so my girlfriend and I recently set a wedding date. One of my bridesmaids is very excited. in fact, yesterday, she looked at me and said "see, I kind of consider this MY wedding". um...ok. And tonight, I come out of the bedroom and see a message on my MSN saying "hi. We need to talk about the wedding". We're having a very small wedding, and though I'm excited, I can see this becoming a problem. She seems to want to take over. I do not want this to cause problems. What can I do?

You could be funny about it and ask her if she'd like to wear your dress, and you can be a bridesmaid. It's probably best to just humour her. What's the worst she can do?

Is your wedding more than a month away? If so, she'll probably simmer down before then. Even a couple of weeks is a long time to be excited about a wedding that's not yours.

I know. she's just very...needy. Caroline asked her if she was paying a third of the costs yesterday, but I don't think she heard her.

That really sucks. :( I foresee this happening with my wedding, as I, too, have a friend who is very, very needy. I end up losing my temper with her, and that's the only way I know how to deal with her. Maybe you should tell your friend upfront that you don't want it to be about her, but about yourself and Caroline, and if she wants a wedding so badly she can have her own and leave yours alone. If you don't handle it soon, it will probably add even more stress to a typically stressful time.

Good luck!

"see, I kind of consider this MY wedding".
creepy...

I am sure she just loves you alot and wants to help.
It is best to be simple and sweet.When she asks to help with something,be very clear, : 'I will be discussing all our wedding plans with Caroline and I will be sure to let you know if there is something you can help with.Thank you so much'

:)

I guess I'm meaner than Bumble. Your friend sounds controlling to me as well as needy.

I'd say, "look, I know it might be lots of fun for you to take charge, but it is something we want to do on our own. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but we want to "own" our wedding in a private way and not have someone give us input that will complicate things. Please don't be offended but I had to come out and say this." Yada, yada.

Even smaller weddings can be stressful!

Indiebride.com has a great forum. You might also want to see if anyone there had similar problems. http://kvetch.indiebride.com/

Whatever you do, the quicker and more clearly you let your wishes known, the better.

Yet another reason why I'll be eloping...

I think some people think they're helping by taking over someone's wedding. And in some cases they probably are helping; you just need to thank her for the sentiment, but let her know that you and your fiance have already planned everything out and you don't need help. You just want her to come and enjoy the ceremony and party you've already arranged.

If that doesn't work, you can be more firm and say this is something you've been looking forward to planning on your own and you have particular ideas about it. Thank her for her intent to help, but let her know it isn't necessary or welcome.

Congratulations, by the way! :)

"It's your wedding, bridesmaid? Cool, well, I guess you don't need us to show up then!"

I like Bumble's idea. It's probably the least likely to piss her off, and you don't want her starting a pissy drama on the big day.

I was a bridesmaid on Friday, and I didn't have that much to do with the wedding plans themselves. I did, however, organise the hen's night (bachelorette party for all the americans).

My friend is quite independent and didn't need as much 'hand-holding' as some of the bridesmaid websites suggest such as going with the bride to book flowers, find a venue etc.

I was pretty excited to be a bridesmaid, but it was still my friend's wedding not mine.

My advice is to delegate tasks to her such as organising a great bridal shower and hen's night, which will allow her to play a big part in the wedding, without being on your back about the actual wedding stuff.