I know I'm too young to date (I'm just going into high school, I'm almost 15) and I kind of don't want to, but I've *never* been asked out, been told I'm pretty, or even been told that my new shirt is really nice. It does not bother me too much and I don't want to sound ungrateful or something. The only problem I really have is that every teacher assumes that we've all dated, and so in Health class, we had this whole discussion on dating and how we felt about dating, etc....well, I felt so left out. I don't know anything.


Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I am different from everyone else (I know everyone is unique). I'm a vegetarian (the only one) and most of the guys live on farms or in families that hunt and eat meat at every meal. I hate make-up (shock, I know), I can't wear it for more than five minutes before I wipe it off, so I just don't bother with it. And I don't think I'm even that pretty.


I just had to get that out.

Nothing wrong with you at all. Teachers bring that up in class to be on the safe side...it's better to underestimate the age at which kids are dating/having sex/etc. than to overestimate it. That way they can reach more people before sexual health becomes a bigger issue.

I never dated until my senior year of high school. Yeah, I'm male, but I don't think that's significant. I went to a very small high school that was socially quite isolated/isolating. Had there been more female students with your attitude (e.g. veg*n, not make-up/hair obsessed, not consumed with the desire to be a cheerleader or date the rich jocks), I would have considered myself quite fortunate.

My thoughts, anyway.

I believe that it is never a bad thing to not fit in with the masses. It sometimes is trying and difficut, but always worthwhile. If you wore makeup, when you dont like it, what part of yourself would you be compromising just to be like everyone else?

Good luck, and please believe that you are unique, and dont need to be like everyone else.

sean

Just to let you know, I'm 17 and have never had a serious relationship. All the guys who have liked me have been pretty sub-par.

Try not to worry about it - you're still young and have plenty of time to start dating. Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself and you won't need a guy to boost your self esteem. Theres nothing wrong with you. Try to keep positive (yeah, I know thats tough when you see other couples) but one day, boys do get a bit smarter.

You sound a lot like me at that age. It's fine not to date, especially if you have no real desire to. I didn't date until after college really, and I have a very nice boyfriend now. I don't regret not dating a bunch of guys I wouldn't have felt that strongly about just for the sake of dating. There's no set timeline to stick to and ignore anyone who tells you there is or makes you feel that you're strange for not dating.

Same with makeup. I started wearing makeup when I was about 15 and continued to do so until I was a freshman in college, not because I liked makeup, but because I figured that's what I was supposed to do. One day during my freshman year I was putting on my makeup in the morning and thought, god I hate this, and never did it since. There's no rule that says girls and women have to wear makeup. If you like it, wear it. If you find it merely an annoyance as I did and are only doing it because that's what most girls do, don't wear it.

The teen years are hard because there's a lot of pressure, direct and indirect, from peers to conform, but believe me, it will get better. Throughout my adolescence I tried to stick to my guns about only doing what I really felt I wanted to do and not caring what others thought, and I can look back on that time now with pride about myself--who I was and who I am now. I don't know if other women and men my age who let peer pressure guide their actions can say the same.

Do you have a few good friends and some interests (ie. music, sports, books, whatever)? Do you have dreams about the future? Focus on those things and you'll be fine.

Elizabeth,

You sound just like me at that age. I thought, "maybe when I'm 16, boys will like me and I'll be pretty." My self esteem wasn't that great. I never conformed to anything, but it wasn't out of self-confidence - rather, a certainty that it wasn't for me (doing sports, or wearing makeup, or dressing nicely, or any of that girly stuff, hehe.)

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 18. It just took me a while to blossom, both inside and out. I don't think I actually started to "look good" until my mid 20's! The man I dated in college loved me for who I was, not what I primped myself up to look like - he eventually became my husband. Don't worry about dating, its really ok not to. When you're ready, you'll know. You dont want the kind of guy you'll attract with eyeliner and mini skirts anyway, believe me. All those "popular girls" end up going no where. Focus on school, not boys, and you'll find yourself a lot happier in the long run. Don't rush to grow up. You're a grown up for most of your life, you'll have plenty of time for those things. I know its hard, your mind and heart are filled with confusing feelings, but seriously, focus on the studies for now, it will help guide you through this.

i didn't start dating until i was in college. i didn't get asked out, or any of those things, until i was 20-21.

i married my first boyfriend. it's ok to be yourself, to want what you want, and to wait for it.

Thanks everyone. :D That made me feel better.

I wouldn't worry about dating just yet. You're still trying to figure out who you are as a person.
What's funny is that I remember worrying about no boys noticing me at the age of 15; it wasn't until years later that my sweetie (who DID know me at 15, but we didn't get together until much, much later) had a crush on me but was too shy and dealing with his own stuff to do act on it. Which is really kinda the point of this. At 15, you're entering your teens, and everyone at that age is awkward and trying to figure out what's what(no matter how well they seem to be hiding it).
Not dating at your age is normal, no matter what anyone says. Enjoy it! Hang out with friends, study, volunteer your time at a foodshelf, animal shelter, or any other place that needs help, participate in after school activities. There's really no need to rush this sort of thing, you have the rest of your life to date.

Oh don't worry you're not that odd. There are more people like you than you think- incluiding me. I used to feel really wierd too. I don't like make up and am a veggie who doesn't eat at Mc Donalds etc. And I haven't dated much. I went on a sort of date once and it never worked out.
See... you're not that wierd :)

dating at such a young age has always seemed fairly pointless to me. few high school relationships last beyond graduation.

I had my first kiss at age 19, my first boyfriend (lasted 3 months) at age 20, and then met my husband at 21. Had sex for the first time at 21 and ended up marrying him 2 1/2 years later.

I found that after I began dating my husband that's when it finally came together for me. I started getting a lot of male attention, from guys that were really cute, and I couldn't understand why that hadn't happened when I was single! Looking back, they were probably attracted to my newfound ease and confidence that came with being in a secure and attached relationship.

Anyway, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you!

I'd only ever "dated" one guy by the time I was your age. And that was only because my friends made us (peer pressure and all that). Didn't actually kiss anybody until I was nearly 16! Though I didn't think anybody liked me when I was 14, I found out later that a guy I'd known in high school had had a crush on me since we were 13.

Really, don't be worrying about this stuff when you're 14. Everybody does these things at different times! I'm 20, and all the people who are in their 30's are telling me it's better to wait longer! Just live your life, have as much fun as you can and if you get a boyfriend, good, if you don't, good!

My first boyfriend wasn't until I was 19, and that may have been too soon. Do not, by any means, date someone just for the sake of dating. You have to meet someone who makes you want to start dating before it can even hope to be worthwhile.

I didn't start wearing make up until I was 15, and that was just a year of brown mascara. I was a tomboy when I was a kid and it took me a long time to get into the feminine meme. But now I love make up :) It's like art to me now, although all I wear it eye liner and mascara and occasionally lip ink.

Except for a crappy long distance relationship, no one I really knew was ever interested in me until my junior year. No biggy.

Thanks everyone. :D That made me feel better.

What a beautiful smile you have! :D

I'm the opposite....
I started dating guys at a pretty young age. And honestly I wish I hadn't. Not that they were bad, or I got into trouble, but I spent so much time thinking about boys, I didnt get to really figure myself out until much later.
I think you are much better off leaving the boys out until you are older. The more time you spend getting to know yourself the better you will be at choosing who you should actually date later on.
Maybe this way you won't waste your time on guys your not even sure you like.

And I echo everyone elses thoughts about not really feeling put together appearnce wise until 21 or so.

I dated my first boy when I was 14 and had sex with him a month after we started dating. I was totally not ready to be having sex at that point in my life, I had no self control, and my boyfriend was 17 and was very demanding. I look back on those years with regret, and wished that I had waited to date and waited to have sex. I was still a child and I felt left out on high school stuff. Now, at 21 I am ready to date and have sex. It's a nice feeling and the sex I have now is totally different than the sex I had then. Now, I have someone who loves me for who I am rather than the fact that I am young and attractive :P

You're not odd! That's just the impression you (and most other high schoolers) get from watching the OC and stuff. Many very normal, fun, pretty girls don't have dating relationships until they're seniors in HS or even in college.

But I know how you feel, thinking you're left out. Don't worry--you'll have your time! I wasn't asked out on any dates until I was a freshman in college. There was this thing called 'The Purity Test' that everyone was taking, and EVERYONE else was scoring at least a 30 on the test (some people higher) and I had a lowly 5 or something (I don't remember the questions, but the ones I could answer 'yes' to were probably "Have you ever worn a swimsuit in front of the opposite sex" or something very pure-ish). Then suddenly one day one of my floormate's friends asked me out. I still didn't have my first kiss until I was 19, but I was pleasantly surprised that didn't mean that I couldn't figure out how to do it. And then later, as I grew more confident with myself, I was being asked for dates several times a week, and all because I felt comfortable with myself and was able to make eye contact, smile, and carry on conversations with boys without feeling like I should be running away (I was really shy).

So don't worry. You're totally normal. Focus on school and building friendships with your classmates. Once you're in college, you won't care that you didn't have a boyfriend when you were 14. Honestly. That might seem like a long time from now, but it flies by! (Do I sound like an old lady when I say that? I'm only 28).

And if you hate makeup, don't wear it. If you still feel like you want to, try different brands to get the lightest feel and go easy when you apply. You might find that sunscreen, mascara and some lip gloss all you're ever going to need to feel 'put together.'

I never dated or been asked out when I was your age. It happens. I was 18 and in college before ever getting into a relationship.

It's hard. And while it doesn't seem like it now, things do get better when you get older.

I had my first kiss at 15, first boyfriend at 17, lost my virginity at 19... and now at 22, am still working on the whole 'relationships' thing.

It does get better though- when your older people don't care so much about who's good looking or not and realise theres a lot more to people than whats on the surface.

I'm 16 (going to be a junior next year), and I've never dated or been asked out. I've exchanged info a few times, but never followed up. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and I don't think I'm odd. I go to school dances solo, and I don't have a problem with it. In fact, my avatar picture was taken just before 'ring dance,' a 'mini prom' that my grade had last year to celebrate the arrival of our class rings. I got to have all the fun of getting a ring, buying a dress, having my hair done, and I didn't care that I didn't have a date.

I'm 25 and feel like I'm in my first real relationship. My boyfriend is 31 and has only dated like 2 girls other than me and I dont even know anything about them (he's never brought them up) so I'm guessing they werent too spectacular. Everyone has to go at thier own pace. Who gives a f*ck if you dont wear makeup? Dont ever let anyone make you feel like what you are doing isnt right for you or that you should be on a different timeline. Things happen at different times for different people. You are beautiful.

I have mixed feelings about this thread.

On the one hand, of course you should not beat yourself up about not dating; of course you should not go out on dates if you don't want to date, just in order to "conform"; and of course there is no particular age by which you have to start dating, or whatever.

On the other hand, there is such a thing as having a social life, of having some recreation in your life, and not just work-work-work-study-study-study 24/7. While there is a curriculum for your schoolwork, there is no "curriculum" to teach you how to have a social life or how to be a well-rounded person, instead of a drone.

So I guess what I think is missing from this thread is the idea that you do have opportunities to learn things now and develop a social life, but if you don't take advantage of these opportunities now it will probably be harder and harder to do so as time goes on.

For example, one of the things you might want to do on a date is dance. Your school might offer dance lessons or classes. You should probably take them. Or, people play sports on dates, like tennis or golf or volleyball or bowling or whatever. If you have the opportunity to learn some of these sports, you should probably do so. People often socialize by having parties. If you know how to cook, you can always throw a party. So if you have the chance to take home ec, that would be a good idea. And so on, and so on. There are lots of things to learn relating to having a social life that are not academic subjects.

The other thing that concerns me--and you haven't really mentioned this--is what are the other young women your age doing in terms of dating? The reason I ask is that if you start dating at about the same time as most of the other young women your age, then you can rely on each other for help and advice, share your thoughts and experiences, and thus learn how to behave and what to do. If, on the other hand, you wait to start dating until years after most of your peers have done so, then you are more likely to miss out on whatever peer support and peer learning are involved in the normal dating process.

The only person who can see to it that you have a decent social life is you. No one is going to do it for you. Regardless of whether you are dating, I hope you will take advantage of whatever opportunities you have to learn appropriate social skills.

honestly, i prefer girls who don't wear makeup! not shocked at all, natural beauty =P everyone is unique in their own way, as you said, someday, you'll find a guy who will appreciate you for who you are, and that uniqueness inside of you, and not for anything else! so do not be afraid to be yourself, as you grow older, you realize, the only thing that matter is what is important to you, follow your heart, and i bet your a cutie