Today my mom and I and my cousins had a BBQ and my mom forced me to cook and prepare the disgusting raw meat and BBQ it. I had to touch it and it made me almost hurl. I feel disgusting and violated. Then she told me I was stupid for washing my hands afterward (um...shouldn't EVERYONE wash their hands after handling raw meat?). She was giving me cold looks because I was cringing and didn't feel comfortable doing it. Then she said I was being stupid and kept reminding me how much meat I used to eat. Then I accidently got the raw meat on my shirt and shorts, so I HAD to change. The vegan will not be wearing carcass on her shirt. And my mom got mad at me for that.

I feel like the only reason she did this is because I am veg. If I were omni and washed my hands and changed, she wouldn't have had a fit.

Then she tells me this "I am going to take your kids to McDonalds, then Burger King, and then to White Castle and then we're going to burst". I think she meant humor in this, but it was still unsettling. When I have kids, I don't want them to eat meat.

I HATE MY FAMILY. They have always been so supportive...so what is going on with my mother???? I did HER the favor. No other vegetarian I know would do this. None. I only did it because my mom has cerebral palsy and it would have been very hard for her to do it. I was the one would made the sacrifice...not her. So, why is she being so mean about it?

:( Aw, this makes me sad.

You were very kind to help her, because you are right, not many veg*ns would do that. I couldn't imagine handling meat. Ugh.

Some people get angry and defensive when confronted with something that they don't understand or something that they feel is a judgement about them. Perhaps she feels as though you are judging her and what she has provided for you all your life. Perhaps she feels threatened that her child is making choices that she doesn't understand.

I am sorry you are going through this. Maybe if you talk reasonably with her and let her know that your choices are not a reflection upon her and her choices as a mother, but on your and your choices as a human being. That you are not making these decisions to make her life harder or to be difficult or to be different for the sake of being different, but because you believe very strongly in cruelty-free living. Let her know that you care about her and want to help her, but that while it might not bother her to handle meat, it bothers you and you hope that she would respect that.

It's tough. Sometimes even when you speak very reasonably and sincerely with people, they will resist. This may be the case with your mom. Just keep doing what you are doing: being a loving, helpful daughter who still has her moral beliefs and who comes here to vent when she needs to. :p

:hug:

Some people get angry and defensive when confronted with something that they don't understand or something that they feel is a judgement about them. Perhaps she feels as though you are judging her and what she has provided for you all your life. Perhaps she feels threatened that her child is making choices that she doesn't understand.

That's exactly what I was thinking.

But how did they force you?

Today my mom and I and my cousins had a BBQ and my mom forced me to cook and prepare the disgusting raw meat and BBQ it. I had to touch it and it made me almost hurl. I feel disgusting and violated. Then she told me I was stupid for washing my hands afterward (um...shouldn't EVERYONE wash their hands after handling raw meat?). She was giving me cold looks because I was cringing and didn't feel comfortable doing it. Then she said I was being stupid and kept reminding me how much meat I used to eat. Then I accidently got the raw meat on my shirt and shorts, so I HAD to change. The vegan will not be wearing carcass on her shirt. And my mom got mad at me for that.

I feel like the only reason she did this is because I am veg. If I were omni and washed my hands and changed, she wouldn't have had a fit.

Then she tells me this "I am going to take your kids to McDonalds, then Burger King, and then to White Castle and then we're going to burst". I think she meant humor in this, but it was still unsettling. When I have kids, I don't want them to eat meat.

I HATE MY FAMILY. They have always been so supportive...so what is going on with my mother???? I did HER the favor. No other vegetarian I know would do this. None. I only did it because my mom has cerebral palsy and it would have been very hard for her to do it. I was the one would made the sacrifice...not her. So, why is she being so mean about it?
Sounds like your mom is thinking you aren't healthy without eating meat. I've learned mom's aren't always great with being blunt, they'd rather yell at you or make you do stuff you don't want to do to get you to do what they want you to do (mom's are weird). She probably thought if she got you to touch met you'd remember how much you liked it and sneak a bite and then she could say like, "Ha! I knew it!" or something.
I'm not really one to give advice, since my mom and I don't get along so well (we love each other, we just hate each other as well). but good luck :) I'm sure she'll come around...

I don't see how she can still think I am unhealthy. That's not it. She has always been somewhat supportive. I don't know what her problem has been lately. I think she was disturbed when I told her a month ago that I want my future children to be vegetarians. That really set her off. I know she does not respect that choice.

She also told me today that no one will marry me if I won't cook them meat. And also, on a completely different subject, she told me that if I have strong opinions about politics, I won't ever get married. She believes that dating is just about fun and not about sharing common opinions. On the marriage thing, she also said "what if he wants a hamburger?" And I said, "then he wants a hamburger". WTF is that supposed to mean? I have ONLY dated omnis. And she knows that.

Your mom sounds a little old-fashioned. Maybe when she was young, she had these sort of problems, or has only encountered these type of men.

Some people really can't imagine raising kids vegetarian. Before I was vegan, I had a hard time imagining it. You almost have to be a veg*n for it to make sense, in some cases.

I disagree with your Mom's decisions ... she should respect your beliefs more. It just sounds sad and I'msorry you had to do that.

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" she told me I was stupid for washing my hands afterward"
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It is very dangerous not to! Millions of people are sick (some extremely so and some die) every year from this type of attitude.

I hope they arent putting the cokked meat items back on the same plate they brought the raw meat out to the BBQ on .....there's a simple instant way to get various bacteria in meat


Ewww... I'm giving meat advice ?? :-/

That sounds very frustrating :(

Perhaps her case is something like my step mom's? She's really moody about the way I eat. When she's in a good mood, she's openly jealous about how healthy and thin I am. When she's in a bad mood, she belittles me, says I'm too skinny, and that I'm "depriving" myself of all the world's pleasures. Maybe in another month's time she'll calm down and you can initiate a conversation about it? She might just feel a little hurt that you don't want to raise your kids like she raised you. My biological mother gets a hell of a kick out of feeding me. She gets depressed when she can't figure out what to make for me. People connect food with comfort, and maybe she's feeling like it's an affront to her ability to provide for you?

I moved out of my parents house when I was your age and never looked back. My mother said, 'Oh, you'll be back...', but now that about 14 years have past, I doubt that.

At the time, they wanted me to eat with them like I did before I went to college, but college was what I needed to get a fresh perspective on life.

Have you considered that maybe you need to find an apartment for yourself? I was fortunate to have a very close friend who was also vegetarian share an apartment with me, so we never had any iccky meat issues.

I am in college and home for the summer. I am close to my mom despite this problem, so moving out really would not be worth it. I believe that no matter what the problem is, family members who care about one another and love one another should always try to work things out peacefully. :)

I don't see how she can still think I am unhealthy. That's not it. She has always been somewhat supportive. I don't know what her problem has been lately. I think she was disturbed when I told her a month ago that I want my future children to be vegetarians. That really set her off. I know she does not respect that choice.

She also told me today that no one will marry me if I won't cook them meat. And also, on a completely different subject, she told me that if I have strong opinions about politics, I won't ever get married. She believes that dating is just about fun and not about sharing common opinions. On the marriage thing, she also said "what if he wants a hamburger?" And I said, "then he wants a hamburger". WTF is that supposed to mean? I have ONLY dated omnis. And she knows that.

Your mom's old-fashioned logic escapes me. You could always date and/or marry a vegetarian. You might date and/or marry an omni who is supportive of veg*anism and doesn't insist on eating meat 3x a day. And will even eat a veggieburger or two. And politics? Why SHOULDN'T you have strong opinions about politics? :confused: A lot of women do. There are plenty of women IN politics. Has she never heard of Margaret Thatcher or Hillary Clinton? The men in these womens' lives are accepting of these women's political opinions. It's called the 21st century.

My mother grew up during the Depression and WWII and has a few old fashioned ideas herself. Even at the age of 46, I still try every day to assert myself independently from her. It's not easy. But it's important for my self-esteem.

lol Amy, I think I forgot to mention that my mom is somewhat uneducated. She is intelligent, don't get me wrong, but she really doesn't know anything about the world or the people in it.

I figured out the problem. She would rather me just go with the flow instead of dealing with me being different. Oh well, Mom. And God forbid she has to learn about something new.

i know that for my in laws, it's very difficult to have someone in the family who is different.

to them, it is important that they seem like a 'good christian household' who 'does things the right way.' but, terms such as right and good and even christian are strikingly subjective terms.

one of the things that they do continually is fret about what other people will think. my MIL, as you well know, is completely tied in knots because there must be something wrong with her children that they don't have children. All of her friends have grandkids, some of their children (our age) are younger than us. some of them have two or three children each. She worries that she's not seen as a 'good mother' or a 'good person' because we don't have children. There's something wrong with us, and she's afraid that she'll get blamed for it.

oddly, she is concerned about my SIL's addictions and run-ins with the law, but she keeps this rather hush-hush and doesn't associate them with herself in the way that she associates them with others. others who are drunk drivers who go to jail or house arrest are 'cruds' and 'bad people' but her daughter is just 'troubled' and 'she's really a hard worker.' But, whenever SIL gets into trouble, it's not 'oh goodness, what's the best way to help?" but "why does this happen to *me*!" and "oh god, what is the church going to say?"

So, for my MIL, a lot of the pressure she puts on us is because of her fears of what others will think of her if she has a DIL who is vegetarian, teaches yoga, and doesn't have children. The fact that her son lifts weights (she thinks that body builders "look fat and ugly" and says so at every opportunity, in cluding "why can't you just look normal, thin, and fit--like a runner. you'd still be in better shape than most men your age" and "i don't want to be the mother of a fat, ugly son, you should stop lifting weights--what will people think?"), that he eats a whole foods diet (what, you won't eat pop tarts? you grew up eating pop tarts!) and so on.

it may be that a lot of it has to do with her perspective of the world as well as her fears of being seen as a 'bad mother' because you're different. i know that my MIL struggles with it too.

i mean, we all remember the classic: having grandchildren in CA is worse than having no grandchildren at all!