Not sure if this is a Compost Heap thread or what. I've noticed that there are some threads about people finally admitting to others that they are veggie. And I don't get it. What is there to be scared of? I know that there were some people who made, actually still make, stupid comments . . . but as far as I'm concerned they are too silly and immature for me to care. I kind of understand if you are younger and people making fun of your eating habits can affect you . . . but I don't understand what adults have to be nervous about. Can someone explain that to me?

Last I checked, adults can be (and often are) subject to ridicule when they don't fit the status quo. Who needs that?

Peer pressure. Societal pressures. Living in areas where veg*anism is considered strange, weird, exotic, stupid, misguided, etc. , being a member of a family that is seriously into meat-eating, not knowing anybody or not having friends who are veg*an or understand it and are likely to dismiss it...

Oh, I could go on, and on and on...

I'm not defending keeping quiet when it's not necessary, though. I'm trying to understand it also.

Last I checked, adults can be (and often are) subject to ridicule when they don't fit the status quo. Who needs that?

Maybe living in a major city, I don't see that in such a large degree because people are generally accepting of anything. Mind you, like I mentioned before there are some people who say stupid things, but what remarks can someone make that would make you hide being a vegetarian? I just can't imagine something being that bad.

And what does that mean about being true to yourself. If you're (in the general sense) so worried about what people think about you, where do you draw the line and start appreciating and letting others appreciate you as an individual?

here's the thing.

since i was a kid, i was made fun of for every little thing. I would be wearing the same shirt as the popular girl, i'd get made fun of for 'trying to be popular' and 'how stupid could i be, a shirt doesn't make you popular' and so on. I was just wearing a shirt, yo. I would get made fun of for my glasses, for being smart, for being faster than all of the boys in footraces. i'd get made fun of if i made a mistake in class, for the way i walked, the way i talked, and everything else.

For a long time, i just wanted to blend. After a while, i was like 'sure, ok, i'll be myself' since no one would accept me anyway.

but there are a few people who did accept me: my parents, a few friends, my husband. They all have strong opinions. they weren't made fun of as much.

I needed to feel secure. I needed to have a way to answer teasing and stupid comments and ignorance. I needed to have that sense of knowing that what i was doing was healthy, appropriate, etc, without alienating others (because if i alienate them, what do i have left?).

So, i took my time. I was afraid of being made fun of. i was afraid of loosing my family. I was afraid of loosing my friends.

ultimately, none of these things happened. But, when i came out, people would say 'but lions eat meat." and i would say "of course, it is appropriate for lions to eat meat." because i had an easy 'comeback' which takes time to learn, btw, i was able to manage the whole mine-field with a great deal of confidence.

so, there's a reason.

Maybe living in a major city, I don't see that in such a large degree because people are generally accepting of anything.

Sounds nice. Where is that, because I'm willing to move?

I live in the largest city in Ohio. Outside of my local food coop, people here are not at all "generally accepting of anything."

I kind of kept it a secret from my ex-husband. He had left the state a few months before we went veggie and we hadn't heard from him. When he came back to visit before we moved to FL, I had to tell him since he was feeding them. That was not fun.

I think fear of admitting to being a vegetarian is usually a self-esteem issue. Either that, or the person does not know enough as to why they are vegetarian and needs some confirmations of the reasons they are. Self-esteem problems are common in teenagers and they usually grow out of them. It is less common with adults, but can still be an issue.

Maybe living in a major city, I don't see that in such a large degree because people are generally accepting of anything. Mind you, like I mentioned before there are some people who say stupid things, but what remarks can someone make that would make you hide being a vegetarian? I just can't imagine something being that bad.

And what does that mean about being true to yourself. If you're (in the general sense) so worried about what people think about you, where do you draw the line and start appreciating and letting others appreciate you as an individual?

I live a large and very diverse city with many veggies, and I still deal with a lot stupidity towards my vegetarianism. And while i'm very happy with the decision i have made, sometimes I don't want to share that I'm vegetarian. I don't think that takes away from being true to myself. It's more a matter of practicality. I just don't want to hear the same old retarded arguments against vegetarianism when I simply state that I'm a veggie. It seems like a lot people always feel the need to debate vegetarianism whenever they hear the word.

I think fear of admitting to being a vegetarian is usually a self-esteem issue. Either that, or the person does not know enough as to why they are vegetarian and needs some confirmations of the reasons they are. Self-esteem problems are common in teenagers and they usually grow out of them. It is less common with adults, but can still be an issue.

I would say that a huge majority of the people in our societies are conformists. There is social pressure to conform. We all do it to some degree, and I don't think it can be blamed on lack of self esteem.

Many people have quirks, but the fact that they do not proclaim them (or even admit them) does not necessarily point to a lack of self esteem. In conformist societies (and aren't they all?) avoiding discussing quirks is the norm.

I would say that a huge majority of the people in our societies are conformists. There is social pressure to conform. We all do it to some degree, and I don't think it can be blamed on lack of self esteem.

Many people have quirks, but the fact that they do not proclaim them (or even admit them) does not necessarily point to a lack of self esteem. In conformist societies (and aren't they all?) avoiding discussing quirks is the norm.

I agree that we all conform to some degree, but keeping your vegetarian lifestyle a secret when you have good reasons for being vegetarian sounds a lot like a self-esteem problem to me.

It's one thing to not broadcast quirks and embarrassing traits, but vegetarianism is something to be proud of, not ashamed of.

Also, I'm not saying that if you're not an activist and looking to convert people you have a self-esteem problem - not at all, but if you are hiding it, there's a good chance there's a self-esteem issue buried in there somewhere.

It's one thing to not broadcast quirks and embarrassing traits, but vegetarianism is something to be proud of, not ashamed of.


That's a point of view issue, and certainly not an objective truth.

BTW, hard-core conformity, while it certainly doesn't prove a self-esteem problem, is nevertheless one sign of a lack of self-esteem.

ETA: sometime people are hard-core conformists for self-preservation or other ulterior motives rather than self-confidence.

That's a point of view issue, and certainly not an objective truth.

What is there to be ashamed of then? If you can't give a reason for being ashamed, then it's pretty close to the truth, isn't it?

What is there to be ashamed of then? If you can't give a reason for being ashamed, then it's pretty close to the truth, isn't it?


How 'bout it something you should neither be ashamed of or proud of? It is just a personal choice, like any other.

How 'bout it something you should neither be ashamed of or proud of? It is just a personal choice, like any other.

Either way, it's nothing to hide.

Either way, it's nothing to hide.

It is if you don't want to hear "But you NEED meat to be healthy" for the 500th time. Refer to my first post.

It is if you don't want to hear "But you NEED meat to be healthy" for the 500th time. Refer to my first post.

In unusual circumstances of harrassment or in a situation where you are not going to be around person X for very long, I can understand just avoiding the issue to make life temporarily more convenient.

I'm talking about generally hiding the fact from most people or everybody. If you live around such a-holes that they won't let you live down your harmless lifestyle, then GTFO of your current situation ASAP. Unfortunately, I realize that's very hard to do for some people.

As far as my personal experience goes, nobody has given me any grief about it. Then again, like Tame once pointed out, arguing with me is like arguing with a crazy dude in the subway. :p

I didn't tell anyone I was vegetarian when I was student teaching. I just ate my lunch in peace, and no one really noticed. One reason why I didn't want to bring it up was I was exhausted and sick all the time during student teaching, and I didn't want anyone to think it was because I didn't eat meat. I want to be a good example, not a confirmation of their stereotypes. But even under normal circumstances, I don't bring it up much, unless they ask, or I'm eating a meal with that person and I want to make them aware of what I do/don't eat. Not because I'm ashamed, just because it seems weird to bring it up if it's not relevant to the conversation.

How 'bout it something you should neither be ashamed of or proud of? It is just a personal choice, like any other.


I don't know, I think it's kind of something to be proud of because I feel it's the 'right' choice. But either way - even if it is just personal choice - I can't understand why it should be your dirty little secret. I'm not suggesting going out and screaming "I don't eat dead animals" but why go out of one's way so that other people don't notice?

That's a point of view issue, and certainly not an objective truth.

The objective truth IS that it's nothing to be ashamed of - the point of view issue is that it is something to be ashamed of!

I've never felt uncomfortable telling people I'm veg, but sometimes I do have that feeling like, "okay, here it comes" after I tell someone. I don't worry much about being accepted in that way, however, I still don't like people grilling me on my food choices, or criticising my choice to be veg. Maybe some people keep it a secret just to avoid that crap.

:D

The Rev

but I don't understand what adults have to be nervous about. Can someone explain that to me?

I wasn't nervous about telling people - I just wasn't sure I wanted to put up with a lot of crap from people that I barely know about something that was a highly personal (and at times difficult) decision.

For me not telling people that I'd chosen to be a vegetarian (at first) was more about just not dealing with people asking me the same tired old question ... "What about protein/B12/iron/calcium ..." and the ever so wonderful, "You're not making your daughter do that too are you? How will she grow?"

I've never felt uncomfortable telling people I'm veg, but sometimes I do have that feeling like, "okay, here it comes" after I tell someone. I don't worry much about being accepted in that way, however, I still don't like people grilling me on my food choices, or criticising my choice to be veg. Maybe some people keep it a secret just to avoid that crap.

:D

The Rev


*wipes tear* ah, Rev...I remember you as a young grasshopper..only being vegan for a week or two........*sings memories*. OT, but hey, I don't care.

Anyhoo, I gotta agree with the majority of what has been said. I'm not ashamed of my veganism; however you get leery of telling people that you're "different" in fear of constant ridicule. I don't hide the fact that I'm vegan, but when I do tell someone, I'm prepared for the insults, wisecracks, or guilt that could happen.

I know that in my case, whether I tell somebody or not usually depends on my mood. If I'm feeling good, self-assertive, confident, then I can laugh off any negative or weird comments I get. If I'm in a bad mood, I'll definitely want to avoid the subject if I can because if I get any negative comments, they'll probably just make me feel worse... :stinkeye: