Ok, I am 21 year old female. I currently live with my parents and go to University. I work 20 hours a week. I would like to move out. Everyone thinks its a good idea, except for my mom. When ever I bring up the subject, she changes the subject to my older sister, who moved out when she was 18 and then soon discovered she had bipolar disorder. She had a lot of problems with school but now she's basically fine. It's kind of like my mother is saying to me "If you move out, you'll get bipolar disorder."? I dunno. I think my mother may be trying to cling to me, because my younger sister is leaving for college in a few months as well. So she'll be alone. She has a really crappy relationship with my dad, who spends most of the day away from home, and the time he spends at home he spends locked up in their bedroom. She does not work, and spends most days at home. If I moved out, I would be living across town with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years. She apparently has no problems with the boyfriend part. I know I will always have a home here.

I lived away from home for the summer last year and I think it was probably the best summer of my life. I cooked and cleaned and did my own laundry and I was fine with it. I had plenty of money. If I move out, I would probably eat mostly vegan, which I would like to do. I wouldn't have to put up with cooking meat, because my boyfriend said he'd either go veg or wouldn't eat meat at home.

I like having control of my own schedule and my own space, which I don't have here.

What should I do? My mom keeps changing the subject! :juggle:

Tell her that if she keeps changing the subject on you, you're going to start making plans to move out without keeping her updated. She needs to realize that you're serious and that changing the subject is not going to make your plans go away.

You could also say "Yes, but I'm not (your sibling's name), and I'm 3 years older, too. I'm a different person.". You may also need to reassure her that you'll still see her and talk to her after you move out, and that it's time for you to get some more independence.

Sorry if I confused you, but I have 2 sisters. One is 23 and lives in another town, one is 18 and lives with us. The younger one is moving to the same city as the older one for college. I always make this mistake because *I* always know which sister I'm talking about.

Actually, I think we're confusing each other. :P What I meant was for you to express that you're 3 years older than your sister was when she moved out at age 18. Sorry!

I have two sisters, too (and I'm also a middle child). My mom used to pull stuff like that with me, and reminding her that I have a different situation and am a different person sometimes worked (I don't live at home now).

I think it's time for your mom to find herself a hobby or a passion. Something that will take her out of the home and into new friendships and occupations.

Also, you must clearly tell her that you will always love her and won't be all that far away (across town is not across the country). Maybe suggest a regular time the 2 of you can meet up (once a week ?) for tea or lunch ?

As the mom of a 4 y.o. who has just finished her first year of kindergarten, I already know now that it is very hard to let go of your child at whatever stage, in whatever context. Having left home at 21 myself though, I do remember being on the other side of the dilemma as well.

Imo, the best way to approach all this is by emphasizing the new possibilities it opens up for both you and your mom. Try to make it feel like an adventure, in the good sense. Maybe ask her for help in decorating your new place, if she can sew for instance she could make you curtains and pillows & stuff, you could go and pick out the fabrics with her, all that kind of thing. She'd feel useful and still connected to your life. She might even feel enclined to carry on and launch herself into a remake of her own interior. What do you think ?

If she doesn't want to talk about it, fine. Just move out. Don't let her issues stop you from living your life. She needs to sort her own life out and by you or others bowing to her whim and allowing her to avoid facing life you're actually harming her more than anything else.

Make your plans with your boyfriend, set a date and announce it to your mum. There really is nothing to talk about.

Not sure I see the issue. Just say "Mom, I am moving out". If she changes the subject, it doesn't matter she's been informed.

see my advice above to brownieb6 at http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=37276

Maybe write her a letter?

Not sure I see the issue. Just say "Mom, I am moving out". If she changes the subject, it doesn't matter she's been informed.

heh, that's what i did. my mom hasn't agreed with me moving right from the start. doesn't mean i'm not going to anyway.

Move out before it's too late! I know way too many people who somehow never got around to moving out, and now they're all over 30 and single (not meant as an insult, but they don't want to be single) and completely parent-dependent and have no lives. And soon their parents will get old and rely on them, so they'll have to stay, and their lives will pass them by. You're entitled to your own life. My 2 cents.

I'm going to agree and say, just set a date and tell her you're moving out. You are 21 and you don't need her permission. I like missbelgium's idea of arranging a weekly date for you to get together, maybe a sunday night lunch or dinner? If you keep waiting for her to actually engage in the conversation with you, before making your moving plans, I think you will continue to live at home for a very long time since she's offering you nothing but discouragement.

I plan on having my father and mother over for a veggie meal every Sunday. And were only 20 minutes apart by bus, probably a bit longer by bike.