If you haven't noticed from my previous posts :stinkeye: ... I've had and do have a variety of perfectionism issues. The worst involve food and the fact that nothing seems healthy enough or environmentally friendly enough or kind enough to animals. Then theres the problem with vitamin b-12 and the imbalance of omega 3s and 6s, etc. Its the whole everything causes cancer or is evil in some way sort of issue. When I try to eat my percieved healthy, I end up getting bored due to lack of flavor and hungry due to lack of calories. I can only eat so much steamed brown rice and broccoli w/ low sodium organic beans. The result is always me throwing in the towel and subsisting on pure crap. I'm so tired of wanting to be healthy, but it seeming like an impossibilty. Theres just too much info in my head, I wish I could forget most of it. This is pretty much just a rant, but if you wish to offer advice/support, it would be appreciated :-/

:wayne:

...not sure if that's the most "appropriate" smiley...but I'll go with it for now.

I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. It's like it's not enough that I eat healthier, relatively speaking, than probably 75% of the U.S.of.A. (estimated percentage :p). It's not enough that I have a better diet than even those immediately around me (friends and family).

It seems we both suffer from "paralysis by analysis"...that is, it's such a big concern to try and do the most "right" thing, but there are so many variances and facets to the "right" thing that it becomes overwhelming and ultimately discouraging and so yeah...a whole bag of Tings it is, please.

Along with this, there's the rampant apathy of others. Why try to care so much when no one else does? It truly is heart breaking (to me, at least). But...it's about moving past that and forward. It's a work-in-progress for me...coming to peace with myself and my constantly guilty conscience (most things I can't even control even!). I had a thought that I could live so much "cheaper" if I were "okay" with buying stuff tested on animals and if I were okay with GMO's/non-organic, etc. It's true though--every little bit helps.

I've babbled enough...guess we both just needed to vent :)

In some of the hardest times though, recall the quote from Margaret Mead:
A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.

Or you know...that kitten hanging from the tree limb with the caption "Never give up." HeHe.

:nigel: Cheers.

i think that it's important to strive to look at a bigger picture and choose what you think is best for you--not best by some strange outter standard.

the weird thing about perfectionism (and i think everyone has it to an extent) is that there is a measure of this sort of perfectionism that looks to an outside authority for verification that what one is doing is right and that they are doing it perfectly.

when it comes to science, there are many authorities but no one who is right. there is always debate, discussion, and conflicting results from strikingly similar tests. So, you have to take that information and become your own best expert.

And it's not just about assimilating information to be an expert for yourself. It's also about thinking in general how this applies to the bigger picture of health, social concerns, environmental concerns, and animal concerns. You have to decide what makes sense and why.

I find that a lot of perfectionists like to have their 'ducks in a row' and that those who become their own authorities are great at having their ducks in a row AND defending that row of ducks when some kind of other authority comes in to say 'no, that's wrong--it's this!" They defend it in a number of ways, usually by either impeaching the authority, impeaching the authority's information, or conceding that it's under debate and that this information is 'to the best of my knowledge, understanding, interpretation, and application.'

Also, you have to decide where you want to focus your efforts in regards to various products. If you want to be healthy--then learn about healthy diets from a variety of sources (omni, vegetarian, vegan--modern, traditional, whatever). Learn about macro and micro nutrients. Decide how you want to get these nutrients, what you specifically need for yourself and yourself only.

and, remember that it's not 'all or nothing.' that seems to be a big problem--if i can't be perfect, i'll just be whatever. Well, why not just be yourself, doing your best and not worrying about it? i know it's a process that's not easy. But, instead of perfection, look for practice and progress.

you learn and strive to practice what you think is right. as one thing becomes easier, and new things can be added in--this is your progress.

right now, i'm in the process of avoiding processed sugar (white sugar). i'd like to move completely away from refined sugars and refined carbohydrates. I use them infrequently--but i want to be 'free' of them. So, i'm practicing and i'm making progress. I started with "once a week refined sugar/carb" and then i went to 'once every two weeks' and then i went to 'once a month' (menstrual cycle). And now, i'm doing only once during my menstrual cycle (other sweet needs can be taken care of with sugar free, dried fruit like dates and papaya).

So, i'm practicing and i'm making progress. It's not perfection--and i may never be there--but it's progress.

Hi Jinga

I know that I have the potential to be how you describe, and fight against it. Of course that often results in me going to the other extreme and junking out (i.e. eating 4 cinnamon buns after dinner). It's hard to find a happy medium. I don't know that I really have any advice, but I do think I know where you're coming from. I have seen the compulsive "perfectionistic" behaviour in some people I've encountered online, and it can be hard to break out of the mentality.

The only way I've (so far) been able to somewhat overcome my perfectionism is just by realizing it doesn't work. I got so fed up with tallying my "progress" and finding that the more I stressed about it, the worse I did. To my mind, the harder you try, the better you should do at what you're trying to accomplish. What real experience has taught me, however, is that there are diminishing returns - and eventually, you even get into negative returns. I am a runner. I love to run long distances. I love to be able to run them fast. So, if I run more long distance workouts, and practice at running them faster, I should get faster, right? Well, yes, to an extent. But if I try too hard, I get injured, then I can't run, and before I know it I'm actually running slower. Now I have to get used to the idea that sometimes in order to do more, one has to do less in a more intelligent way. And with this realization itself I have to be mindful that mistakes are ok, or else I get frustrated when I sink back into my perfectionism. One way or another we have to get ok with the idea that mistakes are necessary, and there's no failure unless you quit. I'm starting to believe this is simply how being human works. Zoebird, I think, has it right. You can't be perfect, so you just have to be whatever in the most successful way you can. Learn how to make things ok for yourself. Paula Radcliffe can run an ungodly fast marathon, but I am not Paula Radcliffe. This is ok, because I am Cassiel, and Cassiel runs as hard as she can and can't do anything else to make herself a better runner short of becoming Paula Radcliffe.
Umm, yeah, rambling now...
I feel your pain, I really do.

see http://www.flylady.net for perfectionism issues. She is wonderful! It begins with your home, but she talks about perfectionism and "stinkin' thinkin'" in your life. If you sign up for the e-mails (yahoo group) it is really great and FREE!

Thanks for the words of advice all :). I read them, but am not really sure how to respond ... I guess its just time for some quiet gratitude and reflection.

It seems we both suffer from "paralysis by analysis"...that is, it's such a big concern to try and do the most "right" thing, but there are so many variances and facets to the "right" thing that it becomes overwhelming and ultimately discouraging and so yeah...a whole bag of Tings it is, please.

Along with this, there's the rampant apathy of others. Why try to care so much when no one else does? It truly is heart breaking (to me, at least). But...it's about moving past that and forward. It's a work-in-progress for me...coming to peace with myself and my constantly guilty conscience (most things I can't even control even!). I had a thought that I could live so much "cheaper" if I were "okay" with buying stuff tested on animals and if I were okay with GMO's/non-organic, etc. It's true though--every little bit helps.

That is so me. I've actually faltered on the veggie path because I wondered if I was making a difference. If I have a slice of pizza with cheese on it or use my b/f's shampoo, I'm guilt-ridden for days.

I've learned so much over the years that now the knowledge is starting to contradict itself and I get so frustrated. I keep trying to tell myself to the best that I can do but that's never good enough. I know what it's like, Jinga, even if I have no good advice to give.

Hey Jinga,

I totally *get* what you are saying. At the end of last summer, I decided to go vegan - an endeavour that ended up in abject failure because I wanted to do it all at once and perfectly. I'm on the road towards a vegan diet now, though, and I am doing it by giving myself permission to be imperfect. If, for instance, an item has whey on its ingredient list, I'm going to eat it. I realize now that if I hold myself to Level 10 Standards, without visiting Levels 7, 8, & 9, I'm setting myself up for failure.

The same goes for snack habits! I had Tings for snack today, but not for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Give yourself permission, wouldja? You are a pretty amazing creature!

Jes

Thanks, Mollycat and thanks Jes. So sweet :smitten:

For right now, I'm just taking it one day at a time. This way its far less overwhelming. Whenever I think about 'forever' I get a little freaked out. :worried: