Excuse my rant.. I just need to get this off my chest because no one here seems to listen..

Recently, I decided to reflect upon this past year and all of the horrible dates I've gone on. For example, what made them bad, what I think went wrong, what kind of people I've associated myself with, etc. I just really don't get it. I've tried both approaches.. Getting out there and meeting new people, and stop the "trying" and let them find me. Neither have worked really.. I've evaluated my own behavior, and asked friends for honest opinions, and apparently I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not needy or clingy by any means, but spending so much time alone gets rather lonely. The last semi-serious relationship I was in ended because my boyfriend had to move to a different country because of his job (there was a contract involved, so he couldn't back out of it.) I'm not hung up on him, nor am I looking for someone like him.. I've decided to pretty much give up on dating because its starting to get frustrating.

I have quite the unique personality, and I seek someone who has good qualities (honest, caring, great sense of humor, etc) and takes good care of themselves. But that seems to be too much to ask sometimes. As for my own physical attributes, I don't think I smell bad or anything.. I bathe regularly (sad to say, some people I have worked with in the past don't) and take fairly good care of myself. Probably could stand to shed a few pounds, but that shouldn't be all that important. I've always received compliments from others about having a great personality, being caring, good sense of humor, attractive, etc.

Everyone always asks me why I'm not dating anyone, or says "you deserve a good man.." and yadda yadda. I've always received compliments from others about having a great personality, being caring, good sense of humor, attractive, etc. I'm getting sick and tired of people telling me that I need a boyfriend. It makes me want to scream. I'm content with being by myself most of the time, and yes, the company of the opposite sex would be nice.. but I can live without it. I just wish everyone else would see that and stop bugging me about not being in a relationship with someone. I know they are just trying to help.. everyone needs some lovin', but still. I tell my friends that I'm fine, and to leave me alone.. but then a few months go by and they're trying to set me up on dates with their friends again.

I don't know what to do..

I agree, dating does suck. Having good friends is so much better, imo. It sounds like you have already more or less put yourself on the right track, and that it is just the people around you who need to figure it out.
God forbid I give anyone relationship advice (long story) but I'd say that you are doing the right thing. Be true to yourself. Be you and live your life the way you want your life to be. Then, if you meet the right guy somewhere along the way, and he fits and you and he 'click' then you can cross that bridge.

Don't let people get you down. :)

I know my friends want to see me happy, and I agree that I'm not at my max potential of Ginger happiness, but the matchmaking gets old.

I did meet one guy that I really clicked with, but he was only home on break from college.. he goes to school in Texas. I don't know about you guys, but long distance relationships aren't my cup of tea.

*packs up his bags to move back to Oklahoma to fall in love with ~Brandon*

:lol:

*packs up his bags to move back to Oklahoma to fall in love with ~Brandon*

aw. you even included the tilde.

that's love, man. :love:

~:rainbow:

I agree that the superficiality and pressure that often come with the casual dating scene are undesirable. I'm almost the same as you, except my friends don't try to hook me up with their friends much. I work on being content because that is what I need to be--for me. Eventually if I encounter a suitable male, being content will be useful then, too, but it's firstly important in the now.

Yeah, dating can suck, and I can relate to the frustration of well-meaning friends trying to set you up. One of my guy friends is very focused on being "with" someone, and making sure other people are "with" other people as well and next time he tries to set me up (when I can get my own dates on my own, thank you very much) I'm going to tell him to shove it..lol...

Anyways all I can say to you is to hang in there. It sounds like you're doing the right thing. I mean if you don't want to date, why date? Maybe your friends don't realize how it makes you feel when they try to set you up or tell you you shouldn't be single. Could you try saying to them "thanks guys, I appreciate the thought but when I want to be set up, I will just ask you and don't worry about it until then" ? I think it is a little sad when people think you can't be happy unless you are regularly dating at least someone. I'm sure you know this already, but you'll meet the right person eventually, probably when you aren't even looking, so the single life should be enjoyed while you have it :)

I seek someone who has good qualities (honest, caring, great sense of humor, etc) and takes good care of themselves. But that seems to be too much to ask sometimes.

(bold added)

Uh...yep. :wall:

:p

:nigel: Cheers.

Dating can be no fun at all. There is so much pressure to be with someone. And once you get to a certian age there is pressure to be married. I currently have a bf, but i went through a number of years of dating disasters before i got together with him.
I find its especially hard if you are an individual, and don't go with the main stream culture as much. I went on a date with a guy once, and he told me i was just too weird for him(not that I was disapointed). I'm not really weird, I'm just not a carbon copy of the rest of the country.
Anyway, continue to be an interesting person and if you find someone that fits, then cool. Tell your friends you are too busy to date. And if you find someone who you want to make time for, then great. It sounds like you know what you want, and your friends should respect that.

i suggest that you tell your friends that you are dating, but that you're not looking to be fixed up on dates.

here's what i mean. when you're single, you have every opportunity that you want to date. you can ask someone out, you can be asked out, and you can accept or refuse as you see fit. This is an aspect of being 'single.'

it's also a good idea to talk to your friends about why you're single. you can tell them that you enjoy it, that you enjoy meeting people in unique ways and without having the pressure of a relationship right now.

also, you can tell them to back off. tell them that you know that they're looking out for you, that they care about you, and that it's a compliment that they are recommending you to friends or family. But, also tell them that you're not comfortable with this sort of arrangement and are approaching meeting people and forming relationships in your own way and on your own time schedule.

Good luck!

I really should give up on dating entirely. I went on a few dates this week (some from the internet) because I was seeking the company of another human being and my friends were busy.. anyway, they weren't great. It's sad when you know within the first five minutes that you won't be dating this person. Maybe I DO have standards that are too high. j/k

"Dating?"
--------------

*consults www.dictionary.com*

Ugh. Dating. So confusing. Being vegan makes dating so much harder. It's hard enough to find a guy I like who likes me back, but then I'm disgusted my their diet and their non-vegan thoughts.

As for friends setting you up... I can see how it would be annoying when they are trying to do it all the time. I'ld kinda like to be set up though. I've asked my friends a few times but they always say they can't think of anyone. I've gotta list of ppl on the lookout for veg guys for me tho. lol.

Angelene, youmet a few ppl off the internet this week. How'd that go? Were they anything like you thought they'd be?

Im dating right now as well.May a suggest a bit more of a positive attitude? What I mean is :Dont look at each date as the end all be all.Look at it as a chance to meet people,chat,have a drink and get dressed up.
I have been on three internet dates and each one, I knew the guy was not for me within a few minutes~still I decided to use the dates to enjoy myself, watch how I communicate and how I can imporove on my own dating skills.Am I talking too much?Am I friendly and thoughful?Am I coming across ,as relaxing and personable
I also read the 'Rules',so that if I like someone ,I have rules that protect me from impulsive behavior.I also have 'he's just not that into you' book,which reminds me of signs to look for in a 'player'.

I really look at dating a way to get out of the house,look beautiful and have some fun.If it's the 'right' guy..then you'll know.And who cares either way.Just get out there and have fun!
Buy a new lipstick and sexy top and go HAVE FUN!;)

P.s after all those crappy dates,I actually met someone very sweet ,last week and we had our second date this weekend~and I was asked on a third date too!The moral of the story is,have fun for you and someone will come along.
The I-Ching says:

When three people journey together,
thier numbers decrease by one.
When one man journeys alone,
He finds a companion.
If a man decreases his faults,
It makes the other hasten to come and rejoice.
No Blame.

Congrats on finding someone sweet, bumble. You deserve it!

In any case, I too have to deal with pressures from family and friends about finding someone.

Everyone always asks me why I'm not dating anyone, or says "you deserve a good man.." and yadda yadda. I've always received compliments from others about having a great personality, being caring, good sense of humor, attractive, etc. I'm getting sick and tired of people telling me that I need a boyfriend. It makes me want to scream.

I can sooooooo relate. Whenever I'm hanging out with a friend (who happens to be a girl) i'll be sure to hear "who's that? ;)" or "you should ask her out" or my favourite...

"what about her? ;)"

me: "what about her? :-/"

"you guys should hook up."

me: "why? cause she's a girl and i know her?"

I too am quite content with being single, especially as of late. And I'd rather wait around for someone that i'm compatible with, instead of going out with people simply because they are female. :rolleyes:

Thanks Newstars ;)

Also I want to add on the vegan-veggie 'problem'.I thin it is an opportunity to date someone non-veggie.If you will only date veggies..your chances of finding a mate actually decrease.Why not date both Omni and Veggie?I always look at it as a chance to show how great my eating habits are,a chance to share my prospective on AR to someone who has never heard of the idea..and basically ,a chance to spread animal-Loving vibes..WHY NOT?
The worst that can happen is:He's not for you an he eats meat
The best that can happen :Hes for you and will welcome your info,heart and lifestyle and maybe convert...

eitherway ;)

i think some people don't want to have to work on convincing, getting respect, or converting someone else, or if the person doesn't convert, having to live around them in various ways (such as the fridge post in the main forum) if the relationship gets to that point. you know?

it makes sense to not date omnis, if you're not open to accepting them as omnis and working with/around their diet and if you're not interested in striving to convert someone (that's a lot of extra work to add into something that already takes a lot of work--why go into a relationship with the hope or desire to change someone?).

ah, finally i get it. it's not 'they don't share my values' so much as 'converting people is too much work' and 'i don't want to deal with this.' that makes sense.

though, generally speaking, i wouldn't necessarily narrow the field. the big issue for me is smoking. if i didn't have my husband, could i date a smoker? his right to smoke, i don't want to convert him, though i would hope he would quit, but i also don't want to live with smoke. . .and i don't think it's right to say 'only smoke outside' or whatever if it's our house. anyway. . .grey areas.

Being 40 and single, and vegan, can really make finding someone seemingly impossible, but I've learned to enjoy my own company and am happy in my own little world, used to get really down about being alone, but fellow veggies seem to be so few and far between. I've fortunately found self-contentment, keeping myself busy with goal-oriented projects and all. An occasional date would perhaps be fun, gotta admit, but nothing to be gained being depressed, and compromising becomes harder for me as I age; dating an omni is a joke, it's all over before you're meal even comes.