Ugh. This is making me crazy. I don't know whether I'm at a good weight or not. I'm 5'8, 160 lbs, but I also run and carry a lot of muscle. I'm in training for my second marathon. I wear a US size 10 and so does my mother - that seems to be about the size the women in our family are. I used to be a size 26. Over the last 4 years I've lost over 100 lbs.
My mom thinks I'm fine. She doesn't think I have any more weight to lose. My dad says he's afraid I'll get anorexic. He thinks I'm plenty thin. At least, at one moment he seems to. But the next time he sees me eating something he says, "ANNE!" The way he did when I was a little kid and coloring on the walls. Sometimes I don't care what he says. Others, like today, I'm in tears over it. When he yells at me like that - I know he's kidding, or at least he thinks he is - I feel so fat, and so grotesque, and like I never want to eat again. What do I do? I need to change something in myself so that what he says doesn't bother me. I need, somehow, to get myself some kind of confidence in how I look, I guess. Any ideas?

Cassiel,

Pop over to Eat to Live and read my recent posts. I went through the same thing yesterday. People suck. They don't mean to sometimes, but they suck.

I want you to think about something:

"I'm in training for my second marathon."

Sounds like someone who is healthy, fit, and dead sexy.

Awww sweetie you're fine. Look at what you have accomplished. 100lbs!?! that is fantastic. I honestly think that if you dad seems to be the trigger of these bad feelings you may need to sit him down and tell him. Do it in a kind, non-confrontational way. He's your dad and he loves you. He is probably just worried for you. For someone who has lost so much weight, he may just be concerned that you will undo the hard work you put into it. I honestly think he is thinking of you. Tell him how much you appreciate his concern. That you are aware of what you put in your mouth, and that you are happy the way you are. You are perfect the way you are. Tell him thanks, but unless it's words of encouragement, he needs to keep it to himself.

Good luck
:hug:

. You are perfect the way you are.

That's my line. Get your own :whip:

But, you are right :up: Well, I'm right, since it's my quote. :rolleyes:

A similar thread (http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=20476).

That's my line. Get your own :whip:

But, you are right :up: Well, I'm right, since it's my quote. :rolleyes:


:moonpie:

You're an adult, right? What you weigh and what you eat are nobody's business, not even your parents. Maybe you could tell your dad that you appreciate his concern, but this issue is not up for discussion.

Cassiel, even if you were a morbidly obese shutin who had to be lifted in and of bed by crane, which you clearly are not [the dead opposite, in fact] I believe it would be totally uncalled for for your father to react to you eating in that way. You are beautiful and fit, and while I do understand your feelings I really want you to know that you have nothing to worry about. I am sure he loves you and just needs to know where your boundaries are on this subject. I'm muscley too and sometimes I get oversensitive about it...still there is no reason to hear those types of comments, don't you think?

Thanks everybody, I really appreciate the encouragement. Sometimes it's just really hard to take the comments - even if they're well-meant. I'm learning to be comfortable with how I'm built, and I suppose if my body is able to do the things it does (running especially) I should be happy with it. I'll talk to him. I am an adult, yes...but somehow, your parents' opinion (at least, for me) always carries a lot of weight. (Hah, no pun intended...) Especially in issues you're insecure over.

I really think we all need to stop looking towards others for reassurances about our weight. Weight is just weight. It is a number on a machine. It tells you nothing about your health or your life.

You said it yourself..you run (a healthy lifestyle behavior) and are well built with muscle. If your weight was affecting you in such a dangerous way (underweight or overweight, not according to BMI but according to your own personal body), you'd be unable to run (you'd be out of breath...panting..or you wouldn't have the energy).

That said, your weight sounds perfectly fine and healthy to me, though I am not the one you need to please..the only one you need to please is yourself. If your body makes you happy and you are healthy, then give everyone else and their opinions the middle finger. :D

generally speaking (and this is really general) the idea is 5 lbs per inch over 5 feet--right? that would be 140 lbs. But, you said that you carry a lot of muscle (is it particularly in your legs?)--which leads me to believe that you may have some larger meso (pitta) and endo (kapha) qualities. Kaphas in particular tend to have large bone structures, large muscles, and carry a layer of extra fat, particularly on their shoulders, breasts, belly, and thighs. They're goddess shaped. :) An ecto (vata) at 5-8 will likely weigh 120-30, while a meso (pitta) will weigh the 140, and an endo (kapha) will likely weight anywhere from 150-180 (particularly depending upon her activities--for instnace, a power lifter at the same size would grow very, very strong legs, add muscle to the area easily, and thereby 'gain weight' (and some size) while still being strong and fit.

We've all heard the phrase, muscle weighs more than fat. While not exactly true, there is an element to it. Lb to Lb, muscle 'weighs' the same as fat, but the volumn is different. To be 160, 5-8, and size ten is actually very fit--particularly if you're a meso-endo.

To give a similar example, my sister and i are both 5-7. She's an endo-meso; i'm an ecto-meso. At the same height and fitness level, i weigh 120-125 (menstrual cycle!), she weigh 140-145 (cycle!). According to those basic charts, we should both weigh 135--so i'm underweight and she's overweight. But taking into account our body types, we're actually just the right sizes *for each of us individually*. My sister wears a size 10; i wear a size 4-6.

Also, 100 lbs of weight loss? you lose a whole person! Congrats on that (and your marathons! :) )

Kaphas in particular tend to have large bone structures, large muscles, and carry a layer of extra fat, particularly on their shoulders, breasts, belly, and thighs. They're goddess shaped. :) An ecto (vata) at 5-8 will likely weigh 120-30, while a meso (pitta) will weigh the 140, and an endo (kapha) will likely weight anywhere from 150-180 (particularly depending upon her activities--for instnace, a power lifter at the same size would grow very, very strong legs, add muscle to the area easily, and thereby 'gain weight' (and some size) while still being strong and fit.
)
Wow, you described my shape exactly! I've got no extra fat on my wrists and yet they're very wide, so I don't think I'm deluding myself in thinking I have large bone structure. Those are exactly the places I have fat deposits, too. I add muscle ridiculously easily. Where did you learn about these body types?

I have had people look me up and down and say to my face, "I thought vegetarians were skinny!"

Gotta love THAT one. As if excluding meat suddenly meant our body types would change.... :lol:

I have had people look me up and down and say to my face, "I thought vegetarians were skinny!"

Someone once said to me "you're the healthiest looking vegetarian I've ever seen". I decided to take it as a positive comment, and ignored the implication that I wasn't skinny.

I hate anyone commenting on my weight - even if it's a positive comment. My mother has been telling me I'm getting fat since I was about 12, so I'm really defensive and paranoid about it. Recently I lost 5kg and my mum noticed and told me I looked good. I said to my husband later that it was the first time she had ever made a positive comment about my weight, and he was just stunned.

The sad thing is, I look back to when I was most paranoid about my weight (about 16 or 17) and I would LOVE to look like that again. I didn't appreciate the body I had!

cassiel:

there is a lot of information 'out there' about body types. I personally like the ayurvedic system, and an easy book for getting your head around it is Body, Mind, and Sport by John Doulliard. After that, you'll find many titles and begin to learn how the whole process works.

there is nothing wrong with being a kapha body type, even though our culture isn't very supportive about it. In the past, they weren't very supportive about the vata (ecto, or 'model thin') body type. For the most part, pitta (meso) women are often considered 'too muscley' and what not. So, in a way, we have to look at what the culture is valuing and why.

One theory that i have is that when our country/world was in particlarly lean times (before modern era), round bodies were prized as being beautiful, full, wealthy--because those women 'got to eat' which was a sign of wealth and power--right? Skinny meant starved and that's unattractive. Now, we live in a time of plenty and beyond plenty. Round bodies are less prized because it seems like gluttony, whereas thin bodies are signs of appropriate health and appropriate restraint in light of all of this plenty (food availability). So, now they get the attention.

it's an idea at least.

the real benefit of knowing your body type is that you're able to 1. understand what you look like; 2. understand what you're supposed to look like; 3. understand why you look the way you do and your body responds the way that it does; such that 4. you aren't as bothered by the comments.

When people don't know about body type, they may be deluding themselves. Some people who are clearly overweight and unhealthy will say 'i'm build this way' or 'it's natural' when i can clearly see that they are a pitta who is out of balance or a vata who is out of balance. Yet, when a person who truly is a kapha learns about their body type, they're able to say "Yes! this is me. i am healthy, fit, and strong. No need to fit cultural standard, i'm fitting the standard for my body type!" For the others who ignorantly claim kapha but aren't, through body typing they can find ways to come into balance and accept and value their type as well.

I find the process rather liberating.

I get confused by people who comment on others' weight. I mean, close friends talking out of concern or encouragement who *know* what they're talking about are one thing, but everyone else should really just be quiet.

For example, my boyfriend has gained a considerable amount of weight since we started dating, and when I met him he wasn't thin. I still think he's attractive, but the weight has affected his health (he went to the hospital with chest pains -- scary!), his energy, and he has mentioned that he wanted to lose weight. I have no problems talking to him about losing weight or going to the gym because he knows it's coming from concern and I know it's something he wants to hear (since he asks me about it).

My best friend, who has been overweight since high school, recently lost over 80 pounds. I know his weight is something he has been struggling with for a long time, and he's mentioned how proud he is, so I have no problem telling him how good he looks.

Otherwise, I can't think of a time when I've commented on anyone's weight without them specifically asking my opinion. And even then, my usual response is something along the lines of, "how do you feel about yourself?"

One theory that i have is that when our country/world was in particlarly lean times (before modern era), round bodies were prized as being beautiful, full, wealthy--because those women 'got to eat' which was a sign of wealth and power--right? Skinny meant starved and that's unattractive. Now, we live in a time of plenty and beyond plenty. Round bodies are less prized because it seems like gluttony, whereas thin bodies are signs of appropriate health and appropriate restraint in light of all of this plenty (food availability). So, now they get the attention.


I would say that this could also be a reflection of beauty standards in developing countries versus beauty in western cultures.

I take comfort in the fact that what constitutes beauty changes so often that it's impossible to keep up with it. But it's nice to know that I would have been the perfect women in Renaissance Italy :D

Cassiel,

For what it's worth, we're about the same size - I'm 5'8" and 155, and I feel pretty fine about my weight. I have better and worse days, but I feel comfortable in pretty much anything, including a bathing suit, and other people don't seem to think I'm fat. So there's that.

My father also used to make these comments when I ate something he didn't think I should eat, or more than he thought I should, or at the wrong time, or what ever. He'd call me a "gull", for example. I was never a really skinny kid, and the comments made me feel guilty and fat, even when I was in junior high and growing three inches a year. So a couple of years ago he made some comment when I was going to eat something, and I said something like "You know, I don't think it's fair that you do that, it's not helping me in any way, it just makes me feel bad. I'm an adult and I can decide what to eat." And he apologized and has never done that since.

So I'm not sure if you've done that, or if it would work, but it sure made me feel better. I think it really had never occured to him to think about that behaviour.

Anyway, you sound like in you're in great shape and totally fine.

Our realtor is a friend of my parents. I went to closing with my parents, and we were sitting in the room waiting for the person to show up. he , out of the blue, said “oh, what a big stomach you have”.
I couldn’t believe he said that. I barely talk to the guy. He’s not friends with me, of course. I can’t believe someone could be that rude – especially since I’m perfect weight for my height, I’m not overweight. He should look at his own gut! I should have told him that because that was absolutely uncalled for. – he’s a stranger to me! If a friend mentioned something about my weight, I would consider it as ‘constructive’ criticism, and I wouldn’t mind, but HE said it. I just ignored it though – like he didn’t say it. then later, my mom told me that it’s rude to not talk with him – because I ignored him for the rest of the day -. I thought – wow, mom. Thanks for being on my side.
But I’m not still mad about it….. with my mom. I’m still mad at the realtor. Who is he to tell me that?

http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2004/04/19/h1.gif

to see if you're perfect weight, underweight, overweight, obese - here's a chart!

http://www.enquirer.com/editions/2004/04/19/h1.gif

to see if you're perfect weight, underweight, overweight, obese - here's a chart!

I don't even exist on that chart... :worried:

:p

:nigel: C.

I don't even exist on that chart... :worried:

:p

:nigel: C.

Neither do I. It thinks a healthy weight for me is 120 lbs (I'm only 5 feet tall)! :eek: If I weighed that amount, I'd feel VERY unfit and out of shape. I would definitely not be happy or content with myself. 100 lbs, yes. 105 lbs, sure. 120..no.

Evidently I'm a "healthy" weight according to the chart - which seems based on standard BMI measurements, right? I don't know. I think I'm screwed up because I was overweight for so long. I've never been a healthy weight as an adult, until now (supposedly). I don't know what I'm supposed to look like or how I'm supposed to be built.
But the other day my dad made another comment and I sort of laughed and I said, "you know, you're giving me a complex. Every time you say something like that, I freak out!" I kept it light. He said, "shoot, you of all people should never have to worry about that! I wouldn't kid with you about it if I thought you had any kind of problem!" So, I knew he didn't mean it, and now I feel better about it. Hurray for being forthright. Thanks everybody. :D