Food Issues Food Log

[AngelOfDance]

so far today:

b: mango granola

[Autumn Leaves]

[QUOTE=Vegankat]made the smoothie (which was amazingly delicious!).QUOTE]

What kind was it?

blue ~ I won't drink regular Soy, or flavored. Sometimes it makes me sick.

I am not sure what to do for dinner, thinking of just doing 2 baby carrots w/Veg. Broth

AoD ~ Please eat, the day is almost over. And you can't re-live a day again, so give it your best shot :up: do you feel like anything?

[Virtue23]

Um... AL - "Please eat, the day is almost over. And you can't re-live a day again, so give it your best shot do you feel like anything? " (originally posted by you)

Take your own advice please - its much more effective that way. :D

[Autumn Leaves]

Haha, your so right, sometimes it helps coming from others though :D

[Autumn Leaves]

I had 4 oz of veggie broth (10) and some a little bit of cereal w/soy (40?)

why do I feel I am binging? (sp?) :confused:

[silverundertone]

I had 4 oz of veggie broth (10) and some a little bit of cereal w/soy (40?)

why do I feel I am binging? (sp?) :confused:


that is so not a binge...

[FreshTart]

why do I feel I am binging? (sp?) :confused:

:rolleyes:

The others may place this game with you, but I won't. Answer you own question. You know bloody well why you feel like "binging". Only, what you are calling "binging" is eating like a healthy, responsible vegetarian.

[Autumn Leaves]

I know, but it sure feels like it. I am so full. weird I know.

[FreshTart]

It is something you need to get past. You're simply not used to feeling yourself.

[porvida]

AL, that was NOT a damn binge. broth does not count as a food. binge means massive amounts of food. I have times when I "binge" but I feel bad calling it a binge because it's nowhere NEAR what I know the normal binge is. binges are thousands of calories in one sitting. 50 calories? nono. say that again and i smack you. :D
and if you feel like binging, do it. obviously your body wants food.


I didnt have time for anything else in the morning, and I had some gum/mints throughout the day...but all sugar free so we're talking 10 calories tops. then I came home and i've just been nibbling at random stuff...

less than 1 serving of tofu, scrambled, with a little salsa
small bowl of asian salad (basically just lettuce, a couple wonton strips, a dried cherry, and a teeeeny amount of dressing. a teaspoon, at that.)
3 small crackers dipped in hummus.

so I know I'm under 500 calories, probably under 400. which means i need to eat. i dont feel that hungry. i will eat later. i have a cake baking right now and I know i'll have a few bites of that....:lick:

[Autumn Leaves]

Provida ~ For some weird reason in my body *felt* like it was a binge, probably since I was so full. Don't wanna get smacked around here :nigel: :D

So, what kind of cake is it? :yes:

[DoshKel]

Me:

- Loose Sencha Green Tea.

- Bowl of Puffed Kamut mixed with Puffed Milliet in unsweetend soymilk.
- 1/2 pint blueberries.
- Pita with Hummus.
- Water.

- Mango
- New S'mores Luna Bar.

- Loose Bancha Green Tea.

- Large nuked Sweet Potato with mixed veggies over it (in oil).
- Slice of bread.

- Bowl of Optimum Power in Unsweetend soymilk.
- 2 Vans Waffles with Soy Ice Cream and Pumpkin Butter/Apple Jam
- Bag of nothing added Popcorn
- Bread with Hummus
- Slice of Cinnamon Chip Great Harvest bread.
- Pb Clif bar
- Pb sandwich on sprouted Flax bread.
- Chai tea.

Yeaaaa...

Cheers.

[Autumn Leaves]

Dosh ~ I thought you posted "2 Vans of Waffles..." :lol:

[DoshKel]

Dosh ~ I thought you posted "2 Vans of Waffles..." :lol:
I could do it :lol:. I love those things.

Cheers.

[Vegankat]

AL - my smoothie was 1 frozen banana, 1/2 c. Silk Light, 1 can pineapple juice, and ice. It was great, it tasted like ice cream!


Soooo, I woke from my nap feeling super incredibly terribly sick. Really dizzy. I went downstairs and almost passed out, and had two oatmeal date cookies and then headed out to the recital I was planning on going to. And I got there and I felt like crap. I could hardly stand, I was so dizzy. Why the hell did I drive? So I got right back in my car and came home.

My dad met me at the door because he saw me arrive, and he said I was wobbly, and he proceeded to scold me for not eating enough. But I have been eating enough! I've been trying so hard. I admit, 1300 calories a day still isn't enough for me. But I just can't make the jump from starvation and binging/purging to a normal 2000-calorie-a-day, balanced diet. If I do it suddenly, I know from past experience it will trigger a relapse because I just can't handle that much, not at this point.

So yeah, after my dad scolded me, he walked me to the kitchen and watched me make a sandwich of 2 slices ww bread and 2 slices philly steak style Tofurky with mustard and ketchup. I know, I totally could have done better with that, but I wasn't even hungry. I did it for my dad. Then he made me stand there and eat it in front of him. And then he made me promise that after I lied down for a little while that I would come back downstairs and have something else before I go to bed.

Now I know I'm above 1500 calories, and it's trying to bother me. I know that if I stop and actually think about it, I'm going to freak out. I'm already at 1500, and he wants me to eat more!?

I don't even know what a healthy amount of calories for me is anymore. And I'm also really irked because my dad is usually oblivious to everything. He's always picked on me about my weight and teased me when I eat junk food, and today he tells me, when I told him that I've been trying to eat healthy, and doing a good job of eating good things, with no junk food, "Well, you look like you need some junk food right now." BE CONSISTENT, MAN. My mind is already so addled with ED thoughts, I don't need this back-and-forth crap right now. It makes everything even more confusing.

I don't know, I'm rambling and I feel really disoriented. Naptime.

[bluewisdom]

[QUOTE=Vegankat]made the smoothie (which was amazingly delicious!).QUOTE]

What kind was it?

blue ~ I won't drink regular Soy, or flavored. Sometimes it makes me sick.

I am not sure what to do for dinner, thinking of just doing 2 baby carrots w/Veg. Broth

AoD ~ Please eat, the day is almost over. And you can't re-live a day again, so give it your best shot :up: do you feel like anything?

I can understand what you mean about the regular and flavored soy milk. It can be a lot richer than the light versions. I consider the light soy milks to be "skim" and the regular to be "whole or 2%"..not because of the calories, but because of the richness and the overall taste.

If you're going to just have two baby carrots with some vegetable broth for dinner..sorry to be so blunt, but for all the energy that provides (basically none) you might as well not eat dinner at all. That's not even enough to be considered a snack. :( Why don't you have the two baby carrots with some veggie broth, two tablespoons of almond butter, and some light soymilk for dinner?

Toddlers and infants eat more than two baby carrots for dinner AL. :no: It just makes me really sad to hear you are (still) treating your body in this awful way. You are giving out great advice and support to other members, please take some of your own advice and apply it to you too.

:hug:

________

April 26:
so far:
*sandwich, consisting of challah bread (330) with 2 tbsps nutella (200) and banana slices (150)- 680

my plan for dinner is:
*sandwich, consisting of egg bun (220), tomato (40), morningstar farm thai burger (100), 1/4 cup ketchup (20) - 380
*8 fl oz POM cherry - 140

Total: 1200

[Vegankat]

Those Thai burgers are so freakin' good. :drool: I wonder if they're vegan?

[Autumn Leaves]

Those Thai burgers are so freakin' good. :drool: I wonder if they're vegan?

They sound interesting, are they like veggie burgers w/Thai spices?

Blue ~ Thanks for understand my on the soymilk. :D In one of my other posts (think it's on this page, not sure) I posted what I had for dinner :nigel:

Kat ~ Show your dad your food log post from the past days. You have been working VERY hard!

Off topic; I really like using that cute little penguin smiliey :yes:

[bluewisdom]

I had 4 oz of veggie broth (10) and some a little bit of cereal w/soy (40?)

why do I feel I am binging? (sp?) :confused:

You feel like you are binging because you are not used to eating and because you have eating issues (I don't feel that it is right to say eating disorder, because that would be assuming, but I feel...that you really are suffering from one even if you aren't aware..)

That is not a binge. That is not even a suitable snack. Logically, you know that. But your body is not used to food..so it is saying, "What the heck is this? Why are we feasting now?" It feels like a feast because your body is used to practically nothing at all. It has assumed that you are stranded on an island where all that available is water, a couple of smoothies, vegetable broth, and crumbs of cereal.

Once you start eating normal healthy sized portions (which you eventually will have to do because you will die if you don't AL..seriously..you can't last much longer this way), your body will start to get used to the food and eating small amounts will not feel like binging anymore...in fact, it won't be enough. You'll look back and wonder, "How did I survive on that?!"


Dosh: Why are you considering what you ate today bad? Was it not enough calories..or did you just feel it wasn't that healthy..or what? Just curious, because your day seemed rather fine to me!

Vegankat: I really think you should consider going to a nutritionist...he/she can help you figure out how many calories you need per day and make you feel a lot safer, comfortable, and secure in eating a normal intake of food. :yes: I should probably go to one myself.

[bluewisdom]

They sound interesting, are they like veggie burgers w/Thai spices?

Blue ~ Thanks for understand my on the soymilk. :D In one of my other posts (think it's on this page, not sure) I posted what I had for dinner :nigel:

Kat ~ Show your dad your food log post from the past days. You have been working VERY hard!

Off topic; I really like using that cute little penguin smiliey :yes:

I think what you had for dinner was a good start. You definitely get a A for effort, because I can tell that you tried..you ate more than you originally planned to and I know that's hard to do.

The morningstar farm thai burgers are exactly what you said! Veggie burgers with thai spices..they also contain 'asian' style vegetables such as bean sprouts, green onions, etc. They taste really good.

[DoshKel]

Blue: Its because I kinda went crazy for my last meal, and I am having a lot of trouble with my food again now that I can't drown myself in alcohol to feel better. Also, I don;t know if you read my alcohol thread, but I went through some periods of fasting for a week or so and just drinking alcohol and I got my BMR tested again and it droped down to normal. I really messed my metabolism, and that is making me feel even more guilty about food again.

Pretty much sucks heh...

Cheers.

[porvida]

*blink*
being anorexic and bulimic at the same time is the worst.
because then i eat what a normal person would eat.
but feel like it was a bing.
and so I purge.
I ate a "normal person sized peice of cake"
felt terrible.
purged.
purged everything. cake, dinner...normally when I purge its just a reflux. food comes up. not this time, I purged to the point where I actually felt nauseated.....wow that's probably tmi.

I HATE relapsing! I was doing so well!! I get into this mode...I wont do it for weeks, i've even gone for over a month, and then...I just get back into the swing of it and purge 4, 5, 6 times a day.

and I hate it because there's some people in here who I really want to encourage to eat...others who I just want to FORCE to eat...but it would seem a bit hypocritical, wouldn't it? but I know what is good for my body, and I'm so much better than I was before. Its hard to eat when I know I have to, and hard to stop when I know if I eat more I'll just purge and make myself feel terrible. Doesn't end :no:

My one driving force right now is my boyfriend. I dont want him to know i fell back into it. He was so freaked out when he found out about it in the first place that it drove him away even more. But I know he wants to help me, and take care of me. I need to let him. I need to be ok for me, but if I can't respect myself enough to do it for myself then I need to do it for him and for my mom. She'd be so sad if she knew I'd been purging again...

as for the rest of you...
great job Kat!!! i know its hard and I know it feels like so much food. I've had days where I try to eat what I should be eating. I feel so crappy! but maybe you'll get used to it....just keep trying.

AL- EAT DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!! WHY aren't you eating?!?!? I DONT CARE if you're not hungry. your body needs food. you've desensitized your hungry feeling, you can't recognize it. if your body does not get food, and if it does not get it SOON, your body will eat away at itself and will slowly kill itself. unless you mean to commit a very easily-preventable suicide, I suggest you EAT BEFORE YOU DIE PLEASE.

Blue- I'm really proud of you for coming so far. You're doing great, you're a perfect example of how much one can do for themselves. You still need to up your calorie intake, and gain weight...but it's a work in progress, right?

NOW TO FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE! PORVIDA.....AWAAAAAAY!

[bluewisdom]

Blue: Its because I kinda went crazy for my last meal, and I am having a lot of trouble with my food again now that I can't drown myself in alcohol to feel better. Also, I don;t know if you read my alcohol thread, but I went through some periods of fasting for a week or so and just drinking alcohol and I got my BMR tested again and it droped down to normal. I really messed my metabolism, and that is making me feel even more guilty about food again.

Pretty much sucks heh...

Cheers.

I did read your alcohol thread, I'm sorry I never had a chance to post in it though. *feels guilty* :-/ It's terrible that you're going through this really hard time right now..I hope things start to look up soon.

It's interesting how fasting and changing your eating habits really does affect a person's BMR..I mean, you hear about it but you kind of shrug it off..but it really hits home that it's true when it happens to someone you know (or know on a message board).

At least you don't have to eat like a maniac anymore..that must've been kind of painful.

<3

[Autumn Leaves]

Dosh (or Blue) ~ Meaning your metabolism went up you had to eat more, now your fasting and it's droping? will it go back up if you eat again?

[DoshKel]

Yea Blue...it is crazy with the fast. But, the docs said it might go back up again...so we will see. I REALLY hope it doesn't though...it was a pain. I hope I can just come to terms with myself and not binge, not starve, not drink and have a normal BMR. I'm still pretty underweight though (went to the doc today), so hopefully this lower BMR will help me gain a bit. Also, don't feel huilty about not posting heh. Much <3 :).

Provida: I'm so sorry... You have a lot more strength than me, so you will kick this things ass for sure :yes: :D. Let your boyfriend and mom inspire yoyu and just pic yourself back up and keep on truckin'. You :rockon:

Edit - Autumn: Yup...my alcohol fast brought it from 6k calories nedded at rest to 1,602. Just a week did that heh. Like I said to Blue, the docs think it might go up after it gets back in shape.

Cheers.