missyD
06-17-05, 03:01 AM
I just thought I would make a post about this here as I know a lot of people on this board do have issues with weight/EDs. I hope this doesn't offend anyone as I want it to have a positive not negative impact.
I have struggled on and off with an ED for the past 3-4 years. At my worst I was never deathly thin, but I was definately not healthy mentally, physcially and especially emotionally. Once I recognised I had a problem I yo-yoed between wanting to recover and wanting to get further and further into the ED. The ED became part of my secret identity, where everyone saw the "happy" exterior I wanted them to, but not the pain and sadness behind it. Restriction and binging turned into what seemed a never ending cycle, always with my hatred of my body and my weight at the centre of it all.
I think a lot of my issues stemmed from my lack of self acceptance and the need to control.
Anyway, long story short, I have finally started really really getting over these issues. Mentally I am now OK with not being the thinnest person in the room. I am OK with gaining some weight (and I have consciously made an effort to do so). I never thought I would say this, but I have finally realised that I can still be ME without these stupid issues and obcessions with my body. I thought I would hate it at first, but now I am able to accept my body, and I actually like it better. It is strange to see it changing, but I look in the mirror and instead of having all these "fat" parts of my body screaming at me I now see something different. I see a strong, fit, independent woman looking back who is not trying to be perfect anymore. I am who I am and as long as I work hard and stick to my inner values that is enough.
To bluewisdom and anyone else who is struggling to gain weight, you really really do need to eat. Your body will thank you for it too. I can barely fend off my hunger eating around 2000 calories a day. And once I was "happy" and satisfied by 1000 or thereabouts too. You body takes a while to adjust but if you want to gain you really must eat and eat a lot. It seems like a insane amount but your body needs every last bit. Long term restriction slows your metabolism a lot so just keep increaseing those calories each week. It may be uncomfortable for a while but keep it up. You're body is a powerful thing. It will tell you when to stop. Esp for you bluewisdom, if you have only gained 0.5lb in a few months then that itself is telling you you need to eat more.
I know that EDs are not just about weight and that everyones experiences are different, but it has helped me so much to try and not focus so much on myself and my appearance. I just try and enjoy life and stress less about the little things and eventually it starts to take care of itself.
I have struggled on and off with an ED for the past 3-4 years. At my worst I was never deathly thin, but I was definately not healthy mentally, physcially and especially emotionally. Once I recognised I had a problem I yo-yoed between wanting to recover and wanting to get further and further into the ED. The ED became part of my secret identity, where everyone saw the "happy" exterior I wanted them to, but not the pain and sadness behind it. Restriction and binging turned into what seemed a never ending cycle, always with my hatred of my body and my weight at the centre of it all.
I think a lot of my issues stemmed from my lack of self acceptance and the need to control.
Anyway, long story short, I have finally started really really getting over these issues. Mentally I am now OK with not being the thinnest person in the room. I am OK with gaining some weight (and I have consciously made an effort to do so). I never thought I would say this, but I have finally realised that I can still be ME without these stupid issues and obcessions with my body. I thought I would hate it at first, but now I am able to accept my body, and I actually like it better. It is strange to see it changing, but I look in the mirror and instead of having all these "fat" parts of my body screaming at me I now see something different. I see a strong, fit, independent woman looking back who is not trying to be perfect anymore. I am who I am and as long as I work hard and stick to my inner values that is enough.
To bluewisdom and anyone else who is struggling to gain weight, you really really do need to eat. Your body will thank you for it too. I can barely fend off my hunger eating around 2000 calories a day. And once I was "happy" and satisfied by 1000 or thereabouts too. You body takes a while to adjust but if you want to gain you really must eat and eat a lot. It seems like a insane amount but your body needs every last bit. Long term restriction slows your metabolism a lot so just keep increaseing those calories each week. It may be uncomfortable for a while but keep it up. You're body is a powerful thing. It will tell you when to stop. Esp for you bluewisdom, if you have only gained 0.5lb in a few months then that itself is telling you you need to eat more.
I know that EDs are not just about weight and that everyones experiences are different, but it has helped me so much to try and not focus so much on myself and my appearance. I just try and enjoy life and stress less about the little things and eventually it starts to take care of itself.