Okay, this is something that I expect will draw some interesting views. I know some folks disagree with it and others enjoy it and some are in between.

I spoke to one woman who believes that watching pornography breaks up marriages. I personally disagree with this in that if seeing someone "getting it on" breaks up your marriage, you don't really have a very good marriage to begin with (in my opinion).

One of my good friends, and partner in the law firm I use for my US transactions, lives in Alabama. It was only recently the law was overturned in Alabama that allowed the sale of sex toys and marital aids. Until then, the purchase of a vibrator was deemed illegal.

When it comes to sex, isn't what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home their own business and no one else's?

Anyway, I'm quite curious to hear your thoughts on pornography and sex.

Fire away :)

*looks both ways* Shouldn't this be in the Compost Heap?

I've known marriages that were broken up because one or both spouses got involved in porn. The porn stars aren't like real people in real relationships-- they never say no. Porn is a poor substitute for a vibrant relationship.

As far as breaking up a marraige goes, there are a lot of variables there. For example, if two people have very different views on the subject, then there are fundamental incompatibilities between them. Or if someone looked at pornography obsessively, that could be a sign of some sort of other problem, or could at least cause problems.

I've always thought the more toys the more fun

Originally posted by skylark
*looks both ways* Shouldn't this be in the Compost Heap?

Agreed, I thougt I had put in the compost heap... now its moved.

Well, I was just using that one comment about marriage as a single example. My whole point is why is sex such a "taboo" thing to so many? Why is looking at sex so bad to some? Why is so wrong to some folks if a person wants to use some sort of marital aids, even to the point where a state would actually pass a law against the sale of such items?

I guess i should have clarified earlier. I just find it interesting that in what is considered an open and progressive region (North America) why there is such a sense of sexual repression.

I dont see anything wrong with it unless your taping someone when they dont know about it or something. And yes it is their own buisness and nobody elses.

*sigh*

This is such a tough topic for me, mostly because there's a really fine line that surrounds all of this...

I am definitely pro-sex. :naughty: In all seriousness, I agree with Robert: what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home is their choice, so long as it doesn't harm anyone else. (I mean, that philosophy carries over to more than one's sexual life, you know?)

I think more women need to be sex positive and confident about enjoying sex and exploring their bodies and what pleases them. And I think women shouldn't be labeled a slut or whore because they're sex positive. You know, there exists that lame double standard that a man who sleeps around is macho and virile, yet the woman who sleeps around is a two-bit hussy.

I think porn can be a positive experience in every capacity--those who view it and those who make it. I think the biggest thing that irks me about anti-porn folks who use the "It's degrading to women" defense against porn is that they don't consider a woman's sense of agency and autonomy. Maybe they want to participate in that sort orf activity, and to immediately write that off as degrading and objectifying is tantamount to removing that woman's voice. She should be able to make whatever kind of sexy movie she wants to. It's her body. It's her choice.

That said, I do feel that SOME porn is terrible, terrible stuff. For a very long time, the porn industry was an insidious one, dominated by males making big bucks off of women and not really sharing any power, control, or money... Times have changed, though, and there are loads of women directors and producers and writers in the industry. I feel better about that. And the industry did very little to incorporate minorities, but now we have porn for everybody--gay people, larger people, etc...

It's tough for me because it's very hard to dilineate between the empowering, sensual porn and the raucous, oppressive ****. And if you support the "good" porn, you are still, in turn, supporting an industry that allows for the "bad" porn. And do we want to support an industry that still places emphasis on typical beauty standards? Does that make sense?

And then there's crap like bukkake that is just disgusting and unnerving...but then again...maybe it's that woman's choice to subject herself to that? Seeeeee? I could go round and round with it!!! It's so tough!!

Anyhow, there are places where you can find the empowering sort of porn, like Good Vibrations (www.goodvibes.com) . I hope it doesn't seem tacky to post that link, just sharing a resource...

I love reading this journal--It's by a gal who works as a porn store clerk. I love the way she thinks: http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?threadid=4475

Sorry for the drivel.

Porn just makes me sad, ya know? It progressively pulls people in; what used to thrill doesn't thrill anymore. A spouse who was once willing to emulate what his/her spouse saw the porn stars do might not be so willing if the porn-addicted spouse insists on S&M moves. When a person looks at porn, the looker gets to be the master. Doesn't it make sense that if a person is used to being the master in the sexual realm, he/she would have an awfully hard time being giving in a real-life sexual relationship? Porn is all about "me me me", but expecting everyone to live to serve "me" in the real world isn't particularly conducive to healthy relationships.

Of course, viewing of porn does not automatically mean that a marriage is headed for divorce. There are lots of variables, as Thalia pointed out.

I disagree that porn is as self-absorbed as you claim it to be, Skylark. Sure, it definitely can be, but not all of it.

And if you've got a solid, open, respectful, communicating relationship with open, respectful, communicating sex, porn shouldn't introduce that much of a problem.

Originally posted by skylark
...When a person looks at porn, the looker gets to be the master. Doesn't it make sense that if a person is used to being the master in the sexual realm, he/she would have an awfully hard time being giving in a real-life sexual relationship? Porn is all about "me me me", but expecting everyone to live to serve "me" in the real world isn't particularly conducive to healthy relationships.

This sounds like an argument that could also be used against masturbation in general. I think most people are able to have a wide range of sexual experiences: to let off steam by one's self, self-indulgence by one's self, passion with another, love with another, recreational fun with another. All of these kinds of sexual expressions can be a part of healthy sexuality. As far as someone who is obsessed or when a couple can't agree on the nature of their relationship, that is more a symptom of other problems or incompatibilities.

Well, that's a big key. People have to realize that what goes on in porn movies is not a reflection of actual life. It's a method of arousal for many and should be seen as such, not as a definitive how-to-guide ;)

Interestingly, several years ago I walked in one evening on my girlfriend who had her friends over and they were having a few drinks. I found out quite quickly that women are pretty blunt about what they discuss and worse than anything I ever heard in a "locker room".

These days, I know a lot of women who are very comfortable with their sexuality, to the point where one even asked me where a good place was online to purchase something. I gave her a link that a female mod here once told me about: http://www.babeland.com

I personally think its great that women are able to express their sexuality more openly in many areas these days.

that this is a tough issue...and I also agree that there are different types of porn, and sometimes, when supporting the "good" type, you end up supporting the "bad" as well.

Generally speaking, I don't have a lot of interest in video pornography, because it seems that the majority of it is made to appeal to the stereotypical male interests. If I had a partner that wanted to enjoy porn, I'd be okay with that, so long as I was not neglected in favor of the porn. (I prefer reading and writing erotic fiction, personally...but I believe that people should do what suits them, so long as it isn't hurting anyone.)

There are some individuals who have difficulty with conducting relationships while utilizing pornographic materials, but I think that behavior is more indicative of the evils of addiction, rather than the material itself. Addiction to anything, whether it be alcohol, drugs, pornographic material, sports, gambling, etc. can be damaging to a relationship.

The addictive behavior is the problem...not the object that the individual is addicted to.

Just my opinion. ^^;;

my problem with porn is that it is often considered to be a "teaching aid" for young men and women who are curious about sex.

and i think it can form misconceptions in people's minds, who are beginning to explore their sexuality, about what sex is like, and how to have good sex.

also, i agree with just about everything FD said.

personally, i don't use porn and my husband says he "grew out of it". we had a phase a couple of years into our relationship where we watched movies together but the thrill quickly wore off. now we are more interested in making our OWN porn, together. ;)


and toys in babeland is a great place.

Originally posted by FemmeDemonica
I love reading this journal--It's by a gal who works as a porn store clerk. I love the way she thinks: http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?threadid=4475

Heheheh, that's a good read :)

Originally posted by ceryna

The addictive behavior is the problem...not the object that the individual is addicted to.

Exactly. Addiction is mental, IMO.

Sexuality is largely mental more than physical also. One has to feel sexual about their body to be in a sexually satisfying situation. One also has to have positive feelings towards sex as well. Back when my mom was growing up, sex was something that a wife was expected to do with her husband, not so much to satisfy herself as much as to satisy him. Some women even considered it 'dirty'. If someone has problems feeling sexual or has these mental hang-ups, I'm not sure that porn would be the answer to the cure..it would only be a band-aid approach; a temporary fix.

And then you have couples that simply let their relationship go stale...they make love in same place, the same way, heck sometimes on the same day consistantly. There's no variety; no spontenaity (sp?) and they get porn to spice it up a bit. That's fine if they want to do that. In that case, aren't they simply sparking the flame in the relationship again by maybe getting some new ideas? So, wouldn't it be a tool at that point rather than a crutch?

Porn is a wonderful thing. Nothin' like pictures/videos of hot naked chicks doing the nasty. :tame:

Mrs. Tame and I used it for a little spice...gives her some ideas for talkin' dirty to me...

Hell, I don't know how most boys would make it through adolescence without Hustler, Penthouse, and Playboy (for the lightweights.) I learned more from the letters in the Penthouse Forum than in all my sex ed classed combined. I never knew pool boys got that much action... :tame:

I agree with Tame.....The Pimp Daddy has spoken :tame:

i know some women get really mad, hurt, and jealous when their guys watch porn or go to strip clubs. WHY? i completely respect the fact that guys like to watch pretty girls. i don't object to it at all, and don't think it's disgusting. the only way i'd be grossed out at someone watching porn is if it were illegal kiddie porn or something really unnatural like beastiality. plain ol porno with consenting adults does not bother me in the least.
actually i was joking with my bf that there must be something wrong with him because he never had a "stash" of dirty magazines as a teenager. don't all guys? ;)

i'm pretty open minded and accepting though, if i were out with my bf and caught him flirting with other girls i wouldn't care, cause i know who he's going home with, so why should i care that he watches some stranger take her clothes off.

LF - if he didn't, I guaran-damn-tee the JC Penny catalogue (or equivalent) was his best friend. ;)

As a teenager, my favs were always Hustler and Penthouse. I always thought, and still do think, Playboy is very highly over-rated.

Originally posted by ceryna

Generally speaking, I don't have a lot of interest in video pornography, because it seems that the majority of it is made to appeal to the stereotypical male interests.

i agree with that. anything i've ever seen was totally geared toward male viewers and wasn't interesting at all. i haven't seen very much mind you. though i'm not opposed to it, i'm also not about to run out and get it, cause the industry does very little to appeal to female viewers, generally speaking.

as far as toys/marital aids go, i think it's awful that the state outlawed this sort of stuff. no wonder so many people are afraid of their sexuality, they're raised to think their thoughts and feelings are wrong and dirty.

but i guess Canada is pretty open about sexuality, every town i've ever been in has had at least one adult store, and of course let's not forget about Sex with Sue on tv every sunday evening, and the uncensored movies on Showcase, City and Bravo late at night.

Originally posted by Tame
LF - if he didn't, I guaran-damn-tee the JC Penny catalogue (or equivalent) was his best friend. ;)

lol, come to think of it, he still doesn't own any porn. BUT he has an extensive collection of Maxim magazines. sadly though, he gets them for the articles :D

LF: no, the state of Alabama recently overturned the law that forbid the sale of a sex toy. But it was there on the books as an actual law till October 2002.

But I agree that stuff like that lends itself to some folks thining so negatively towards sex.

Playboy is, and always was, all hype and no substance. What? maybe 2 or 3 women per magazine? Same poses every time. The usual bio about liking fluffy white bunnies and long walks on the beach. Soft-core garbage. :spew:


Penthouse and Hustler. Now there was some raunchy stuff. Throw in Club, and most 15-year olds wouldn't need to leave their bedroom for a week. :tame: