to get to the bottom of why this guy still has a hold over you.

Time and distance (from the ex) are the only real cures. I hope you are able to resolve this, I know from personal experience that staying hung up on an ex can be a really crummy deal and it can impact your life in a negative way. (It did mine.)

Here's an idea that may or may not be helpful. What if, on the exact day that you two broke up, you did not break up but instead your (ex)BF had gotten hit by a truck and died instantly? You'd be mourning his loss.

Well, you are essentially in the same situation. You just need to mourn the loss of the relationship. Treat him (in your mind) as though he had died, as though he is dead to you.

time time time time time...in fact studies have shown it takes just about as long to "get over" someone as was the length of the relationship.

So if you were together for a year it'll take about a year to be fully over him etc

Try to remember honestly..and for every good point try to find that balancing bad point....

Focus now on yourself...who you are, who you want to be etc...breakups are always a great chance for personal growth...go do something to change you so you are no longer the person you were in the relationship....do something to make you proud of you.

Absolutely....That is true that it should take the amount of time that the relationship endured as does it to get over it. I've experienced this first hand but never thought of it like that. If you do continue to feel like you do, it may be in your best interest to think more about yourself and fiqure out why your not more worried about *you* and your future endevours. Remember, you've lived your entire life without that person you can certainly continue it without them. It does hurt, but you have to remember there are 6.5 billion other people that share this life with you. You are not alone.

Thanks so much! There's great advice from everyone. Some I've tried, some I can't take, and some that definitely helps. :)

Oi, relationships. :dizzy:

Sokara, I was in a relationship w/ someone for 4 years. We were even engaged. I loved him very much and really thought we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Then, one day, he broke up with me and I had to move out. My life felt completely over. I had based my whole life on this person and now it was gone. Well, that was 2 years ago and I've been in another serious relationship since then, but I still think about him sometimes and get sad. I thought he was the one for me and I still compare any other guy I meet to him. Like someone else said above, I've always heard it takes as long to get over someone as you long as you were with them (supposedly, i've got another 2 years to go...ugh.). It's just a healing process you go through like any other kind of loss. I think time really is the only thing that helps.....oh, and don't turn on depressing love songs when you're already depressed...not a good combination.

If my calculations are correct then, I should be getting over him the day I see my favorite band in concert. ;)

Wouldn't that be amusing.

Well, think about the cocaine and what you'd be dealing with right now if you were still with him. The statutory rape is also another very good reason to be VERY glad you jumped ship. Personally, I think you'd be feeling a lot worse if you were still with him.

Other than that, time heals all wounds. Plain ol' logic, in this case, should speed up that process. Keep busy. Go out and do stuff. Have fun. And start to realize how stupid it is to waste tears on someone so undeserving.

That must be very hard for you.
I was "over" my ex before we even split up. However, there are still plenty of times I feel guilty as heck and wonder if what I did was the "right thing"...
The relationship I'm in currently? I think it'd take me the rest of my life to recover...

i understand what you are going through too. im going through the same thing at the moment. i know my ex is totally wrong for me, but i just can't let go. and he also started back up on the drugs and drinking when we broke up....nice. but there were so many really good things about him too.

"Focus now on yourself...who you are, who you want to be etc...breakups are always a great chance for personal growth...go do something to change you so you are no longer the person you were in the relationship....do something to make you proud of you."

i like this advice. and i also do believe that it just takes time.

If my calculations are correct then, I should be getting over him the day I see my favorite band in concert. ;)

Wouldn't that be amusing.

lol oooh maybe you'll meet someone :)