Trouble Meeting People

[80s_Lover]

I know...I know...it's been just over two weeks since the break up but there is something I am very worried about: meeting someone else. I know it's going to sound cliche and weak but I honestly don't know how it's possible to find anyone else. I work and go to college but it just seems like I have a very hard time clicking with people. I try to talk to them but it doesn't seem like anything ever leaves the classroom and I've only ever made two lasting friendships (moved across the country) my whole life. I'm starting to feel hopeless as I look upon my relationship with my ex-fiance and see just how unhealthy I was when it came to the give and take in the relationship, I could be very selfish at times but I couldn't see that until now. I'm not anti-social, I just don't know what to say to people or if they do talk to me I become so incredibly nervous I mutter a "yeah..." and spend until they've left the room trying to think of something to say back. It's like conversation doesn't naturally flow for me, like every word is a struggle. Does anyone else seem to have this problem? I want to make friends but I'm at a loss when it comes to how to go about it...

[MsRuthieB]

This is gonna sound weird, and may not help much. But the best things are found when you're not looking.

That said, do you have any hobbies or interests? Sometimes you can meet people in places of similar interests. For example, everytime I go to the art museum, it seems like someone ends up talking to me. Usually its about a piece we are both admiring. Similar interests can be great ice breakers. What are your interests?

[Elena99]

I have that problem too, sometimes, where I don't know what to say. I actually recently talked on the phone for 3 hours with a girl that I used to be quite close to, and hadn't spoken to in years. There were several 3 minute pauses of "Ummm" on both sides. You just have to accept the silence, sometimes.

Maybe once you get more into social situations, you'll get better at it? Think about things you can ask the person that aren't too personal, and things you've done recently that you can talk about. Projects that you're working on and such.

Also, joining groups helps. If you like quilting, find a quilters association. Yoga, join a yoga class. Wiccan, find a circle or coven. Reading, find a book club. Etc etc.

[80s_Lover]

Interests...music, animals, feminism, yoga...

[beforewisdom]

http://www.veggiedate.org

[beforewisdom]

1. Get completely over your ex

2. Get to the point of feeling good about yourself

3. Develop interests in doing things that also bring you into contact with people -- get out of the house.

4. Talk to people for the fun of it, with no ulterior motive.

5. Repeat

Sooner or later someone will fall in your lap

[IamJen]

You could always post in the matchmaker thread. :)