i used to be really thin.... then i went vegan... which was not my problem... my problem was i went raw. i gained way too much wen i was raw even though ppl around me said u cant gain weight- but i did- 50 lbs! so two years later, i gave up on being 100% raw and am now close to 0%. anyways, it makes eatign vegan SO MUCH EASIER and i dont feel deprived from lifes essentials such as bread and real spagatti. there is just so much to eat on a vegan diet, but still, i was hoping that after i stopped being raw that i would begin to lose weight, but i am starting to realize that i have developed a binge eating disorder. now that i think about it, i used to binge on meat products and non-vegan junk foods in the past, i just controlled it by not eating anything for the remainder of teh day (thats exactly what they tell u not to do, but its wat keeps you from gaining weight)

my problem is though, i have no will power. i can say what i am going to eat, i can plan out my meals. but i can not eat 3 meals a day... maybe for 2/3 days in a row, but once i stop, i keep eating and eating and eating. i wouldnt say controling is hard, it just requires effort on my part.... and sometimes i say to myself that it is easier to eat what ever i want when i want.... but thats waht made me fat in the first place!! its this lack of self control (and self esteem)where i place no limits on my self.....

it seems to me that i will never lose those 50 lbs eating like this... ive just lost all the hope... and the stress from school and how those awful teachers treat us. i just go home and the first thing i do is either eat or complain to my dad how much i hate high school. also, i have no one to cook for me so its much easier eating vegan processed foods, just since everything i make for myself tastes soo bad......

ive lost all the motivation.... and ppl around me dont say anything, even my dad doesnt make any comments. thats what i hate. knowing i am fat, yet ppl dont tell me that- so how can i be encouraged to change?? like how much more weight to i flippen need to gain in order for them to tell me im overweight? im 150 for 5 foot 2 ... i used to be 100. ppl always commented on how skinny i was, but funny, no one comments on how big ive gotten. i know why they do that- its as if now they dont have any competition and when i was skinny they were secretly jealous of me. but i wish i could go back to 100...or even 105. its just a lot of weight to lose and will take forever. and i can seem to find any reliable remedies (pills) to help me lose weight.

i need YOUR HELP

and i can seem to find any reliable remedies (pills) to help me lose weight.

assuming that was a typo and you meant "can't"... that's because you can't rely on pills to lose weight. take it from this hefty chick who learned that the hard way.

:hug:

Personally I think 100 pounds is underweight.maybe people don't tell you you are not fat,because you aren't.Maybe you look healthier to them.There are many people who could direct you to where you may find support for an eating disorder.Maybe try asking someone who posts in the eat to live thread.

You probably don't want to hear this, but I don't think you need to lose 50 pounds. For 5'2", you're not that much over. 100lbs is underweight for that height, unless you have a really tiny bone structure.

Have you grown at all since you were 100lbs? And was this before puberty? Maybe your body is finishing it's development, and 100lbs doesn't suit you anymore.

Do you do any exercising? It sounds like you're generally unhappy and stressed. Maybe try going for walks, or doing activities with friends (tennis, basketball, etc), swimming, martial arts, yoga, running. Even going out exploring parts of where you live, walking around the mall, and things like that help.

If you're still set on losing weight, try a lower goal. Go for losing 5lbs, then reevaluate your situation. If you've grown, you might find that you're happy with yourself at a higher weight than you think.

I also think you should talk to your doctor.

Since I've been going through the same thing recently, I know what you're going through. I've had basically this eating disorder or another for almost six years, and I'm just oing to bluntly tell you, it doesn't go away that easily. Are there counselors you can see through the high school? It really helps when you just have someone there to talk to. :yes:

I've gained about 45 pounds since last december, but no one tells me I'm fat either. And it's not because they are jealous. You may actually look just fine for someone who is 5'2, so your friends might just think you're 'filling out' or whatever. Also, they may want to tell you, but it's 'socially unacceptable' to meantion that someone has gained weight (while its perfectly ok to make fun of someone for being skinny :rolleyes: ).

Anyway, in hopes of not sounding bitchy to the people up above, anyone who hasn't had binge eating disorder doesn't know that yes, you focus on your weight, but it doesn't matter if 150 is a 'healthy weight', it matters that you didn't used to be there, and that you didn't just randomly gain 50 pounds, you gained it because of an eating disorder. Meaning that (I'm guessing), you aren't looking for a way to get rid of the weight, you are looking for a way to get rid of the eating disorder so you can stop binging and lose the weight naturally. I think, anyway. Tell me if I'm right in asuming this.

Anyway, there's no real 'cure' to an eating disorder. You have to work on getting better like nobody's business. You've already said you hate high school- why? Why are the teacher's getting away with treating you like crap? Are you also upset that you have to cook for yourself, while other kids have their parents cook meals for them so it's easier for them to portion everything out? You've got to find out what stresses you before you can work on recovery. I'll leave it here for now, but if you need anyhing else, hit me up via PM

Again with the pills...you can['t] find a "reliable remedy" [in pill form] BECAUSE ONE DOESN'T EXIST!!

(I, too, know from experience.)

At any rate, you *shouldn't* eat three meals a day. That is an all-too-commonly accepted diet philosophy, or what have you. You should eat an average of 6 SMALLER meals a day...divide the three into 1/2 portions, etc. It's that easy. I don't know how your school is about food/drink in the classroom (mine allowed it...b/c we had junk food machines providing "sponsor" money), but it would behoove you to take snacks, etc. to eat throughout the day...healthy stuff like fruits, veggie sticks, pita/hummus/P.B., etc. If your school or teachers are uptight about that, consider getting a note from a doctor/nutritionist/dietician stating that you should be eating, etc. (because you shoul!).

Also, it's cliche for a reason, but exercise really DOES work (again, from experience!). Even if it's a 30-minute walk after school or something to start, that's better than nothing. Don't allow yourself to get discouraged. YOU are the one who wants to change (and I don't mean all the way to 100-lbs...I agree that's a too light); so you can do it!!

VB-ers will be here for support/ideas/suggestions/advice...

:nigel: Cheers!

thanks guys!

thanks SOO MUCH BROWNIE!! ur advice really got to me because i can SO relate. even when i was 120, or even 110, no matter if that was a healthy weight or not, i stlll felt like **** because those are not the ideal weights for ME. i was so happy at 100 lbs, even though everyone says its so light, but still, i looked good, i looked thin, yes, but not twiggy and sticky- i still had big legs and big calves, so i DID NOT look aneorexic or like a stick, unlike most of the other girls who were really really skinny (liek 90 lbs) , and whos bones were showing. at 130, i was miserable, and now i am 150 (no i have not grown at all, except widely), so i dont just want to go back to 130, cause i just did not like it there.... even 110 i was not happy...i will settle for anywhere between 100-105, and i dont think that is thin, because most of the girls who i see are really thin and have thiner legs than i had at my lowest weight. and britney spears, to me , has the perfect body, but some ppl will complain that she is too "thin". i think shes fine. really, i was fine at 100 and soo proud at myself for succeeding, and i looked NORMAL, just like other girls in my school.

our class went to this fitness class today to work out, and u should have seen these girls- all thin and wearing tight small shorts that dont even fit into one of my legs.... and me, jiggling away, with all my fat showing... oh, god, i looked so bad. adn there were mirrors ALL OVER the gym, i couldnt get away from seeing how terrible my body looked.... considering i used to look sooo good- not the anaroxic kind of good, but the slim, fit and toned (?) kind of body that most ppl will kill for.... and i ruined it all.... all....all over a stupid binge eating that i had ever since i learned how to overeat from my dad and my sister.... and on top of that, all the insults that i had to "deal" with from ppl at school.

i dont know.... i just ruined my whole body and even my knees and feet hurt so much more now. i even got these huge red/purple STRETCH marks all over the front and sides of my upper legs.... i got all this fat hagging out and my belly makes me look as if i am pregnant.... and someone has actually came up to me and aasked me if i was (guidance councillor).

so far, no one in my family, or group of "friends" has ever tried to help me control my eating or get me some help. doctors/nutritionists are a no-no becaue they argue with me about eating meat, and i kno that i can do it if i put my mind to it, like i did before, but i gained all the weight back and more. i dont want to gain it all back this time. i want it to be permanent, but not some kind of .... obsession, you know??

anyways, i talk to much.... but thanks for your help

whoa, whoa, whoa....please, go back and read my post. All I'm hearing from you is numbers and words like 'thin' and 'fat'. Some realities for you: 1. I really wanted to focus my above post on being HEALTHY. Not thin. You're doing the same as everyone else, just focusing on NUMBERS. STOP, or you'll be ocsessed your entire life. There is NOTHING wrong with being 120. There is nothing wrong with being 110. Throw that scale out the ******* window and just find a place where you feel your best. That should be the weight you want to acheive. Sure, the two (thin and healthy) can go together, but they don't have to. 2. You didn't 'ruin' your body. Your body will heal in time, and that should make you want to stop bigning. Notice, I am NOT saying starve yourself. The weight will come off with healthy eating and exercise. 3. No one is going to help you control what you eat. It's up to you, and the faster you realize this, the faster you can start to gain control.

Also, I have not studied medicine at all, I'm speaking only from what I know. Find what is healthy for you.

I still have visible stretch marks on my lower abdomen and upper thigh area from when I lost the bulk of my weight like six years ago...

Brownie is correct in saying it's self-sabotage (not exact quote) focusing on numbers like that. If your knees hurt, the weight you are currently at isn't HEALTHY, not because of the number it is, but because it's giving your body signs that it's not.

Society, without a doubt, has contributed to your skewed view of what is/isn't healthy...because it seems you think being "thin" = "healthy", and again as brownie said, the two *don't* always have to go together. Everyone carries their weight differently. And sure, if you were healthily maintaining a 100-lb frame (meaning eating a balanced diet, not devoid of ESSENTIAL fats and other nutrients), then more power to you. However, your metabolism and/or chemistry might have changed since then, and so now, when you get fit and lost the weight that is affecting your knees, etc., you may be 120 (JUST A NUMBER), and that's what you are.

And as far as the doctors/nutritionists being off limits b/c of the meat-eating argument, don't tell them you're a vegetarian. It's silly and stupid, but I understand how another popular conception (along with thin = healthy) is vegetarian = unhealthy...so tell them you're a "flexitarian" or...or you could just be honest, say you're veg, and tell them no, you will NOT be eating meat to "fix" the problems.

I wish I had more to contribute...aside from my ramblings...but that's all I got. Just keep floating around the boards for advice/ideas/support, as you're sure to find it from someone :)

:nigel: Cheers.

but at 120 i had flab hanging all out of me as if i was a water fountain....and it became so hard to excercise of jump around with all that extra weight... now i just wabble around and look like a ball with a huge abdomin.

i know 130 or 120 is not an ideal weight becasue i dont feel ideal there.... i dont feel healthy, i dont feel fit... i aim for 110 atleast but any weight i lose now is better than nothing... today was the worst at school- being in old gym clothes i hadnt worn in a year, with everyoen staring at my round body....everyone at school is losing weight but me! why? what am i doing wrong? what are they doing different?

oh god, i did not EVER think i would do this to myself. it is so unhealthy and not me-not the real me. i used to be so fit and health consious... now that i am vegan, i jsut eat all this junk food hat i would normlly not eat, just becasue it seesms organic and therefore supposidy "good for me".

now that i am vegan, i jsut eat all this junk food hat i would normlly not eat, just becasue it seesms organic and therefore supposidy "good for me".

In another thread you said you're "not a newbie" at being vegan... :stinkeye:

So...what is it then, really?

And that happened to be the other thread where I posted about vegan "junk food" being no better than "conventional" junk food (cheese crackers, donuts, etc.)...

You obviously want to change this aspect of yourself; get "fit" and "healthy" again...so commit yourself to it. Set small goals as opposed to large ones (less likely to "fall short)...like "This week I will exercise three nights out of the five, and Saturday/Sunday I will go on a long walk", etc. Or "I will eat a banana today instead of a cookie"...instead of "OH I HAVE TO LOSE 50 LBS!!"..."Goals" like that are often lost along the way and can become too big to handle...so small steps. Small, but persistant, will get you there.

:nigel: Cheers.

This is starting to sound like a pro-anorexia thread. Good luck, but I won't be coming back.

This is starting to sound like a pro-anorexia thread. Good luck, but I won't be coming back.

I hope I didn't contribute to your sound-off :-/

I guess I don't hang around the ETL thread enough to know what "pro-anorexia" sounds like (and note the lack of voice infliction--this was not said through sarcasm)...

:nigel: C.

thanks psudo vegan!

ps- i love that cute kitten in the poptarts box!! its so cute! i put it as my msn display.

today i exercised and walked, yesterday i went to a fitness centre and worked out with friends.... when i am in the mood i do more, therefore i try to do as much when i am in the mood.

i have been vegan for a while (while i was RAW), SO i didnt buy all that cooked and proceessed foods. i recently stopped being a raw foodist, and slapped soem sense into me and now am venturing into vegan foods, even healthy vegan junk foods. the thing that makes me laugh is that i was so committed on being raw for the rest of my life.... my dad always snorted at me when i said that like i meant it. but it does make eating vegan so much easier and much more pleasant.... as long as i have my cooked bread, im fine. the bad thing about being raw was i gained so much weight because i ate too much fruit since there was nothing else to eat other than fruits and avocados and veggies and nuts/seeds. yep, so that made my binging even worse. now its getting more under control... again, it changes with my mood

I know it has already been said, but I want to reiterate that numbers aren't everything. 120 lbs can look very different on two different people of the same height. They can also look very different on the same person.

I know you felt really bad at 120 lbs, but you said that the weight gain was all fat. You can feel great at 120 lbs, if you have a lot of muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat, so if you're working out, and developing muscle, the number on the scale might be deceiving. I really recommend that you don't weigh yourself often, and rather go by how you feel.

You said that the people around you are of no help - I know it is hard, but have you asked them for help? They might not be bringing it up, because they're worried it would hurt your feelings. If you want help with this, and haven't already done so, I suggest talking to your parents. Perhaps they could help you eat right / eat the right portions. I'm glad to see in your last post that you worked out with some friends. That kind of support can really help.

I think people had some really good advice here. It's much better to go by how you feel, rather than the number on the scale. Good luck!

Chew minty gum or brush your teeth a lot. Drink lots of water. Sometimes I find that when I go on a binge, I'm not really hungry, I just feel like I need to chew something, and gum really helps with that.
A lot of people are saying that you might not be overweight. My solution would be to just lay of the junk food, be active, and let your body find it's natural weight. My friend is about 5'5" and weights 95 lbs., and she's perfectly healthy, just very small. You're body will balance itself out given time. Good luck!