Husband omni, I'm vegan. Should I handle dairy?

[toadstool]

He prepares his own meals: usually fish or chicken. I prepare my own vegan meals.

I'd really like for my husband and I to eat more meals together. I hate always eating separate meals. I want to be able to cook for him again.

I'd never handle meat again. Bleech. But I am considering dairy. I could make a vegetarian meal for him, and a vegan version for myself.

Thoughts? Am I "selling out?"

[Richard]

Hey Toad.. you gotta do what makes you comfortable... we cant tell you what you should or shouldn't do...

If your not comfortable doing something.. don't do it for the sake of trying to be accomodating..

Personally, I make my family omni dinners.. and vegie for me... I'm cool with it... but.. if someone wasn't - hey, I would never expect them to prepare food that makes them feel roten... just as I woudn't expect my family to change against thier will...

[bumble]

Hey,I have the same problems over here.

My Man mostly eats my veggie-meals...if he needs chicken,he will just grill it up and add it.NO BEEF ever in my house..EVER!!!
As for dairy,he wants butter,and I have margarine..he drinks the soy,which helps alot.We both eat free-range eggs..maybe we will one day cut those out.

So we dont really have a problem,I guess..I just try to make very delicious veggie-meals,like taco's pasta,shepard-less pies..stuff he would enjoy!

Good Luck!!:)

[organica]

When I cook, the person eating it is eating vegan. Period.
If they don't like it, they can cook for themselves.

[qetta]

Do whatever you're comfortable with toadstool. You only have to answer to yourself!

[spud]

My husband is omni, I'm vegan.He eats vegan, or prepares his own meat, or he cooks vegan for me and a meatified vegan meal for himself. It's not an issue between us. I put dried milk in his cup of tea and think no more of it than when I feed the cat. I get tetchy if he doesn't containerise his stuff in the fridge. Anything smelly he cooks outside in the caravan :D

Some of the meals we have together include pizza (where he puts some corpse bits on his one) Pasta ( he adds cow cheese to his plate) Curry( all the veggies are cut and prepared, then our two saucepans bubble side by side on the hob and we share the rice.

[Jinga]

Do whatever you're comfortable with toadstool. You only have to answer to yourself!

Thats some good advice :yes:

[Bunny Hugger]

Sometimes I'll heat up my little sisters boca lasagna (with cheese).. Dosen't really bother me it's not like I'M the one who's gonna eat it.

I also agree with everyone else do what you want to do!

Don't let anyone pressure you.

:D

[Tofu-N-Sprouts]

"...When I cook, the person eating it is eating vegan. Period.
If they don't like it, they can cook for themselves...."

While that's great in theory, most of us with husbands, SO's, dependent parents, children, co-workers and LIVES will at some time have to make the decision to cook for people who don't share our views ...yet....

While I don't feel anyone should "sell out" or cook items they're not comfortable with, I think a little tolerance and compromise goes a LONG ways!

Turn the tables - what if someone else were doing all the cooking and YOU had to manage with whatever they chose to cook (or 'believed' you should eat)?

That said, in our house, my husband and two girls are most definitely NOT veg, while one daughter and I are... since they are teens, they can cook for themselves, but like to eat together as a family (SOOO important when you have a housefull of teens!!) , and NOT have to cook totally seperate meals.
I always try and make something they can "add" meat (cheese, whatever) to if they choose... I make spaghetti sauce and they add their own ground beef, I make tacos and re-fried beans, they add shredded chicken.

I cooked a turkey {shudder} on Thanksgiving because it was the first year we hadn't been with family, and that tradition is pretty important to my husband. He was very touched that I would make the effort and I think won more 'brownie points' than my refusing because of the way I felt.
No - that approach isn't right for everyone, you have to do what works for you and what you're comfortable with... but you'll sway a lot more people to "your" side if you're tolerant and open minded about how you approach it.

[zoebird]

you have to do what you think is best. But, here's what we do. My husband is also an omni and he cooks his own meat.

I usually make a vegan meal. He eats the vegan meal and then adds his meat to it. So, for instance, i'll make morrocan carrot soup with quinoa 'couscous' and hummus with pitas and he'll add beef kabobs to his.

it's really not that tough. we eat one meal a day together--our dinner. So, it's really quite simple. You don't have to make a 'vegetarian' meal, a vegan meal, and then have him add meat to his. Just make a vegan meal (enough for both of you) and give him some to which he can add his meat. If you plan in advance, then he can find meat recipes that 'match' the general flavors of the meal you're going to make (ie, chinese, japanese, indian, thai, morrocan, med., jamaican, etc).

[Elena99]

Will he not touch vegan food? If you introduce it slowly, he might take a liking to certain meals, at least. I was surprised by how much vegan food my omni fiance will eat.

Edit: I do still handle meat sometimes for him. I refuse to deal with raw chicken or turkey, those bug me the most for some reason.

[pseudo_vegan]

Will he not touch vegan food? If you introduce it slowly, he might take a liking to certain meals, at least. I was surprised by how much vegan food my omni fiance will eat.

Edit: I do still handle meat sometimes for him. I refuse to deal with raw chicken or turkey, those bug me the most for some reason.

^^That's really too bad if that's the case (that he doesn't like veggies??). I'm seeing a guy who probably has more affection for bacon than he does for me :spew:, but we still enjoy many meals together.

It probably helps that along with the murdered flesh of beasts he enjoys a good veggie curry, and he tells me how surprised he is that stuff I make (mock dishes/baked goods) are vegan...I guess you just have to be creative. You two should find something, absolute vegan or something that can have meat added to it "easily", and cook it together. Indian food is a GREAT "cross-over" cuisine. But like the others have said, if you're not comfortable with dairy, your husband needs to respect that, just as you respect his choice TO eat it. Keep us posted on how things go (in the kitchen!).

:nigel: Cheers.

[Morticia]

Will he not touch vegan food? If you introduce it slowly, he might take a liking to certain meals, at least. I was surprised by how much vegan food my omni fiance will eat.

I found this was true for me, too. My husband was omni when we got married, but totally supported my going vegan. I was lucky in that he was open to the idea of going veg*n himself. I cooked foods w/ dairy for him sometimes, and at other times just made him vegan food. He has now decided to try being vegan himself.

I think that people are more open to the idea of going vegan if you don't make a big deal over it. So I would cook food w/ dairy, and just try to phase it out gradually. I've found that to be a far more effective approach then categorically refusing to ever touch any animal product.

In the end, of course, it's what you feel comfortable doing that matters. If you're ok cooking w/ a little dairy, that's great. If not, don't force yourself to do so.

[Cissy]

Do whatever you're comfortable with toadstool. You only have to answer to yourself!

Exactly :)

[delicious]

I don't think you "should". I wouldn't.

[eggplant]

I think the fact that you're asking us about it indicates some level of discomfort on your part at handling dairy. If it makes you uncomfortable I think you should talk to your husband about it. If he's a nice guy, I would hope he wouldn't expect you to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

I won't make anything with animal products for anyone, but if my bf or other loved ones want to eat or make something non-vegan in my house, I'm ok with that. If it's something that stinks I'll let them know about it though.

I agree that we all need to draw the lines where we are comfortable drawing them. No one can decide but the individual.

[IamJen]

Would he not eat the vegan versions, Toad? I mean, gravy made with soymilk tastes pretty much the same as gravy made with cow's milk. Some things (cheese) I could see making a big difference in taste, but most things, I'm not sure that one could tell.

[Seadolphin]

Follow your feelings. There's obviously no veg*n rule about this. I guess its a matter of preference. I for one would never handle meat--yuck! Since I'm not vegan I can't really comment on the whole dairy thing. My husband is vegan & is always really cool about making things for me that have cheese on them. A couple of weekends ago he made a tofu scramble & split it into two pans, melting soy cheese on his & regular cheese on mine. It continues to amaze me that he's willing to do this for me. Please don't think that by telling you this I'm in any way implying that you should do for your husband what my husband does for me! If I was the one who was vegan & my husband was a vegetarian I have no idea how I'd handle the situation!

[Alfiedog]

"...When I cook, the person eating it is eating vegan. Period.
If they don't like it, they can cook for themselves...."

While that's great in theory, most of us with husbands, SO's, dependent parents, children, co-workers and LIVES will at some time have to make the decision to cook for people who don't share our views ...yet....

While I don't feel anyone should "sell out" or cook items they're not comfortable with, I think a little tolerance and compromise goes a LONG ways!

Turn the tables - what if someone else were doing all the cooking and YOU had to manage with whatever they chose to cook (or 'believed' you should eat)?

That said, in our house, my husband and two girls are most definitely NOT veg, while one daughter and I are... since they are teens, they can cook for themselves, but like to eat together as a family (SOOO important when you have a housefull of teens!!) , and NOT have to cook totally seperate meals.
I always try and make something they can "add" meat (cheese, whatever) to if they choose... I make spaghetti sauce and they add their own ground beef, I make tacos and re-fried beans, they add shredded chicken.

I cooked a turkey {shudder} on Thanksgiving because it was the first year we hadn't been with family, and that tradition is pretty important to my husband. He was very touched that I would make the effort and I think won more 'brownie points' than my refusing because of the way I felt.
No - that approach isn't right for everyone, you have to do what works for you and what you're comfortable with... but you'll sway a lot more people to "your" side if you're tolerant and open minded about how you approach it.

Well, that works for you, but it doesn't necessarily work for everyone. I couldn't cook anything that I was morally opposed to - that wouldn't make much sense to me. Fortunately, it takes all kinds of people and some people can see it as intolerance, but other see it as taking a stand and sticking to it.

So I'm with the do whatever makes you feel comfortable. That means cooking something if it's okay to you and that means NOT cooking something if it bothers you.

[CharityAJO]

Honestly, I think that's selling out. You can certainly find vegan dishes he will love just as much as cheesy lasagna. Experiment in the kitchen... Find dishes you can prepare that he likes. I wouldn't use dairy just to make him "comfortable." I mean, you wouldn't expect an Italian to start cooking up pierogies just because they married a Pole, right? You cook for him what you like and are good at cooking... and hopefully he loves you for your unique palate.

[Stey]

I agree with CharityAJO

[Foxy]

Well, that works for you, but it doesn't necessarily work for everyone. I couldn't cook anything that I was morally opposed to - that wouldn't make much sense to me. Fortunately, it takes all kinds of people and some people can see it as intolerance, but other see it as taking a stand and sticking to it.

So I'm with the do whatever makes you feel comfortable. That means cooking something if it's okay to you and that means NOT cooking something if it bothers you.


I agree! I see people speaking of tolerance- but how "tolerant" is it of an omni (or even vegetarian) loved one to allow/expect/desire/demand a vegan loved one do something they find repugnant on every level? Don't we deserve a little tolerance ourselves?

Toadstool, I echo many others when I say; "Do as *you* see fit." Obviously the idea of it bothers you. I feel as if you know the right answer for yourself already.

For me, *my* definition of veganism extends to *all* of my actions- a vegan does not buy/prepare/serve or otherwise support the cruelty industry wherever it can be avoided.

As I see it, a vegan would purchase/handle/prepare/serve meat and dairy and eggs with about as clear a conscience as a Christian cheating on their wife (they know it's wrong, it goes against everything they stand for/believe in) and in doing so, that would be a hypocritical act, and one that harms the self-esteem and moral fiber of all involved...

[Elena99]

As I see it, a vegan would purchase/handle/prepare/serve meat and dairy and eggs with about as clear a conscience as a Christian cheating on their wife (they know it's wrong, it goes against everything they stand for/believe in) and in doing so, that would be a hypocritical act, and one that harms the self-esteem and moral fiber of all involved...

I understand what you're saying, but what if the significant other just can't cook? You can't expect the SO to just go vegan for you, and it's unfair, if you're the main cook, to the SO. I think it really depends on the situation.

[Foxy]

I understand what you're saying, but what if the significant other just can't cook? You can't expect the SO to just go vegan for you, and it's unfair, if you're the main cook, to the SO. I think it really depends on the situation.


They can learn to cook. They can buy pre-made dead things. They can eat out.

I can *not*, however, learn to *not* be disgusted by dead things and animal secretions eaten by humans.

I still maintain that it's unfair for an omni to require/ask this of thier spouse.

[Elena99]

They can learn to cook. They can buy pre-made dead things. They can eat out.

I can *not*, however, learn to *not* be disgusted by dead things and animal secretions eaten by humans.

I still maintain that it's unfair for an omni to require/ask this of thier spouse.

We're trying to not spend much money eating out, and he's trying to learn to cook...it's a slow process. It really sucks for guys who have never been encouraged, or allowed, to cook. I had no idea it could be so hard to learn.

But that's great that you're in a situation where you don't have to handle foods you don't want to (and you have allergies, too, right?). Maybe I'll get into that situation someday.