Originally posted by starsprite
ok, I admit that sometimes I get upset about stupid things, but not to the extent that my bf does! and I always realize that it is stupid and appologize shortly after, like an hour or less!! never a week after! it is like my boyfriend is PMS-ing!

-emily

Emily,
IMO, your bf temper is immaturity. His week long pouting session is manipulation to get his way. That tactic doesn't change with age. These are the classic signs of a manipulator

When they want their way they
1. Sweet talk you to get you to agree (if that doesn't work)
2. Their feelings are hurt (if that doesn't work)
3. The have temper tantrums (if that doesn't work)
4. They withdraw themselves from you as punishment ie won't speak to you.

Sound familiar? This isn't immaturity. This is selfishness. Find someone who won't play games.

Life

Good advice from a wise lady! Games are no fun. Just move on and find someone who will appreciate you and treat you like an adult and with respect. Relationships are about partnership, not power...

I agree that if you let him get away with his tantrums that he will continue to do them. My example is my sweetie would stay out to all hours of the night and not call. (We were living together.) Out of respect for me he should call and let me know he is alive. Out of respect for other humans he should not drink and drive. But after the initial distance and a few comments, things would go back to "normal" until he did it again. If I would have put my "foot down" maybe things would have changed. But, I'm spineless. :rolleyes: What would happen if you didn't call him during a tantrum? I agree with what Life2K had to say also.

Please keep us updated.

P.S. This guy was 5 years older than me, so age doesn't guarantee maturity.

Originally posted by Life2k
Emily,
IMO, your bf temper is immaturity. His week long pouting session is manipulation to get his way. That tactic doesn't change with age. These are the classic signs of a manipulator

When they want their way they
1. Sweet talk you to get you to agree (if that doesn't work)
2. Their feelings are hurt (if that doesn't work)
3. The have temper tantrums (if that doesn't work)
4. They withdraw themselves from you as punishment ie won't speak to you.

Sound familiar? This isn't immaturity. This is selfishness. Find someone who won't play games.

Life So true! This reminds me of an eye opening book called Controlling people by patricia evens, the author of the verbally abusive relationship.
It shows you the hows and whys (her theory, anyway) people try to control others in relationships. There is some on how to fight back, but not enough. I think maybe she thinks if someone is controlling, it's best to just get away. And my experience with someone who refused to communicate showed me that it is not only the temper tantrums that can be hurtful, an aloof, uncaring attitude is bad as well.

Thanks guys! I think I have pretty much made up my mind that I do not want to be around this kind of stuff anymore. And every day that goes by without him contacting me makes me feel even better about my decision! It really is a shame though. I hope we can still be best friends!

Originally posted by Beardedlady
Is it possible to not live in constant war with an omni????


well, my BF, whom I live with, is an omni. and we're not at war at all over food. much of this, I'm sure, stems from the fact that I do most of the cooking. BUT. . .

1. If we're going to eat at his parents' house, or out somewhere, he checks with me first - or with them - to make sure there'll be something I can eat.
2. He doesn't make jokes or belittle my choices.
3. He doesn't ask me to change, "forget" and suggest I eat something else, buy me anything that I wouldn't ordinarily eat.
4. He's appreciative of whatever I wind up cooking for him.

maybe this sounds like he's whipped, or something to that effect, but I really see this as an important issue to me - and so does he - so it's one that seems to inherently command respect. not necessarily a conversion (though, with time and education, more of an understanding and partial agreement in terms of ethics.)

in a nutshell: it's possible to live peacefully with omnis, but not with people who are inconsiderate. he doesn't have to even respect veg*nism as a whole per se, but he should probably respect the committments you've made (this sort of assumes he loves you, and that a loving relationship entails respect) and as a result should respect your veg*nism.

make sense at all?

Beardedlady, your man knows what he is doing. It's not the kind of thing someone just forgets. He is in a tacit battle with you. If it causes you tension, it causes him tension.

If I lived at all close to you, I'd babysit for free, and I would make sure your child ate good veggie food as long as s/he was in my care. *hugs*

I'm sorry to hear how stuck you feel. I can relate somewhat. I live with a man I care for very much, he really isn't a bad guy, I just have very little in common with him, other than sex and that isn't exactly what it once was either. I gave up pretty much everything that was important to me thinking I could recreate some of it and explore new avenues by moving here. Three years later, I feel as if I just gave it all away for nothing.
When the time is right you'll figure out what to do, just like I will. Good luck!

Mine is very politically involved as well but, I just don't ever agree with his logic or conclusions. He has a lot of faith in goverment. Just like the abused son who doesn't have the perspective or distance, to understand he is being mal treated by the hand that feeds him in order to hold him down.

I hear you! I've learned to say ha huh and uhmm without ever having to leave the far off thoughts and fantasies in my head.

ok! To get back on topic ;)

I just got done talking to the BF (he called me). LLOOOONNNGG talk. But very good talk. I think he now realizes how serious this situation is. And I believe that we are going to decide to just take a break from eachother and take things slow and easy (we are talking again on Saturday- in person- over dinner). We will still hang out as friends, but we will just take more time for ourselves for a little while- see how things go, and then think long and hard if we have a chance at giving our relationship another try. I have learned one thing from spending time apart already- I am more independent when he is not around! I have been able to get so much done - I am cleaning my room and planning a business! It is actually really good for me, I think! Will update you soon!

Oh, BTW, I feel really good after I talked to him and I think we will figure something out, but no matter what happens, we will still be best friends.

-emily

I'm glad you're feeling better about things Emily. Let us know how Saturday goes.

Thanks Baby! (you guys can continue your conversation! Didn't mean to scare you away) :D

You didn't scare me away. This morning I felt a little bad for speaking poorly of my bf last night. Like I said he really isn't a bad guy, he's just isn't someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. He can be very sweet but, damn he's moody, and boring. There I go again. I have to stop being so mean and judgemental.

im sure glad im not attracted to them, they smell bad.

And they're hairy. :spew:

I love the way most men smell.

I rise in defense of men.. At least my man. He's far from perfect, but he has definately been worth being married to 25 years. He is my friend, my buddy, my lover, my comforter, he is kind, loving, generous, thoughtful, and he doesn't boss me around. It wouldn't do any good if he did. I have selective hearing.;)

Originally posted by Life2k
It wouldn't do any good if he did. I have selective hearing.;)

My SO has this exact same ability. Am glad the cat listens to me.

I love chest hair.... and italian men...mmmmmm... Ok, someone throw some cold water on me. Hehe :)

Go put on your t-shirt. :tame:

Emily-
Glad you have got it sorted out for now. Sounds like you know what you're doing :)
I'm 26/almost 27 and my bf is 23... it seems like more and more women are dating younger men these days (my brother is 24 and his wife is 28). I like being "the older woman" ;) But I do notice that every once in a while the age difference/maturity difference can be something of an issue with us. Thankfully it is usually something that can easily be worked out :)
Take care!

Emily,
Thanks for the update. Please let us know how Saturday goes.

Beardedlady,
I'm ready with the cold water. Tell me when. :D

Hold on... let me go get my white tanktop first.... Hehe.