How can anyone learn to accept death? It is so horrible and haunting. I feel like the only one who is so afraid of dying nobody I know ever seems to think about it. But it is always on my mind. I feel like life is cursed and I am living with a curse. I dont know but this is just my feelings. How can i learn to just accept death?

part of the reason why many people your age aren't afraid of death is because they're not thinking about their mortality yet. so, while it may seem that they accept it--they actually haven't thought about it at all. This is also not uncommon with adults.

there are a myriad of ways to learn to accept death, and the first step in this is to simply understand what death is. it is a daunting task. Personally, i love the vedic and buddhist perspectives of death particularly and the practices of death meditation (which is, rather, meditation on the nature of death). Perhaps a book such as the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying may be of help to you.

in the vedic/buddhist culture--death is not a curse, but a blessing. Not that one should rush to it and invite it, because life is also a great blessing. So, living and dying are the same, and both are good and serve their purposes. Understanding this may help you fully embrace both life and death.

I was recently reading an interview with the Dalai Lama in some book and he was talking about facing death. He says that if we are peaceful and friendly in our day to day, so too will be our death. Lucky for him he believes in reincarnation. He also says that he meditates on his own death and rebirth in his daily practice so that he will be ready for it. cutely enough he mentions that when it does come he feels he might get too excited to implement his practices effectively. awwe.

i agree with you though. i think death is unfair and the big bad boo. but it must be a very freeing experience for those who are unattached about it.

How can anyone learn to accept death? It is so horrible and haunting. I feel like the only one who is so afraid of dying nobody I know ever seems to think about it. But it is always on my mind. I feel like life is cursed and I am living with a curse. I dont know but this is just my feelings. How can i learn to just accept death?

Oh man, where to start?

I went through a very very strong death anxienty spell that lasted many years. I'd be spending the best time of my life and suddenly the reality that I will face the end someday that will erase my existance would come slamming in.

As stupid as it sounds, I recall about 13 years ago sitting my college's movie theatre with my buddy watching 'Hot Shots'. We were laughing and it hit me again, the sense that I will be dead.

I didn't do much the second semester academically, but I spent most of my time exploring life from within. I literally did the Bhudda thing with out know of what Bhudda did and sat and contiplated the meaning of it all.

How is it that we are here in this body which carries with it such wonderful potential for those lucky enough to be born without disabilities? I started theorizing that the first step is to determine whether the mind and the body are truly seperate. On thinking on this, I figured that the only way to face true consciousness is to see without seeing, to feel without feeling, to hear without hearing, to reach senses beyond the obvious ones.

Now, most people scoff at the concept of psychic existance, but yet, those same people don't question such glaring obvious examples that are called 'mother's intuition' or something else.

Doing some minor research, I came across a book about reincarnation that told the story a women who as a girl fell down the stairs and died. The mother placed her in her bed until her father returned and when he did, they found her alive again. She claimed that she carried back with her from the minutes that she was dead something beyond her life. She recalled being a young women in ancient Egypt and later was able to dicypher hieroglyphics.

Now, this book, I can't recall the title or find a source for, but there are several other books out there which discuss past lives, and I found one that sounds like it's talking about this woman: Old Souls (http://www.simonsays.com/subs/excerpt.cfm?areaid=286&isbn=0684851938&type=7&num=2).

I also watched a video study of the brain in which they cited several examples why there is no life after death. This showed in one example a person after having cerebral commissurotomy done, which cut the bridge between his right and left brain lobes. Upon doing so he couldn't read with one eye, but could with the other. All sorts of interesting things under this topic.

Another thing this video showed was a man that had lost any way of preserving his short term memory. As a result, he remembered everything in his past up to a point, but couldn't recall what happened anywhere from 3 to 7 minutes previous. He would proclaim that he was just born and then write it in a journal below other entries of the same thing which he said he didn't write. He then drank some coffee saying that it was the first time he ever tasted it and then write that in his book describing the experience. Then he'd forget it all and would go through it all again. I believe this is what the entertainment movie Memento was based on.

Something else I wondered about was the effects of drugs on the mind. They say certain drugs are 'mind-altering' implying that your mind is forever changed/damaged. I was drinking a bottle of cough syrup recreationally (dextromethorphan hydrobromide) and would trip out. I can say I had the worst scare of my life one time where I was convinced I was dying and wandered about a party unable to use anything more than the heels of my foot to walk on and time swirling from fast to slow. Yet, no matter how messed up I was, I was still in consciousness myself. Deep down if I ignored all the drug effected brain responses, I still could reason normally and think as I did if I were sober. Same goes for being drunk, if I allow myself to follow the alcohol, I'm drunk, but if I ignore it, I'm *consciously* sober.

Now, these days ended as quick as the started, but I did gain some sort of understanding through it. I have had one friend in my life who was a major drug addict die of a crack overdose. He grew up on legal prescribed drugs, so I believe they are what led him to that path. He had Terets Syndrome and always was a little off and weird, from the time I met him in 1st Grade until he died around 26 years old.

There are obvious effects to the brain from such things as huffing paint or doing 'whip-its' which physically put holes in the brain. Serious cases has large dark areas in x-rays of their brain showing this.

But the question is still this: Is the consciousness part of the brain, or does it link to it? I considered that our mind (consciousness) is seperate from our body and that it just 'tunes in' similar to a radio tuning to a station. After all, everything in existence is an homage or in the image of something that already existed. What is truly created that isn't in the image of what we've taken from nature?

From everything I've read, from everything I've researched, from the understanding I found within, I've determined that there is obviously more than we can understand. We can though reference many instances of other people's insistance of the existence of past lives, which they verify by giving details of someone or something in the past that they would not otherwise know.

I'm of a completely logical view. I don't believe in things that I can't reason. On the other hand, the persistance of people which no apparent motive claiming to have past lives lends me a little slack to rely that they aren't all nuts. The fact that we exist in form of a walking talking breathing form is magic enough to prove there is something amazing behind all this.

So the answer I came to all those years ago I believe is something that can be found as a base for any belief system. Visually, imagine that existence in whole is a tree. The tree can not exist without nourishment, which comes from the ground and from the leaves. I see us living as the leaves on the tree. We are each individual and yet connected to the tree. With the change of the season, we ripen, dry up, and fall off.

The falling leaf is of course death, but really, what is it? The leaf was only part of the tree, in fact as indivual as the leaf was, it wasn't the leaf that specifically mattered all along, it was the tree. My belief is simply that we are all part of the tree in form of leaves, but it's not that we are truly a leaf. A leaf is a limited embodiment of the tree. We are part of the tree, in fact the tree is us. I am me as you are me and we are it all together. We are all one of the same in limited reflection of our true self, the tree.

Now, my good friend Rocco, who was recently claimed that god told him specifically to make the world a better place and is painting the world blue as a result, again Rocco and I would sit and discuss things of this nature. He inspired me to reason that we are consciousness of existence and that what people call 'god' actually has no judgement, thought, or anything else that is part of being human. Instead, we are the embodiment of those things. We judge, we think.

So the thing I suggest you ask yourself is this, if it is true that we are all actually one but represented in infinite limited forms, then is death really death or just returning to our collective self?

Also, I have to admit, I love life greatly, so I fear death so very selfishly.

It is my strong respect for life that is the basis of me being vegetarian.

One thing that I should also bring up that the Tibeten Book of the Dead (thanks for reminding me Zoebird) has a mention of in the forward is that there is the belief that we are afraid of death usually because of a traumatic death in a previous life. And often in modern times death is fought by medical advances rather than allowing the soul to be released naturally. We see it everyday in our loved ones on deathbed hooked up to machines instead of letting death come naturally.

I'm very interested in going to a hypnotist and asking to 'take a step back' to the time before I was born. That's were it's at...

How can anyone learn to accept death? It is so horrible and haunting. I feel like the only one who is so afraid of dying nobody I know ever seems to think about it. But it is always on my mind. I feel like life is cursed and I am living with a curse. I dont know but this is just my feelings. How can i learn to just accept death?


I think about it almost all the time too. I'm always worried about dying in an accident. The best I can figure, you just have to think of the things you want to do before you die and just keep making progress on that list. Then you won't regret anything.

I'm goth (in some way this, in some way that, beyond this I love eastern influence)..... Death and even suicide crossed my mind for years due to grueling monotony and hatred of the gross energy generated by abusive and negative people of the world. Most particularly neybors, but once you learn to cope and overcome such feeling, the fear of the cause subsides. In my case dealing with pig-ignorant people and uneducated minds at large, or to put more corrosively the cheap minds and behaviour of many people in the world, far from that of fangshui influence (dig the FANG instead of FENG typo there, haha) which I aspire to in very broad spectrum of influence. Anyway, death to me hints at me all the time, but this drives me on to live a better life :)

I am Catholic, so in a sense I'm not really supposed to fear death, but I do. It's hard to face death with any kind of confidence - if it was easy, people wouldn't have made it the focus of so much art, ritual, philosophy, etc for millennia. You're far from alone. We all wonder what's going to happen and we can only try to choose the answers that seem most likely, because there's almost no certain evidence to base our beliefs on either. If you find a buddhist outlook works in the rest of your life and seems true, then a buddhist outlook on death may seem most true. As a Catholic, the Christian view of death seems most true to me.
But I think that examining "what happens" has been the most helpful to me. We can only speculate on the spiritual, and it's important, but knowing everything we can KNOW about death can make it less scary. I just got done reading "Stiff" by Mary Roach, which is about the sometimes undignified(?) route corpses take from the death bed to the grave. I took a class on Death and Dying (got myself a sociology credit with it, too). I watched a set of videos from the library called "Death: The Trip of a Lifetime", which were fantastic - I highly recommend them. I think initially they were on PBS. So now I know all about the physical processes - the last decisions made by those who are dying (hospice, hospital, home deaths, resuscitation, legal stuff), the actual death process, the decay of the body, the decisions that have to be made about its disposal, the effect of death on the family left behind).
Still I'm afraid to die, somewhat. I think about it a lot, too. It's no longer constantly on my mind, though I go through times when it is (an uncle died a couple of months ago and that brought it to the surface all over again). So this has been my approach: find out as much as you can and never ignore it. Don't let it dominate your life - you are ALIVE at this moment, and death looms, but you are ALIVE. Be in this moment. (Do you know the one about the buddhist monk? He's being chased by a tiger, running toward a cliff, and at the last minute he spots a rope dangling over the cliff. He climbs down the rope, only to find that a hundred feet below him are a pit of jagged rocks. Just then, two mice start nibbling on the top of his rope. Tiger above, jagged rocks below. Suddenly he notices a strawberry growing out of the rock face in front of him. He reaches out, takes the fruit and eats it, saying, "this is the best strawberry I've ever had.") Don't let worry about the future steal the present's gift for you.
And if it's really a problem, seek out counseling. I've done that too, and it was also very helpful. :)

well thanks for all the advice. i will try to read the books you guys mentioned. like Exitof99 mentioned i really am enjoying my life and the thought of getting old or dying makes me really sad. Even if there is another life after this like heaven or hell if i cant run marathons or go swimming and things like this in heaven or hell then i dont want to go :*(

my grandpa also died in the hospice a few months ago and that also made me think about it more. he looked really bad when he was sick and it seems scary.

worrying about it does piss all. thinking about it only causes questions. everything has an end, and the best part is you never know when its going to happen. so accepting is is the only way. that or religion. thats my honest opinion.

one of the practices that i do and did (starting when i was 14) is i became involved in the care of those people who are dying. I remember sitting with people as their were dying, just being with them and observing the process.

i don't necessarily believe in the afterlife. I'm not concerned with heaven, hell, reincarnation or any of it. I have plenty to do now, to live in the now, and things to think about in the now, in this form and in this life, that i'm not concerned with what comes after. Also, i don't want to hold onto an idea for a sense of comfort about death. As in "well, she died, but at least she's in heaven" or "sad, she died, but at least she'll be reincarnated." these are ways to placate our fears about death without truly confronting them.

so, for me, death is [i]this process[/] and living is an aspect of this process. i don't fear death, but it's likely because i'm beginning to understand death in a strikingly intimate way.

I agree with zoebird that some meditation practices and worldviews can greatly ease the stress and anxiety that the fear of death and mortality can bring. It never bothered me that much and it bothers me even less now. It is a process, though... you can't just race to the end and pretend that you are not afraid...I think it's good that you're acknowledging and speaking about it right now.

I feel the same way. I think about death almost once, usually more, every day and I am a fairly upbeat person. I feel like my life is going so fast and I am just sitting here, watching it dwiddle away. I count how many years I have left. I think about being dead and what is there after death.

Basically...I am scared as all Hell. :worried:

Death doesn't scare me nearly as much as dying a horrible death. I don't want to linger, in pain, waiting for my time to come.

I like to think there is something after this life because it eases my mind but if there's not, what will I know? I'll be gone anyway.

My family was in an accident a year ago. I don't really care to explain the details, but I kind of know what it's like to be dead. Well, I was the closest to dead when they found us. Death is kind of settling down for a long sleep.

You should not fear death to the point that it interferes with your life, because doesn't that just limit the time you have to fully experience all the joys and lows of living?

This is why I went Veg, btw.

That was a really touching and thought-provoking story, Crystal. I will think about it next time I feel depressed about dying. Thank-you for sharing! :)

Death is a natural part of life. I personally don't feel that death is the end, but merely a transition. We will all do it one day, when it's our time. I used to really worry about having an untimely demise, but I came to the realization one day (similar to what crystalteacup mentions)that I could miss out on my life for worrying about its end.
My only concern is that when my time comes, I hope that I've given all that I can to life, and learned as much as I can.
It's normal, I think, to fear death as it's very mysterious to us, and largely unknown what actually happens. Humans have an innate fear of the unknown. Yet, so much of life is a big question mark, if we step back and think about it.
I think the best way to approach thinking about death is to instead focus on being alive, and living the best way we know how. And I agree with crystalteacup once again, that being veg*n is indeed a good way to celebrate life. Not just one's own, but all life.

VA, thoughts about taking my own life have crossed my mind as well ... sometimes i feel like i can't take it anymore, and i just want everything to end ... i think i often overreact, especially if i do something wrong - i 'm not very good at dealing with my problems. So the thought of death doesn't scare me at all - maybe it's because i'm atheist and i just think of it as of "nothing" ..... everything will end (for me) and i won't exist anymore - what's there to be afraid of... i also know it can happen any minute so i usually try to do things i want to do and to spend my time with people i want to be with, and maybe try to bring something new to this world. That's all i really want - to leave something behind.

Thats nice Vicky, what you say about life, I like your good attitude :)

Its all too easy to see and pick out what we don't like about life and its infinite pitfalls, so it pays to at least increase the odds of making ourselves and others happier, whilst enduring it, or heck even enjoying it sometimes, this thing called life.

How can i learn to just accept death?

I guess that accepting life as it is, taking responsibilty for what you and understanding the consequences would help.

Maybe it will make you enjoy life more when you realize that it's not gonna last forever.

And try to find out what you would miss or regret when you would die, if you got an answer to that, then you might be able to work on that, and change your feeling on it.

I'm pretty straight forward myself and have no problems with "death".

You life, then you die... it's as simple as that.
I personally feel I live my life trying the best I can to meet my standards, and if that life ends, that's just the way it is.

Because I try to do the best in my life, and understand my limitations in life, I have no problems or regrets for when I die.
You win something, you loose something.
I've been in situations that easily could have turned into situations that I might not have survived, but I have no problems with it myself.

I know my mum is going to die in the next two/three years, so I'm ready for that. I know I make choises in for instance traffic that could turn out fatal in a certain combination of circumstances.

I did what I could in this life, tried to improve what I did wrong, and some day that will all end, and when it ends, I have no regrets for things I didn't do or what ever. "I'm ready for it" so to speak. I only feel sorry for a few people I will leave behind, that's all.

I think life without death would be pretty meaningless. Don't you?

If not, consider the concept of no one ever dying, so the population grows exponentially. The planet is choked by humankind...

Or, everything dies. Cells die. Plants die. Animals die. Suns die. Death is life. The sooner you embrace that, the sooner you can let it go and enjoy your lease on life. Make every day count!

I try to make every day count but sometimes I wonder why I even bother. I hate believing that when I die everything is just going to stop. If there's no point to life, then why the heck am I still stressed??! I've studied death, the way different cultures view it and the way I feel and just keep coming up with one reality. You die, melt back into the soil from which you've come. Lovely. (yes I am bitter and confused about why I'm here in the first place)

I think about death all the time. I wonder what I'm going to be thinking as I'm dying, if it's going to hurt--I don't want to worry about everyone I leave behind but that's my nature. In a way, I think I'm trying to come to terms with all of this for when the time comes. (I've always been a planner. :-/ )

I guess I don't have too much to add to this topic except to commiserate because the whole concept of death alarms me daily.

Does there have to be a point all the time? Without slipping into hedonism, I think one can still just enjoy it for what it is. You think any other living creature is kept awake by existential worries? Don't drive yourself nuts.

Good advice but just the thought of all of this having no point really alarms me. I wish I was one of those carefree types that could look at life as almost mildly amusing. I am working on it though.

You don't have to be carefree. But it does help to get over everything having to have a point. Learn to appreciate the beauty of things simply "being." That's some good homework right there.