Everyone around me tells me i have a nice body and dont need to loose more weight but lately it seems like im living just to loose weight. I'm afraid im going to turn anorexic, everytime i try talking about this to friends or family they dont take me seriously and tell me i dont need to loose weight. for this reason i would like to discuss my problem with people who do not know me or seen the way i look.

Male or female? How tall, how old, and how much do you weigh?

If you do have an eating disorder, or even one brewing, that's something to be taken seriously.

Just remember, health is not necessarily measured by weight. Obviously, it is connected, but if I were you I would just eat what makes you happy, your body is the best guide because if you pay attention it will let you know what is best for it. For me, my body has lead me to eating organic whenever possible and this makes me happy. I used to think in a similar way you stated, I am 110 and 5'2, proud to say vegetarian recently turned vegan. I eat healthy and used to be concerned about looking anorexic or bulimic (as was joked about by a friend recently) because I stay far away from most junk food and didn't want to turn into skin and bones (don't get me wrong, as we speak I am having a couple vegan cookies with non-refined sugar... yum!). My best friend (who is struggling with her own weight and wearing a size smaller than what fits her properly) even told me I "should" weigh at least 115. It doesn't matter to me what she or anyone says because I am happy with my weight and body. I don't even concern myself about the numbers on the scale anymore because I know I am healthy and I don't care if anyone thinks I am too skinny and should way more because they say so. I actually get a lot of compliments that I look great. And again, it doesn't effect me because I am happy with my own body and what I choose to eat so other people's opinions postitive or negative do not affect the way I look at myself.

Why don't you try this: Every time you look in the mirror, tell yourself you love yourself and you are beautiful. Tell yourself you love your body and feed it nourishing foods. It might even help to avoid the scale and you may realize you don't need it to know that you are beautiful. It may sound cheesy to some, but it is positive reinforcement, and there is nothing wrong with that! Especially since anorexia and other eating disorders are physiological. A little bit of exercise might help you feel good about your body too. Not sure if this is the response you were looking for but I hope this helps!!

P.S. I know a good book that might help you look at yourself (mentally, physically, spiritually) in a more positive light, it is called You Can Heal Your Life. It's a wonderful book and it has helped everyone I know know who has read it.

In addition to what anthony11 asked, what exactly about your body do you not like?

I've been told that I have a nice body, too, but I still worry about it. I have a petite frame, but I'm not in shape at all so I'm slim but very soft in many areas.

Oh, I used to have an eating disorder years ago. At 5'4 and 120 lbs, I starved myself for an entire summer. It was horrible! I turned into a walking skeleton bitch. My poor friends and family suffered a lot, as did my body. I've recovered fully, and am happy that my face is a little rounder now (makes me look younger) instead of a little droopy.

Maybe you don't necessarily need to lose pounds but should exercise a bit to build muscle and burn fat? That's what I'm trying to do now...

I don't think i can help much, i only wanted to say i think i'm going through a similar thing at the moment, and it's really annoying me. I feel like it's on my mind all the time. Since April, i put on about 14 pounds. My BMI in April was borderline underweight, but it's the weight i felt happy at, cos of my body shape. I wana get back to that weight, but feel like i'm literally having to starve myself to get there. And i've got this really strange addiction to a particular food at the moment, and keep binge eating late at night, then feeling awful in the morning. I'm permanantly battling with food. Does this sound anything like your problem? I haven't spoken about it to anyone, and it's been an ongoing problem for about 7 years. Just seems to be at it's worst right now with how i'm feeling.

To the original poster and to Star lass:

I know exactly where both of you are coming from with your concerns about your body. I was a naturally thin and active person through my childhood/teenage years and although I did get teased about it sometimes, it came to b how I saw myself. As a result I had a lot of trouble accepting myself getting rounder as I moved into my 20s, and ended up restricting myself and becoming very very unhappy. Fighting my body (and my mind) non stop inorder to maintain an unhealthy weight eventually took its toll and I got more and more depressed and frustrated with myself to the point where I would avoid going to college or socialising if I didn't like what I saw in the mirror that day.

I also ended up developing a terrible binge eating habit where I would go on horrible binges sometimes for days at a time and then try and "stop" them by restricting severely. It started a vicious cycle that I still struggle with.

But, heres the good news:
I decided to be proactive about how I felt and logically address my feelings.

I stopped exercising as punishment and tried to find things I enjoy, like joining my local soccer team.

I stopped looking at myself in the mirror to only pick at my faults but to start looking for things I like about myself. I learned to take compliments about my body (as well as the rest of me - which is far more important!).

I stopped looking at those few extra kilos that have come to live with me as an excuse to lock myself away and avoid social interactions. If I don't care about them, no one else will even notice them!

I had to look at myself and try to recognise exactly why I was having these feelings and when I did this I realise that my weight didn't have all that much to do with it. I didn't like my body because I thought it was my only endearing feature so if it wasn't perfect no one would like me. I overate or restricted out of loneliness and sadness, which led to me avoiding social situations further. If I let myself be happy and spent time with friends, these thoughts seemed far more trivial and I forgot why I was so concened to begin with.

So even though I still have bad days, I won't ever let myself get back to the stage where I constantly worried about my weight and let that dominate my life. I have learned to live with, and even like my new curvier figure. And I can assure you, everyone else likes it better too!! Why? because I am happier and no longer a miserable person to be around.

Its so easy when looking at the media to think that to be thin is to have everything. But when I think of all the things I missed out on because I thought I was "too fat" to be seen in public I know that nothing is further from the truth!

19 years old female... and my problem's not about weight its about shape and look. no matter what i do im not being able to satisfy myself... I'm a psychology student, my teacher told me i should get a dog and walk with it for as long as i can every day. because i'm the type that does not like exercise... im the calm type that sits on the computer rather than go out and walk. therefore my teacher told me that when i have a dog i'll be obliged to go and walk it. Do u think it's a stupid thought?? Im desperate and out of options and i dont want my life to be all about this... :(

Dear Poopy, I dont like the way i do not fit in my clothes sometimes, i do not like the way i cant wear anything i want... i do not like the way my fat giggles when i'm with my boyfriend. i always have the fear of him finding someone new just because i'm a bit fat... this issue is effecting my relationship with everyone i know. it is slowly turning into a huge problem and i do not know how to deal with it. I'm afraid i'm pushing everyone away with this problem and do not know what to do to stop... :(

Have you tried yoga? It's a very different kind of exercise, you might like it. It helps your mental well-being as well as your physical.

missyD, thanks for your advice, i can relate to lots of things you've mentioned such as the binge eating, and not liking what you saw in the mirror. I've missed 2 events with my friends this week because of it, but i actually think i have a digestion problem at the moment too. I think it's great how you've overcome your problems, and i'm glad ur happier now :up:, but i honestly don't think i can accept myself the way i am at the moment. If the binge eating stops, and i stop eating so much junk, then it's a possibility. But until i lose some weight, i don't think i will be happy. :-/

boubrig, my friends used to tease me a lot because I never exercised. They told me that it'll catch up to me one day, and that just because I'm not overweight doesn't mean that it's OK not to exercise. But I just didn't like to do it! I hate going to gyms, and I would much rather cuddle up with a good book or day dream than be sweaty and tired.

Elena99 mentioned that you might like yoga. I tried it a few times before switching to pilates (the pilates studio is much closer than the yoga one), and it was fun. It helped clear my mind, there was little movement (which doesn't mean that it's easy), and there wasn't very much sweating involved. My body felt refreshed afterwards, and the fact that I was doing something other than sitting around helped me not dwell so much on little things.

Dear Elena99 and Poopy,

I love Yoga. I bought so many DVD's so i can at least do something with my free time, but ever since i got them i dont seem to be able to find time for myself. It's incredible, i do not work, i only have university to worry about but at the same time i simply and honestly find my days full and no time for anything, not even half an hour for yoga.

I thought maybe if i sign up for a class i would force myself to go. But i cant seem to find a single yoga session that would fit my scheduale, and since i live in Lebanon (don't know if you many have heard about this place) i dont have much options when it comes to yoga because the lebanese people do not seem to be interested in mental relaxation and mental fitness, they only care about physical. therefore i need to join a gym and go exercise, which does not fit my personality.

I seem to be running out of options and do not know what to do... In the meanwhile, i'm driving myself crazy...

I've heard of Lebanon. I used to work with a lady who was from there, but I don't know much about it.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with your schedual, though. Not really sure what else to suggest. What's your boyfriend's opinion, you mentioned something about being insecure about him finding someone new. Does he not have some fat on him? Maybe he likes you the way you are.

one of the biggest issues with those sufferering from eating disorders is the belief that total happiness comes with losing those 10 extra pounds!
if you do in fact have an eating disorder (and by the sounds of it you should seriosuly consider this as a possibility), not only will you not feel any better whatsoever after shedding the "extra" weight, but it will never be enough. before you know it, you will be wanting to lose 10 more, and then just 5 more, and then even 2 pnds will seem like a big deal to you....
I wish you good luck in the future.

Star Lass, from experience I have found that the only way to stop bingeing is to be able to accept myself as I am today, and concentrate on that first. Then, you will find over time you don't binge and the extra lbs will come off naturally. If you try and lose weight thinking once you are thinner you will like yourself more it never happens. It just keeps the binge/restrict cycle going! Believe me, I've spent the last 3 years figuring this out.

So I would try and do something non food related every day to make yourself happy and relaxed and to maybe keep a journal of positive thoughts about yourself. Writing diet plans or lists of "banned" foods etc are just counterproductive as you immediately feel like you are being deprived. Focus on eating healthily and getting a bit of exercise each day doing something you enjoy and be patient.

Dear Elena99,

Lebanon is still a developing country so i do not have many choices when it comes to yoga classes and my schedual...
My boyfriend thinks i'm crazy, he keeps telling me i dont need to loose any weight. It bothers me cause something i start thinking that he's just saying that... and he's going to find someone else... it makes me feel insecure,..:(

Dear Elena99,

Lebanon is still a developing country so i do not have many choices when it comes to yoga classes and my schedual...
My boyfriend thinks i'm crazy, he keeps telling me i dont need to loose any weight. It bothers me cause something i start thinking that he's just saying that... and he's going to find someone else... it makes me feel insecure,..:(

It sounds like everyone is telling you you don't need to lose weight. Trust them! If you're concerned about your health, you can always take up walking or possibly even jogging at essentially no cost to you. If you can't take a class, there are websites that can show you yoga positions and the form for lifting dumbells at home. Exercise is always a good thing. :)

But the main problem here, apparently, is that you seem to not think very highly of yourself and you don't seem to trust the people around you. Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you feel? Or your friends? You shouldn't ever have to worry that the people who love you are just giving you lip service unless you have a *reason* not to trust them. You haven't mentioned one, so I'm going to go ahead and assume you're being irrational.

Try to stop. You're buying trouble, and who needs to do that? Don't make up problems for yourself. I'm not saying it's easy, but I think that deserves a whole lot more focus than whether or not you actually need to lose weight.

learning about body types might help.

culturally, right now we value 'one' type of body. there are other types of bodies that are just as beautiful and just as healthy in vary different shapes, but they are not as culturally valued. understanding these body types, how to take care of them (and thereby how to take care of yours) might be helpful.

I recommend Body, Mind, and Sport by John Doulliard. he applies the indian method--ayurveda--to a western perspective. it's not pro-vegetarian, but it's not anti-either.

Dear Mskedi,

You have a point i am insecure, insecure about myself and that leads to being insecure and not trusting the people around me...:( But i cant help it and i dont think there's anyone who can...
I've talked to my boyfriend about trust and security and all my problems of course, but he takes everything so personally and gets so defensive... he tried so much to understand and i dont think he can anymore, so i dont trouble him with this...:( Again i'm stuck at awall and dont know what to do...:(

Dear zoebird,

Thank you for the advice. I'm gonna check out the book and i really hope i can find it.

Thank you...

learning about body types might help.

culturally, right now we value 'one' type of body. there are other types of bodies that are just as beautiful and just as healthy in vary different shapes, but they are not as culturally valued. understanding these body types, how to take care of them (and thereby how to take care of yours) might be helpful.

I think you have a really good point there Zoebird. And i think part of my problem is i don't like my body type, and i'm comparing myself to people around me too much. I have the slim friends that never put on weight no matter what they eat, and the friends that are curvy, but look great, because they're curvy all over and it looks good. I just feel like i'm unproportional and a funny shape. Too small on top, and big on the bottom.

accepting a body type is a difficult task. this is one area where yoga really helps, because the focus isn't on how your body looks, but how your body feels in movement. this may be a helpful, contemplative practice for you. I recommend Anusara style, if you're interested in practice.

Have you tried yoga? It's a very different kind of exercise, you might like it. It helps your mental well-being as well as your physical.

beat me to it... this is coming from someone who has walked the dog on many occassions, rides his bike whenever he can, enjoys a good swim, and all that mumbo jumbo, hehehe... i was in the most depressions living situation i could ever have imagined, for one semester i lived as such without yoga, and the second i lived with. and i have to say that taking a yoga class and continuing it later was the best life choice i have ever made. i looked, felt, and enjoyed myself much more than i ever had after that class.