Thanks MsRuthieB! The funny thing about my hair is that I don't even style it or put anything in it, I just wash and go and it curls up on it's own :D

Who called you immature?

I do understand what you are saying it is just he says the right things when I am upset that make me realize why I loved him to begin with and I just dont know if I am ready to give that up I am not 100% unhappy just times he is so cruel its not fair but I am not totaly innocent or so I am told I mean I know he does a lot wrong that isnt that hard to do right but when you love someone you love them and there isnt much you can do about that I mean meaybe I will get to that point maybe I wont but only time will tell...and to answer ur question Brake4Squirrels look back in the posts! Thanks for the advice tho I do appriciate it I guess I just dont want to see the bad in him although I know its there.

vanillaqueen,
Lack of punctuation makes reading your posts a little hard to understand. I don't know how else to say this but to come right out with it. And I'm trying my hardest to not sound mean so please don't take offense to this. But will you please consider using a period every now and then in your posts? :)

"when you love someone you love them and there isnt much you can do about that"

OK, so there isn't anything you can do about how you feel about him, about how much you love him. I believe you. But there is something you can do about what you do or where you go, as a result of feeling this way.

Originally posted by vanillaqueen17
I do understand what you are saying it is just he says the right things when I am upset that make me realize why I loved him to begin with
Nobody is mean all the time. There are plenty of horrible men out there, they all have something lovable about them. But not all good men are also horrible part of the time.

and I just dont know if I am ready to give that up I am not 100% unhappy
Those of us who have been in ****ty relationships know that you will never be 100% unhappy. Heck, 20% unhappy may be enough to leave someone.

just times he is so cruel its not fair
That's enough. cruelty is a non-negotiable. For everyone.

but I am not totaly innocent or so I am told
a)it doesn't matter. Even the not so innocent should not allow someone to treat them with disrespect. b) if he is telling you that, that is a typical tactic of a controlling and/or abusive partner, to try to twist it around.

Ask yourself, "WHAT AM I WORTH?" and how do you deserve to be treated.

I think you need some "vanillaqueen17" time. Be by youself, get to know yourself, love yourself.

Is it hard to leave someone? Yup. It takes all of your strength, but you will get so much more back. Being free finally and loving yourself will be easier that spending the rest of your life being treated like sh*t.

BTW- how old are you? if he is 8 years older and you are significantly young, then I promise he has no respect for you or he wouldn't date you in the first place.

I couldn't have said it better myself, Thalia. You are a great source of wisdom :)

You ladies are so smart!


vanillaqueen, please, for your own sake, don't settle for a relationship that causes you this much anguish. For you boyfriend's sake, don't let him continue the habit of mistreating people. If he thinks that's the way he can be happiest, then he's wrong. I think if you want him to be happy, you'll clearly communicate that he may not treat you this way anymore. Back it up with what you do.

BTW, a person can easily love or be in-love with the totally wrongest person. In-love emotions are quite fickle, and they're not very smart. Our hearts don't like taking orders from our heads, but this time it sounds like you may have to drag your heart, kicking and screaming if need be, away from this fellow.

To piggyback off of what Funk and others said earlier about encounters with ex-bfs...

The only ex I have goes to the same college I do, but fortunately I haven't had to be in many of the same places as him this semester. Toward the beginning of the semester, especially, it would have been too hard to have to interact with him a lot. Now I can talk with him online or a little bit in person, and it's polite. We haven't talked at all about whether or not we like being single, though I presume if he were truly miserable without me he would have tried to make up.

I don't regret having broken up with him; I regret having wasted time and effort on him. *sigh* I guess if I learn from it, it's not really wasted.

See. the problem is you all think that it is so easy and it isnt and if any of you have been through this you will understand it. As far as my opunctuation its words with or without the periods and I choose to be more leanient with it here because in school I cant be and I need a little rest from being proper I am sorry if this causes you difficulty but its a habit I am sorry. As far as it being so damned easy to leave my boyfriend like you all tell me it can be I know I wouldnt be happy and I know I love him and I am trying my hardest to make it work. I am coming out with everything I love my boyfriend and when I talk he is starting to listen no not always and he isnt always perfect but I still belive he is the one for me and that we are meant to be together so I am not going to give up on something until I know that it is meant to be givin up on. I love him and thats pretty much how it is I dont think I can do better then him.

"BTW- how old are you? if he is 8 years older and you are significantly young, then I promise he has no respect for you or he wouldn't date you in the first place."

What I dont understand if how you all KNOW him and I when you dont really and you can judge wether or not he truly loves or respects me if I am young it makes no difference are you saying my father and mother never loved I mean it makes no sence that you know if he respects me or not I mean you dont. You cant say you know becauwe oyu dont and every person is different in such a way that you could be very wrong I appriciate the advice but you can neither say what I need or want because you or not me and nor are you him. I am sorry I am not trying to be the B***h of the boards but its true and I am not trying to come off that way I am just stating my mind like all of you have done.

Originally posted by vanillaqueen17
See. the problem is you all think that it is so easy

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO.

No- one thinks it "easy"

It's one of the hardest/thoughest things in live.

I cannot tell if you have to leave your friend.

But I can tell you that when you are up to your ears in "****" the "normal" reaction is to keep hoping, thinking you can and will work it out. (for the better) Some times this works, and sometimes it doesn't.

Some times one has to take it to the end to see the road can lead to death instead of improvement. The choice one has to make (eventually) is far, far, far from easy.

I hope everything will turn out right for you.

*hug*

Originally posted by vanillaqueen17

What I dont understand if how you all KNOW him and I when you dont really and you can judge wether or not he truly loves or respects me if I am young it makes no difference

I think people are trying to help you and therefore ask some (stupid?) questions.

And maybe they are wrong, and are they (we) to much influenced by what we hear or experienced.

It's not an easy situation you're in.

(could you just hit ENTER now and then? )

Maybe I should just say that every man is x % good and Y % asshole.

Sometimes it's hard to tell which part is the biggest one. :(

Originally posted by vanillaqueen17
Well I just dont see myself as immature......I do not think I am immature

Justifying lack of punctuation by saying you need a break from the "proper" use of it you are forced to do in school doesn't make you seem very mature.
It lessens anything you have to say because you don't really care about getting your message across clearly; you'd rather leave all the effort up to the other parties reading your posts to decipher what you are saying.

At least an ENTER

now and then

would help.

I give up. Sorry...I can't read posts like that only to have to go back and read them again because the first time didn't make much sense. It takes too much time and effort to decipher.

Good luck to you anyhow Vanillaqueen; no matter what you decide.

I don't bother reading posts if the person isn't going to bother making them readable.

funk writes
==========
i must stop because i need to study
=============

I agree.


vq writes
=================
the problem is you all think that it is so easy and it isnt and if any of you have been through this you will understand it.
=================

I don't think it is easy. I am not at all surprised that you would find it hard, or even seemingly impossible. I've been thru it (41 years ago; when I was 14; then I stopped doing that sort of thing).

I am able to understand your writing despite your lack of periods. Your sentences are formed well enough so that their end is apparent without the need for the formality of a periods.

"I dont think I can do better then him."

Maybe. But sometimes having no-one is preferable to having someone who doesn't treat you with at least certain minimum standards of consideration and respect. Only you can decide what to do tho. I am only giving you my point of view; I am not ordering you to do something, nor telling you that you must believe my ideas or follow my suggestions.

"I am not trying to be the B***h of the boards ... I am just stating my mind like all of you have done."

That's fine with me. I think you are pretty articulate. And I agree my opinion on what to do could be wrong. You know more about the situation than I do. I just wanted to give you my impression based on what you said, and only what you said, which I know is not the whole story. Indeed you must make your own choice, and not follow the order of people who "tell you what to do." Nor should you intentionally do the opposite of what they say (react, revolt), if you believe they are wrong. Either way they would be influencing what you do. One would generally want to try and determine what to do based on one's own inner undertanding and decision-making ability, rather than do what someone else says (have a positive reaction to what they say) or do something that is actually a negative reaction to what someone else says, as opposed to developing your own vision of what to do.

One ought to act, rather than react.

VQ-

I hope things turn out for the best for you. If you need support perhaps you should find a young adult you trust to talk to.

And like I said before, making these kinds of decisions are very, very hard. I have a very hard time myself getting over old relationships. In the beginning it is very difficult, but as you find yourself again, it is all worth it.

Ultimately you are in control of your situation, I wish you strength, wisdom and happiness.

Ok what I am sick of on here is being judged by how I type and how I do things I am a person who is different form you and I type different when I can I do not always need to be proper and everyone needs a break I was raised to speak my mind and that is just what I am doing if you dont like me dont like me then just because you are older doesnt mean you know everything so stop trying to act like you do because no one is that smart and I dont wanna be bitchy as I said but I am so sick of this crap I mean this is a hard sistuation I came for advice not to be critisized and judged as a immature and bad person because of how I type. To me you are being immature by doing so!

Ok it isnt like im misspelling anything all it is are no periods........................................... ........................ok they dont make things readable they just make them proper and I aint 60 years old so I aint worried about it I just dont think that you need to all gang up on me we all have our flaws and now im just gonna get angry that everyone here has jumped on my case for everything I have said its like I cant say one thing right without someone saying crap to me thats rude. well now I will treat you all that way!

Originally posted by vanillaqueen17
I do have a lot to learn about life but I think no one knows everything everyone just knows something

VQ,
I know you not at all really, but nice to meet you on the boards... and now to quote from this page the quote up above... and this part of what little I've read applies to all of us, in that it is quite rare that people are ever as consumately clever Or (whatever) as knowledgable as they would like or aspire to be, even the most smartest or maturist of people can attest to that, probably... because life is always offering new insights....


If anyone really wants to give you a hard time, you can at least
know it would not be for the sake of it (at least I hope not)..but
as for those that might, in regard to you, giving you grief just because you are young is not warrant enough, and also for
those that may critisize you, is their choice just as it yours but you air the right to be outspoken and that is fine in my view, its not like your being offensive in anyway (least not in the bits I've read) so you should be fine...so regardless of the crap you feel is taking place here.... Don't worry about it!!!!!!!.... Its cool,
:cool:
No-one is gonna damn you for being outspoken :D... but rather I mean sometimes others will be outspoken back and it may seem negative but people often give ciriticism to help you have the chance and the choice of improving (ie, constructive criticism)what they point out to you with good reason, and of course you can take it or leave it WITH NO ILL EFFECT or hard feelings blah blah blah. ...and really if its any consolation I sincerely doubt anyone would hold anything against you, just for you having defended yourself so please don't be put of by that!!!!!!
but others will likewise be outspoken too....and thats not so bad, and anyway I can see some have given you AT LEAST **SOME** ***POSITIVE VIBES***(regardless of your writing style)....

In fact I quite like your sparky personality (even when firey) and you say you were brought up with outspokenness, :up: and to reiterate I think thats good that you have gotten this message on over to us so at least now we can know not to mess with you!!! :D ((not that I guess people would really want that)) but maybe its more just a case of you appearing glib-ish in your speech... (no criticism from me though, I'm keeping out of it)
when really you are being quite sincere maybe!?!? I don't know
BUT I'm sure you can do us all some good in what you say... even when too hot to handle.

Originally posted by vanillaqueen17
I just dont think that you need to all gang up on me we all have our flaws and now im just gonna get angry that everyone here has jumped on my case for everything I have said its like I cant say one thing right without someone saying crap to me thats rude. well now I will treat you all that way!

If people are all being rude, ganging up on you, and jumping on your case, then point out how people are being rude to you to a moderator. I am sorry you feel this way, but I think I speak for all of us that our replies to you have been motivated out of wanting to help, not to be mean. I'm sorry if the answers to your requests for advice were not what you wanted to hear.

As far as the not using punctuations, I think it is perfectly reasonable for people to request that. It makes your posts hard to read. The initial requests to you were very polite, the later ones merely assertive.

Here is my post without punctuation:

If people are all being rude ganging up on you and jumping on your case then point out how people are being rude to you to a moderator I am sorry you feel this way but I think I speak for all of us that our replies to you have been motivated out of wanting to help not to be mean I m sorry if the answers to your requests for advice were not what you wanted to hear As far as the not using punctuations I think it is perfectly reasonable for people to request that It makes your posts hard to read The initial requests to you were very polite the later ones merely assertive

Really, which is easier to read?


Overall, I am concerned that you are reading too much into our posts. I don't want you to thinnk we are trying to mean, we don't want to hurt your feelings.

Vanillaqueen,
*smiles* I think I may understand a little bit better now. See, sometimes when I ask people for advice, I don't really want their honest opinons, no matter what they are. I just want them to agree with and affirm the decision I've already made on the issue.

If you want an example, dig up the thread I had last December on whether or not I should break up with my boyfriend. By the time I had finished typing out the very long first post and reviewing those issues, I had pretty much decided the relationship was over.

Another reason I vent to people sometimes is just to have them listen and understand me. Not to give me advice of any kind, not to do anything more than say, "It's gonna be ok, Skylark" and give me a hug.

Do you see yourself in any of the things that I find myself doing sometimes? You don't have to tell me if you do recognize yourself, but I'm beginning to suspect that you didn't post your story on here simply to gain candid opinions. I could be wrong, of course, in which case, please correct me.