Got The Lecture From My MIL Today

[dylansmom]

My MIL called me up today and didn't say much, but ended up giving me a mini lecture.

She said, "Make sure that you let Dylan eat meat if he wants to. I worry about his health because he's so small yet. You should probably not stop giving him milk or eggs yet either. I want him to grow up healthy and strong."

I proceed to very politely tell her that I asked his pediatrician 1 week ago if it was ok for us to feed him an ovo lacto vegetarian diet for now. She said yes, just to make sure that we round it out so that he's getting everything that he needs.

I also told her that I've researched dairy, and that they add a lot of growth hormones to cows/milk, and that's why a lot of children/people grow larger than what they used to back in the day. I also stated that Soy milk should be healthier than cow's milk.

And I told her that as far as eggs go, they are not really a neccessary part of our diets, and that we hardly ate them even before becoming vegetarians.

It's so hard to make people understand that I've done the research and am a well informed mother, and that I'd never do anything that I even remotely thought would hurt my child.

I also told her that we get calcium from broccoli and other greens too. And that we get our omega 3 oils from our nuts that we eat daily.

How do you make an old school thinker turn from lecturer to supporter? *shrugs*

[FreshTart]

Well, try not to engage in these conversations right yet. I don't mean to be unkind, but you are quite new yourself to vegetarianism. So try to avoid these talks as much as you can; right now, you are still just trying to get with the swing of things yourself. I say this only because you risk coming across as suffering from "new convert" syndrome and that will not help your cause in the long term.

Change the subject. Say "I've discussed this with the doctor, don't worry. How are the new curtains? I heard you got a good deal on them."

You can't change her mind, so don't try. She's in charge of her thoughts and you are in charge of yours. Trying to change her mind, even if it's in kindness, often ends in disaster when you're dealing with family members ESPECIALLY in laws.

[rabid_child]

You could always reply with "Thanks for your concern, I've been doing my homework on it and spoke to our pediatrician" and just leave it at that.

How old is your son?

[dylansmom]

Thank you so much to both of you. Yes, I shouldn't say a whole lot to her, as I agree that we're just starting out in this journey.

He just turned 2, and we did give him the Vitamin D milk up until he turned 2. But wouldn't a good soy milk do the trick now? We still get WIC and buy 2% milk with it for right now, so he's getting that too.

My mom and dad are being suprisingly supportive of our decision, and have even expressed a little interest in the way we do things now.

My brother is another story. *rolling eyes*

I just thank my lucky stars that MIL hasn't said anything to me before this!

[FreshTart]

Soy milk is fine - just make sure you get the fortified kind (if you shop at an asian store, you will find that a lot of them aren't fortified).

My step kids like soy milk, so they drink soy and dairy.

[Tofu-N-Sprouts]

My kids never had milk at all - we did fortified soy even though at the time I wasn't vegan - I just didn't think THAT MUCH cow's milk was good for them...

If you're on WIC you can tell them you don't drink Cow's Milk and they'll change your allotment so you can get more of the other things - use it to get peanutbutter and iron fortified cereals and orange juice - all good choices for a growing kid - and use the $$ you save to get your fortified soy if that's what you want to do...

As others have said, the less said, to your MIL, the better... mine (ex-in-laws) aren't understanding or supportive in the LEAST... I learned early on to just stay out of their way and not leave my kids with them for meals until they absolutely PROMISED they'd respect my wishes... which they now do.

[rincaro]

I never said much to my ex-in-laws when we went veggie. The boys were 4 & 5 at the time, so once they understood the concept, they were rather militant about what they would and wouldn't eat. I agree though, the less you say, probably the better.

Try as hard as you can to get your son to eat a big variety of foods. "Old-schoolers" will have less to say if they see your child chowing down on the veggies.

[Annie]

If you're on WIC you can tell them you don't drink Cow's Milk
Be careful doing that. Telling the government that you aren't going to get milk for whatever reason, can open up all kind of problems that you'll wish you hadn't. Unless there are dairy allergies verified by a doctor, it can get tricky. It's all about money to the government and the Dairy Association, and not much at all to do with health. Much can fall on deaf ears. Just watch your dairy-free step, or a case worker assigned to you might be watching them for you.

[beth]

I have lots of problems with my mother-in-law too. She loves to talk about protein. Last time we stayed with her she begged me at the beginning of the trip to eat one hard boiled egg a day. She knows I don't eat eggs. So I declined, but she went ahead and boiled enough eggs for my entire trip anyway.

As far as my daughter is concerned, my MIL used to badger me all the time about how unhealthy she would turn out and how children needed animal fats and proteins in order for their little brains to develop properly. I always just shrugged her off, but my husband had a talk with her anyway, and she hasn't bothered me too much since then. I can tell she still bugs Ben about it though, cause sometimes I'll hear him talking quietly on the phone, saying things like, "Her doctor says she's perfectly healthy, mom." :tired:

[dylansmom]

Thank you so much again. We got into another discussion tonight when we were over there, and I tried hard to not say too much, but I hate feeling like our family is under a microscope with her.

She kept re-iterating how much she loves her meat, and I finally just said, "Mom, that's fine! I don't judge ANYONE who wants to still eat their meat! But don't judge me and my family for no longer wanting to eat it!" And that definately put a kabash to her rambling mouth.

And for now I'm not saying anything to the WIC people. We will still use our milk that they give us, as we are ovo lactos for now. But on the other hand, we will surely buy soy milk if we run out of the regular milk too.

One nice thing I do have to say about my MIL though, is that she has a beautiful large garden on the side of her yard. She gave us a LOT of fresh veggies straight from her garden tonight. It is all grown organically, because she uses no pesticides in it, so we are getting all of these beautiful fresh veggies from her for FREE!!!

Tonight she gave us some fresh potates (hubby and she dug them up earlier this evening), some beets (dug those up tonight too), and a half a head of cabbage.

Yesterday my dad, who also has a beautiful large organic garden, brought us over some summer squash and zuccini.

We are so blessed to have relatives on both sides who give us fresh veggies right out of their gardens! We're so grateful for that!

I'm ashamed to admit that in the past a lot of the veggies they had given us went to waste. We had such poor diets. But now those veggies get eaten up each and everyday! Woooohooo!!!

[FreshTart]

I firmly believe that everyone should live far away from their MILs.

[SeaSiren]

I firmly believe that everyone should live far away from their MILs.
:yes:

[dylansmom]

I second that notion FreshTart. And I third and fourth it too!

[crystalteacup]

I firmly believe that everyone should live far away from their MILs.

I think it depends on the in laws. My grandparents lived so far away I only got to my grandfather once I remember before he died. For my grandmother, we'd take a huge 26 bus trip to her house every Christmas, but last year our finances were better so we flew.

For some it's a blessing, other's it's a curse.

[hazardbliss]

<<<< adds "No Mother-In-Law" to her on-going list of perks of being a single mom.

:bobo:

[remilard]

I think it depends on the in laws. My grandparents lived so far away I only got to my grandfather once I remember before he died. For my grandmother, we'd take a huge 26 bus trip to her house every Christmas, but last year our finances were better so we flew.

For some it's a blessing, other's it's a curse.
That is a lot of buses! How many siblings did you have?

[hazardbliss]

I think she meant a 26 hour bus trip. But I'm guessing you knew that already. :D

[Vegetarian_Girl]

I agree live far away from your parent' and grandparent's

[zoebird]

you may also want to look into rice, almond, and oat milk (fortified) for your son, rather than soymilk. if you do a search regarding soy (including soy milk) on this site, there is some interesting discussion about how so may negatively affect sexual development (particularly of boys) because soy contains endocrine inhibitors. large amounts of soy milk (which, IMO is more than one serving of soy milk per day) may lead to these sorts of growth problems.

as yet, i haven't seen research that indicates that fortified rice milk, almond milk, or oat milk contain these inhibitors that may affect his growth.

Good luck!

[marina13]

to have arguments about this with my mom when i start having kids.


: (

[Allergmom]

Zoebird-

The only rice and oat milks I've seen are unfortified and low in fat. Do you have a specific brand that you know of that is fortified and higher in fat? My son has had problems gaining weight in the past, and I am hesitant to give him less a calorie and fat dense drink. Nut, dairy and egg allergies rule out many otherwise good options.

Our family currently uses Silk Enhanced soymilk for drinking and baking. That's the only soy we use on a regular basis-he doesn't eat the fake meats more than once every two weeks (as most contain dairy and egg). He does also have the occasional soy-gurt.

I don't want to overdo soy for my little guy, but at the same time I don't want him to lose weight or suffer from vitamin deficiencies. Thanks in advance for your help!

[Kiz]

If it's for drinking and not baking have you considered 100% pure fruit juices? While not high in fat they are quite calorie dense and are good for the vitamins. You can even get fortified fruit juices these days, I've seen juices with multivitamins, iron, calcium, all sort sorts of things, although I've heard the benefits aren't really that much higher than drinking the plain juice.

[dk_art]

can one become a 'mother-in-law-atarian' ..... one who avoids mother-in-laws ?

[zoebird]

allergmom:

i don't know of any specific brands. may i recommend poi? Taro Dream (http://www.tarodream.com) is a company that makes a poi pudding product and may be able to ship it to you. The web address gives the contact information.

Here (http://www.westonaprice.org/foodfeatures/poi.html) is an article about poi which was written by the woman who owns/runs Taro Dream.

this may be a good alternative to pudding or other desserts. also, if you give him enough fat in other sources, and use the rice milk or oat milk sparingly (such as, over cereal) and use fruit juices or water as beverages for him, then he'll progress and gain weight.

also, i don't know where you're located, but i've read some wonderful testimonial evidence about ayurvedic doctors doing wonders to help people assimilate their foods. it's likely that you're feeding him enough of everything, but his body isn't able--for some reason--to assimilate it. there may be an ayurvedic way of healing this problem. One can go to india (and i can get information on where in india), and there are a few places in the US that i know are good. If you'd like more information about this, please let me know.

[Allergmom]

I give him "kid friendly" (i.e. fortified no-pulp) OJ, and the occasional apple juice. Only about one small sippy per day-he could guzzle that all day long if I let him! Plus, I think it's fortified with Calcium, Vit D., and of course has Vit C-but not B12 like Silk.