I'm not sure this is the right forum for this, but it IS about a relationship - mine with my boss, and I'd appreciate any input.
I work for a very busy veterinary practice as a technician and I'm relatively new (only about 2 months on the job). My boss is a wonderful lady who really knows her stuff, but I'm socially awkward as it is and trying to relate to someone with whom I've got a power imbalance just complicates things that much more. I know she thinks I'm doing a fairly good job - I asked for a mini-review after I'd been here a month and it was good. I still can't manage to feel at ease while working with her, however. She kind of turns me into a basket case - I make silly mistakes while working with her and I must sound like a moron because I can't think of anything to say. Somehow I can talk to clients (strangers!) with near-perfect ease and confidence, but with this person I see every day and work with...I'm lost!
I know I need to communicate more with her, but I just don't know how! I know I'm not the only one on these boards with social anxiety. How have you learned to deal with it at work? Can anyone offer me some advice?

i find that it sometimes helps to understand my personality type in relation to my coworkers--particularly my boss.

my personality type using the Enneigram system (a sufi system) is one which has a problem with authority, so i have a tendency to 'buck the system' then 'blame the authority' and consequently shoot myself in the foot. but, i'm learning to work with it. lol

i also like to try and discern my boss's personality type so that i can then see how these two types interact in work environments. this helps me 'foresee' certain problems and how to work around them.

I like the Enneigram system for this sort of work, and there are lots of books out there about it. I like Helen Palmer's work. She has one that's just on the different types--i think it's simply called The Enneigram, but i can't remember. She also has one called The Enneigram in Love and Work. In this second book, it goes type-by-type in different combinations. There are nine types so it does something like this: In work:

1-1 as boss/employee; 1-2 boss/employee; 1-3 boss/employee. . .3-1 boss/employee; 3-2 boss/employee; 3-3 boss/employee . . .9-1 boss/employee. . .you get the idea?

so, it describes how each percieves the world. their relationship with work and coworkers, and how those assumptions and behavoir patterns play into the working and social dynamic of the workplace. UNderstanding your assumptions and her assumptions and behavoiral patterns may help you feel more confident and may help you work through your anxieties.

(Are you a type 8, zoe? LOL--These issues are why I am working to become self-employed.)

Maybe this is one for SilverC to handle especially now that she is now elevated to vet tech herself very recently. I'll pm her to check in with some thoughts of what maybe she can suggest and whether she has ever known similar, I'm sure she has..... so......

Your description reminds me of my boss! I think most vets just have very commanding personalities and it's hard not to be intimidated by them, especially when you are new to the job.

I was terrified of my vet for the first few months, but it did get easier as I got more comfortable with the job. Of course, she still yells at me every now and again, but I've learned not to take it personally. It's a high stress job, and most of the time, she's just venting at me because a client has said or done something to piss her off, and of course, she can't yell at the clients.

I found commiserating with her about the stupidity of most pet owners was a real ice breaker. It helped me feel more on her level, like we were a team working together for a common goal, and moved me past the whole boss/employee state of mind.

molly:

i'm a type 6! fear-faith type, loyalist-problem with authority, strong sexuality. often called the "trooper," "the devil's advocate," and i think they just gave it a new 'more positive' name because apparently people were complaining. LOL

Thank you thank you thank you for the input on this, guys. Hey, does anybody know of a forum similar to veggieboards that talks about being proactive at work?

i don't. i just found a new rock climbing one. i love it. it's very good. intimidating sometimes, but good!