I should like him, right?

[CountessKerouac]

I seem to only get "the feelings" for people who are wrong for me. This incredible guy I met a long time ago at work, asked me to hang out. We had SO much fun. He's kind of strange...he is sometimes hard to understand. But, once I got to know him, I realized he's just weird like that. We hung out again on Friday...in the morning and after work. Again, we had an amazing time.

I knew he liked me. And I kept going along with it anyway even though I didn't get the feelings with him. He tells me last night on the computer that he likes me...a lot. He goes on and on and on about how amazing and wonderful I am. He really has fallen for me. God only knows WHY...I don't see why someone would feel that strongly about lil old me. But, whatever. We are very good friends and I am going away to college again. So, I told him that I can't start a relationship now since 1) I am going away to school, 2) I am still emotionally attached to my previous bf. But, the truth is...yes, I am attached to my ex-bf...but I was willing to go out with 2 other guys who I liked, but they didn't like me and one had a gf. And I am willing to go home on weekends to see a boyfriend. So, why don't I like him? I don't get it. I've only gotten the feelings with 4 people in my life, none of whom were right for me in the least. But, I have SO much in common with this guy-friend...and he is completely fascinated by me. Yet...nothing is going on and I am actually starting to avoid him. What IS WRONG WITH ME? :wall:

[rabid_child]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You can be friends with someone and not have any significant-other-type chemistry with them. And as your own past experience has dictated, just because one person likes the other person, it doesn't make the other person like you back! Unfortunately, the shoe is on the other foot now with someone liking you that you don't feel the same way back at.

I've had people be crazy for me that I just had no interest in. It makes you feel bad, but you can't make feelings be there that aren't. (I'm sure supporters of arranged marriages would argue this point)

[CountessKerouac]

I know what you mean about chemistry. It's so weird how I feel so strongly for some people, but not others. Maybe that is the problem. But, this guy who I apparently don't want to go out with, is doing and saying all of the wonderful things I WANT someone to! We have so much fun and he is amazing. I really think there is an underlying issue. Am I a masochist? :worried:

Or maybe I am just not "attracted" to him. But, I always thought saying something like that was shallow. I thought that as long as the caring and good feelings were there, that I would just automatically BE attracted to them because of that. I am confused!

[rabid_child]

Haha I don't think so. Maybe you also enjoy a bit of a challenge? Maybe this guy is TOO easy?

I know when I met the guy I'm dating, the first time we went out, we had awesome chemistry and I remember sitting with him watching a movie and I wanted to hold his hand so bad and didn't know what his deal was. It was excruciating! But fun. lol. That kind of draw I think has to be there otherwise you're never going to go beyond friends.

[Sokara]

My first boyfriend was the kind of perfect guy who I always thought I SHOULD have liked. Never really worked out that way.....

My best friend and I were discussing this the other day. It's almost as if the nice guys are right and girls don't want nice guys. Like we're all masochists or something... It at least seems common.

[CountessKerouac]

Well, my ex-bf was a "nice guy" definitely. He just was wrong for me.

[Qwerks]

It doesn't matter how nice he is, anyone who's all hopped up on dopamine when you aren't is creepy if their affections are targeted at you. I love the sweet guys, but I'd avoid him too if he started gushing like that. *shudder*

I hope the two of you can get past this and stay friends, it sounds like it could be a great relationship on that level.

[Vicky]

hey you never know - sometimes it grows on your over time .... sometimes not
so i guess you made the right desicion - because it's not gonna work out anyway until you have the same feelings ...
good luck with everything

[Ilikequorn]

Oh that's just something that happens sometimes. I met this man who really likes me and adores me but I just don't feel the same about him.
Just be friends if it isn't too awkward.

[Thalia]

With people who aren't right for me, I often feel some "chemistry" right away which dies out soon after I get to know them. With better matches, the "chemistry" develops over time, or not nearly as much.

Keep hanging out with him and over time maybe you'll develop some deeper feelings for him that don't necessarily knock your socks off but are based in something deeper and more long term.

From my experience, I try not to give (the often fleeting) feelings of fireworks and chemistry much weight. Nor do I assume that if a person is "right" I will instantly know right away. Kindling can burn fast and briefly, it takes time to build a long-lasting, warming bonfire.

[banana_popsicle]

i hear ya. i do the same thing. thats y im single, because i dont want to be with someone else who is wrong for me. so i cant really give you any advice...